This Is Gonna Be GOOD: Happy Cake "Decorating" Day!
October 15, 2014 It's National Cake Decorating Day, bakers, so let's go over those basics again!
Remember, it all starts with a good foundation:
;)
...and a smooth, even application of icing.
;)
When it comes time to decorate, no need to get fancy!
Just stick with something simple, like a butterfly.
;)
Or, uh, maybe something easier, like flowers.
;)
>.<
Or... I dunno... balloons? Yeah. You can't screw up balloons.
;)
Never mind.
And lastly, let's talk penmanship.
;)
Just skip that for now. And always.
Tell you what, bakers, just cover the whole thing with an edible image, ok? PROBLEM SOLVED.
;)
-.-
Step 1: Forcefully connect head to desk Step
2: Repeat
Thanks to Trasi K., Danika G., Heather E., Stephanie B., Kate H., Shannon S., & Andy W. for helping me test the structural integrity of my keyboard. With my face. Again.
*****
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Reader Comments (51)
Sung to the "Hokey Pokey"
You put the cake bits in
You squeeze some frosting out
You put the cake dome on
And you shake it all about
A trowel is okey dokey
When you spread big swaths of brown
Of that, there is no doubt.
You put some cupcakes in
That's just the fastest route
Call it a "butterfly"
Just make sure he doesn't pout
Make *flowers* with broad stroke-ies
And pipe poo balloons around
And watch the buyers shout
You take a piping bag
Pipe hieroglyphics out
I *think* his name's "Cohet"
But I will admit some doubt
Oh, screw it, just use paper
All you do is lay that down
And seal it with yellow grout.
That last cake, that's cardboard, right?
They iced over some cardboard!
Shakes my head.
I haz a theory: Due to flu season, their normal daycare worker was sick. The cake decorator was forced to take her little cupcake to work with her/him, and to entertain him, the kid was allowed to "decorate" some cakes. However, this ended when the lil' darling just couldn't control herself around so much frosting and stuck his hand on top of the second cake, snatching some icing. Why it was still put out, though, I got no clue.
You forgot a step with the second cake:
"If you make a mistake, don't worry. Just claw that icing off with your paw, and start over."
The butterfly would be kind of cute if it had been allowed to fly freely on a regular cake instead of being forced into a CCC. Poor thing probably wants to return to its cocoon.
And Happy Birthday Gohd! (You're filling some pretty big wings, there.)
They are making Zombie everything....but did they have to make ZOMBIE SPERMIES??!?!?
Cannot comprehend the stupid...
M'ksy who's the yurts who "Palmed" cake #2?? And cake #5! O_0
I sure hope Gohat had a hoppy blrjh[pretzel]loy.
@ Sharyn:
I had to laugh at your "poo balloons" lyrics, because I always "hear" that in the Pink Floyd song "Comfortably Numb"! (The line is "My hands felt just like two balloons".) Now I'll have that (the SONG) swirling around in my head all day! =^0.o^=
Oh, some people gonna pay pay pay pay pay pay those
bakers to bake cake cake cake cake cake cake
but those wreckers gonna hate hate hate hate hate hate
Hate their job,
Hate their job!
Cannot comprehend what is going on with that last cake...
Not only did they put cardboard on top of cake, they piped around the "edible" image and exposed the cardboard for all to see. This one astounds me.
I get icing cardboard for practice, but please tell me someone didn't purchase it like that. D;
Jen, fantastic as usual! Sharyn? OMG, LOVE that song Parody. So much so, I made certain my friend who is a C.I.A. (Culinary Inst. of America) Trained Pastry Chef, SEE todays installment for your song. She visits the site daily, but wanted to make sure she got your song stuck in her head. It worked! She called me and said she and staff are decorating away, hundreds of treats for a banquet, all singing your song happily! LOL
Great job as usual Sharyn! Love it. and yesssss, it's stuck in my head too!
Yeah! Poo piles reign!
