Automated Response System Entertainment
November 2, 2015 Hello, and thank you for visiting Cake Wrecks, where all your half-baked hopes for humanity are soundly thrashed on a daily basis.
Unfortunately we are unable to meet your humor requirements today due to:
__ Travel
__ Plague
__ Boot to the head
__ ROUSes
X John's birthday
Please take this opportunity to entertain yourself by:
- Correcting this cake:
;)
{Bonus points for music puns.}
- Naming this Muppet character:
;)
Complete with catch phrase.
- Counting the Skittles:
;)
Then the gummi worms.
Then the panda cookies.
Then the Fruit Chews and gum drops and stuffed giraffe hang tags).
- Flagging this flower cake on Facebook for nudity:
;)
IT'S SO NAKED
- Writing a haiku to explain Batman's expression:
;)
(Points subtracted if you use the Squatty Potty haiku. Because yes, WE KNOW THAT ONE.)
- Leaving a colorful birthday message after the beep.
*beeeeeeeeep*
Thanks to Jonathan S., Megan W., Irene A., Shelley B., & Anony M. for getting the message.
*****
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Reader Comments (74)
1. The first cake reeds correctly to me.
2. Gravy (the first Muppet with Graves Disease.) Catch phrase: "Thyroid disease is no joke, tee hee hee."
3. a. Too many
b. Not enough
c. 7
d. no
e. Is that what you kids call that these days.
4. I skipped this one due to the nudity and I demand that I get full credit based on my personal beliefs.
5. Batman looks above
Yet he cannot catch the ball
He plays for the Mets
6. John, I red it was your birthday and hope hue have a blue ribbon day!
1. The treble with people is that they can't spell anymore.
I know I'm not the first to wish you a Happy Birthday, John (thoJ); because in my universe, I believe Birthday Boys are allowed to delay their comment moderation! You deserve a wonderful day and a wonderful year.
#2 Name: "Joon-Joon", Catchphrase: "Dooooowooop!!".
#5:
To my cat, mittens,
I bequeth my entire vast...
...bat-boot to the head!
--"Hippy Brathdey", John! :D
First off, Happy Birthday, John (the birthday boy)! Come to the geek side, we have π, which might be a wiser request.
"Hello, I am Daylight Saving & I need to go back to bed!"
The Batmobile needs
A brake job ASAP?
I'm not cool on foot!
John,
May your birthday balloons have long, straight strings
(As helium balloons most often do);
May your name be spelled correctly on your cake
(As we seldom see on fabulous Cake Wrecks);
May your life's work be twice as much pleasure as it has been
(As all your fans (and Jen's) would wish for you);
And may your talents as Maker and Deviser bring you steampunk fame!
(A little loose verse (very loose indeed) to wish you a happy, happy birthday)
AAAANNNDDD MAAAANY MOOORRRE!
[I'm sure many of the talented posters here will put this to shame, but at least I'm first of the day!]
Happy Birthday John!!!
I'm glad you're out for John's birthday instead of a home invasion by ROUSes!!
1)Obviously this is a b-day cake for an Orc. And everyone KNOWS Orcs aren't good spellers.
2) I'm going with Floopy. Catchphrase: AIIIGGGGHHH!!!!
Or, possibly, Sunny. Catchphrase: I don't know WHY there's blood on my face! Axe Muppeters need love too!
3) I'm too appalled and nauseated to count.
4) Rats, I'm a Luddite and have never been on Facebook. But EEK the sheer nudity! My eyes! My eyes!
5) First, there's a Squatty Potty Haiku? I must click the link when I'm done typing my comment. Next:
Batmman looks skyward.
The Joker cut off his ear
His cowl is holey.
I got nothing for most of that... but here's my haiku:
My eyes are up here
But don't look too deeply please
My parents are dead
Happy birthday to John! :)
Happy birthday, John! May your cake not be wrecky.
#2: It's Blindy, Cookie Monster's neon cousin. Catchphrase: "I smell COOKIES!" (Because she can't see with her peanut butter cup "eyes" -- duh!)
Hoppy Bitrchdey Jhon!
