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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Oct232014

Wedding Wrecks, Vol. 345

They wanted bubbles:

 

They got sprinkles.

Mm, crunchy.

 

They wanted this:

 

They got... this:

("Hang on, you can still see some icing. BRING MORE FLOWERS!")

 

And finally,

Jessica wanted this:

... but what she got was so bad that her photographer decided it'd be too much to have the whole cake in frame, and so focused on some guy in the background checking his phone instead:

Good job, Jessica's photographer.

 

Thanks to Anony M., Sonya J., & Jessica K., who like to think that guy is reading Cake Wrecks, because, dude, SO META.

*****

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Reader Comments (53)

Here comes the Bride
Her cake's a fright
Hear how it crunches
When she takes a bite

There's still some room
Fetch some more blooms
Thanks to the photog
Who used a wide zoom.

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Oh no....that last one.....is that algae growing on the bottom tier???

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoJo

How timely! Today is my parent's 42nd anniversary and since they decided on a Tuesday to get married and then got married that Saturday there wasn't a lot of time to be ordering fancy wedding cakes. Their very simple 3 tiered cake made in the space of a couple of days looked amazing compared to these disasters!

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDrockbox

These posts make my little black heart squeeeee with delight...sorry new brides....

1. Bubbles? Sprinkles? Same thing....or not? You decide.......bwahahahahahaha

2. Delicate vines with lovely poppies or an overgrown nighmare with cement ornaments on top...bwahahahahaha

3. Ok, the first cake is beautiful, but it SCREAMS to be wrecked. In my honest opinion, the justice was done in the moldy aparition which appeared...(and NOT the guy on the phone) bwahahahahaha

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermiss_paper

I feel like there should be licensing required before someone is allowed to cover a cake in fondant, and that all bakers be provided cake dowels and cake plates as part of that licensing fee. But then they'd probably just toss them on the top of the cake or on the sides of the cake, not put them in the cake like they're supposed to. I've typed the word cake so much in this comment now I want some. Cake.

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentercheesymice

I'm trying to figure out what's on TOP of Jessica's cake. Best guess is an ampersand (&) and a British pound sign (£). But why? What significance does this carry? PLEASE weigh in and tell us, Jessica!

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Bride’s first dance song: “I’m forever wanting bubbles…. Pretty bubbles on my cake….”

* * * * *
If cake toppers could talk:
Bird One: "I’m sliding right off this thing!"
Bird Two: "Me, too! What the Frosting!"

* * * * *

I don't know why, but after seeing that last cake I have an urge for a stack of pancakes...with some bacon on top....

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterelm

Everytime I see a wedding cake like these, I hope that they were decorated by the bride's great-great-aunt, Earletta, who used to decorate cakes for the Piggly Wiggly, and still insists on making the wedding cakes for every one in her family even though she has arthritic hands and her "good eye" only has 50% of vision due to cataracts. Yep, true story.

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLorie

That guy's just following the photobomb rule and not looking at the camera ('cause it's CREEPY!)

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRobynR

My heart should go out to the bride for these monstrosities, but seriously, I can't stop laughing. I think these are always my favorite posts! I used to complain that we didn't get to cut the cake at our wedding, but at least it was a pretty cake!

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSavannah

Ouch! I'm not a crybaby, but if I had the third cake at my wedding, I would cry of shame to have this served to our guests. The baker deserved to have it smashed on his face. At least the two previous ones are somawhat presentable, even if they definitely don't match the order.

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAthena

I have seen some terrible cakes in my years of reading CakeWrecks, but I don't think I've ever seen one quite so bad as the last wreck on this post. It's hideous.

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

Cake 1: "Mmmm, crunchy!"

Cake 2: "Hey, I found some more flowers on the markdown shelf! Where should I put 'em?"
"Oh, anywhere..."

Cake 3: "Dear G*d, what _is_ that Thing?"

First one not too bad....last one AAAUUUGGHHH D:

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Can someone please explain how sea foam green is supposed to meld into algae green? The bottom of that last one looks like something I used to clean off the sides of the fish tank.

Hmm... this could be the reason john(thoj) won't get me a pony.

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Mmmmmmmmm....green two tone cake......YEEEEEK!!!!!!!

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBigg3469

Oh, blick! The base and flowers on that last cake look as if they have been sitting in a shop window since the wedding in Cana. It is not possible to get that effect without LOTS of aging - and dust.

