Wreckin' On The Dock of the Bay
October 9, 2014 Sittin' in the morning sun
;)
(oops)
I like wreckin' 'til the evening comes!
Stuffin' some flotsam in.
;)
Grab another cake and do it again.
;)
Yeah...
I'm thinkin' they'll be dockin' my pay.
;)
I thought that's what they wanted to say!
Oooo -oo -oo -ooo
I'm thinkin' they'll be dockin' my pay...
;)
Meh, looks fine. (Hiiii-iiine.)
The cake you want'll bore ya.
;)
Thought I'd go a disco way.
I got nothin' against George.
;)
It's just I'm tired of frosting him all day.
So...
I'm thinkin' they'll be dockin' my pay.
;)
No one could read the French, anyway!
Ooh!
Maybe they'll be dockin' my pay...
;)
Nah, it's fine.
Thankfully, our faithful Wreckporters -- Laurel G., Anna C., Kate P., Stacey W., Sammi K., Kathryn R., Bath C., Sylvie C., and Teresa P. -- weren't wasting time. Now, I think I'm supposed to end this with harmonic whistling, so here goes...
*****
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Reader Comments (48)
Looks like nothin's gonna change
Working with skills I have to feign
I can't do what I'm required to do
So these wrecks will remain the same
Well done, Sharyn! We should lobby for mel to guest narrate a post or two, hmmm??
(Do those Monkeys really qualify as "cake"? IS there anything besides frosting under the flotsam?)
I have a confession -- I've been too busy to read the comments the last few days, and got caught up yesterday.
1) You guys are ALL brilliant.
2) @SuBee -- we need to do a duet someday
3) @mel: (re: yesterday's explanation of OLDFART) Have you heard of GEEZER? (Gleefully Exuberant Explorations Zestfully Explained Regularly) Your on-going brilliance in the comments suggests you should check them out. You can leave your shirt on -- or not. Totally up to you.
AUGH D:
...adjusts beret, lights cigarette, snare drummer give me a beat.....
"ink. pen.
ex PLO o o ded.
all o ver my shirt.
all o ver my face.
poo monkey George
don't. you. laugh.
Pooious George's
Day-glo neon banana
May have melted down
The top one looks like nothing but a stack of frozen hamburger patties. Perhaps "frosted" in grease. I'm super grossed out.
Brilliant! Best laugh I've had in so long.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! <wiping away tears of laughter> There is NO i in John Travolta!!!
I didn't get any Begians on my fortieth...but on the plus side, no giant bat died on my cake either.
@Sharyn: Thank you for your kind comment, and for the introduction to GEEZER. This is a group I am not familiar with, but will gleefully and exuberantly explore! I have, in the past, had an opportunity to examine other groups, but, alas, found them less than suitable. Out of sheer curiosity, I looked into a self-tattoo group, Wonderfully Rendered INK Lanced Yourself (WRINKLY). However, it didn’t draw me in, I couldn’t quite get the picture and I’m needled enough as it is, so I passed.
Then I heard of a group over in the Himalayas that involved both confidence building and community service. Much like the cowboys here in the West, this group rounds up and drives bos mutus from high in the mountains toward the villages for their annual sheering. It is, they say character building. However, since I am enough of a character already, I declined. Nevertheless, for those looking for self-actualization and adventure, I’d recommend Building Identity Directing Yaks (BIDDY).
I gave a passing glance at a group dedicated to both a form of singing and nautical nighttime sea-faring. However, since I neither sing nor don’t fare well at sea, I drifted away. But don’t let that stop you from considering joining the fine folks at Fun Usually Done During Yodeling - Done Under Darkness Driving Yachts (FUDDY-DUDDY).
I don’t know how I found this next group – this is really not my thing, but there it was. This rather kinky city-based group combines an aura of sexuality with outdoor fitness. It’s called Building Lasting Urban Experiences - High-rise Autoerotically Initiated Rappelling (BLUE HAIR). I did not jump at the chance to join this group….
