A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.
Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)
June 2, 2014 The Good: Someone bought you a birthday cake!
The Bad: ...but they forgot your name.
The Ugly:
;)
Bonus points for a design that looks like peeled back flesh... with sprinkles!
Thanks to Kate G., who is also someone special... and a girl. You know, just in case you want to throw a few pink sprinkles in.
*****
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Reader Comments (38)
Looks like Lady Cassandra got a few tattoos.
Starfish mouth or butthole (with sprinkles), you decide.
His sister, No One Special, has stopped celebrating birthdays entirely.
The Theme from the Good the Bad and the Ugly
Here’s your birthday cake
You boy, you
A special someone cake
For you. You!
Gotta love that boy
That special boy
Here’s a big beige cake
Just for you
(ghostly whistling, hooting, grunting, God know what)
Guitar solo!
Repeat…
peeled back flesh and sprinkles? Check! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdYaTa_lOf4
Again, I'm astounded that someone actually looked at that and thought "Nailed it!" **sigh** I need coffee...
I'm looking at the cake and, after laughing about the stupid writing on it, am trying to figure out what is ....... wrong with it. Something about the design. What is it? What don't I like about it? What is wrong?
Then I glance down and read the caption. That's it! Jen captured it perfectly, as she always does.
Yeah -- peeled back flesh. With sprinkles. Urg.
Well...at least it was all spelled correctly. It doesn't make any grammatical sense, but it's all spelled correctly.
I lost it at "peeled back flesh. With sprinkles." Bwah ha ha ha ha!
I prefer to think that the "boy" on this cake was actually said in an admiring way, with a coy shake of the head. "Happy birthday, you someone special! Boy . . .!" with voice filled with wondering admiration, trailing off because the person ordering the cake was too filled with emotion to complete the sentence.
How can something look so yummy and gross at the same time D:
This cake contains, of course, a rare form of poetry, seldom seen today. Some happily say it precedes and is the precursor to the Haiku, but I find no joy in that. For this type of poem, the structure is as significant as the content, though one must support the other in ways far too complex to be able to be discussed here.
The first line must contain two syllables, two repeated letters and two vowels or one vowel and a “sometimes vowel.” The word itself must reflect a positive mood.
The second line must also contain two syllables, and must repeat the two vowels from the first line and add third vowel, which must be different from the two already used. The two syllables must form one word; however, that one word must be able to be separated into two distinct and separate words, with one of the words reflecting some kind of beginning and the other word indicating a specific length of time. In the purest form of the poem, which we have here, the last letter of first line must be echoed as the last letter of the second line. Often, as here, a flourish will finish each line, reinforcing the structural integrity of the poem.
The third line, you’ll notice, structurally combines the syllabic count of the first two lines combined as well as the combined number of words in those lines. Thus it calls for four syllables shared equally by two words. The third line also demands that each word begins with a voiceless alveolar fricative, and always a voiceless alveolar sibilant. This double sibilant sound is thought by many to be an early attempt at what we now know as alliteration. The first word of the third line is called the Indicator (often the intended recipient of the poem) and must identify something – most often a person, but sometimes a place or thing – in the most general of terms, while the second word in the third line, called the Descriptor, must use a complimentary word as a companion to the first word that enhances that first word. Also, you, no doubt, have now noticed how the Descriptor is contextually related to the first word through thematic content and mood.
The fourth and final line mandates an abrupt one syllable word that not only concludes the poem but also reveals, in the vaguest way possible, the intended recipient. The reason for this abruptness is unclear at this time, and further study is necessary. Unfortunately, given the few samples of this type of poem that are available, the answer to that question may forever remain in the realm of speculation.
Thank you, Cake Wrecks, for sharing this rare form of writing with us.
@ Creepy Tribble,
Moisturize Me!
I wonder if the cake explodes if you don't.
I think it's entirely possible that some celebrity named their son, Someone Special Boy.
*cautiously pokes cake and hears a squish that is NOT that of frosting*
Eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Is it supposed to say, "Someone's Special Boy?" It's still weird and creepy, but at least it would make some creepy sense. Something like you'd say to a dog, as in, "Who's someone's special boy? who's a good dog? c'mere, special boy!"
Maybe the cake is for a super hero. Someone Special Boy. He helps people who have low self esteem.
It puts the lotion on its skin...
