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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Apr102014

I Mustache You A Question

It's the follicle sensation that's sweeping the nation: MUSTACHES!

That's right, bakers: Mustaches make everything friendlier and more approachable and not at all creepy!

"Psst. Hey. You.
"You wanna candy cane?"

 

Not to mention more appetizing!

(Yes, those are supposed to be 'staches. And the bow is plastic. Because of course it is.)

 

Mustaches are instantly recognizable:

 

And always make sense!

 

And sometimes travel in large packs for protection:

We call this "a flock of Sellecks."

 

So be proud of your mustaches, my friends - even if your baker's "drawing" is a little more literal than you'd like:

Trust me, Nichole M., you're better off this way.

 

Thanks to Anita H., Kristien B., Rebecca S., Joy W., & Nichole M. for the flavor saver favors.

*****

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Reader Comments (34)

Can eyebrows your computer?

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTheCreepyTribble

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Flock of Sellecks! Lol!

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDrunk Sheep

*gigglesnort*

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSketchy Jeff

I never understood where the mustache trend came from or why it stared.....all I know is I want it to go away now...please.....thank you

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJulie T

Sung to "Proud Mary"

Like my cake 'staches so tickly
Look like caterpillars in the light of day
Peyton loves his 'staches subtle and sweeping
But I think the ice cream feels chagrin

Mustache flock keep churnin'
"Proud Mustache" is concerning
Rollin, rollin, rollin up the lip hair...

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Darn. TheCreepyTribble beat me to the eyebrows joke. You win,TCT,you win.

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

"Flock of Sellecks"! Priceless! Thank you! It's been a tough week and your posts have helped me laugh through it all. (Actually it's been kind of "they're coming to take me away" type of laugh, but still, you made me laugh.)

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJuls

I'll have to add "a flock of Sellecks" to my list of collective nouns! Love it.

It took me a good long while to figure out those were supposed to be ice cream cones in #4. Why, oh why did they not just go back and forth with the white icing, instead of filling in a triangle? Never try to understand wreckerator logic -- you'll get a headache.

In #1, is that an actual fake fur moustache? Yuck! That seems unhygenic for cake flotsam!

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Some people like to use 'staches,
Never mind that it's a bow and it's fake
Some people think they can bake (goodness sake)
Heaven help those eating that cake

Some bake too fast,
Some are too vast,
Others they mess up their wrods

When things strike you as wrong,
Or that carrot's too long
It's been wrecked, as the wreckers, they do
You've got to let go, but tell yourself no
Snap a pic, let Jen do it for you.

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpointaken

I think we have to turn to our British friends to understand today’s post. These cakes look like they were made by someone who had little energy or direction and who was just wasting time, working in a rather haphazard, erratic fashion. The British word for this is “potter.” So, when we consider the moustaches and the fact that it would take a wizard to figure out what these cakes mean, it instantly becomes clear that these cakes are the signature work of none other than a hairy potter!

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

I actually sported a moustache the other day... in my defense, it was for a cosplay and I removed it with extreme prejudice immediately after the event. It was not a good look.

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGristle McNerd

@Julie, I'm not sure where the mustache trend started either, but it can be cute-ish if done right. My sis-in-law made candy mustaches (the candy mold kind) for my nephew's birthday party, and it was hilarious to see my nephews and nieces sporting everything from a Tom Selleck to a Charlie Chaplin stache. But I don't think it's ever a good idea on cake. Yuck!

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Cannot comprehend reason for this trend, but there have been worse things

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

@mel LOL! Hairy potter! Good one!

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca

Mel, you win the Internet today. That was excellent. :D

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

"A flock of Sellecks"! Nice job, Jen!!

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

Ahh Mustaches, not just for creepy Uncles anymore.

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRea Long

What a perfect post! When we were on vacation last week my friend looked at my 14-year-old and said " I mustache you a question" My girl couldn't stop giggling and has decided it's one of her new sayings.

That proud one has ginormous pieces! Hopefully it tastes good!

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

@Rea: No, I think they still are. Despite efforts that DO NOT seem to be going away.

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

A flock of Sellecks! =D =D =D

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

My understanding is it's a take off or extension of hypsters and their finger mustaches. You know, tattoos on the forefinger one puts user one's nose. I guess it's supposed to be funny. I looked it up once 'cause I didn't get the trend and wonder why suddenly there were mustach party supplies everywhere.

"Flock of Sellecks" made me laugh-snort! :)

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMovieMom

We can blame/thank hipsters for this. Let me know when you have some skinny jeans and PBR cakes.

A flock of Sellecks. <3

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

O, flock of Sellecks,
descend, alight, and disguise
me from my students.


~~~
True story: Today, I graded a research paper which opened well but within two paragraphs degenerated into a 5 page play-by-play of the 1983 classic, Pet Semetary. With dialogue.

Another true story: Today, I graded a research paper which had a multi-paragraph sinner's prayer for the third page.

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I concur. "Flock of Selleks" is prime laughter material!

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVioletRose

@Rebecca and @Stephanie: thank you and glad you enjoyed it!

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

*laughing at 'Flock of Sellecks'*

At least none of these mustaches are on creepy dolls like the babies in yesterday's post. Now THAT would be a baaad combination...

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSeabird

I think the mustache craze comes from No-Shave November. Men are asked to grow a beard or mustache to bring awareness about cancer. Here's an explanation:

http://www.no-shavenovember.com/#!what/cjg9

It was expanded to bring awareness of men's health issues such as prostate cancer:

http://thedartmouth.com/2013/11/07/mirror/i-mustache-you-a-question

Al this, however, does not answer the question we all mustache: what the heck were these wreckerators thinking?

April 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

to Julie T;
i agree.

April 11, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterarchersangel

@Jodi The ice cream cones are upside down, so the colored stuff (which is drawn back-and-forth with frosting) is the ice cream and the white things are the cones, so it makes a tiny bit more sense that they would be filled in trapezoids. (They aren't triangles.) Still a wreck though, even without the mustaches.

I don't mind facial hair on men, but I don't want to see it anywhere else and I certainly don't want to see it on food. Yuck.

April 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMariaTeresa

Well now I know why all wreckerators love mustaches. Must be blamed on Tom Selleck lol. Poor man started a scary trend and now it can never be stopped. Help us all.

April 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

As a proud grammar geek--I love a good collective noun (aka "term of venery...how great is that?)! Jen--let's take your "flock of sellecks" one further...

A murder of crows
An exaltation of larks
A parliament of owls
A selleck of mustaches!

April 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

Oh, great! Now my SO will be wondering why I'm laughing hysterically during "Blue Bloods" tonight!

April 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRoxy Random

The whole mustaches everywhere thing is weird. But I love Tom Selleck.

April 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDis fan

Let's move on to sole patches and flounder in it.

April 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJ'free

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