Write 'Em, Cowboys!
February 21, 2014 Hey guys, it's time again for our Annual Texas Cowboy Poetry post!
(My apologies in advance to Texas, cowboys, and poetry in general.)
Ahem hem hem.
swirling poo vortex
moistly encircles my horse
;)
keep it off the boots.
******
There once was a rodeo clown
The best of the whole bunch, hands down.
;)
A real Texas Star
;)
He's sure to go far
;)
If he'd just stop horsing aroun'.
*****
Dangle the Dog's show had to close
The problem? Right under his nose.
Since it's hard to erase
the things on his face...
;)
Now he just does puppet shows.
****
Kill.
Kill, kill, kill
KILL!
Killllllllllll....
;)
Kill kill.
*********
And for our grand finale, we'd like you to know that John wrote the next one. That's right, JOHN DID IT. So it's not my or Sharyn's fault. We're just saying.
Take it away, John!
Once upon a morning dreary, while I sat there, drinking beery,
Thinkin' 'bout this girl I'd ogled at the game the night before.
How we went back to her trailer, thinkin' I was gonna... uh, regale her
Shame she fell into the baler, just below the hayloft door.
"Geez Louise!" I screamed in terror as her bits lay on the floor.
"Now she's boobs... and nothing more!"
;)
Thanks to Jodee R., Erica D., Tug T., Samantha R., Kristen, Emily S., & Willow M. for helping John get that off his chest.
*****
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Reader Comments (45)
Jen's right. It was John. All John. I saw it. I was there. Well, I wasn't "there". I was here. THEY were there... but... um...
IT WAS JOHN!!!
(Hey, guys. Don't tell him I said anything, OK?)
I think that horse head starred in The Godfather....but I'm afraid to ask....
Each morning I've been glad to wake up
Not in Texas, but in my own home.
But I've never been fonder of Texas
Than I was when I read John's sweet poem.
I've pictured poo vortices often,
And also mad clowns who do roam.
But I found I could eas'ly forget them
When I focused on reading John's poem.
Kill kill kill kill that poor Dangle,
For soon from his mouth he shall foam.
Calm him as he meets his final rest
By reciting John's mighty fine poem.
I'm sorry I've looked down on Texas
To Texas I now say, "shalom!"
I'll keep a warm spot for the state now
That I've listened to John's baled boob poem
Sharyn, your secret is safe with us wreckees, wreckers...um, the weirdos who read this blog! :+) LOL
Hehehehe
John, was her name Lenore?
Welp, now that your ads auto-play video with sound and I can't shut it off... won't be reading on-site anymore. :/
[Editor's note- Delphine, I have deleted that ad provider permanently. I'm so angry I could strangle someone. I'm truly, truly sorry. -john (thoJ)]
Bad Horse has his own cake? Is this the celebration cake for a successful application to the ELE?
A+ for everyone, except John. He gets A++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++…
(If only I had a hat with a big feather and a chalkboard. And a male voice over)
Bwah ha ha ha ha! These cakes and John's poem made me laugh out loud at work -- hard!
The bizarreness of the clowns in the country cake is legion! (And the clowns are REALLY creepy!)
Why does the scary horse have a slightly red discolored spot on its neck? It looks like it's in a sci fi movie and it has some alien disease manifesting just under its hide.
That dog cake is...there are just no adequate words. When they put the nose above the muzzle, it morphs the muzzle into dogfaceballs. Poor fellow. Reminds me of the Southpark episode when Butters had balls on his chin.
And finally, John, your poem is my happy thought for the day.
I think the horse on that first cake is dead!
And, John...? It's all your fault that I fell off my chair, laughing!
John's poem is my favorite part of this post. Hilarious. Sorry, ladies! (and of course,Poe.)
[Standing, clapping]
Well done, everyone!
You know, I think Poe would be proud. Actually you've improved on the original, John. Congratulations!
Well done, john(thoJ)...such a moving masterpiece...all I could think of after I read that sad poem was, "That poe, poe, girl."
