Turkey Cake BARES ALL!
July 14, 2014 It's that time of year again, everyone: International Nude Day!
Time to strip off those sequined hot pants and walk around the office the way the good Lord intended:
;)
Flexing.
I ditched the scratchy old office chair from last time, btw. Now I sit on a big rubber exercise ball. I like to bounce.
*squicksquicksquick*
So, since I'm feeling extra manly, how 'bout we check out some MANLY cakes?!
*squick*
Hey, look! A fishing lure!
;)
I hate fishing.
[Note to self: ask Jen to think of clever fly fishing puns]
Which reminds me...
;)
I hate football, too.
[Also ask Jen for ball puns. Forward pass? Touchdown? Hmm...]
*squicksquicksquick*
Who's up for carrot cake?!
;)
I really hate carrots.
*squicksquickSQUIRK*
[Note to self: buy more antibacterial wipes]
Here's a fun fact: Facebook almost banned us last week for a cake we posted three months ago. (I swear I'm not making this up.)
This is the cake someone reported:
;)
It's a turkey.
A happy, attentive little turkey.
Anyhoo, apparently someone went back through three whole months of our FB photos before reaching that one and flagging it as "nudity." (I swear I am not making this up.)
So I'm guessing they missed last week's patriotic "rocket" cakes.
;)
Heheheheheheh.
...
*squicksquicksquick*
So in conclusion, here's a dinosaur head:
;)
Remember to specify "dinosaur nudity" when you report us.
Thanks to Melissa C., Brielle R., Jodee R., Lauren A., & Ginger W. for the dino MIGHT.
*****
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Reader Comments (36)
I have a fear of public posting so sometimes, when I feel nervous about what I'm about to post, I imagine all of you sitting at your computers naked. Today I'm going to imagine all of you sitting at your computers fully clothed.
In formal attire...
P.S. John, have you been taking some of those Dr. Oz supplements?
What, no Bastille Day cakes? I mean, every cake has its flaws and might need to be pushed into oblivion, but at least there are some decent bakeries on these streets. But some people would be overjoyed to get a wreck because they can send it in!
Tuning out now...
Oh, and whoever can find all the Bastille song titles in the first line wins a gold star.
There once was a young man called John
Whose penis was incredibly long
Its enormous girth
Made him a man of some worth
Inspiring songs about John's great shlong
Hey, John, I almost didn't recognize you! Good to see you've cleared up that persistent chair rash!
The SQUIRK just about killed me, so thanks for that. Anyway, today's song...
Sung to "Venus, If You Will"
Penis, if you will
Please stop pretending you're a fish with gills
Lombardi Trophy's showing off its charms
And carrot cake alarms, so... Ewwww!
Penis, if you care
Your turkeyness gave FaceBookers a scare
Star spangled doodles didn't catch their eyes
What a surprise Dino will be!
Penis, goblin of wrecks that you are
Facebook, don't take us to task
We'll explain wrecks if you ask...
Penis, if you will...
*****
My other song option was from the J. Geils Band, "Centerfold"
My blood runs cold
Those Facebook banners will get bold
My cake wreck is a centerfold
(Cake wreck is a centerfold...)
I see Shrek got over-excited in the ball pond again...
@Sharyn: Starting my Monday with "Penis if you will. . . . " Priceless!
John, I hear you on Facebook. Remember, this is the company that banned photos of women breastfeeding and of women who had lost their breasts to cancer because these photos were "porn". But when I reported a photo of a nearly nude girl with her legs spread (spam that appeared on my son's timeline), that was deemed "acceptable."
I had some time to think and I remember telling you (as I pictured you all naked) that the people on Facebook didn't have a sense of humor. If you're offended by a naked turkey penis in a Bozo the Clown wig, the humor reception area of your brain is not lighting up properly. Oh, for goodness sake, put your clothes on!
Some people have way too much time on their hands.
Also... is that *mould* on the superbowl cake?
Hilarious!!! Thanks John (thoj)!!!
The operative word definitely being "squick."
Oddly enough (classicist nitpick here), where most modern songs evoke the Roman Olympians, specifically Cupid and Venus, for lasting love, there is a reason why these entreaties are doomed to fail. Cupid and Venus are patrons of *momentary* oohshiny love. The patron, or matron, of lasting love of the sort which songwriters claim to seek is... Juno (or Hera, if you will).
Things Not to Say at Work on National Nude Day When Admiring These Cakes
Cake 1: Now, that’s a rod!
Cake 2: Wow! You’ve got a huge Lombardi!
Cake 3: Did you know that carrots are root vegetables? I could eat root vegetables all day.
Cake 4: It’s after Thanksgiving, so I think that can relax…he looks a little stiff. (And…facebook almost banned your turkey…? It’s just fowl....)
