The Cake Said WHAT?
July 29, 2014 When you see the same ol' "happy birthday" butchered day after day, you learn to cherish the cakes that break the mold and say something truly unique.
;)
Whoah, thought that said something a little off-color for a sec!
(Who else saw "Jerk?")
Anyway, I've been collecting some of the better examples for ages now, and as I started scrolling through them today I realized they told a kind of story.
It helps if you imagine them as a conversation between two people.
And also if you're a little drunk.
BEGIN!
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D'awww. Brings a little tear to the eye, doesn't it?
(I mean, who's giving away "chrildren?")
Thanks to Mike B., Julie R., Marissa D., Nancy M., Jack W., Anony M., Another Anony, Jennifer W., Bethany P., Libby M., & Julie N. for proving a cake can be worth a thousand questions.
*****
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Reader Comments (37)
It's like a romance.
Those are like bumblebee chunks
with tutus for wings.
o.O I...bwah?? No words. Just...no words. *walks away shaking head*
We all know what type of cake is in the tampon cake, don't we?
One more reason to not like red velvet cake, in my opinion.
The caterpillar cake is adorable. Too bad about the misspelling.
All I can say is that I truly hope the cakes TASTED better than the puns. I have no words. Language, words...um....WOW! Okay, leaving it to Sharyn, SuBee and mel to at least bring a giggle...WOW...I have no words. (D'oh! I already said that once) :-/
That was beautiful. It brought a tear to my eye. If my son were younger, I'd start reading this to him instead of "Goodnight Moon."
A feminie hygeine cake? That's just tasteless..on the bright side, they at least got the string right. *facepalm*
Now I'm upset. No one has ever asked to see my boobs with cake, nor did anyone get me a tampon cake to celebrate my hysterectomy.
I can only hope that "DOMA is dead" referred to the Supreme Court ruling, striking down parts of the Defense of Marriage Act---surely a reason to celebrate with cake!
I wonder if Donna was a pet that was hit by a car and the cake was supposed to be given to the owner as a way to soften the blow.
In the light of the moon a little egg lay on a leaf. One Sunday
morning the warm sun came up and – pop! – out of the egg came a tiny
and very hungry caterpillar. He started to look for some food.
On Monday he ate through Jerk's "duck" cake. But he was still hungry.
On Tuesday he ate through two ta-tas, but he was still hungry.
On Wednesday he ate through three meth tabs. He was a little less hungry, but hungry nonetheless.
On Thursday he ran away from Daddy AND Mom, so he was really hungry.
On Friday he thought he scored a giant twinkie, but when he found out what it really was he lost his appetite and he was as hungry as he'd ever been.
On Saturday he ate through a "Very Hungry Caterpillar" cake, which made him feel a bit like a cannibal. That night he had a stomachache.
The next day was Sunday again. The caterpillar looked at Sunday Sweets and after that he felt much better.
But no matter what he did, the caterpillar simply could not recover from his diet of poorly made confections.
By Monday he was dead.
I see "you're the only duck for me," which would actually be perfect for a couple of my friends (he's duck-obsessed). The creator of the bee cake erred on the side of caution and put stingers on both ends of the bees.
The first cake could only be from a Children's Librarian - Make Way for Ducklings - Jack, Kack, Lack, Mack, Nack, Oack, Pack and Quack. And he is the only one for her!! SO cute.
Hahahhaa haiku joy :D daddy not shooting blanks is funny in a creepy way :P the rest of them O_o
Sorry about the long abscence from the comments! I was in Ohio, aka Land of Crappy WiFi.
Is the tampon cake a menopause cake? That'd be actually cool... ever since my early periods I've vowed to throw a super party the day this monthly torture stops for good.
No words.
Well, "tacky" does come to mind.
But other than that --- nope. No words.
I am not sure if I am reading it correctly, but does the first one say, "You're the only d!ck for me Jack", if so, WHOA! talk about getting to the point.
It may say "duck" but if so, what the heck does that mean?
The Frosting Conversation
(with apologies to Simon and Garfunkel)
In frosting’s vibrant colors,
Of a now late afternoon,
As we gather round our cakes with tips
And jostle for some room.
We start to write our message,
Couched in our clever ways,
We have to speak no more
You can hear the silence roar
In the frosting conversation
And the clever little phrase,
That now makes up our days.
And you yearn for Emily’s mammaries,
And I frost you Donna’s dead,
And you tell me there’s a party soon
Held by an old meth head….
It’s just talking, poorly written,
We are people out of rhythm,
A couple out of rhyme,
In a curious place in time
Lost in our frosting conversation
And the clever little phrase,
That now make up our days.
Yet we write of things that matter,
With words that must be said,
“If Daddy doesn’t shoot blanks,
Does that ‘score’ mean mom’s been bred?”
And how Tampons now are just useless,
And I ‘ppreciate the chrildren,
I write with my left hand.
(I think I’ll make another bee)
Lost in our frosting conversation
And the clever little phrase,
That now make up our days.
@VaBeach alemaP: feeling the sinuses more today than the puns, so a little mellow musical post...and, I hope you had a chance to see my response to your questions about Friday's post -- it's toward the end of Friday's comments....
OK, I can see that the first cake isn't off-color--by squinting a second time, because first impression is "Well! Isn't he lucky one! And she has to have tried others to know, too..."
But it DOES say "You're the only duck for me" WTF? This one cries out for backstory.
I've never had a cake that actually SAID anything (as in verbally, like, TALKING and such). I'd like to see/hear one that screams when a knife goes in... or one that sounds like Robert De Niro and says-well, you know.