And that horses head...just an enthusiastic fan of the Texecutioners, Austin's all-star roller derby team, currently ranked number three in the world. Their chant goes, "Texas, Texas, Kill, kill, kill."
John, that was the best. You gave me my first good laugh of the day.
John's poem wins this post - best thing I've read in ages.
John, you win the interwebs today. But you have to share the spotlight with SuBee.
It's too bad she wasn't a Baltimore cheerleader.
I feel bad for the poor horse stuck in the poo vortex. Now I want a horse head cake for my birthday. So jealous of the person that got that cake.
I was, at first, puzzled by the random combination of plastic on the last clown cake. Clown heads, a horse, a couple of deer, some palm trees and a race car. But the bridge and the "Happy Birthday" message tie it all together. Uh huh.
The down and out clown at least is using JAZZ HANDS...everythings better with JAZZ HANDS. right? ok, not.
Wonderful poetry! *fingersnap* *fingersnap* *fingersnap*
I concur, John (thoJ) wins the interwebs today. That poem deserves a slow clap.
Horse head looks more like a dinosaur!
Funny poems, y'all! However...
I hate to disagree, but I have a hound and the dog cake looks like a cartoon hound to me. They have jowly faces. For what it's worth.
"Louise" simply doesn't have the same poetic mournfulness as "Lenore".
Just sayin'.
Caw.
Allegra, I'm pretty sure it's Louise.
That last decapitated horse head terrifies me. But the writing is pretty!
john(thoJ)'s poem made it all better. :-)
The mouth on that disembodied horse head is upside down... and what are those ridges on its neck? Are those gills?!
Happy "dia deios niños" everyone!
Thank you, Melanie. I was still trying to work that out until I read your post. So logical.
John and SuBee! Brilliant!
Forget Dangle's face, what's that around his neck? It's either a shrunken head with a mustache and a sombrero or...*tilts head* a very large human ear?
Is 'Dia De Los Ninos' code for the day the hand-walking cannibal clowns come out to eat the children? *shudder*
Just wondrin' if the Kill, kill killl killlllll referenced Alice's Restaurant? Am i the only one that heard Arlo in my head while reading that? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjKF7aQthcQ&feature=kp ( sorry if i'm not allowed to add the youtube link to the song )
Loved the postings, scratching my head at the clown/ car, deer, bronco, innertube ( condom in the sky?) palm tree flotsam cake.
" My what big hands you have!"....
John, that would make Poe...um....proud.
*loud applause* Well played, all and sundry!!!
Diane, I heard Arlo Guthrie as well.... And the Godfather theme. weird.
john, that was awesome! and terrifying. . . you have a dark mind
Just a little something to think about:
That "dog" cake looks like it's in the image of Jasper T. Jowls, one of the characters featured in the 1980s incarnation of Chuck E. Cheese's Pizza Time Theater. The overalls, shirt, neckerchief, and hat are the dead giveaways.
You...really don't see a lot of the old gang very much these days. A pity.
Lmao I love John's poem it had me giggling and it still has me giggling. That horse head is pretty scary looking though. Wonder if the wreckerator had a toothless horse as a child or something.
#6: I shall name her LaTawyna
Yeah,yeah, nice POEm! But what I really want to know is....seriously~ She had a HAYLOFT in her TRAILER?!?
=^O.o^=
two uh, bits up for John, that was inspired - kind of a Poe swirl -
Dinosaur Horse - now there's something you don't see every day.
My question is why is that dog from Chuck E Cheese in on a cake?!?
The clown cake was meant to be for Children's Day -- this just makes it exponentially worse.
I'm sure somebody posted about the whole "Children's Day" translation, but I figured I'd post too -- even though my Spanish is quite good, it took me ages to read the cake, because of the spacing & capitalization for "de los". The fact that it's for Children's Day just makes this so much better/worse.
Thy horse head looks like it was baked in a T-Rex pan.
The dinasoar, not the np and. 😃
The horse head would be ok if it said something like "A birthday you can't refuse!".