And Cake 5: a word of advice….
Dinosaur nudity
It’s the new crudity
Cover up your dino-skin!
Put him in a wrapper
He will look so dapper
And the ladies will all grin
@ john(thoJ): well done, well done! (And you’ve really buffed up since the “Winter Underlined” Tour…!)
@Sharyn: lol...and good to have you back.....
p.s. I’ve heard this is also National Tape Measure Day. Coincidence…I think not.
So, My first thought on this morning's post, as I just start scrolling down; first pic: "Why is John's head so... (trying to figure out why it doesn't seem right) small? crooked? "
How come the National Nude Day also happens to be France's national day? Is there a correlation?
Dinosaur nudity is okay, as long as it's done in a tasteful, artsy way. Beware if the dinosaur smut that's out there.
If cake lasts more than 4 hours.... ;)
@john (fok thoJ) <-- That takes on a WHOLE new meaning now! O.O The SQUIRK almost killed me!
@Sharyn ~ I'm so very glad you're back! We missed you, my friend!
@SuBee ~ I was playing a game yesterday and I was supposed to guess what the picture was. It was a mouse, a rabbit and a gerbil. I said lagomorph but they said rodents. Obviously the creators of that game are dumb and have never been to CW.
My computer took all decision-making about inappropriate pictures out of my hands--all it will show me is the right quarter of these pictures (although that did leave me a fine view of the carrots. Apparently vegetables are good for you. Or so rumor would have it.)
I hope you dusted
those ballsthe ball with Goldbond powder or something. Nobody likes sticky balls.Boom boom whacka whacka whacka boom
Boom boom whacka whacka boom boom
Boom boom whacka whacka whacka boom
Boom boom whacka whacka boom boom
It was a night like this forty million years ago
“Caught a fish”, lit a cigarette, start to go
My Lombardi was “getting shined”, I was “up for carrot cake”
Then I saw a “happy turkey” and did a double take
I “walked the dinosaur”, I “walked the dinosaur”
Cut the cake, for goodness sake
Everybody do a double take
Cut the cake, for goodness sake
Everybody do a double take
Boom boom whacka whacka whacka boom
Boom boom whacka whacka boom boom
Boom boom whacka whacka whacka boom
Boom boom whacka whacka boom boom
John, you made me stifle a laugh with the *Squick*squick*squck* but when I got to your note on needing mor antibacterial wipes I lost it. Now my new assistant thinks I'm bonkers.
Carrot cake?... Looks like some has been eating Cheetos.
John, you are hilarious! Sitting here waiting for my hair stylist and calling attention to myself by the "snerting" sounds I can't control!
John (the hubby of Jen), you had me at antibacterial wipes.
You had me at antibacterial wipes.
All the cakes, all the squicks, all the comments, so stimulate my funny bone.
OMG! what are these?! especially cake #4.
BTW, I never comment, and Mel you are hilarious.
I'm actually kind of glad there weren't any Bastille Day cakes. I mean, that, and international Nude Day and apparently National Tape Measure Day . . . all at once? I'm not the only one who sees how this could become a threeway-wreck, right?
John-
Thank you.
...and I thought the "dinosaur erotica" I discovered on Amazon the other day was bad...
@TheCreepyTribble-Bwahahaha. Here are the song titles:
Tuning Out
These Streets
Oblivion
Overjoyed
Flaws
@Kae, I'm not going to search for "dinosaur erotica" on Amazon... Only because I'm scared what side bar ads I'd start getting... :)
Great comments, all! I needed the giggles today!
I once flagged a facebook post that was a very pornographic drawing, full frontal, legs spread and Facebook replied back saying they didn't see a problem with it. So...a frosting turkey that could possibly sorta be construed as naughty bits almost gets you banned?? That's really twisted.
The person who reported the turkey should never click Cake Wrecks links and read the comments; his/her head might explode. At the very lease, s/he would get the vapors and need some smelling salts and a frilly fan. Based on what we see here, s/he should also definitely stay out of bakeries!
This is the funniest thing I have ever seen! I am laughing so hard I am waking up my kids. I know you have a tough job! Please don't quit!!!
RE: the reported cake
of all of the cakes i've seen posted here, that has to be the least suggestive of a.... certain shape that i've seen.
Wow they reported you for a turkey cake lmao. Whoever it was must be very very bored or has never seen a turkey quite like the turkey we get on here. Sheesh. Hmm I wonder what my neighbors would think if I wore a shirt with that dinosaur on it saying I support dino nudity lmao.
@Laura: nothing like being a week late...thank you so much for your comment! I appreciate that you took the time to make it! This is such a fun place to play....