You'll Never Guess What These Were Supposed To Be...
October 15, 2015 WARNING: Gratuitous, often incomprehensible wang innuendo ahead.
No, no. GUESS:
;)
It's NOT a uterus. Or a ruptured trouser weasel. Scout's honor.
Give up?
It's an exploding thermometer. Like this:
;)
Yep. THAR SHE BLOWS.
This is ALSO not a one-eyed zipper splitter (with accompanying cherry pit):
;)
Nope, it's a kite.
Remember, my friends, no man is an island.
;)
But sometimes his inflatable leg nose is.
We sure see a lot of "balloons" that look more like doggy-paddlin' miracle grow:
;)
(Doggy-paddlin' to freedom.)
...but sometimes the balloons get a bit more... nutty.
;)
Great gobs of pendulous plum pillows!
Whoever did this should be sacked.
Hey, speaking of balls:
;)
Never make Dad the butt of his own cookie cake.
And finally, a self-rising lap baguette the baker was so proud of, she had to put a ribbon on it:
;)
The three "fun-slinger" salute was also a nice touch.
(Although once you see it, the green "slung" bits get pretty dang disturbing.)
Thanks to the appropriately named Phyllis B., Alicia W., Christina M., Jessica N., Kristine C., Lauren B., Sheree K., & Charlie for just being happy to see these wrecks, and not having any butterfly cakes in their pockets.
*****
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Reader Comments (49)
EPIC innuendos and puns, Jen! You really outdid yourself today.
I can't get what that last cake is supposed to be. Then again I don't really want to. If I look at it too long or think about it too much...... yeah, no. No. Don't go there. Just laugh at the wreck without knowing what it was 'supposed' to be.
You're doing this to get back a Facebook, right?
LOL.
Self-rising lap baguette.... *snort*
Oh my word! Is that supposed to be a butterfly?!
You'd better watch yourself, missy! Too many puns and innuendos will get you kicked off of the facebook for good! :-)
I've got it! All these bakeries hire BLIND decorators. Srsly. How can they NOT see what we see??? #evenwhenwedontknowwhatweareseeing #ormuchWANTtoknowwhatweareseeing
"Lad I don't know where you've been but I see you won first prize."
http://www.thebards.net/music/lyrics/The_Scotsman.shtml
[Editor's note- "As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow around the bonny star the Scot's kilt did lift and show!" Love, love, love that song. I know it by heart just in case I ever have to sing it at an Irish pub. -john (the Irish tenor)]
seriously. the cupcake "cake" obsession needs to be OVER. i have NEVER seen one that looks even remotely appealing. but at least we can laugh at them, thanks to Jen and company.
A gift and balloons?
my guess is baby rattle?
I think I've been up too long. These are so funny I'm crying while I laugh!
OMG! I am crying I'm laughing so hard!
Thank you for the morning laughs!
The yellow balloons circling… the only thing missing is an egg in the middle. And no, I'm not talking about a hen egg.
The baseball cake--"Dad" really needs to go see his doctor about that swelling! I've never seen a "ball" that huge.
Clearly, the last one is balloons floating over a purple moat. It's the birthday of the princess who lives in the castle, hence the bow on the drawbridge.
SELF-RISING LAP BAGUETTE
*wheeze-laughing* *laugh-wheezing* *dying*
These cakes are Perverse, with a capital P. In fact, their P-ness is second only to the prose accompanying them, which is worthy of de Balzac.
hahahahahahahaha! I'm so glad someone else knows the Scotsman song, cause I was about to start "singing" "A Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evenin' fair..."
OMG, that balloon on the lower right even has a line down the middle. Good Lord!!
No one will ever convince me that these are accidental innuendos. Those yellow "balloons" look like pears, but pears don't grow on vines.
I am weeping for poor baby Charlie who gets black "balloons" for his very first birthday cake!
Whaaaaaaat?
CCC's need to be banned.
WTF is the last one?
BTW I laughed so hard my coffee came out my nose!
Pun times.
