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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Apr032015

Somebody, PLEASE, Explain The Green Beans

'Twas the week before Easter, and all through the bakery
The Bakers plopped plastic and all kinds of fakery

 

The chicks were wrapped snugly, each in her shell

"Too tight. TOO TIGHT!"

 

While visions of killer buns
turned sleep... into hell

"SOOOOOON."

 

Then out from the aisles
came a shriek, filled with hate!
So we set out our green beans:

And decided to wait.

 

His face looked like spiders

His ears, flaccid tubes

 

And when he turned 'round...
hang on, are those boobs?

 

His eyes were insane

 

His mouth smeared with drool

which dripped when he laughed
like blood in a pool

[shudder]

 

Then I heard him exclaim
ere he killed all the lights

 

"Hoppy Easter to all
and to all
, a good fright."

"Jolly Rancher?"

 

Thanks to Angela F., Kaci M., Tara F., Rick H., Amy Jo, Lisa J., Christina, Kelli M., Amber P., Stephen D., Lori W., & Mia C. for the hare-raising tail.

*****

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Reader Comments (45)

Can't fall asleep...evil bunny clown will eat me...

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSaraV

Oh the horror! My teeth & stomach hurt now. What is the last one made of? Angel hair spaghetti? The moss stuff you put in hanging baskets? Some kind of scrubbing material? Loofah? Easter will now always mean green beans & rabid rabbits. Happy Easter everyone. X

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterGina

Forget the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, this requires something more desperate!

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterGingerSnap

Does that say $85.00 for that last cake? Or am I reading it wrong?

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermillbrit

Argh, it's the Beast of Caerbannog!!!

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

To think that there are parents buying these monstrosities to surprise their children!

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterDanielle

Dear Elmer Fudd, Cakes 5, 9-12 are perfect examples why you should NEVER "Kill the Wabbit, kill the Wabbit, kill the WAAAAB-bit..."

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterjuice

Personally, I've always held the opinion that when you start with a rabbit who produces colored eggs & chocolate, you deserve what you get.

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

OMDG That first cake,,,,,,WE GOT THOSE WHERE I WORK!!! EEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
True story: a few years ago we were selling "pre fab rabbit Cakes" at the in store bakery ( the ones that had the "edible face" which was made with sugar instead of the "plastic face") for the holiday . But somehow at the bakery where they came for they didn't put enough frosting to connect the face with the cake and the face fell off. So every time I found those on the sales floor I usually bring it back to the bakery and told the bakery clerk "We got a decapitated rabbit here!" Meaning the face fell off and needed repair!

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBigg3469

JEN, YOU ARE BRILLIANT! I laughed 'till coffee almost cake out of my nose (snerk). LOL
Now I want to make my very own Bunny Boobs cake. All the while singing: "Doooo, yer boobs hang low, do they swivel to and fro...."
Your whole story is hilarious! Thank you for always making this Wreck-a-holic start a day with a laugh or a snort.
Happy Easter to All!

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCookiemama

Yikes! Killer Bunny (5th wreck from the top) looks like he is either doing an impression of the main character from A Clockwork Orange or Heath Ledger's Joker. These are just horrible. As I scroll down, each rabbit is worse than the last! And what is with the green beans??? Weird.

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

Slow clap and congratulations for YOUR masterpiece, Jen! Bravo!

These wrecks, not so much. Somehow, terrifying my guests is nit in my holiday agenda.

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Wait, that green beans thing is a cake?? Huh. It's actually pretty interesting.
Now, the thing behind it to the left . . . THAT worries me. Why only one ear? What is that square thing on its, um, head? Or is it a pilgrim chef's hat?
But the last four . . . {screaming, running from the room}

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterFM

The cookie with the flaccid tube ear things has no eyes. I just sat here for 5 full minutes trying to figure out why they didn't put eyes on it? Not that it would have helped, mind you.

The last one kinda looks like the dog on Sesame Street. Right?

My Easter basket this year will be filled with an 11 lb, 6 week-old little boy dressed in an itty bitty purple dress shirt and tie. This grandma gig is pretty awesome!

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

There are SO MANY confusing things (at least to me) in the green bean pic. Yes, why green beans? And are they made entirely of frosting? Because if so, hurk. Are the almonds actual almonds, or is that white chocolate? Can my spleen handle that much sugar in one sitting? And are the cupcakes in back supposed to be hot cross buns? Which begs the question, why not use (oh, I don't know...) ACTUAL hot cross buns?

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNagzilla

Eeeeeeeeeek!!

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterErica

The price tag does indeed read $85. on the last cake. Perhaps the relatively well done basket weave piping took some time, but the dead eyed swamp beast emerging from the Easter detritus pushed the cake into the twilight zone.

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterShirley Fowley

Am I the only one seeing a bloody head wound on that blue eyed, blond haired "chick" on cake #3?