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

Well, the first shot reminded me that I need to cut down on the amount of detergent I put in my washer.
The third photo's two little glass birds are wondering if there's room on such a narrow ledge to build a nest. They wanted the penthouse, but it's covered in fake flower crap. They're also thinking about moonlighting as choking-hazards on other cakes.
The fourth photo down: Picture those little "speech balloons" (like in comic strips), hovering over the birds' heads. The bird on the left just turned his head sharply to the left, and screeched, "WTF WAS that, man?" -and the one on the right screeched back with, "Don't look at ME! Maybe it was an earthquake-let's get outta here! Run for--oops--I mean, FLY ---Oh, crap!"
That last one--I don't think that the guy in the back is merely checking his phone. I think he's texting everyone he knows, and sending them the photo that he just took of that craptastrophe cake. Look at the little smirky grin on him, will you?!
(I'm going to mention the second cake in a whisper...It's sensitive about not having a topper. AND the fact that it's bottom layer is a frosted spare tire.) =^-.-^=

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I think the problem is that couples ask the baker "Can you make something *like* this?" Yes, these cakes are 'like' the pictures, but not exactly. They should ask "Can you make a cake *exactly* like this?"

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAwesomeAud

Love, love, love wedding wrecks! Would also love to know the back stories. How a bride reacts to one of these could foretell the marriage. Afterall, life is just one cakewreck after another.

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDee, just Dee

This is probably a little off topic, but I do want to give a shout out to the designers of the three inspiration cakes. In each case, the concept and the execution are really nice. I know that if I were asked to come up with a design for a wedding cake, I wouldn't go in the direction of any of these. It makes me curious as to what the designers had for inspiration for these designs. And wish those creative souls much more of that inspiration in the future.

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterColin M.

While I would be disappointed about the missing bubbles on the first cake, I would still allow it to be displayed because sprinkles. Yum! I would hide the other two if possible and just have them brought out cut up to eat, especially that last one. ;(

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commenternormajean

Ok, fellow investigators....I think we have a real mystery here...Bigger than the photobomb guy in the last photo....WTH is that yellow thing with the red stain on it? Blood? Wine? Is it a crime scene themed wedding? Inquiring minds WANT to know!!!!

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

Apparently the photographer is of approximately the same calibre as the decorator.

They both suck.

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnna Nimous

The first wreck needs a link to the original I Want Sprinkles cake!

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTheCreepyTribble

Not only is Wreck #2 bad (although better than some), who decided that chrysanthemums would be a great addition. And a lot of them. Not only are there many people allergic to various parts of the plant (particularly the oils excreted by it) but it is made into a pesticide (pyrethrins). Would love to see the after-cake photos of the guests breaking out in hives.

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

Are those little jars of food coloring behind the sprubble cake? Was that photo taken by the baker? Was he/she that proud of it? Maybe they're just specimen cups...

The confused doves looked, to me, to be made of either meringue or that stuff that they use to make malted milk balls. In either case, yumm.

@SaraCVT- I think that thing on Jessica's cake is supposed to be a "J." A poorly executed "J." Sigh.

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

This reminds me of EVERY time I go for a hair cut and bring a picture. "Yes, sure I can do that!" Cough cough

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLiss

Oh dear..... I didn't have a wedding cake and in some ways I'm glad I never got the stress of having one of these monstrosities show up! That said, I had an awfully bad photographer...

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRaaychl

At first I didn't like that last cake, but I think it's growing on me. And the doily, and the tablecloth, and-
RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES before it gets you too!!!

(Also have to agree that while the first wreck doesn't duplicate the requested design, it's still presentable, and even kind of cute.)

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRolld20

What They Got #1: I don't think that's what Mr. Ho was thinking of when he sang about Tiny Bubbles...

WTG #2: Even the birds are thinking, "That's a little too much nature".

WTG #3: "El queso esta viejo y putrido. Donde esta el sanatario?"

I know almost, but not quite, exactly nothing about cake making, physics, nor engineering, but my seven layer rainbow cake did not collapse on itself like that last one nor was it the leaning tower of flowers like that second one. What The Frosting, indeed.

@Donna: That's all that is left of the Wreckerator after the bride got to him!

@Jodee: Maybe Haiku Joy could make you an edible pocket pony like her fondant babies?

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

Tomorrow is my 16 th wedding anniversary and seeing these makes me so glad that my mom was a cake decorator!!!!!! Not only did i get exactly what I wanted...it tasted good too. I only day that because sometimes you can say,"the cake want pretty but at least it tasted good." However looking at these cakes my hunch is that they probably tasted about as good as they look. Ew.

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

Do the people really have to PAY for those HOT MESSES?

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLori Fisher

I am thinking the last photo of the algae cake looks like it is on a bar (bottles look like wine or spirits) and the guy is the bartender before he gets ready he wanted to send the picture of the cake out.
The topper - if you look hard - possibly is the bride and groom's initials with a &. Don't know the groom's name but would be willing to bet it was something like G & J. Possibly made of cookie cutouts and frosted.

