Big Bangs
July 1, 2015 Note: Today's post contains a word that starts with "p" and rhymes with "Venus." Parents, please parent accordingly.
Before you head out to stock up on fireworks this weekend, here's a handy tip from the folks over at Lamebook:
;)
Perhaps I should rephrase that.
(Also: ow.)
What I meant was, when it comes to fireworks, you really want the most bang for your buck:
;)
So always look for the cartoon steam whistle shouting, "Bang!"
You should also familiarize yourself with what fireworks actually look like, so you don't end up with a bunch of...bombs. (See what I did there?)
Even if they are patriotically
potent
powerful
penis-ish ones.
;)
No, trust me, you don't want sprinkles.
;)
I see...slushies.
;)
Oh my gosh! They killed Blinky!
(That's the red ghost from Pac-Man, kids. Now stop making me feel old.)
Important rocket safety tip:
;)
The flamey bits should always come out the back.
Also, don't forget your patriotic donut holes!
;)
At least they remembered the blue balls this time.
Oh, and Canada, lest you think I've forgotten you:
Happy Bloody Band Aid day!
;)
(Once you see it, it's all you'll see.)
Thanks to Jessica G., Dawn S., Gail D., Deanna T., Amber S., Leanne O., Saralyn T., & Jennifer O., who make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh" while they shoot across the sky-y-y.
In a firework-y way, I mean.
Not a penis-ishy way.
NEW GOAL: Work the word "penis-ishy" into as many conversation today as possible. Starting...NOW.
*****
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Reader Comments (22)
Slushies stuck in the coral reef! This is why littering is bad, kids.
It's a really incredible trick
To make an acceptable pick
Of a cake or a pie
For the Fourth of July
That won't make you think of a dead Pac-Man character or a bloody band-aid or such
Hahaha
O Canada!! How the Canadian flag got fragged for Canada Day (which is today!) Happy Canada Day from your neighbors from the south!
There's nothing more festive than a box o' patriotic donut holes! Happy July 1th, y'all!
My duty this Sunday as Incident Command for our town Fireworks Display, just got harder (pun intended). I revised my instructions to my crew members that during their ground patrol of the large crowd in which they keep eye out for anyone with 'illegal' fireworks which is anything that goes 'up' or has a 'boom or pop' is illegal in our state. Instructions to crew: Please keep eye out for Illegal fireworks. Anything PENIS-ISHY shaped and goes UP, you must report to me. I can see the exchange now: "Ma'am, I see you have sparklers and fireworks. Please allow my crew to inspect your bag for penis-ishy fireworks as they are illegal. Come with me ma'am. Ma'am? Please stop screaming that you do NOT have anything Penis-ishy. Thank you."
JEN? Thank you for my new favorite word - Penis-ishy. Challenge accepted. lol
@cookiemama-Thank you for your service!
@cookiemama
Reminds me of a bizarre yet funny story that happened in Glasgow Scotland about a couple of years ago. They were having a fireworks display for Bonfire Night (the Scottish/Welsh version of Britian's Guy Fawkes Day) and someone decided to for the grand finale decided to shoot up a firework display in shape of a "Private Male Body Part" or as the classic Chuck Berry goes "My Ding-A-Ling"! Well the crowd who viewed in went nuts and loved it!
The second one looks like a Smurf torso with a diaper on...that says 'bang'...
Which is just not right.
I think there's a typo in the title of your post. That second 'B' just should be a 'W'. You're welcome.
@SuBee...Thank you, so nice of you. and it's my pleasure.
@Bigg3469 - Love it! You say the crowd went 'nuts' over a firework that was penis-ishy? How perfect! LOL
Bravo Bravo!
SuBee, I was scandalized at your post, until I realized that it was in fact my gutter dwelling mind that had inserted an R into the word "pick"; It still kinda worked with the post though. Nevertheless, I apologize for lumping you in with the other degenerates, like myself, that follow this blog:)
As usual, fantastic job Jen and it is my mission to use penis-ishy as often as possible from now on!
I think it's the strategically placed pink in the cake from DQ that makes it look ... well ... penis-ishy.
Ha! And thanks for reminding me it's Canada Day. I always forget because... American.
What do you mean, Band Aid? Oh wait... NOOO... Can't UNSEE! MY EYES!!!
If only we could rename the fourth of July to "American Conception" day then at least two of these cakes could be vindicated...
@ cookiemama: "Please allow my crew to inspect your bag"??
@ Bigg3469: Pun intended? ("...the crowd went nuts"...)
What is UP with this crowd? Rowdy or what?
(I wanted to go a head and finish my come ment...but I got hung up on sementics.) =^-.-^=
.
I thought the second one was a blue person bending over with exploding diaper. "More bang for your butt."
I think the word you are looking for is "phallic."
Rockets tend to have that appearance, for obvious reasons.
Well this post has made me laugh so hard I cried. Well done lol. Oh man poor Blinky. I never knew he could be cut in half like that lol.
I'd love to know what Carata Day is supposed to be ?
It was only a matter of time before Pac-Man snapped. I'd be upset too if a bunch of ghosts friend to kill me every time I wanted to eat.