Wild Wreckdom
July 17, 2013 On the remote island of St. Kawkapuey lives the mysterious Cacapillar.
;)
Often mistaken by tourists as monkey droppings, these sweet-smelling carnivorous insects are most often found in local baseball fields:
;)
...and outdoor cooking grills:
;)
A highly adaptable creature, the Cacapillar has learned to subsist on the island's most readily available diet: stale Funyuns and leftover Whiskey:
;)
[Fun Fact: The population of St. Kawkapuey has the world's highest concentration of Karoake bars per person, and once declared a national "Hangover Day" to celebrate the season finale of Dancing With the Stars.]
Though outsiders find the cacapillar off-putting, locals consider it good luck to find one in their home. They also celebrate the warmer summer months, when the island's cacapillars encase themselves in shimmering golden cocoons:
;)
...and then emerge, transformed, as the island's national mascot:
;)
The Majestic All-Seeing Flutterturd
Which can grow to weigh as much as a whopping 25 pounds:
;)
After cavorting in traffic and laying siege to local liqueur stores, the Flutterturds eventually complete their life cycles by dive-bombing into area vegetable gardens en masse:
;)
There they provide excellent fertilizer, though locals admit the smell of whiskey can take several months to dissipate.
Thanks to Laura N., Michelle V., Chris W., Anony M., Holly L., Kimberly S., Kiana R., & Caprice A. for that giant piece of... information.
Reader Comments (75)
*blink*blinlk* um...I just...
Suddenly, "butterfly kisses" has a whole new meaning -- and I'll never eat those shiny, foil-wrapped, brown teardrops of chocolate again...
Ew...just...ew. (Shudder)
FLUTTERTURD!!!!
And the wingspan of the flutterturd ranges from 12 inches all the way up to a whopping 1 foot.
HOLY I'm-not-EVEN-going-to-BOTHER-saying-it.
Where did you find these specimens? They are amessing!!! I mean, amazing!! And to think (and this is the sad/scary part): They. Weren't. Even. Trying. To. Be. Funny.
Odd how a person can laugh and cry at the same time...kinda pitiful/hysterical.
=^e.e^=
lol...I heard a Cacapillar was brought into the States and ended up in a country club swimming pool. Thank goodness Carl Spackler was there to save the day.... It must have been smuggled in because they're not available in St. Kawkapuey's Doodie-Free store....
Do they really think standing the flutterturd upright makes it better? O.O
Eww, Sharyn!! :P
Nice one, Jen. Any post that has me pondering the virtues of cacapillar vs. crapperpillar while gagging at the thought of a nice glass of poo is an epic post.
Excellent post, Jen! Flutterturd! I can't stop laughing. And whiskey would explain so much on these cakes...
@Sue D. O'Nym:
So...basically what you're saying is that "One size s*its all"?
=^u.u^=
25 pounds?? That's even too much for me to handle...
Cacapillar!!!??!!!!! ROTFL!!
Excellent, Jen. Excellent.
Also: gross, disgusting, and gag-worthy
I second (or third) that "Ewww!" on most of the cakes. However, that golden cocoon cake looks like almond roca and that is very edible (once past the foil). I would definitely eat THAT cake!
5th cake: I just love how they try to "class it up" by putting gold PAINT on the damn things.
It reminds me of a play I once saw, entitled: "Rosencrantz and Guildedturd are Dead."
=^e.e^=
Lol! Flutterturd...is it bad that I now think I should own an illustration of a Flutterturd?
You know someone was very proud of that Flutterturd.. I mean butterfly. They didn't know it was the majestic Futterturd at the time.
Still can't get over the turds in the shot glasses... what are they supposed to be in the bakers reality?
idk
I heard that whole post in the voice of the guy who does the "True facts about..." YouTube videos. And it was hilarious! (If you don't know what I'm talking about you've got to check them out. Go to YouTube and search "true facts about" and then just pick whichever one interests you; there are a lot of them.)
It was the cacapillar crawling out of the shot glass that did for me.
The 7th one down has an almost/sort of Tiffany kind of thing going on--but ONLY in the "wings." And ONLY if you squint. And ONLY if you try to imagine that the Big Brown Blob is somehow...oh, I don't know...GONE?