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

Had to hold in my laughter, while sitting here at my desk at work, when I read "too tight!" Holy SBJ! Lol

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSweetnurse

@Jodee: Enjoy your grandma gig doubly, for, while I love my princesses to death, I am not sanguine about their chances of living alone as adults or ever becoming wives/girlfriends themselves. Special-needs kids are like that--you're never sure what the future will hold & just pray you're there to hold their hand if they need it.

So revel in being a grandma for two! And tell me what it's like--pretty please?

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Is the first bunny wearing a blue athletic support cup?

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKlsvec

Ah, green beans and almonds...A tradition as grand as hot-cross-cupcakes.

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

All of the cakes are designed to make the green beans look more appealing by comparison. It's a guerrilla tactic of some healthy-eating militant group--manifesto written in pureed kale and miso paste to follow!

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterInside Informant

ACK!!! RUN AWAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!! :-P

I never saw a hot cross cupcake and never hope to see one...

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSarah B

PS. I think that last one is Cujo Bunny.

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSarah B

The green cake I believe is suppose to represent Italian green beans - a popular (at least here) Easter dinner side dish made with French cut green bean, almond slivers and Italian dressing. Yummy stuff - not sure that it needs to be immortalized in cake.

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterDee Dee

Well, if those are indeed boobs on #8, they're especially unfortunate with the moustache.

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterZeldabird

@SaraCVT - My bunny didn't produce eggs, just chocolate - the most horrible tasting chocolate EVER! ;-)

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterChad

Several other countries use the $ sign. Mexico for instance uses it to mean Pesos, so the sign might not mean what we think it means. At any rate, I wouldn't pay 85 CENTS for it! Yetch.

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

The green beans with almonds is representing a famous green bean casserole that has french fried onions in it.The recipe was copied off a cave wall and is now on a soup can label. I love the stuff, myself; my sis makes it for holidays as a tradition.
@SaraCVT: My heart truly goes out to you. Many of us see happiness holding hands with heartbreak every day. I don't want to know when my children's and grandchildren's last days will be; I'd prefer never, and can only hope that they're long after mine.

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I particularly like the feet on cake #2: it must be a stork chick in there..

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterhyphen8

Echoing Lady Anne, here, I also wonder if the $ means pesos. Having just arrived back from Cancun a month ago (Yes, it was wonderful, thanks for asking) I can tell you that 85 pesos is about equal to 13 US dollars. Still WAY too much money for that . . . thing.

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

My thought on seeing the first one was - Mutant Penguin Bunny!!! AAAAAAGGGHHHH!!!!

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNCatt

Is that last one supposed to be a sacrificial lamb?

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSarahT

Funnily enough, where I grew up in Victoria, there was a pseudo-holiday called "Green Jelly Bean Day" at the nearby army and navy bases. The idea was, Daddy (or Mum) would come home from several months' tour of duty, fling a few handfuls of green jelly beans on to the lawn, and, in the ensuing time it took the kids to find the beans, be able to "greet" their partner properly. However, your cake does appear to be a rather good replica of green beans topped with almond slivers, so this story is just a waste of space, isn't it?

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterPersephone

Okay, that first white rabbit cookie cake looks way too much like a Grunt from Amnesia: The Dark Descent.

-shudders-

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline

What is the deal with cake #3? Anyone?

Pennywise the Dancing Bunny needs to go away forever.

Am I the only one that thinks the last cake is cute? Its like a odd looking Muppet. You know, the kind that you think might be a dog or a rabbit but aren't quite sure. It looks happy to be included in the Easter basket goodness. I wouldn't be able to cut into it...not that I'd pay $85 for it.

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTifa

SaraCVT: I worry enough with my 'normal' children, so I can't imagine the worry that comes with special children. Thinking of you.

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

It's like you managed to combine Easter, Christmas, and Halloween all into one amazing post!

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJennyB

On the last one, why didn't the wreckor just leave off the dog/goat/lamb/whatever it is and just stick with the eggs and Peeps? Minus that critter, it would be a rather attractive cake.

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

~Do your boobs hang low? Can you toss 'em to and Fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow?~

<- What I sing every time I'm at a re-enactment and someone thinks going sans bra and no stays is the "accurate" thing to do. ...and upon seeing the naked bunny after the encircling ears cake.

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterIsabella

Holy cow that last cake is 85 bucks? That right there is a scary thing lol. I think it will be a long time before I sleep tonight lol.

April 4, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

They're not boobs, they're front legs.

Honestly why do the decorators even bother if everything they do is going to be criticized.

April 4, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNatalie

These cakes are super accurate! We have a bunny, and he loves to eat green beans. Makes perfect sense to include them for easter. And, he drools a lot, usually after eating the green beans, so the bunny drool cake is on point, too.
Someone did their research. Or has an old, toothless, picky eater bunny as a pet.

April 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAmber

I thought the red thing on the head of the child on that weird #3 cookie was a red ant until I worked out it's supposed to be a hair bow. But the whole thing is so messed up I guess it doesn't really matter.

April 5, 2015 | Unregistered Commentercollleenoz

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