It's a Tough Job, But Someone's Gotta Blow It
September 8, 2014 WARNING: In-your-end-o jokes ahead. Hide the kids!
*****
John: "For some reason we got a few complaints over that Labor Day cake, so let's steer clear of anything off-color today, ok?"
Jen: "Noooo problem. I have the perfect ON color cake we can use."
John: "Yeah?"
Jen: "Yep. I call it, 'TASTE THE RAINBOW.'"
;)
John: "NO. Definitely no."
Jen: "What, you don't like it?
"Then how about 'Rubber Baby Buggy Balls'?"
;)
"See, you can already tell it's a boy!"
John: "Why does the stroller have... ?! Never mind. No."
Jen: "Tiger Beat?"
;)
John: "You're killing me here.
"Can't you just post some wrecky flowers or something? Please?"
Jen: "Flowers? ON IT."
[five minutes later]
"Got one! This baker says her co-worker made a border of 'exotic flowers.' You like?
;)
"I think I'll call it, 'Ring Around the Posy Peens.'"
John: [silent glare]
"The Pollenators?"
[...]
"Petal Pushers?"
[...]
"Sticky Stamens?"
[...]
"Calla Willies?"
[...]
"One-Eyed Snapdragons?"
[...]
"Penis Flytraps?"
John: "You're answering tomorrow's e-mail."
Thanks to Jody M., Amber G., Ashley, & Anony M. for helping us see last Monday's cake through wang-colored glasses.
*****
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Reader Comments (74)
Perambulation
will mark your territory:
I raise free-range kids.
From the "Taste the Rainbow" snort to wiping tears of laughter from the "Penis flytraps" comment, I can say this made my Monday great! I'm just glad I hadn't gotten my morning tea yet or it would have been all over my desk! :)
On Saturday I attended a performance of an off-broadway play called "Booty Candy" in which the young protagonist was taught to refer to his one-eyed snapdragon as, well, booty candy. I am not making this up. You can google it.
Two of the female characters in the play were named Gentalia and Intifada. Also, not making it up.
Anyway, if anything should be labeled "booty candy," (and I'm not saying anything should,) it's delicious, sugary, frosting based calla willies.
BTW, the play was pretty good...
Sung to "Little Willy (Won't Go Home)
Little rainbow willy's all alone
And you can't push that pram round, it's balls swing so
A tiger with a nose wang scares me. Oh no!
I'm not taking calla willy cake home!
"A tiger with a nose wang... is that what that "thing:" is?
Thank you, John (ThoJ) Jen, Haiku Joy, Sharyn, and everyone else who makes this such a great slice of sunshine everyday.
Bwahaahaaa!
*wipes away tears of laughter*
I regularly come to Cake Wrecks for my morning laugh but I must say, this time you’ve gone too far. This morning’s androcentric post is both disturbing and offensive. Many women, including myself, view Cake Wrecks as a welcoming place where we can escape men, their inherently oppressive calla willies and their inherently oppressive gender based abuse of piping bags. To see your misogynistic celebration of the tyrannical petal pusher first thing in the morning makes me physically ill. Let me just state that I am in no way a prude. I can appreciate the humor in the overuse of poop colored brown frosting. I have laughed uproariously at cakes with designs depicting copulating Winnie the Pooh characters. Tasteless baby shower cakes, though honoring the subordination of women through pregnancy, have made me giggle quietly in my room. NO! I am not a puritan. I am, however, a strong, capable and not at all insane, former fan of Cake Wrecks. From now on, I shall start my day reading Maya Angelou while listening to Beyoncé. Thank you.
@Sharyn: Very nice!
The rainbow itself looks "off color" so I think "Little Willy" went home, if you know what I mean!
I've been reading your blog for years now, and never felt the urge to comment - until today. Those names of flowers you posted made me laugh so hard I had to run for the bathroom - not nice for a very pregnant lady! Pure genius!!!
