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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

"Something Funny, I Guess?" 

You'll never guess what Beth ordered for her daughter's birthday party!

Or, ok, maybe you will.


Ah, but can you decipher the exact words used in this phone call?

Nailed it.

Hey, you're good at this!


Now, how well can you follow directions?

Nice to know Jackie keeps herself centered.


Marissa's boss was leaving on a trip, so she wanted to get a cake that said, "So................" as an inside joke. She specified that there should be 18 dots, so...

Good luck with that, Marissa.

(I like how the baker spontaneously switched to cursive for just the letter R.)

(Also, "Fallowing?" You ever wonder what these bakers THINK they're writing?)


And finally, you guys will never guess where the baker is going with this one!


Now with bonus color commentary on today's post: the cast of Hogan's Heros, everybody!

Thanks, guys.


And thanks to Beth M., Jenny S., Sky C., Marissa, & Robert F. for addressing the problem.


Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

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Reader Comments (42)

Love the literal LOLs and face palm picture!

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

There is show called the “Fantasticks” that has been running Off-Broadway for 187 years. It’s most beautiful and poignant tunes is “Try to Remember.”

Try to remember when calling a baker
That orders need to be specific
Try to remember, though it doesn’t make sense
Your cake, at least, may taste terrific
Try to remember that bakers are human
So often their handiworks are horrific
Try to remember, and if you remember
Then fallow
Fallow, fallow, fallow, fallow

Fallow, fallow, fallow, fallow, fallow, fallow, fallow, fallow…

If you never heard this song, here is the absolutely worst video I could find (It really is a lovely song, but you’d never know from this:)

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Forgive me my Monday morning obtuseness, but I really can't guess where the baker was going with that last one. Please explain for us slow ones in the audience.

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKaethe

Ah, the stupidity of bakers is such fallow ground... (............)

Too bad about that last one -- it looked very pretty until it was wreckerized with the wording.

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

What were they thinking???

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

I just love Mondays on Cakewrecks!! You never know what's waiting there for you!

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoanne from GA

SuBee: Well done, well done! I remember seeing “The Fantasticks” way, way off Broadway, many, many years ago. Here is another song from that same musical. Unfortunately, before the play went into production, the lyrics to this volatile song about wrecked cakes were re-written, resulting in the more pleasant song, “Soon It’s Gonna Rain.”

Hear how the lady begins to whisper.
Hear how her voice starts getting high.
See how her temperature is rising,
As fire starts to glow in her eye.
Now is the time to leave the ba-ker-y
Now is the time to find a hideaway;
We hear her say

They didn’t get it right
I can see it
They didn’t get it right
You can tell
They didn’t get it right
What are we gonna do?

You didn’t get it right
Can’t you see it?
You didn’t get it right
Can’t you tell?
You didn’t get it right
What’ll we do with you?

We’ll bind your limbs to a tree.
We’ll graffiti your walls and the floor.
We’ll take our cake and leave,
And then go home and grieve.

Then maybe you’ll learn
We won’t take it.
Then maybe you’ll learn,
O, what the h*ll…..

And we’ll still complain
‘Cause wrecks never stop at all.
We’ll give up hope
And sit right down and bawl….

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

I just couldn't help getting in on the song fest this morning. SuBee, you are such an inspiration!

Who could forget the words to our favorite Club song, sing along with me!

Who’s the baker of the cake
That’s made to palm your face

Hey, there! What the? Whoa, dude!
This cake is screwed up as can be

Wrecky Smash!
Wrecky Smash!

Forever let us photograph the wreck
Smash, smash, smash, smash

Come along and sing a song
Of wrecks from A to Z

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAdo Annie

I am detecting something else in Marissa’s cake: the forlorn cry of a woman yearning for children….

Life is not a piece of cake,
Decorated with ribbons festive, colors bold.
Others have their little dots,
And I am growing old.
As the frosting fades upon my cake,
And the colors lose their luster,
I greet the winter of my years;
The cold winds blow and bluster.
No children’s laughs – those I would so hallow,
But, alas, ‘tis not to be, for all my periods…fallow.

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterlem

For those who, like me, are clueless as to what a "smash cake" is :

I had to google it, since my kids are now in their 30's.

