7 Painfully Obvious Ways To Avoid A Wedding Wreck
February 5, 2015 You'd think everyone would know this stuff, but... nope.
- Try to Spell It Right
;)
Do tell.
- Don't Use A Fork To Smooth Out The Icing
;)
I'm as surprised as anyone that didn't work.
- Do NOT Put Bloody Antlers On It
;)
Believe you me, I know how tempting it is. But don't.
(And to everyone saying, "But, Jen, those are just on the groom's cake right NEXT to the wedding cake, NOT the wedding cake itself, which is totally different." - This is me, shaking my head at you.)
- Don't Tint The Water In The Little Fountain Under The Cake Yellow
;)
'Cuz then you KNOW "urine trouble."
- Stop Putting Muddy Toy Trucks On Your Wedding Cake
;)
Just stop.
- Try To Avoid Any Obvious Metaphors For Your New Life Together
;)
o.0
- And finally, brides, please don't jam a life-sized plastic mannequin of yourself on the cake
;)
It's creepy, and trust me, no one wants a visual of the bride squatting over dessert.
Thanks to Linda G., Kay S., Kristy H., Meghan M., Kelly B., Diana G., & Brenda T. for the following important reminder:
DON'T BLINK.
*****
Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.
Reader Comments (50)
Well, it could have said "Til death doo us part." That would have gone well with the urine cake.
AAAAAAAHWEEPINGANGEL!!!!!!!!!!!! I can now no longer take Blink seriously due to the last cake.
Thankfully my new husband doesn't like cake, so we didn't have any. Plus we eloped and there was no one else there, so there was that. We did buy fudge the day before, so that is our new wedding celebration dessert. 'Cause you can't go wrong with a piece of fudge, and they don't need decoration. These 'cakes' -- yeeccchhh. I am going to try to work into casual conversation today "due us pmt". My big "WTH" moment was cake #3. Bloody antlers?? Really? And the burning house cake -- um --- where is the groom?? Weird. Just.... weird. Don't go there people.
First cake: All the black icing is much worse than the misspelled word. Wouldn't touch it.
Second cake: The whole thing just looks strange and unappealing, fork smoothing or not.
Third cake: Just. . . .no. Not touching it.
Fourth cake: There IS such as thing as being too color-coordinated.
Fifth cake: Reminds me of the happy fireman cake: http://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2008/5/30/this-made-me-laugh-til-i-cried.html
Last cake: Let the nightmares begin!
Sorry, folks, we have to hurry this up because the cake has to go....
the icing on the second cake looks like brown corduroy.
The top cake says "till death due us poot". Which is perfectly clear even if I have no idea what it means.
I suppose if you are going to have your wedding cake frosted with peanut butter, then you might as well us a fork to do it. Although, I do rather like the repair patch on the left of the cake, which has been smoothed out.
ATV's skidding through pooh-brown icing? Classy.
I'm wondering if the mannequin bride's name is Isaiah, because one eyes higher than the other. Thank you very much folks, I'll be here all week.
Well, at least the last one isn't as dreadful as the bride who had her entire cake made to resemble her. This can be lifted off and removed; the other cake just made you want to shout "off with her head" - and neck and shoulders.
muddy truck cake might be cute if both hubby and wife liked mudding. Urine cake was soo nice until then O_o firefighter cake might have worked if they had had a better baker.
ARE.YOU.KIDDING.ME.
I am most offended - and yet, intrigued - by the last cake. I NEED to see the cake that was underneath that mess.
That last cake...😱😖😱😧😵AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!
Black for a wedding cake??!
I'd love to see the post-wedding cake pictures of the crowd after cake #1.
haha! Don't blink! That's a good one :) I honestly can't figure out what's on that "groom's cake," antlers, branches, BONES? Yuck, do you know or what do you think?
Beth
The burning house cake is actually quite cleverly done. I just wouldn't recommend it for a wedding cake.
So she's giving the groom horns before the marriage is even consummated?
Wow, that's some cold, um, cake right there.
The one with the trucks--all I can think is "skid marks".
And the first one surely has to be baked by a wife for her husband who she is about to murder. Only explanation for the black.
Small consolation: I don't know if they intended the antlers to look bloody. Antlers are darker at their base, and they do fall off naturally every year.
More importantly, I think the corresponding wedding cake might have actual ribbon wrapped around the base. Ack!
Personally, I find it the peak of narcissism to have replication of yourself and only yourself on (or as) the cake. I'd bet you my tax return she was a bridezilla!
At least this cake bride doesn't have red rick-rack going up the side of the dress!
I quite like the cake with the truck -- two monster truck lovers getting hitched. But is the groom towing the bride out of the swamp, or vice versa?