At least the wreckerator managed to not make the balloons look like sperm! They don't look like balloons either, but you can't have everything.
That "butterfly" -- all I see is a striped turd doing jazz hands.
@sendingtheclowns: Ooh, you've given me an idea for a future parody... Thanks! Enjoy your earworm. :)
@Zel: If the song makes them insane by the end of the day, could they send us some pictures? (I can just imagine them starting the day, immaculately dressed in chef's whites, preparing awesome desserts. By the end of the day, they're all wild-eyed and frosting-spattered, chasing each other around having frosting fights, laughing maniacally, yelling, "THAT'S what it's all about, baby!!!") Thanks! It was a fun one to write.
and on that 4th cake, with the "flowers" - are those green things butterflies with mustaches???
I love how we can count on bakeries to produce poo decorations..... with, um, regularity. These are my #2 favorite posts!
Hi, folks! Gotno Tipps here again, President of CloseEnuff Bakeries™ (home of the Incredibly Similar Cakes™ and other great lines) and today I’m proud to introduce some of our new cakes made by some fantastic up-and-coming bakers as we celebrate National Cake Decorating Day! Let’s jump right in!
Our first cakes pictured are modeled after the Frank Lloyd Wright house, “Fallingwater,” and are called Melting Water ™. A wonderful cake to enjoy as winter transforms into spring, this classic design features a mound of snow delicately dusted with pieces of candied cherry blossoms (to reinforce the spring theme, of course) slowly melting down a chocolate cake (representing, naturally, ground) hillside. This multilevel cake is a masterpiece of, if I may, form melting with function. Prophetic with promise, the cake regally represents the passing of Winter and the arrival of Spring, replete with the representative cherry blossoms accompanying the melting snow down the hillside, indicative of the blossoming of the season yet to come. If you’re looking for a special cake to celebrate this seasonal swing, Melting Water™ is the cake for you!
Next. How many times have you been invited to a special ceremony that involves the passing of authority or the confirmation of spiritualness, such as the installation of a priest, a baptism or a confirmation, and didn’t know what to bring? Developed by one of our novice bakers, the Laying On of Hands™ cake is the perfect answer. A masterpiece of spiritual simplicity, this cake represents in an appropriate manner the solemnness of the ceremony sans gaudy decoration. A simple handprint is individually applied to each cake personally by an appropriate representative of the faith in question, if specified. While the cake is designed to stand on its own merits and let its simplicity speak for itself, there is room toward the bottom to add a small congratulatory expression if so desired. The first ten letters are free.
The next cake is from our Simply Whimsical ©™® line and is a virtual visual delight for children of all ages. Decorated by bakers in a style meant to mimic a child’s drawing, each cake is done by hand after a comprehensive three-hour interview with the child who will receive the cake. This allows the baker to grasp an understanding of the recipient’s view of life and cake, and thus tailor the decorating to the child’s world view, creating a unique, one-of-a-kind cake and experience.
Then, for the younger set, we have MyCake™, reflecting the simplicity of the preschooler’s life. The recipient of this cake wanted “fwowers, and a bug…two bugs!” As you can readily see, our trained cake artist has made that come true. Yes, another wish happily brought to life by our pediatric pastry person in the perfect perspective of a preschooler. Again, as with the Laying On of Hands™ cake there is room for a greeting.
Tired of those old, worn out birthday party games like Pin the Tail on the Donkey and Musical chairs? Then this cake is for you. Deigned to be an edible party game, the WhatsIt™ cake provides hours of fun and laughter as party-goers of all ages try to identify the decoration. Examples of just some of the hilarious guesses for the cake shown include “donkeys face down in mud during a sprinkle storm,” “clams pooping,” and “a cluster of black holes releasing gas while caught in the sun’s force field as multi-colored asteroids from near the planet Remulak are drawn to and swirl in the vacuum created by an approaching Death Star.” Hard to stop laughing, isn’t it. Just order one of our WhatsIt™ cakes and you and your guests will be laughing for hours, too! And, for an added surprise, let us pick the type of cake – anything from chocolate to red velvet to marble. (And when your neighbors hear all that laughing, they’ll think you’ve lost your marbles!)