The final organization I looked into consisted of men who, during exercising, publically disrobe. The leader, Thomas Jones, was quick to point out that the troupe members were not fine physical specimens and all body shapes and conditions were welcome. In fact, they touted that concept as a part of their name: Fellows Undressing Lively and Legally—Men Obviously Not Taking Yoga (FULL MONTY). Tom said I could keep my hat on.
1rd: Graduating sizes of rice cakes covered in slime <hurk>
2st: Why are that dogs' front teeth so overbitten and shaped like legs/ feet? (purely rhetorical mind you)
3nd: What IS THAT THING??? Looks like a cross between Mr. Potato Head and Curious down below it
4sd: (I know-- I’m just throwing letters after numbers now) I was thinking it was supposed to say Belgians...I was like...wait, why would forty Belgians forget ANYTHING? They make awesome chocolate (no I have NO idea why that would make them not forget, I’m on pain meds people...HAHA!) Then it finally struck me how it was supposed to go, 40 begins 4-ever, 4-getting etc...so I’m a little slow on the uptake, but life is MUCH more amusing when I have pain meds coursing through my veins, my brain still thinks fast, but it thinks fast in a totally WEIRD direction...moreso than usual.
5nt: EEEWWWW??? Did poor Miranda want ANTS...with her black mustache? Is Miranda a transgender who has successfully grown a mustache after a year of hormone treatments? Or is it just the boring obvious: Miranda is infamous in her circle for her “pleasure” seeking behavior?
6st: See above comment about John Travolta.
7rd: Why does it look like monkey poo pile #2 (OMG!!!!! HAHAHAHA I crack me up sometimes) has a tiny piece of broccoli stuck on his shoulder?
8nd: *facepalm*
9st: Aside from the totally hilarious “slide” this CCC creation managed to do...WHAT was it supposed to be in the first place? A lion on fire? An animated red potato with a W.C. Fields schnozz? A pile of flaming poo? Oh, oh, OOOOHHHH I know!!! It was the doorstep paperbag in ding dong ditch...amiright?
Sharyn, I salute your lyrical brilliance yet again! I love it when I can sing a catchy tune along with the wreck jokes, priceless.
Okay, it took me a REALLY long time to write this, but I'm getting better at one handed typing!
That bat cake almost would work for Halloween, but what's with all the mustaches around it? ooooooh...
Cake #1: I hate it when the first shift mislabels the doughnut glaze!
Cake #2,3: My kids would like them, but they're weird. And eleven.
Cake #4: Not entirely sure what they were trying to say. My best guess is "40 Belgians Forever Getting"...what? And why a cake to commemorate people getting the best of you?
Cake #5: Anyone who wants a mustache cake deserves what they get. And handlebars for their gift, too.
Cake #6: This cake memorizes that rare movie where John Travolta first played in drag.. "Saturday Night Cold" (thus the "Ah, ah, ah, ah") was not well received and garnered not nearly the fame that his later movie did.
Cake #7: Too many bananas, George?
Cake #8: "Joyeux Anniversaire". C'mon, if I can use Google Translate, so can you.
Cake #9: The look the goldfish gave her before being flushed would later haunt Martha.
Cake 1: What is that drizzle. . . . stuff. . . . on that cake? Ick.
Cake 3: Meet Mr. Potato Head Demon from Hell.
Cake 4: With you on the Belgian chocolate, @VaBeach alemaP. Got some truffles in Antwerp this spring that still make me drool. This cake does not. Would love to know what it was supposed to say, though.
Cake 5: Because every girl wants a bat in the middle of her birthday cake.
Cake 6: Demonstrating once again why disco should die and never come back.
Cake 7: Does Curious George look so happy because he's been fully relieved? And I do mean FULLY, judging from the pile of poo.
Cake 9: I'd look like that if someone tilted me on my side and scrambled me, too.
Somewhat off-topic but still relevant:
Last night, my girls were invited to help celebrate a birthday. The cupcakes were OK, but the ice cream...