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSomethingWiccanThiswaycomes

I know it's said every time you post literal LOLs, but ,
What's wrong with these wreckers??!

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterErica

Are those periods fallowing in her fallopian tubes?

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

I know it's a relatively minor (ha!) thing, but why on the first cake is there a gap in the black frosting by the "M" in "Mickey"? Did the baker just run out of black frosting (what a horrid color for a child--you'll never get it out of the darling new onesie worn for the party) and figured, "Oh well, the kid'll never notice", or could she just not resist sampling her own work? Or something even more incomprehensible?

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

I cannot wrap my brain around the idea that there are actually people out there who are this stupid. Honestly, how did they even make it to adulthood?

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSteph

Thanks to SomethingWiccan for the explanation, I don't think smash cakes have made it to the UK either

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commentertoonfan69

Do you ever get any feedback from the cake decorators themselves, however indirectly, on what in hell was going through their minds when they saw those directions and decided that they were to be literally written as-is on the cake? I'm honestly dying with curiosity to know! I am just totally baffled at how a human being who one assumes does a lot of cake-decorating could fail to even wonder "hey, that's an odd thing to write on a cake, maybe I should ask for a clarification." Any insight will help -- thanks!

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermizducky

Since I had no idea what a smash cake was either, I read the first one in the voice of The Hulk. I think it's funnier that way. You don't want to make Mickey Mouse angry...

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterWildaBeast

That Hogans Hero picture says it all.......

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

I know what everyone is thinking about those bakers. To paraphrase what Schultz would say...."They know NOTHING!"

For those too young to know, Schultz was a guard at Stalag 17 in "Hogan's Heroes".

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHeloise

I just about face-palmed myself into a coma. It's a wonder these folks know how to BREATH!

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

It's such a shame, that last one was beautiful.

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDawn

I gotta believe that the literal literate LOLs are the result of people who are ILliterate, or at least don't read English. Copying letter by letter must be their jobs. Which makes me wonder about myself, laughing at poor, illiterate souls doing the best they can in this cruel old world. I think some cake might make me feel better. Maybe my local bakery has a day-old cake with a poopkin on it. Hey, chocolate buttercream!

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAngelaS

Subject, Mickey Mouse.
Smash is the verb. The direct
object is cake. DONE!

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I thought the last cake was beautiful. Pretty floral piece, unusual but still recognizable as flowers, and the script was done well. Too bad their brain and their hands had a disconnect and they wrote an address instead of the greeting.

I enjoy the obvious mess-ups more than these "almost got it" cakes. There is something sad about doing something so bad well from a technical standpoint. Like doing Olympic class figure skating in a clown suit.

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

@lem-That was simply beautiful.
@mel-The curtain may finally be going down on the Fantasticks!
@elm-I'm waiting to hear from you.

Now let us all sit and ponder the fact that there was once a sitcom about a German prisoner of war camp during WWII. At least it wasn't a musical..................

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

@mizducky: My ideas re: your comment 1: The minimum wage is not enough to live well on, but it's legal, which is some employers' "Take it or leave it" stance. Things are tough all over-SOMEONE has to get torqued...
5th wreck>Huh! I can almost see Boy George wearing this one as a hat.
4th>I know that fallow means "uncultivated". Or a sow that's not pregnant. Neither fits or makes any sense for this birthday party. I say it's code for "It's a TRAP!" and suggest everyone run for the nearest exit as soon as possible~which, BTW, is code for "asap"...
3rd> AND, in the middle, she's dying of embarrassment at the wreckorator's use of "pop-it" beads on her cake. Jackie was at that time rocking a way more mature, Madonna-wannabe look.
2nd> chocolate...(need I drool more?)
!st> Maybe a different little mouse sampled a bit of the edging on this one. I wouldn't trust it now, especially if ends up covered in chocolate *jimmies*. >^-.-^< eww

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

How on earth are you supposed to order a cake? This is just too disturbing!

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMolly

I know the cake is all jacked up because of what's written on it but... that last cake? That penmanship makes my heart aflutter. That's a thing hearts do, right?