The next cake is spin-off of the WhatsIt™ cake line, the EdibleIllegible™. Instead of pictures, this line for the more advance partier, features an inscription written so as to be barely, if that, legible. With writing styles ranging from Somewhat Clear and Relative Concise© all the way to Totally Illegible© to Horrible Hieroglyphics©, these cakes will provide hours of mirth and merriment for all. Let your imagination run free! (Please specify level of difficulty.)
And finally, by popular request, we now have the SlapItOn™ cake. This is an economical cake for the undiscriminating cake buyer who frankly just doesn’t care and needs a cake pronto. For a modest fee, we’ll take a leftover sheet cake and slap an edible picture on it. Due to the low, low cost of this cake, the picture choice is ours. And, because of the variations in picture size and shape, bare spots of cake may be visible. However, this is easily remedied by using our Bag-O-Frosting™ (sold separately), a parchment nag filled with frosting remnants. Colors our choice.
Thank you, Cake Wrecks, for letting us feature some our great cakes as we all celebrate our special day!
So the last cake -- apparently I need to clean my monitor, as I thought that was simply undecorated cake crust underneath that. After reading the comments, I had to enlarge the picture and squint at it, before realizing that it was a piece of cardboard with the edible image wrinkled up, but frosted as if the cake was really under there.
Yeah, it's GOT to be a joke -- like the wreckorator screwed up the image beyond salvation, and decided to have a laugh and "finish" decorating it. Otherwise, who in the name of all that is carby, would buy a piece of cardboard with an edible image and some random piping??
Opps...in that last paragraph it should say "parchment bag," not "parchment nag." Guess I was horsin' around too much this morning....
Last cake is a TRIANGULAR shaped cake, so the upper left hand is a cake with the image, and then they piped the cardboard.
Seriously.
I am thinking of trying to order a ridiculous cake to get into this site. This is my laugh of the day.
:...Form melting with function." Possibly the most brilliant, not to mention best ever, architectural critique of *some" building styles. For instance, check out Seattle's Experience Music Project building or, indeed, Seattle's supposedly world famous Central Library building.
And I must say, I think it entirely possible that some, if not all, of these creations are the result of using pastry nags, not bags.
I'm not sure which is worse: the balloons that look like sperm or those slugs with tails featured on cake #5. And I love how on the last cake the decorator spent the time piping an extra edging on the part of the picture that had pulled away from the edge but didn't bother to take the time to fill in the gap at the top. Some people just defy logic. Great post as always, Jen.
@Sharyn: Love today's song parody. I'll have that rolling around in my head the rest of the day. But you response to @Zel had me on the floor. The picture of immaculately dressed chefs throwing frosting and laughing manaically was too much. Can't wait to read your parody of Comfortably Numb. I'm sure it will be killer.
Look at that last one again...it's 1/2 a cake..cut on the diagonal! ...see the white bits??? I think that part's cake, and the image drapes down and on to the cardboard. Why they decorated around it instead of trimming it, I have no idea...but there is some cake there.
Hoppy Birthdoy Godot? Gohd? Gord? Carol???
Srsly, I asked my colleagues and no one knows.
That last cake is a diagonal cut cake and has the edible image drooped over and piped around...
On the 4th cake - are the butterfly wings made from tortilla chips???
Penises and turds. Wow, what were those cake Artistes thinking?
The cardboard is maybe a display model? *yikes*
@Mel Hahahaha that was AWESOME!!!! It made the cakes that much more bearable.
On a side note...I am here daily and I have a friend who happened to be here the time that CW had up the cake that said "I have a vagina" and my crazy redheaded friend announced that she wanted one of those for her birthday....so...her birthday is this Friday and she has now added that I create the visual to go along with it. Goddess help me!!!! I promise that if it turns into a total wreck, I will send in pictures!! LMAO!