=^~.-^=
@SuBee:
O, SuBee! How sad!
The object of our affection
Has been killed by too much confection.
Children everywhere rise up with their objection,
And demand a resurrection,
Or at least a post mortem inspection,
Lest there be an insurrection
And massive kid defection
From the reading/learning connection!
A sugary death is not natural selection!
(If I may make that interjection.)
I have a predilection
Though it does not demand perfection
But favor not death, but perhaps fungal infection.
And I’d bet my stamp collection
That if you slightly changed direction
So the caterpillar simply got a good injection
That could bring about disinfection
And restore his healthy complexion
And negate this disaffection,
Upon your sound reflection
(And I speak with respectful inflection)
All other things being equal,
There could be
May I suggest,
A sequel,
(And then, perhaps, a prequel.)
@mel; Thank you, yes I saw your answer...good to know you DO have a notebook, being unemployed (just call it "pre-retirement") myself I know that an idle mind DOES have a tendency to fuel the fires of the imagination. The brain goes off on it's own tangents...quite a bit! Aaah...the mystery of Joe, but then again...maybe not? Surely, there is NO ONE behind that big curtain there! LOL. And at least I was able to chuckle...instead of just stare at the tasteless horrors while my jaw moved but no words came out.
Sorry about your sinuses my friend, I grew up in No. Cal and had allergies from the time I was 18 months old. Was a pain in the face! My sinuses are quite active too, so I feel your misery. I was fine for the first few years I lived here in VA, but now I can't go outside in the spring, if I do- I don't function properly for several hours- even WITH antihistamines. I think I ended up in the ER about every other year in No. Cal. up until I was in my mid-thirties, even with medication mine were so bad I'd still have the anaphylactic reaction. Luckily they do start toning down with age, so it's not that bad anymore, but...yeah. Foggy brain musical interludes are just fine, thank you sir! Hope you're feeling better, but don't try to amputate!!! cutting off your nose looks like a bite to your face...<snort>
Sharyn, thanks for the giggles when I had no words!
SuBee, lovely reinterpretation of Jen's original story...fleshing it out a bit didn't hurt the line at all....O.o.
(Meanwhile...somewhere on Broadway in New York City....) "BRILLIANT!!! JUST brilliant!! Okay who does the illustrations? ILLUSTRATIONS??? WHERE'S THE ILLUSTRATIONS? OH, what....? These ARE the illustrations...<rapid blinking> <suppressed shudder> ...um...on second thought, Little Golden has a reputation to uphold, generations of people count on us for good quality books for their children, I think we'll actually be passing on this book. You may want to look into self-publishing for this one..."
I shall save this post to read to my future grandbaby. Well, maybe we'll skip the part about the meth. And the tampon. Maybe we'll just skip to the end and read @SuBee's Hungry Caterpillar. And @mel's punny post. Yeah, that's what we'll do!
Wait! We need to start with @Haiku Joy and learn the intricacies of haiku first! Yep, that's the plan. Nicely done folks. Nicely done!
A TaTa cake encircled by a snake...
*raised eyebrow*
SuBee - One of these days I'm going to get in SO much trouble for recalling your post and then laughing at work. Well done! Although I don't think I'll be reading your take on the The Very Hungry Caterpillar to my future niece or nephew until they reach the age where they understand morbid humor.
Great post & comments as always, you guys rock. @SuBee I'll never look at one if my all time favorite books the same way again. Wednesday still cracks me up.
@VaBeach alemaP: thanks for the well-wishes...I should be back to "normal" any month now...and I enjoyed the face-pun!
@Jodee: don't hold back with this grandbaby! A recent scientific study that I made up -- it wasn't a double blind study...that just sounds cruel -- proved that nine out of ten grandkids who were exposed to the full effects of CW laughed earlier, developed better language skills, spent recess hanging around bakeries with cameras and were a wiz with the Pan-Wow! The tenth grandkid just tweeted about the other nine, accusing them of intellectual snobbery....
Those Balloons on the "Doma's Dead" cake, actually LOOK. LIKE. BALLOONS! Wonders never cease...
I'm a little concerned what exactly Mason's Mom is ready for....maybe it's best not to ask?...
I believe the 'Todd?' cake is a reference to the Chaos Walking book series by Patrick Ness. It is a really sad, memorable moment in the book. If it isn't a reference to the series I prefer not knowing the meaning of it since the only other explanation is....um....well, maybe.... Nope, I can think of no other reason why that would make sense!
On that first cake..my brain did not see Duck lol. Oh my poor evil brain. I honestly hope the Donna/Domma cake wasn't for someone who just died. And they are happy about it or something. The pill cake seems to be for someone returning from rehab. Most of these left tons of questions no one will ever answer..
grandma of 6 is as right as a very right thing.
Was the "No More Mething Around" cake made for a party held to mourn the passing of "Breaking Bad"?
"No more meth-ing around" looks like it's for someone who's been through rehab. Direct, if still imaginative.
DOMA's Dead is indeed a reason to celebrate (DOMA = defense of marriage act)
K, (after seeing this post like, 3 times) I just noticed that the first cake says "DUCK" and not something else...the "jerk" reference didn't help clear up my misunderstanding... LOL And, no I hadn't noticed the duck on the left 'til now, either...oops!
@mel, I never liked the idea of a double blind study either. I mean, taking away people's sight and then asking them to check the quality of the venetians in the next room? That's just cruel!
@SuBee - I love your version of the Very Hungry Caterpillar, but I don't think I'll be reading it to my daycare toddlers anytime soon...