Hallow-Scream
October 27, 2015 'Twas the week before Halloween
And all through the bakery
'Twere this stuff:
;)
And this stuff:
;)
And all kinds of fakery:
;)
("Happy CHALLAH-ween! Haha! See what I did there? Eh? EH??"
"Stop talking.")
The sperm ghosts were piped onto basketballs with care:
;)
But we're pretty sure this one was done on a dare:
;)
Shoplifting ghosts
make a run for the door
;)
While Frank with two man buns
croaks, "NEVERMORE"
;)
Doll hair mixed with icing
does the work of the devil
;)
While amoeba ghosts haunt
on a molecular level:
;)
(Q: Why are amoebas bad at running prisons?
A: Because they only have one cell!)
Candy corns "ARRRR"
;)
And bowling balls fly
;)
Don't like these wrecks?
Then here:
;)
DIY!
Hats off to Patty A., Emily C., Anony M., Marianne F., Chris B., Rebekah W., Katrina V., Kimberly W., Amy T., Katie R., & Andrea O. for the excellent wreckporting.
*****
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Reader Comments (30)
CHALLAH! And the amoeba ghost looks more like a bacteria, amoebas are more amorphous :P
That DIY is the height of Big Box Bakery laziness. Pretty sure that was the way the "kit" came to the Big Box Bakery, and was not supposed to hit the sales floor as such. Yep, that's what I'm going with.
What is that fifth one? Bloody stool cupcakes? EWWW! 😖
I kinda like the peg-legged witch who slipped on the banana. It's sort of appealing. Sorry.
Am I the only one who sees the fun in giving party guests the DIY kit (after a few drinks, of course) and then comparing....
Hey disembodied witch, you dropped your banana!
The shoplifter is kind of cute. But loses points for wrappers.
I love the DIY one, lol! Maybe some of the bakeries featured so often on CW should do that...
I love the pun in this rhyme :)
And Branden's(?) birthday wish was re-done as well i think.
Poor kid.
#1 Savage banana?
#2 Again with the banana?
#11 WTF? Can somebody please explain what that is meant to be please?
Excellent rhyming & puns.
Can't ever get me enough of them bloody doll head cakes! That's some good eatin'.
LOVE the challah pun. Holla!
"Frank with two man buns" made me snort my coffee!
Can't help observing the DIY kit picture shows the biggest area (black) seems to have the smallest amount of frosting provided in the little baggie. Maybe it's supposed to be enough to just do 'outlines'...?
This was the best!!
That challah looks like ... oh, never mind.
Those kits are real. And are meant to go on the sale floor as is. People like them for kids and when my daughter gets a little older, I think she'd have a blast making a mess of my kitchen. But I always say go big or go home, so we'll probably do a whole haunted gingerbread house. :D
you're quite the wordsmith, Jen! I think that "Frankenstein" one looks more like Elphaba!
At this point, I think most bakeries should just give it up and make all their cakes DIY. There would be more satisfied customers that way :-)
A bloody severed head on a cake should have been the worst cake idea ever, but the poop for brains cupcakes win. Lunches down.
Thank you for thr biology reference. <3
I said "Ghoul cakes" NOT "Stool cakes"!!!!!!!
@drns4vr - "peg-legged witch who slipped on a banana", lmao!
@Lori - I noticed that too! Plus, the bag of black icing looks like it's already been squeezed!
I think that Moira is correct & this is how the kit comes to the store: pre-filled icing bags & a diagram.
So, my hypothesis is, the employee who opened the kit started eating the black icing out of the bag, then realized that he/she wouldn't have enough to make the decoration, re-closed the bag, put the cover back on & put it out for sale "DIY style".
"Frank with two man buns" is an example of a decorator putting extra effort into making a wreck.
Frankenstein's monster's face is perfect for a CCC, it's just a rectangle. What shape could be simpler for a dozen cupcakes than a 3x4 rectangle? So of course the wrecker offsets the middle column of cupcakes and ruins the rectangle. ...Why...why...?
Obviously #5 is a celebration of the blob fish which lives deep beneath the ocean, has no skeleton and sadly looks like those cupcakes. http://ipfactly.com/blobfish/
On the subject of the DIY thing that is something I've done for places that I've worked at before and it was always a big hit for the party. I'd bring in sugar cookies and decorating bags and everyone would make their own cookies to eat and take home. It is sad that people's kids have produced more competent looking jack-o-lantern cookies then any of these wreckers……
I am reliably informed by colleagues who have done post-docs in the US that soil cakes made up to look like a tray of kitty litter then decorated with realistically piped chocolate ganache deposits are a staple of Halloween parties, complete with pooper scooper to serve it up, so maybe turd cakes is just the logical extension of that. (Halloween is making inroads Down Under, but some of us still hold out: any kid who comes trick-or-treating to my door gets a lecture on cultural imperialism. My husband says I'm a cranky old cow and we live in a global society now, so I should get with the program; as a result, this year I will have some treats ready to hand out: a carefully prepared tray of chocolate-coated Brussels sprouts...)
So. I have a bakery and the biggest seller at Halloween is "vampire poop" cupcakes. Basically, a chocolate cupcake with chocolate poo swirl and sprayed with silver or gold. Cuz ya know... vampires sparkle.
Yuck! Especially the cupcakes.. really gross there lol. I am with the ghost.. flee for your sanity! lol
This is one of your best poems to date. Loved it!
I can just imagine the folks at the last bakery saying, "Darn! We were sure we could totally avoid Cake Wrecks if we let the customers do it themselves!"
Mothman should be served
With bananas and Cool Whip
With bats on the side.
Challah-ween! I LOVE it!