LOL Amazing; don't go changing, you two :)
OH, for corn's sake! Or, for corn COB's sake. Or even an EAR of corn (but not IN the ear, please; I might not hear you coming). I have about had enough of this thinly-veiled, in-you-window-y innuendo, minds-in-the-gutter (*sputter*!) dirty cake talk. John, your "thumbs down" negativity is rubbing off on me. I think I've about had my fill. Man, guys~ avoiding Labor Day can be a real HARDship.
=^e.e^=
{Heh...I can't wait to see what mel comes up with when he swings on in...) Batter UP!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Is that Mel posing as a former CW fan???
Get Lucky (with apologies to Daft Punk)
Like the legend of the Phoenix
It’s present at all beginnings
It keeps the planet spinning (uh)
Shooting forth at the beginning
(Look)
We’ve come too far to just pipe little stars
So let’s raise our tip and just let ‘er rip
It’s reaching up to the sun
It’s up all night to get some
We’re up all night for good fun
We’re making’ cakes to get lucky
We bake all night to the sun
We bake all night to get some
We work all night and have fun
We’re makin’ cakes to get lucky
We’re makin’ cakes to get lucky
We’re makin’ cakes to get lucky
We’re makin’ cakes to get lucky
We’re makin’ cakes to get lucky
The rainbow’s just showing off
That stroller’s got some balls
Tiger meat looks filling
Exotic flowers are too willing
We’ve come too far to just pipe little stars
So let’s raise our tip and just let ‘er rip
It’s reaching up to the sun
It’s up all night to get some
We’re up all night for good fun
We’re making’ cakes to get lucky
We bake all night to the sun
We bake all night to get some
We work all night and have fun
We’re makin’ cakes to get lucky
We’re makin’ cakes to get lucky
We’re makin’ cakes to get lucky
We’re makin’ cakes to get lucky
We’re makin’ cakes to get lucky
And now, all I can think of is this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1F0e6e-b50
I should watch that whole movie again soon.
*Rolling under desk with laughter*
@A Former Avid Cake Wrecks Fan
Heilig's Blechle!
Many women, including myself, view Cake Wrecks as a welcoming place where we can escape men, their inherently oppressive calla willies and their inherently oppressive gender based abuse of piping bags.
You what?
Okay, not gonna lie, I snickered. Repeatedly. Still snickering as I type.
Hahahahha XD as for the former fan-laugh, life is hard.
I guess the first wreckerator never learned about Roy G. Biv, where v stands for violet. Because that's not violet. Don't know if that would have helped though.
The flower names ... OMG ... Calla willy ... Penis flytrap ....BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
The baby cake would be beautiful if it could be castrated.
" A Former Avid Cake Wrecks Fan"...
Well, I tried to see whether the first letters of this *signature* spelled out a message/acronym of some sort that would be a joke. It doesn't seem to (AFACWF). Anyway, I still think that maybe I'm missing something...and that I'll be laughing like crazy when I see what I didn't "get". If not, well...then, I haven't missed anything, lost any sleep, or been offended. You can only be offended by someone who means something to you. And now, a quote from a Mr. Forrest Gump: "And that's all I have to say about that."
=^-.-^=
It was relatively recently that I was told about "truck nuts". I guess I wouldn't be too surprised if someone did a baby-buggy version. In blue, of course.
I love you all but never have I been less tempted to fill my mouth with...frosting.
1rd: Taste the Rainbow-hahahaha
2st: WHY??? WHY??? That's a baby shower cake??? Oh, woooowww! chuckle
3nd: Tiger Beat- HOWLS of laughter heard up on the second floor of the house!!!
4rh: Calla Willies...BAAAHAHAHAHAHA...oohh, I can't breathe...<wiping eyes>
Thank you Jen and John (thoJ). NEVER CHANGE!!!
Jen, that was really ballsy of you.
Hey diddle diddle
Wang's multicolored piddle
Blue balls from the pram hung down
The tiger peen laughed
To see such wrecks
And the calla willies caused a frown!
@Maureen: nope, not me...but it was nicely done....