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCandace

"The Fantasticks" has been running a long time, but not 187 years. It premiered in May 1960 and, except for a hiatus between 2002 and 2006 is still going strong.
Thank-you for the lovely parodies. I was waiting for a rewrite of "plant a radish, get a radish" but it was not forthcoming.

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

@mizducky: My big sister used to work in a grocery store bakery before being promoted to store manager (go sis!) and I have gone along with friends a few times to order a special occasion cake from a nice bakery. I have noticed something based on this insight: the person taking the order is never the person making the cake.

I think this 'middle man' scenario is the root of the problem here. One person takes who knows how many orders a day, plus handles a cash register and likely a display case as well, and then fills out a form or leaves a note for the decorator, whom they may or may not ever speak to directly. If something is left out, the decorator has no way of knowing.

Sometimes something sounds really clear to one person but can be translated diferently by another. Have you seen the "sprinkles on the side" entry on this site? That's a good example. This is further complicated when you get creative thinkers, secret meanings and inside jokes, like the 'dot' cake here. I imagine the decorators often think the more unique cakes are odd, but if its what the customer wants, who are they to judge?

That said, there really is no excuse for the Mickey Mouse Smash Cake. Someone should have at least checked before making that. With any luck, the responsible party was determined and then punished appropriately.

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTifa

@SuBee: Thank you…sometimes the sheer emotionalism that is so often bound within these cakes must, must, I say, spring forth and be heard, if only as a voice crying in the wilderness, a note falling on deaf ears, a tree falling silently in the forest, like a lone cloud cluttering a sunny day at the beach as the waves ebb and flo only to silently crash upon the deserted sand, washing away the sandcastles of hope built by small children using only a stick and a plastic spork missing two tines…

@SuBee: O’ no! Just when there’s been a request from @Alison for the “Plant A Radish, Get A Radish” song…cruel, cruel fate…..

@SuBee: Thank you, but I wooden know what to write. I do some writing, but clever writing like you do is not my branch of the business – you wood write rings around anything I could come up with. Sadly, my bark is worse than my write. And, with that I’ll leave.

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel and they guys

@Alison: sorry…so many songs…so little time…but, feel free to chime in with a song or so at any time – we’re a user-friendly playground and all are more than welcome to join it! Just think – if we got enough people together we could do a whole musical! The mind boggles!

September 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Looks like The Hulk had the inspiration on cake#1.

September 30, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBigg3469

Except for the smash cake and Jackie's punk cake, all of the entries are quite nicely done. Why, oh why, did they have to ruin them by writing on them?

September 30, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

Oh, why did I click on the link to that "Today" article about smash cakes? The knowledge that "celebrity baby trend experts" exist and are taken seriously is deeply depressing...

September 30, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlice Shortcake

"Fallowing" hmm the baker musta been Nor'n Irish!

September 30, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMrGray

You put your punk hand in, you put your punk hand out, you put your punk hand in and you shake it all about!

Or is this a comment on Jackie's swinging political views? Some days she's a punk with serious left-wing attitude, some days she's just your typical 50-year-old-slightly-right-leaning-woman-with-a-scary-hairstyle. At least she can see both sides of an argument.

Is this the right room for an argument?

The last one is quite good, except for that odd little blob. And Nguyon Van Dan is my new favourite culture-clash hybrid surname. I can see this cake as the beginning of a new sitcom...
<text appears on screen in lovely cursive> "Apartment 1506"
<phone rings>
<handsome Malay/Dutch man answers phone> "Nguyon Van Dam speaking."
<something hilarious and/or risque occurs behind him, hopefully involving cake>

September 30, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAA

#3 Wow, if that's how they wrecked Jackie's cake, I can't imagine what they did to Judy's...especially with the penchant for misspellings that wreckers have...there's nothing that rhymes with "runt" is there?

September 30, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNerfbomb

I read that first wreck in a Hulk voice "Mickey Mouse SMASH cake!"

September 30, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

Because no one ever answered Kaethe's question way back in post #3: "I really can't guess where the baker was going with that last one."

To Apartment 1506, lot B.

September 30, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBob

To Steph: When every Get a Job guide out there insists one typo on a resume spells the difference between a paycheck and destitution, how did they ever make it through the job interview?

October 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

I meant to write, how did they ever GET a job interview???

October 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

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