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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Feb052015

7 Painfully Obvious Ways To Avoid A Wedding Wreck

You'd think everyone would know this stuff, but... nope.

 

- Try to Spell It Right

Do tell.

 

- Don't Use A Fork To Smooth Out The Icing

I'm as surprised as anyone that didn't work.

 

- Do NOT Put Bloody Antlers On It

Believe you me, I know how tempting it is. But don't.

(And to everyone saying, "But, Jen, those are just on the groom's cake right NEXT to the wedding cake, NOT the wedding cake itself, which is totally different." - This is me, shaking my head at you.)


- Don't Tint The Water In The Little Fountain Under The Cake Yellow

'Cuz then you KNOW "urine trouble."

 

- Stop Putting Muddy Toy Trucks On Your Wedding Cake

Just stop.

 

- Try To Avoid Any Obvious Metaphors For Your New Life Together

o.0

 

- And finally, brides, please don't jam a life-sized plastic mannequin of yourself on the cake

It's creepy, and trust me, no one wants a visual of the bride squatting over dessert.

 

Thanks to Linda G., Kay S., Kristy H., Meghan M., Kelly B., Diana G., & Brenda T. for the following important reminder:

DON'T BLINK.

 

*****

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Reader Comments (50)

Well, it could have said "Til death doo us part." That would have gone well with the urine cake.

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

AAAAAAAHWEEPINGANGEL!!!!!!!!!!!! I can now no longer take Blink seriously due to the last cake.

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTheCreepyTribble

Thankfully my new husband doesn't like cake, so we didn't have any. Plus we eloped and there was no one else there, so there was that. We did buy fudge the day before, so that is our new wedding celebration dessert. 'Cause you can't go wrong with a piece of fudge, and they don't need decoration. These 'cakes' -- yeeccchhh. I am going to try to work into casual conversation today "due us pmt". My big "WTH" moment was cake #3. Bloody antlers?? Really? And the burning house cake -- um --- where is the groom?? Weird. Just.... weird. Don't go there people.

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

First cake: All the black icing is much worse than the misspelled word. Wouldn't touch it.

Second cake: The whole thing just looks strange and unappealing, fork smoothing or not.

Third cake: Just. . . .no. Not touching it.

Fourth cake: There IS such as thing as being too color-coordinated.

Fifth cake: Reminds me of the happy fireman cake: http://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2008/5/30/this-made-me-laugh-til-i-cried.html

Last cake: Let the nightmares begin!

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Sorry, folks, we have to hurry this up because the cake has to go....

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

the icing on the second cake looks like brown corduroy.

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterjane lewis

The top cake says "till death due us poot". Which is perfectly clear even if I have no idea what it means.

I suppose if you are going to have your wedding cake frosted with peanut butter, then you might as well us a fork to do it. Although, I do rather like the repair patch on the left of the cake, which has been smoothed out.

ATV's skidding through pooh-brown icing? Classy.

I'm wondering if the mannequin bride's name is Isaiah, because one eyes higher than the other. Thank you very much folks, I'll be here all week.

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

Well, at least the last one isn't as dreadful as the bride who had her entire cake made to resemble her. This can be lifted off and removed; the other cake just made you want to shout "off with her head" - and neck and shoulders.

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

muddy truck cake might be cute if both hubby and wife liked mudding. Urine cake was soo nice until then O_o firefighter cake might have worked if they had had a better baker.

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

ARE.YOU.KIDDING.ME.

I am most offended - and yet, intrigued - by the last cake. I NEED to see the cake that was underneath that mess.

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

That last cake...šŸ˜±šŸ˜–šŸ˜±šŸ˜§šŸ˜µAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBigg3469

Black for a wedding cake??!

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterErica

I'd love to see the post-wedding cake pictures of the crowd after cake #1.

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSheri

haha! Don't blink! That's a good one :) I honestly can't figure out what's on that "groom's cake," antlers, branches, BONES? Yuck, do you know or what do you think?
Beth

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

The burning house cake is actually quite cleverly done. I just wouldn't recommend it for a wedding cake.

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

So she's giving the groom horns before the marriage is even consummated?
Wow, that's some cold, um, cake right there.

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

The one with the trucks--all I can think is "skid marks".

And the first one surely has to be baked by a wife for her husband who she is about to murder. Only explanation for the black.

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Small consolation: I don't know if they intended the antlers to look bloody. Antlers are darker at their base, and they do fall off naturally every year.

More importantly, I think the corresponding wedding cake might have actual ribbon wrapped around the base. Ack!

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAli

Personally, I find it the peak of narcissism to have replication of yourself and only yourself on (or as) the cake. I'd bet you my tax return she was a bridezilla!
At least this cake bride doesn't have red rick-rack going up the side of the dress!

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterGingerSnap

I quite like the cake with the truck -- two monster truck lovers getting hitched. But is the groom towing the bride out of the swamp, or vice versa?