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCarma

My boyfriend likes to jokingly show me these to show how we really don't need the big to do. Just a JP is fiiiiine. :-p

And then I show him Sunday Sweets and watch his eyes say "I want..."

Though I'll admit, sometimes these "they wanted/they got" are almost enough to convince me. Almost.

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAshley C.

Bwaaaahaaaahaaahaaaahaa!!! Keep the laughs coming!

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

@ Donna: It's a bloody dish cloth, or maybe a bar rag. I guess texting while cutting limes for your vodka can be a bad combo for some rookies.

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

@Just Andrea ~ I'll have to find Haiku Joy and ask her just that! I think she's awfully busy with her new students and doesn't have much time to play here right now. A fondant pony would be of upmost importance though!

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

In the autumn rain
A fondant pony dissolves.
Our life is as brief.

October 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTachybaptus

The last one is so wrong on so many levels. Moss, algae, giant "letters" cut from a chocolate sheet cake. Even the rose is awful. Makes me so appreciative of the lovely cake we bought from the local grocery store 35 years ago.

October 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

Wow. I hope no one broke teeth biting into the sprinkle cake lol. As for that last one what on earth is on top of it? A demented four leaf clover? My guess is it is initials but to what I couldn't say. Wow.

October 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

Ashley,
I believe the secret to getting a good wedding cake is either:
a) be a close relative or friend of a talented cake decorator
b) start auditioning bakers as soon as you are engaged. Get them to make and decorate actual cakes exactly as you want your wedding cake top tier to be. If it's a wreck, smile, because you have something to submit and hopefully edible cake. If it's gorgeous, place an order for your real wedding cake.
c) if you must use an unknown bakery/supermarket/random homeless person to decorate your cake: pick a style that is completely impossible to stuff up. I suggest "un-iced choc-chip cookies from a box, placed on a plate" (or maybe still in the box and sealed, it'll be fresher). If CakeWrecks teaches us anything, it is that there is no frosted style so simple it can't be made hideous, nor any word so well-known it can't be mis-spelled.

We went with a combo of a&c - Mum made three types of delicious cupcakes to suit the various dietary needs of our guests, then iced and decorated each one *individually* with little sugar blossoms. We had one very small traditional fruitcake for cutting purposes. Still have a slice in the freezer, 10 years later, because, er, not sure if it's still edible (after moving house 3 times), but are too sentimental to throw it out. Don't do that, will you?

Good luck planning the wedding! (And have fun storming the castle!)

October 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAA

Omg that last one lol.. What is on the top though??

October 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMel.L

@SuBee - I love the word "sprubbles"!

October 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSeabird

Can I tell you a secret? All "bubble" cakes, even the very well-made ones, look like they have the pox to me. Beautiful, shiny carbuncles covering moist deliciousness. Boils, just waiting to explode their hidden pus in my mouth. I'll take the neon sprinkles, thank you.

October 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAngelaS

You know, if you could set it up on the blog screen it would be fun to do a Match It test. On row 1 would be the cake they wanted and all mixed up on row 2 would be the cake they got. See if we can figure them out.

I have to agree with Drockbox, my little 3 tier wedding cake (from 37yrs ago) from the local grocery store (thanks to my wonderful mom) was an Ace of Cakes compared to these sad examples of décor. Is this an epidemic?

October 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAdo Annie

I'm just curious, if the cake is absolutely hideous, can you get your money back?

October 25, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterhello

I love these posts because they let me know I'm not alone in having a wrecky wedding cake. And most of them are so much worse than mine was. I need to find a pic and send it in. It's hard, because the wrecky photographer took most of my reception pics in black and white.

October 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterErin

Ok, no-one's going to read this, and it's not really relevant to the cakes, but in my defense, it occurred to me while looking again at all these delightful horrors, so this twisted thought is all the fault of CakeWrecks. :-P

I just realised, after 10 years of thinking "Aw, that was so lovely",...

DOLPHINS GATECRASHED MY WEDDING RECEPTION!!

<stunned outrage with nowhere to go>

Seriously! Huge, aggressive mammals swam up uninvited and tried to hustle my guests for food. How dare they? I should have sent the guy with the sword after them, not the photographer, what was I thinking??

...

And now we return to your regular programming.

...

October 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAA

I like to think that the guy in the 3rd wreck is in the shot like that because he's the hero groom/brother/etc. busy trying to find a bakery that can do some last minute white cupcakes or plain white round cakes!

October 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCherylZ

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