@mel WOW Legalese about the English language and um... an unpopular, unrhymning and VERY confusing thing you insist is poetry. Well...wait...oooohhhh, was that the poetry popular only during the campfire hours at Burning Man and maybe some Grateful Dead shows????? That explains it. Carry on.
Ack! Now I can't UNSEE Lady Cassandra from Dr. Who! Thanks again, Cake Wrecks!! ;-)
Ah Mel, you had me at a voiceless alveolar fricative!
This looks like it's begging for goatse.cx hands... ;P
@Haiku Joy ~ You should have @mel write your next test and include the above illustration!
@TheCreepyTribble-BWAHAHAHAHA Moisturize me!
A generic inscription. Just what else would one expect when ordering from 'Cakes'?
Thrilled
Daytime
Celeb smashing
Man
Mel, I really can't see why this type of poetry has fallen out of fashion: it only took me half an hour, wikipedia and a thesaurus to do it. Thank you for bringing this back into focus!
The cake is ... well, ick. But the comments today - I'm howling (with laughter, of course) <3
@VaBeach alemaP: This rare form of poetry, of course, transcends the “roses are red…” type of verse, and, you are right, it was revived at the times you mentioned. Great recognition!
@Lindaz: lol…I’m speechless….
@Jodee: hahaha…and…did you catch the subtle nod to Haiku Joy in the beginning….
@Rachel CrazyMum: I, too, am amazed that it has so few proponents and practitioners. You did an excellent job with yours! Easy, right! Didn’t the words just flow right out of your mouth? (Thanks for playing!)
That is the oddest color...
So, Mel, as you're the resident expert on this type of ancient poetry, does it have a name? I'm a little jealous of Haiku Joy (and I did spot the reference, it made me snort!), so I would like a poetry name of my own. "Voiceless Alveolar Fricative Rachel" doesn't have a snappy ring to it, so I thought you might know. Thanks awfully, sweetie, and thank you for the idea to play. ^_^
"Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada."
Should I read that as "I hate bookstores", or "I really, really hate bookstores and the shop-local movement"?
[Editor's note- Not at all. We use an affiliate link to help pay for the site. It's for those people who already use Amazon. By all means, support local stores. There's no replacing Powell's or Tattered Cover. But if you choose to buy cat food or lag screws or even books from Amazon, we'd appreciate your support. Have a great night. -john (the hubby of Jen)]
I want a poetry nickname too! Or better yet a piece of cake. Oh wait, you don't know me, I've been lurking and laughing alone out here in cyberspace. There are many more just like me.
@Rachel CrazyMum: the poetry on today’s cake is a forerunner and variation of (with structural constraints relative to thematic ideation) a form that evolved into a pseudo-pre-cinquain, with contemporary modification based upon a deconstructed approach to linguistics, and as such, alas, has no formal name. Sometimes it is known as Cinquain Relatively Approximated Poetry, or C.R.A.P. As for your name, I think Terza Rima Rachel has a nice ring. For a poem in that style, see Robert Frost’s “Acquainted With the Night.” Historically, it was invented by Dante Alighieri and used in his “Divine Comedy,” so it comes with a pedigree…though not with a pedicure.
@Jillski: Lurking and laughing are fine, and, in fact, preferable to lurking and not laughing…. I’m a fan of alliteration, and since you like to laugh, I would think a light, fun type of poetry would fit. How about Jingle Jillski?
Well at least they got sprinkles.. lol. I like to think that would make someone happy at least. Though I wouldnt touch that cake with a ten foot pole just nooo lol.
While I also see it as being rather Cassandra-like, I'm a dark enough nerd to look at that cake and think "Egg Pod that the Alien Facehugger jumped out of onto John Hurt's face".
Cheers,
Storm
Special indeed: nice cursive, decent piping..and yet the overall result is fairly repulsive. That takes talent. :p
The best thing I can think of to describe it is a mutant starfish (with bonus points).
Also...
Thank you John (thoj) for being a class act. Those who are deliberately hostile may not appreciate you, but the rest of us do.
Hmmm... Terza Rima Rachel or C.R.A.P. Rachel? BWAHAHAHAHAHA. Thanks, Mel!
This cake made me cry:
First in delight, then in pain,
then in pain some more.
Gotta love dem fricatives! BTW, "Voiceless Alveolar Fricative" would be a great name for a rock band. ;)