YOU ARE PRICELESS NEVER CHANGE
Cockscomb?
Amarphallus?
Morning Glory?
Daffadildo?
Leptospermium?
I completely lost it at "calla willies."
Ohhh, man, I LOVE you guys. I just cannot express my admiration. You guys really have bal . . .
Yeah, those are totally erotic flowers. No--exotic! EXOTIC!! That's what I meant!
I was able to keep it together until "penis flytrap", then I snork-laughed so hard my cat almost jumped through the window.
I am crying from laughing at all these pictures--but especially the last one followed by your floral suggestions. You just make my day!
Oh you heard me, Keks! Cake wrecks should be a phallus-free safe zone where femalecentric beings can safely express their progestiselves without fear of male oppression.
(Thanks, mel. Love you!)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I hit "create post" before I could change the "Author." That was NOT SuBee. I repeat NOT SUBEE!!!
In fact when she finds out I posted under name she's going to be royally miffed. I better go hide.
I totally lost it with the erotic, erm exotic, flower names.
Can't. Breathe. Laughing too hard. I was dying at Calla Willies... but @jackwire... Morning Glory? LOL!!!!!! LOVE IT!
I'm pretty sure AFACWF's post was made with her tongue placed firmly in her . . . cheek.
Well, now I will need to carry around a can of blue spray paint to re-colour any truck-nuts I may encounter.
(With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy) If your baby's stroller has dangling objects hanging from it just like his daddy's truck nuts, your baby just might be a redneck!
"From now on, I shall start my day reading Maya Angelou while listening to Beyoncé." Your choices reflect a lack of diversity thereby I must conclude from this scant information that you must be a racist, A Former Avid Cake Wrecks Fan, and I thus bid you a good day! I SAID GOOD DAY! (If you're serious, I'm serious; if you're not, I'm not!)
This one is my favorite!
Rainbow orgasm cake
I will never look at a flower the same again! Too hilarious for words. I was waiting for a reference to the skittles "wedding night" commercial (if you haven't seen it Google it) but maybe that would have been over the top.
Oh and do you think the baby carriage was sporting furry dice maybe? Yeah no.
I love this site. Bloody awesome. Keep it coming !
Giggle
Somewhere under the rainbow
Way down low
There's a spot that when touched is where
Calla willies grow
Somewhere under the rainbow
Wheels hang low,
And the puns that offended some
Just refuse to go
Where tigers all have balls for eyes
And "noses" of unusual size
to spy them,
Where rubber baby buggy balls
Signal sons to one and all
That's where you'll find them...
Somewhere under the rainbow
Strange things grow...
Strange things like innuendos, please then oh please say no.
If strange but happy plants can grow, under your rainbow,
please oh please, say no!
----
*part of me can't believe I just posted that*
*the other part has an evil grin*
@Sandraru - "Well, now I will need to carry around a can of blue spray paint to re-colour any truck-nuts I may encounter."
+1
Like
Love
Thumbs Up
Copying this idea as soon as I can get to a Walmart... I'll find both there!
Calla willies are my new favorite!
You guys are my favorite people!
@SuBee: see...this is what happens when you used a shared computer at the library -- just anyone can come along and steal your name, and your reputation.....as a victim of identity theft, if you want to sue, Su, I know a good lawyer...well, "good" may be stretching it....and I had a sneakin' suspicion that that was you -- it was too cleverly written to be a real rant.....good work, and thanks for the love and laughter...(and I have almost had that same problem -- in the past I have posted under several aliases, and I always had to be careful to use the right "signature" when responding to comments ....I gave 'em up, and now it's just mel....)
@SuBee: I knew it was you. :) Well done!
What the what is that snuffleupagus football Willie thing even supposed to be?!?!?!? I think I broke my brain trying to figure it out. Although the most disturbing one is the well hung baby carriage. That is the stuff of nightmares!
And for former fan, either your joke fell flat or you need to lighten up! Your post confused me more than penis Snuffy football!