The mother had selected, for convenience and less mess, push-pops. Fine as far as it goes, but these particular pops were cotton-candy flavored and a pink, almost flesh-tone, in color. Now imagine that Eldest has sucked on the pink push-pop until the top is rounded (but still with an edge where the ice-cream came out of the cardboard holder. Imagine that she has pushed it out about two inches....
Apparently, I wasn't the only adult trying not to look. Other mothers flushed, one even took a picture, and when the party mom saw it, she immediately dumped it in the trash, ignoring Eldest's outraged cries. I never used to see penii in random places before. So thank you for that, Jen.
Curious George looks more like Pate (y'know ground up meat stuff and molded) George.
The first specimen looks as if it could be part of a 12-layer program for people who wish to overcome their fear and/or aversion of/to one or more of these things: 1: heights 2: widths 3: things that tilt to the left 4: things that tilt to the right 5: things being displayed under bad lighting 6: things being displayed under good lighting 7: things that have been vomited upon. Finally, does anyone else think that the little CCC (ptooey) in the last photo could actually be LOOKING at that first cake I was talking about!!...Just look at it, tilting its little head one way, and then.....well.
=^-.-^=
I'll admit, I sang the whole thing first then went back and looked at the wrecks. @Sharyn posts make me happy :-) Nicely done, my friend! I've missed you!
@mel ~ I have no idea how you do it but I'm most impressed with your mad skillz! (<~~That's me trying to be hip! Don't tell my kids!)
@VaBeach ~ I'm so glad I'm not the only one who uses the CW numbering system!
@SaraCVT ~ My oldest, the one currently growing my grandbaby, is really sick right now. I'll have to share the "Saturday Night Cold" with her. It will likely make her sneeze. (HAH!)
I can't decide if the Curious Georges are more disturbing because they look like poo or because they ALSO look like turkeys!
Cake #3: What is on the "monkey's" (and I use the term loosely) head? It looks like a matador's hat. It's Matador Potato Head Monkey!
Once again, there is a specimen on display here that doesn't really belong. #4 is fitting tribute to a patriotic and industrious American family, the Begians.
In 1910, William Boeing and Walter Begian, a textile magnate, joined forces to produce airplanes. They named their first company, based out of Seattle, Pacific Aero Planes, Co (PAP Co). However, a small cell of gynecologists, loyal to Dr Papanicolaou, started a smear campaign until they changed the name. They tried the name B&B, but the North American Boutique Lodging Association took a hostile view of that name. So the company is now known simply as Boeing.
During WWII, Begian got the Army contract for producing uniforms, specifically for the North African campaign. They did so well that the name Begian became synonymous with the color "camouflage, desert tan." The local pronunciation changed the name slightly, and now the color is known simply as "Beige."
After the war, the pair decided to split, and as part of the severance deal, Boeing promised to Begian a new small plane every year. Over the following decades, scores of Begians became skilled pilots, and number more than 3 dozen today. They gather yearly at a small private airfield near Seattle. Cake #4 was designed specifically for this conclave. Thus the inscription, " 40 Begians, Forever Jetting."
Great selection! The first one didn't make me spit, but recoil in horror. It does indeed look like a pile of super greasy burger patties cooled down so the grease has solidified into a glaze.
Is the second flotsam cake a... monkey crossed with a frog? He has his own stylish little mustache, I think, trying to compete with that hairy out-of-control mustache/bat. The kind of mustache you might have to avoid staring at on a real face...
Please please find out what the 40 Begian's was supposed to say - it's like a crossword clue you can't figure out and don't have the answers for. I think it's an insult, but I'm not sure.
And the poor Curious George poos - they look like roasted boneless chickens set on end! So weird, I'll be giggling the rest of the day, thank you!
That last one looks like one of Floop's Fooglies from Spy Kids! LOL
Thanks for all the postings! Keep em coming!