Skipping straight to the haiku and birthday greetings for John
You are not alone.
Even Batman has to get
colonoscopies.
Happy birthday, John!
I thought the Batman one was wrecky because he had puckered lips, i guess i am the only one who sees that
Botox in batcave
Gotham's stony-faced saviour
Stares into distance
@Lissa, for you:
He gazes with love
Into the eyes of Joker
Awaiting his kiss
Shocked stare. A brave gulp.
His cake's forty damn candles.
Prostate exam, done.
Happy Birthday!
At the risk of being crude, the giraffe cake brings to mind a bit my old local radio station used to do about a party and someone's pants (maybe I'm just gutter bound but why on earth position it that way?)....
Bwah ha ha ha ha! @Nagzilla wins the internet today!
With wide eyes
And closed lips
Batman let one rip.
Happy Birthday John in purple.
I am too distracted by the fact that there are panda cookies and I was not informed to do much else.
HIPPO BRITHDY, JHON!
The first wreckerator is going to be in treble if s/he doesn't sharp-en up his/her spelling skills.
(Sorry if my joke falls flat.)
Muppet Name: Cleese. Catchphrase: It's only a flesh wound!
Batman Haiku:
My name is Batman
I have lost my arms and legs
Beware the Joker.
Happy birthday John :D as for the third cake, it was put into existence only to use up all leftover Halloween candy...ever.
1. That baker wasn't very sharp. I guess attempts at orchestrating success fell flat. G, I guess that bakery should probably hire some new staff.
2. Clearly, that's Fozzy's lesser known brother, Crazy. His catchphrase is, "Wacky wacky wacky!" But he's perhaps better known, not for what he says, but for what everyone else says when they see him: "Augh! Augh! Augh!"
3. I count 52 Skittles visible in the picture, though I'm sure there are more not visible, and I could easily have miscounted. As for counting the other things, I'm finding it too hard to differentiate in the picture. Perhaps if you could send me a sample up here for further examination. I'll do a thorough job. I'll even check the inside, in case more are hiding in there.
4. Nope. Not gonna. Uh uh. Not gonna be that person.
5. I have saved Gotham.
Wait, do I hear fire sirens?
Alfred, the oven....
6. John,
I red it was your birthday. Orange you glad I stopped by to say "yellow"? I'm green with envy that others seem to have thought of such greetings first, but I won't let it make me blue. I hope you have a vio-lot of wonderful things happen today and in the coming years. I debated whether to read other comments for ideas, but want sure if that counts as stealing. It's a bit of a grey area. Not everything is black and white. But in the end, I wanted to give you my own wishes instead of shopping a-brown for what other minds had thought up. I hope you're tickled pink by expressions of my sentiments, and if there's a silver of resemblance to what others have said, it must just be an example of great minds thinking alike of ideas that are good as gold. Best wishes to hue!
P.S. You don't happen to share a birthday with a fellow named Roy G. Biv do you?
Happy Birthday John (thoj). I think it's nagzilla for the win!
Happy birthday, John!
Happy birthday, John! Here's to many more sweet and geeky years!
Hippo Birdie to Ewe. Hippo birdie to ewe. Hippo Birdie to Eewwweee!
Hippo birdie to ewe. Enjoy your day, John!
Correction: Orgestating Successsss
The muppet character is named Ouch! Catchphrase: Do I creep you out? (with thanks to Weird Al.
I can't stare at that giraffe that is giving birth to (or something worse) all that candy.
I am, I am, bat-
man, and I can see every-
thing. I am batman.
(With apologies to REM)
Happy Birthday, John!
<red>Colorful birthday wishes in blue!</red>
"They say it's your birthday! (Da na na na NA na!) Well, it's my birthday too, yeah!"
Happy Birthday, John!
happy birthday John I hope you have a great day, I have nothing witty to say sorry.
I am the Dark Knight
My left eye is on my eyebrow
Would you ride with Batman
Now, can I have a piece of blue cake with stuffed giraffe fuzz on top?
That's clearly Tweaking Addie, Big Bird and Cookie Monster's meth-addicted offspring. (My ex looked like that much of the time, but I was too stupid to recognize what I was seeing.)
