No Excuses? Here, Try These
July 10, 2015 Dear Jen,
Help! It's July and there are no good holidays coming up, plus no birthdays in my family, and I WANT CAKE. Can you help?
- Cakeless in Cincinnati
Dear Cakeless,
My dear wrecky minion, you've come to the right place. Fact is, there are lots of excuses for cake, if you only learn to celebrate the little things in life.
A few suggestions:
I POOPED TODAY!
;)
Depending on your fiber intake, I bet some of you could celebrate this EVERY day.
My '99 Nokia Still Works!
;)
Leslie claims this was supposed to say "Old friends are the best." But think about it: can you play Candy Crush on your friends while you're pooping? NO YOU CANNOT.
I rest my case.
It Was Just a Heat Rash!
;)
Time will tell.
(Actually, Rebecca tells me this was supposed to say "Baby." Is she telling the truth? Mmmm... PERHAPS.)
I'm A Pleasant Dining Companion!
;)
Especially while eating cake.
That Thing Is Over!
;)
SUCH a relief, am I right?
But maybe none of these apply to you, Cakeless.
In that case, here's one for just about everybody:
Not Dead Yet!
;)
In fact, I think we should all congratulate each other for not being dead yet.
So, congratulations, guys.
And sorry, ghosts-with-internet-access.
Thanks to Alyssa V., Rebecca W., Leslie M., Emilie F., Scott D., & Kat R. for the perfect excuse.
*****
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Reader Comments (32)
Thanks as always for the LOLs Jen!
And what are those ....... poles? ....... sticking out from the ends of the coffin? They look like they are part of it, not extra candles put in.
You're right. We all need occasional congations. (Eeeewww, sounds itchy)
Anyone else see "not dead yet" and think of Spamalot?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLgQMtquS6Y
Do ghosts with internet access use Boogle? =^-.-^=
Because I could not stop for Wrecks
They kindly stopped for me
Congratulations, we're not dead!
And we can poop and pee
Don't be ridiculous, Sending. They obviously use Aiee!
Did I trip over Thursday and land on a different day from Friday? Are we in the Cakelight Zone?
@sendingtheclowns....hahaha! BOOGLE! Made me spit iced coffee on my keyboard. the laugh was worth it!
Jen is right! We don't need a celebration or occasion to have cake. With that in mind, and to the tune of Lionel Richie's Celebrate...here's my attempt
CEL-E--BRATE have cake come on!
(do do do do, da do do do dooo)
CEL-E-BRATE have cake come on!
(do do do do da do do do dooo)
There's no party going on right here,
No celebration to have cake, don't fear
So bring your sprinkles and your poo blobs too,
We're gonna make a cake wreck for all of you, come on!
(do do do do da do do do dooo) Come on!
Why does that coffin have antennea? Is it for wireless reception?
Bahahaha :D needed the giggles. Since when does one need an excuse to enjoy yummy pastries?
friends=cell phones. it's shameful that I never learned that basic fact of life. What other truths am I totally ignorant of?
The casket has stitches AND goal posts? I love America.
I don't understand that casket at all. Is it open, is it closed, both, neither? And why the poles?
And is that the design they ordered, and if so what is Kurt really being congratulated for?
Unless he is the designer of this new kind of casket...
I miss cake so much, I'd even eat one of those.
*sigh*
Hmmm, I recently had an event in my life that I'm glad is over. I hadn't thought of it as an occasion for congrations and cake - maybe I should. I'd be a "happy eater" of said cake! @subee I nearly coughed water all over my keyboard from laughing at your poem! Happy Friday!
Happy Eater was the name of a British roadside restaurant firm whose dubious establishments lined main roads between 1973 and 1997. They had a memorable logo which showed a man apparently putting his finger down his throat to induce vomiting:
http://smg.photobucket.com/user/callom/media/HappyEater2.jpg.html
SuBee deserves a Pulitzer in a newly-created category of Blog Commenting :-)
Old cell phones are the best !
I think this will be my next tattoo, including that extra space between best and the exclamation mark.
I want the poo cake,
the congrations that thing is over cake,
and the happy eater cake
to "celebrate" my next colonoscopy.
In that order.
I bought a cake on the way home from the courthouse today. My divorce was finalized!! Wish I'd have given it a little thought and ordered a special message. But cake is cake ;)
Thank GAWD that THING is over!
Ha ha ha! These are great!
1) That clown needs a doctor--that is seriously a lot of poop!
2) Old cell phones are the best--I still use a flip phone!
3) Congrations That Thing is Over reminds me of the cartoon, Harvey Birdman where there is a running joke with the hippo Peter Potamus asking "Did you get that thing I sent you?" So, maybe that cake was for him.
4) I'm dying (pun intended!) to know the story behind Kurt's cake. Why congratulations? Why a casket? And, what are those poles for??? Inquiring minds want to know. Maybe the answer is on Boogle? :)
I'll have cake with you. I'm in West Chester. maybe with some Graeters?
My exact response today: "What? I don't even...."
I wonder what the thing was? I am probably glad to be in the dark considering the balloons on that thing lol. And a coffin with free wifi? Wow who knew ghosts could use the internet lol.
Well, if ghosts DON'T use the internet, what's the point in coming back at all? There you are, stuck in some dusty house, nothing to do all day but throw bits of furniture around and wait for people to come home so you can scare them... Talk about boring. Surely, the proliferation of videos-of-cats-doing-funny-stuff on YouTube is proof that ghosts can use the internet - my cat NEVER does crazy stuff where I can see him, let alone when there's a camera running!
I'm not sure what a Congration is? hmmm. Con=with, grate=slice into small pieces. So, it's some kind of communal dissection? Like a very hands-on anatomy lecture? If so, I bet all the students say they are relieved "that thing is over", and desperately want a safe meal. Anything that doesn't come with a reddish sauce...
I checked the comments only to find the answer to why does that casket have poles? Sadly, no one seems to know why. I thought maybe it's just that I haven't been to a funeral in awhile and they've added poles. So now I must spend my weekend pondering: why the poles?
For me, the concept of "Why the poles?" is a side issue. I am more boggled by the idea of why a COFFIN at all? And why do we see it from the back, with hinges prominent? And WHAT are we congratulating Kurt for? Planning a successful funeral? Coming into that big inheritance? Recovering from a heart attack? WHAT??!?
You see my dilemma.
SuBee, Cookiemama, and AA -- very, very well done! I love CW--Jen's narratives dare always "grate", and the commenters are the best! Thanks folks!
...And what IS up with the poles? [not the Poles, the poles...yikes, and not THOSE poles either, you know, the ones on the coffin--There. That's clarity for you....NOT!]
Anyone who has been constipated for a week, as I once was on a trip, appreciates the look on that little clown's face as he revels in his large chocolate swirl.
I do not see a coffin at all - it was suggested to us, but I do not see it, the poles at either end, the opening with the white cloth coverings on it. Looks more like apparatus in a spa.
I'm a cake decorator, and sometimes, it really is just the orders people take down xD
It's frustrating when someone comes to pick up their cake, it's not what they want, and it's not even your fault but you have to deal with it. UGH.