I think you mean it's "Happy" "Cake" "Decorating" Day. FIFY. Not arguing about it being a day.
My guess for that last cake is that someone ordered a half or a quarter of a sheet cake. Then the baker cut the cake diagonally for who knows what reason. Then of course the photo wouldn't fit on the triangle slice of cake, and you can't just leave the cardboard there unadorned!
The last cake is a triangle on a piece of cardboard. The edible picture is slapped on so it drapes down the side of the cake and down onto the cardboard.
... it hurts my baker-heart so badly!
I'm afraid there's something very wrong with me. The butterflies, the flowers, the balloons... All so phallic.
Every day, I look at these and think to myself "Self, you really should apply to be a professional cake decorator. Because, in all honesty, you couldn't do any worse. And if you did, you'd wind up on Cake Wrecks and be famous. It's a win-win."
Oh my - apparently my monitor is worse than I thought. You are absolutely right -- it is HALF a cake (on the diagonal) with the edible image draped over it like a tablecloth and puddling on the cardboard.
Just why would they pipe around the cardboard? Just CUT IT OFF already.........
@ Sharyn (again):
I can hardly wait to see/hear (See here, now!) the "Numb" parody, myself!
It will surely be funny enough to drive us all up the wall...
@Gotno Tipps a/k/a mel: I'm also looking forward to "Horrible Hieroglyphics©"!! I've been fascinated by all things Egyptian since I was a child; my parents got me a set of Egyptian-style plastic blocks (with a pharaoh on a throne and everything!). I wish I still had that, but it got lost somewhere along the line; probably during the Dingbaht Dynasty...
Happy Pathology Gohat!
@Nanalettie: Thank you. Who knew I was an architectural critic? I looked up both buildings, and it that phrase does seem to fit – especially for the Experience Music Project. Also, I have reevaluated the pastry nags/bags thing, and I believe you may be right!
@CakerMoosie: Thanks. I’m glad you enjoyed it! We’re just here to have fun. And, can’t wait to see the pictures…. :-)
Just a little correction: National Cake Decorating Day is October 10th. October 15 is National Put Down That Piping Bag Damn It Day. Either way, it's time to celebrat.
So, the last one is what you get if you order a "half sheet cake" at that bakery? Interesting...
Dear Mr. Gotno Tipps,
I have had the pleasure of perusing your pastry portfolio, yet one puzzle still perplexes me: How are your profits?
Yours truly,
Caij Wrek
@sendingtheclowns: I type my latest post and your comment is not there. I hit "create post" and next thing I know, your comment is there. It's magic! And, perhaps, timing.... I had the good fortune to see the Tutankhamun exhibit in NY many years ago, and it was a very impressive and awe-filled experience. Such beauty, such splendor! I also enjoyed a book called "Motel of the Mysteries," by David Macaulay, which is a very funny book about archaeologists in the future discovering the ruins of the Toot-N-Come Inn and their interpretations of what the stuff they find means. It's clever and funny.
Dear Caij Wrek:
Thank you for perusing my pastry portfolio. The proof is in the proverbial pudding (our next venture.) Profits presumably proliferate while we pontificate to the populace publically, proselytizing about our purposeful and pleasing pastry products. May I say privately and proudly we have had previous profitability with our pastry products, so perfectly profitable pastry products probably are not a puzzle, particularly if one peruses a path primarily premeditated for potential profitability.
Sincerely,
Gotno Tipps
@mel: I just saw your last comment (from yesterday) just this morning! Thanks for the book suggestion--it sounds as if it could be right up my catacombs. I wonder if you've ever read Mark Twain's "The Innocents Abroad" (written in 1869)? There's a piece about the mummies that I read probably 40 years ago, and it still makes me laugh, just thinking about it.
It took me a long time squinting at that last cake to realize that the brown part isn't cake. The white part is cake. And the flowers have been "artfully" draped over the triangular white cake.
It's like one of those magic eye puzzles.