Re the giant plastic bride, a few years ago the BBC television presenter Terry Wogan was given a life-sized cake replica of himself, a thing of some horror. See
http://goo.gl/p6pY0s

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTachybaptus

The funniest thing about that last "cake" is how the baker tried to convince the online cake community that it wasn't a mannequin, but all cake. Heh.

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBrandi

I think I'd prefer blinking to having to continue to look at that mannequin. Living out my life in another age? A small sacrifice.

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

Huh. That "groom's cake" is just about the most enthusiastic baked good I've seen in...well, it's hard to say.
And that fountain! Who in his/her right mind...?! Maybe it's beer? Sure; it could be a fountain of pilsner, only spelled a little differently. (I'd let someone else go first. I mean,TRY it first)
That last cake; I wonder if the wedding could have taken place in the quiet little town of Stepford, Conn.?
(Nice day for a fright wedding...?) =^'o.o`^=

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Sadly, I read "bloody antlers" with a British accent before I scrolled down. That was not at all what I was expecting. ..

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLori

I have to disagree with the building on fire. My husband and I had an expensive and elaborate wedding but we had a cake like this one for our wedding cake. We obviously had a better cake decorator. My husband is a firefighter for a big city and it's something he is very proud of.

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLindsey

C'mon, death and...um...taxes due...are two certainties in life. That's the theme of cake #1. Yeah...THAT's it...

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

OMG and the mannequin or whatever that thing is, her eyes are lopsided!

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNorma

I was a guest at a wedding a couple of years ago where the bride and groom (and most of the guests) were firefighters. The burning building cake would have fit the occasion just fine.

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBob

I need help seeing the cake in the last one... Where? Is? It?

Underneat...?

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterhgk

Maybe that firefighter thinks he's really hot in bed. Everybody from the nineties sing along now:

"The bed is on fire with passionate love,
The flames are spreading to the stories above,
But she stands alone way up on top..."

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterjackwire

in defense of cake one's spelling. one of the newlyweds might be a librarian. there's absolutely no defense for the color tho!

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered Commentergwen

The Angels have the wedding cake.

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered Commentercarsch

My first thought seeing the black cake was I hope the photographer didn't ask people to smile after eating it. Can you imagine all those black tooth grins?

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen

So do we get to see pictures of the guests after they ate the black cake?

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

That last one - isn't that a cheap blow-up porno doll in a wedding dress? Doll is probably just as stunned as everyone else to find she's gone from folded up in a porno shop package to wedding cake topper.

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSara

All I can see on that top one is "Till Death Due us Poot"

And all I can think is, "Is that one long, continuous poot, or an everlasting series?"

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTyler Griffin

I literally shrieked at that last one! SCARIEST. CAKE. EVER.

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNoelle

What's sad about the fountain cake is the cake looks nice (may be home made wedding cake making even nicer) yet is impacted by a poor choice of fountain color....

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermelmac

What flavor is the frosting on cake No. 1? Licorice? Ack.

February 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

Oh man that mannequin one has me laughing and crying at the same time. I can't believe the bride paid for that. I would be demanding money back. Plus who puts black icing on a wedding cake? I guess they all want black teeth for the pictures lol.

February 6, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

oh my dear! DONĀ“T BLINK! HAHAHA! But I am so sure on some probably nigerian wedding this cake was THE ATTRACTION! Maybe also a juju-thing against the "wicked look".........

February 6, 2015 | Unregistered Commentersista-sista

One of my favorite things is when people post, "This cake isn't tacky because we had one just like it!"

Um, that doesn't mean that the cake isn't tacky, dear. LMAO

February 6, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKate

Some of these wedding cakes are hilarious! The monster truck one is awesome I think. It might not be appropriate for a typical wedding but I appreciate the originality. I don't think my future wife would love that monster truck cake though.

February 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCasey Jones

I love you for making a Doctor Who reference.

February 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterB

"An everlasting series of poots." Some might call this a description of marriage for the next 60 years. Hilarious comment Tyler!

February 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

The extra creepy thing is, every time I scroll down the page when the last image is there, the mouth seems to turn into a smile (due to the string of pearls) - I had to sit and watch it, and then right-click it and try to save it, to make sure it wasn't a sneaky gif animation! *shudder*

February 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterReallyDon'tBlink

those first two would be wreck-ish even without the misspelling & the fork work, IMHO.

February 7, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterarchersangel

I'm not a fan a people cakes myself, but having a bride effigy as part of the cake is a cultural tradition. It's especially common among African communities, a bit of trivia I first learned through this very blog. So I find it puzzling that you would still be making fun of the traditions of others when you already know it's providence.

February 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNJ

Well, all I can see is "Till death due us poot" which is a whole different level of traumatizing.

February 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTyler G

The phrase "Til death do us part" has always bothered me, even if it's spelled right (and in decent penmanship). As best I can decode the archaic wording, it means, "Until death parts us" (as opposed to "until we part at death"). Even if you arrange the words differently, doesn't "Til death does part us" become "Til death does us part"? I "are" wondering when subject-verb agreement became irrelevant.

September 25, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJMixx

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