=^>.<^=
flutterturd made me lol at work! Thanks!
Not only is it a Flutterturd. Not only is it "Majestic." It's also "All-Seeing." That about did me in. That has to be one of my favorite descriptions of a cake plop I've ever read. Bravo!!
The Flutterturd's hope:
Sauron will rise again, or
tie-dye will come back.
"Flutterturd" is my new favorite made-up word.
You need to submit that one to the Urban Dictionary, Jen.
I have to say, I actually like the wing design on the 25 lb flutterturd. Too bad it's overshadowed by the 25 lb flutterturd.
The stuff climbing out of the shot glasses most have been stolen from my cats' litter box. What in the HECK is that supposed to represent????
Brilliant!
Heh, heh..Oh, my...Wreckdom.....heehhhee...sounds like..heeee....rectum....!
What a funny coincidence!!! =^>.<^=
Zoomom - You are so right about the voice from "True facts about..." on YouTube making this an even more amazingly funny post!
It's a good thing I wasn't drinking anything when I got to "flutterturd"
On another note: On that first cake, it appears a mutant Flutterturd hatched out of its chrysalis early, and with only two wings. I wonder if its parents flew over Japan or Chernobyl, or something...
Because the only thing more majestic than a regular Flutterturd is a mutant Flutterturd.
I heard this in the british voice of my planet earth dvd's :P Sharyn thanks for almost putting me off chocolate D: the cakes look gross, but I love chocolate buttercream so i'd still eat them O_o
Flutterturds!! BWAHAHAHA
With that fourth one, there-just what were they "going for" with shot glasses full of s***? They're s**t glasses- I just don't get it. Maybe a drugged-up, stoned-out, drunken frat party? Sorority party? Bridal shower? Bachelor party? BABY shower? "Congratulations on your colonoscopy"?? I give up...*whimper* =^<.>^=
The twenty-five pound flutterturd does have magnificent wings -- I imagine the wreckorator takes a step back to admire his/her work and says, "hmm, the body is a little bit too stout. I'll just add an elegant swirl of flowers to make it look thinner. Perfect, no one will notice now!"
Funniest.Cake wrecks. Ever.
It was all fun and laughs until that 25 pounder scrolled up, then it became a real tragedy. Crap.
"left-over whiskey" Intersting concept . . .
Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
Keep moving, everybody. Just keep moving!
Wrecked em...damn near killed em !
Also flutterturd, best new word ever. I will be telling people that I am taking a flutterturd.
OMG thank you zoomom for recommending "the truth about" I am laughing so hard!!
I did notice, Jen, that you forgot to mention the only National Holiday of St. Kawkapuey: Crapinalia.
A week-long celebration of all things Flutterturd, Crapinalia features parades, contests, thematically-appropriate gift exchanges, dramatic re-enactments of the legendary deeds of the Great Flutterturd, and a colorful pageant in which the King and Queen of Kawka are selected from among the general poopulation, to reign as co-Regents until the next year's Crapinalia.
Recent additions to the Rules of Festivities include the use of the phrase, "Because FLUTTERTURD!" as a stock response to all posts on islanders' FaceBook walls for the entire week of Crapinalia, and spamming social media sites with witty memes featuring The Great Flutterturd and cacapillars.
TOTALLY MADE ME SHIP MY PANTS IN LAUGHTER!!!!
Rectum hell, damn near killed him!
whoa - that is all
I heard Steve Irwin's voice narrating.
SuBee, makes me think of Piglet saying. "I'm looking down, Pooh!" when Winnie the Pooh told him about Hephalumps & Woozles. :D
I THOUGHT my kitten had decided to poop right next to the litter box last night. Little did I know, we actually had an invasion of the Mysterious Cacapillar(s)! Are they rare and valuable, because I threw them in the litter locker. I will have to apologize to my kitten tonight.
Crying/laughing. Stale Funyuns and leftover whiskey!! I love that Cacapillars are bugs of extreme debauchery. Thanks for the laugh!!
That's not leftover whiskey. That's Tia Maria, which is much like Kahlua....and looks and smells like....well...you know.....
Cacapllar, Flutterturd !!! you've reached a true zenith in literary descriptive nomenclature Jen. Kudos!!