I actually thought the first one was an inserted rectal thermometer. Shows you what I know! lol
Remember those weird commercials for sanitary pads that showed how absorbent they were by using mystery blue liquid? Cake #1 clearly is the tampon version after it has reached it's limit. KAPLOOEY!!
I honestly thought the "kite" was an attempt at a motor neurone.
Emphasis on the "attempt".
Yesterday the turkeys, and today, well ... *trying to laugh discreetly and failing*
I can't decide if the last cake should be
"Lad I don't know where you've been, but I see you won...umm...wait...which place is orange?"
or
"Let's tie an orange ribbon 'round the ol' loin tree"
huhuhu
*wink wink nudge nudge*
You are just baiting Facebook now, aren't you, Jen? I'd say you are a master at this. Which makes you a masterba..... oh, nevermind.
Yep. Yep. You made me laugh out loud at work again. The front office staff is wondering what kind of contracts I review that cause me to laugh so hard. These made my day! Take THAT Facebook!!
One..eyed..zipper..splitter...!!!!!!! That was sheer genius. Brava.
Brilliant, I say! Just brilliant! These remind me of the outtakes from "Grumpier Old Men," during which Burgess Meredith is "euphemizing!"
(You're just trolling FB for the halibut now, right? Good for you!)
Darski, that was my thought as well. Always a hit song on the Dr. Demento show.
These types of "posts" may cause the Facebook powers that be to become a weenie bit upset.
I don't know which thought is worse: "Who's going to cut Dad's ball?" or "Who's going to eat it?"
12 years in the making? Looks like a first period welcome to womanhood cake.
Notthecakelady, I saw that first one, and thought, 'Oh, look, it's obviously for a research group who are celebrating because the new design IUD they've been working on for 12 years has finally been granted a patent, and the go-ahead for clinical testing'...
The second one is obviously a promo for an upcoming film, the next spin-off from Despicable Me: 'Minions 2 - The Minions Go To Wang Island'.
The euphemisms are killing me!
"Dad's" cake reminds me of a limerick I read once, long ago, which I believe might be attributable to veterinarian-turned-writer James Herriot:
"There was a young man from Devizes
Whose...um, baseballs...were of different sizes.
One was so small
It was hardly a...baseball...
But the other won several prizes."
Oh, for the love of Crust! Self-rising lap baguette! One of the best lines in a career of great descriptions.
@Darski--thanks for the Irish lesson- I'd heard the "Blue Ribbon" story told as a joke, but never knew it was a pub song.
Oh gosh I can't catch my breath. First the turkey wangs and now this. Lol!! I am just loving these posts :D
Thermometer? Hmm. I was going to guess "Test Tube". You know, a quarter of a second after you ignore the teacher's cries of "Whatever you do, don't mix Liquid A with Powder C! Use only distilled water! Aaaargh!"
Oh, the joys of chemistry!
I was once in Home Economics and someone came in from a nearby Chemistry class, clutching her uniform around herself... Turns out she'd done something explosively splashy with an acid and dissolved huge areas of polyester, was desperately hoping for something decent to wear. Pity we were working on baby singlets at the time. I think someone loaned her a sports uniform.
"...with accompanying cherry pit." just cracked me up!
I thought the first one was an IUD. Which would have actually made more sense, in context.
"Inflatable leg nose" was enough to make my coffee come out of my (now I see) dull and predictable face nose.
My comment: you really are trying to take the p*ss out of Facebook, aren't you, Jen?
My wife's comment: some bakers need focus groups. Or interventions.
I legitimately stared at the DAD cake wondering what would possess someone to put a ball between Dad's butt on a cake. It took me WAY too long to figure out that they were bats....
You are so witty! It's amazing how consistently witty and funny your posts are. You are really really cool.
I think the a on the dad cake is supposed to be baseball bats.
I thought "Dad" was a football enthusiast, with the "A" on his cake picturing the handoff (shown from behind). Many thanks to Kimberly and Otter for straightening out my vision!
@JMixx
It was in one of the "All Creatures" books but, IIRC, Herriot was quoting an existing Limerick