What the heck is that last one SUPPOSED to be???? Pretty sure it is an amoeba with eyes??
ahem...GAAAHHHHHH!!!
that is all.
okay, maybe not quite all. I love icing - give me the corner piece every time - but those 'Georges' I could not get past. Or the stacks of hamburgers (that's what I saw immediately). Or all the plastic flotsam. Or whatever that last one is supposed to be. Or...any of them. Oy.
Ew. That first snot covered cake did me in. Not even the plastic flotsam could cute me out of it. Nope. I threw up in my mouth a little bit.
Mon Dieu!
I think the first one is Paula Deen's birthday cake: Sausage patties layered with butter, glazed with bacon grease.
What in the hell is #3 supposed to be? An untypically smiling & mustachioed vulcan wearing a matador hat?
The cupcakes are just sad. They made those nice delicate little bananas, but the body looks like the Michelin-Man covered in poo.
#9: What...is....*eye twitches*...that...I can't even...*falls over, convulsing wildly*.....hwhuwrfraowpejkadgerblaergablalatauyodarateugh....
Glad I'm not the only one who saw hamburgers in the first one.
Except I saw cheese and mayonnaise instead of solid grease. Though with that much meat, either would be equally as horrifying.
My daughter said the first one looks like a stack of stone pancakes with cheddar in between and then someone puked over it.... Now I can't _unsee_ that anymore. ;-)
Anyone else think that first cake looks like a bunch of hamburger patties with melted cheese?
40 what? Belgians? Forever getting what? Regardless, Belgians know how to say "happy birthday" in French. Oh and for the record, wreckerators, the way you say "happy birthday" in French is "Merde!" Trust me! ;)
@sendingtheclowns - Brilliant comment! I laughed so hard I literally cried. Bravo!
@VaBeach alemaP: glad you're enjoying your pain meds... :-)
@Jodee: thank you, Your Hipness...
@jackwire: thank you for that enlightening history lesson....
I saw cake one and immediately started singing, "McArthur's Park is melting in the dark, all the sweet green icing's flowing down ... Someone left the cake out in the rain ..."
Loved the Picasso at the end. True work of art.
Wow whatever happened to that first cake.. If they were pancakes I still wouldn't go near them lol. I am still trying to figure out if the 40 begians are Belgians in disguise. You never know with wreckerators.
@New England Flybaby~ Wow-Thank YOU for thanking me!! If I'd known you were going to cry, I'd have offered you a tissue. There are MANYmanymany funny folks on here; I usually come armed with at least a purse-pack of them. {Tissues, not people.} ;-p
@New England Flybaby~ Wow-Thank YOU for thanking me!! If I'd known you were going to cry, I'd have offered you a tissue. There are MANYmanymany funny folks on here; I usually come armed with at least a purse-pack of them. {Tissues, not people.} ;-p
Who spray painted Princess Leia? ...and why is she Disco Dancing?
I honestly don't know what cake #4 is supposed to say. Usually it's pretty easy to figure out even decorators' most disastrous sentences, but I... got nothing. 40 Begian's forever getting? What?
Right on, jackwire. Served with a side of deep-fried butter!
So, did partner with Buzzfeed on this, or did they straight lift your content?
http://www.buzfeed.com/brianglindo/24-people-who-shouldnt-be-allowed-to-decorate-cakes?utm_term=1n3zfp1&s=mobil
[Editor's note- Well, they did credit us on some of them. Of course, most of the other ones were also ours but they credited those sites who stole it. Such is the internet. Ah well. -john (thoJ)]
The best I could surmise was that someone poorly translated ''Life Begins At 40''.
Oh my god, the top one was my wedding cake and while I thought it was terrible looking I never thought of frozen beef and grease. Uuughhh gross guys :)
Anyway the slime/grease is lemon glaze, over top of lemon curd between the layers. That's the problem, I guess. Never do a glaze over a curd I suppose would be the lesson. For the record it was delicious and looked fine when cut and served.
Ok. There can be NO WAY anyone paid for that first monstrosity. Nobody could even charge anything for it.