I was going to comment on having giraffe fur in the cake, then I realized it's still in the box. Still. In. The. Box. So based on that cake, John, here's wishing you the entire contents of a dollar store dumped on a cake! Happy hurking!
1. orcHestrating, and those might be the first 3 notes of the original Superman theme song,
2. Fozzy Bear - wakka wakka.
3. 89, 13, 42, 57, 28, and 3.
4. Those flowers need pasties. Or should I say pastries?
5. Batman contemplated
Stared into middle distance
Still constipated
6. Happy Birthday, John!!!
Though I shake and dance
I still dribble down my tights
Seventy-six sucks
OMG, thank you soooo much for the link to the Squatty Potty! That made my day!
No, first should be a big HaSSy Brithday, Jon!
Some of the haikus are way better than I could do, but here's a stab:
Gazing into space
Wondering what's the meaning
Hey, where are my arms?
Just thinking the muppet name would be Crazy Eyes, then insert appropriate (as if) Orange is the New Black quote here. It gets some diversity on the show, representing the prison population. Not enough of that on kids shows these days.
Happy birthday, John! And may Batman NOT look at you today. (He seems to be a bit under. . . something.)
SuBee - I'm crying!!! Oh oh oh many thanks to all of you and your brilliant comments for making my day.
Sorry, not good at puns, but there are definitely a few letters missing!
Muppet:
Creepy the Bear--"Hey kids! Want some candy? (Waggles eyebrows, or would if he had any)"
Count the candy:
45 skittles, 7 gummy worms, 22 pandas (I think they are gummy pandas, not cookies), 68 assorted gum drops, etc. and 2 tags on the giraffe!
Did I win? If the cake is the prize, I'll pass.
That flower should be ashamed of itself going out in public like that!
Batman Haiku:
Batman has no arms
But he holds his head up high
Does he see The Flash?
I think number 2 is the glove puppet bear 'Sooty' from the UK's 'Sooty Show' with Matthew Corbett. He had two little friends, a panda named 'Soo' and a dog named 'Sweep'. Sooty couldn't speak but he liked to do magic, and the audience would say 'izzy whizzy let's get busy'. Oh the memories :)
Batman wakes, looks down.
He cries, 'Where's the rest of me?'
Can't look down again.
#1 - Just remember middle C and you'll always have "sucess"...oops...
Batman's pinpoint eyes
Make me think he's doing drugs
Because I'm a nurse
To John (thoJ)! Happy birthday to you! Thank you for all you do to make Cake Wrecks such a fun place! Wishing you many happy returns of the day!
Sorry I'm not clever enough to write a funny comment, but Happy Birthday, Jon! Are we going to see a photo of your cake?
Happy Birthday John! Thanks for making the world a funnier place!
I'm afraid I'm just not feeling creative today, but happy birthday. :)
(I must add that the fact that it's your birthday is keeping me from saying anything-- no, nothing nasty-- to SuBee about her unnecessary dig at my Mets. :/)
1. "Orcestrating": a very, very risky way for a scuba-diving veterinarian to make a living. Those male orcas are dangerous. Sucess is elusive.
2. "Piddly Panda." Catchphrase: "Not here! Not here! NOT HERE! Dang."
3. *Hurk*
4. Eek! Eek! Now I've imagined the nude yellow bodies below those grinning yellow faces! Eek!
5. Batman sees Robin
In Catwoman's lacy undies.
Nothing will un-clench.
6. ...did it beep? It did? Are you sure? So it's recording?... Oh, um, Hey, John? It's JMixx. I just wanted to leave you a quick message to say "Happy Birthday"! And say "Hi!" to Jen for me, too, please. Oh, uh, unless you guys are "occupied," if ya know what I mean...heh heh... Okay, so, that's all. Just "Happy Birthday." Um. Okay. Bye!
NYCGirl-I too am a NYC girl AND Met fan. You must have missed my dig at KC earlier in the week. I will now go back to my bottle of tequila in which I am drowning my sorrow.
Existential dread
Today I face the harsh truth
I have soiled myself