Re the giant plastic bride, a few years ago the BBC television presenter Terry Wogan was given a life-sized cake replica of himself, a thing of some horror. See
http://goo.gl/p6pY0s
The funniest thing about that last "cake" is how the baker tried to convince the online cake community that it wasn't a mannequin, but all cake. Heh.
I think I'd prefer blinking to having to continue to look at that mannequin. Living out my life in another age? A small sacrifice.
Huh. That "groom's cake" is just about the most enthusiastic baked good I've seen in...well, it's hard to say.
And that fountain! Who in his/her right mind...?! Maybe it's beer? Sure; it could be a fountain of pilsner, only spelled a little differently. (I'd let someone else go first. I mean,TRY it first)
That last cake; I wonder if the wedding could have taken place in the quiet little town of Stepford, Conn.?
(Nice day for a fright wedding...?) =^'o.o`^=
Sadly, I read "bloody antlers" with a British accent before I scrolled down. That was not at all what I was expecting. ..
I have to disagree with the building on fire. My husband and I had an expensive and elaborate wedding but we had a cake like this one for our wedding cake. We obviously had a better cake decorator. My husband is a firefighter for a big city and it's something he is very proud of.
C'mon, death and...um...taxes due...are two certainties in life. That's the theme of cake #1. Yeah...THAT's it...
OMG and the mannequin or whatever that thing is, her eyes are lopsided!
I was a guest at a wedding a couple of years ago where the bride and groom (and most of the guests) were firefighters. The burning building cake would have fit the occasion just fine.
I need help seeing the cake in the last one... Where? Is? It?
Underneat...?
Maybe that firefighter thinks he's really hot in bed. Everybody from the nineties sing along now:
"The bed is on fire with passionate love,
The flames are spreading to the stories above,
But she stands alone way up on top..."
in defense of cake one's spelling. one of the newlyweds might be a librarian. there's absolutely no defense for the color tho!
The Angels have the wedding cake.
My first thought seeing the black cake was I hope the photographer didn't ask people to smile after eating it. Can you imagine all those black tooth grins?
So do we get to see pictures of the guests after they ate the black cake?
That last one - isn't that a cheap blow-up porno doll in a wedding dress? Doll is probably just as stunned as everyone else to find she's gone from folded up in a porno shop package to wedding cake topper.
All I can see on that top one is "Till Death Due us Poot"
And all I can think is, "Is that one long, continuous poot, or an everlasting series?"
I literally shrieked at that last one! SCARIEST. CAKE. EVER.
What's sad about the fountain cake is the cake looks nice (may be home made wedding cake making even nicer) yet is impacted by a poor choice of fountain color....
What flavor is the frosting on cake No. 1? Licorice? Ack.
Oh man that mannequin one has me laughing and crying at the same time. I can't believe the bride paid for that. I would be demanding money back. Plus who puts black icing on a wedding cake? I guess they all want black teeth for the pictures lol.
oh my dear! DON´T BLINK! HAHAHA! But I am so sure on some probably nigerian wedding this cake was THE ATTRACTION! Maybe also a juju-thing against the "wicked look".........
One of my favorite things is when people post, "This cake isn't tacky because we had one just like it!"
Um, that doesn't mean that the cake isn't tacky, dear. LMAO
Some of these wedding cakes are hilarious! The monster truck one is awesome I think. It might not be appropriate for a typical wedding but I appreciate the originality. I don't think my future wife would love that monster truck cake though.
I love you for making a Doctor Who reference.
"An everlasting series of poots." Some might call this a description of marriage for the next 60 years. Hilarious comment Tyler!
The extra creepy thing is, every time I scroll down the page when the last image is there, the mouth seems to turn into a smile (due to the string of pearls) - I had to sit and watch it, and then right-click it and try to save it, to make sure it wasn't a sneaky gif animation! *shudder*
those first two would be wreck-ish even without the misspelling & the fork work, IMHO.
I'm not a fan a people cakes myself, but having a bride effigy as part of the cake is a cultural tradition. It's especially common among African communities, a bit of trivia I first learned through this very blog. So I find it puzzling that you would still be making fun of the traditions of others when you already know it's providence.
Well, all I can see is "Till death due us poot" which is a whole different level of traumatizing.
The phrase "Til death do us part" has always bothered me, even if it's spelled right (and in decent penmanship). As best I can decode the archaic wording, it means, "Until death parts us" (as opposed to "until we part at death"). Even if you arrange the words differently, doesn't "Til death does part us" become "Til death does us part"? I "are" wondering when subject-verb agreement became irrelevant.