Wild Wreckdom
July 17, 2013 On the remote island of St. Kawkapuey lives the mysterious Cacapillar.
;)
Often mistaken by tourists as monkey droppings, these sweet-smelling carnivorous insects are most often found in local baseball fields:
;)
...and outdoor cooking grills:
;)
A highly adaptable creature, the Cacapillar has learned to subsist on the island's most readily available diet: stale Funyuns and leftover Whiskey:
;)
[Fun Fact: The population of St. Kawkapuey has the world's highest concentration of Karoake bars per person, and once declared a national "Hangover Day" to celebrate the season finale of Dancing With the Stars.]
Though outsiders find the cacapillar off-putting, locals consider it good luck to find one in their home. They also celebrate the warmer summer months, when the island's cacapillars encase themselves in shimmering golden cocoons:
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...and then emerge, transformed, as the island's national mascot:
;)
The Majestic All-Seeing Flutterturd
Which can grow to weigh as much as a whopping 25 pounds:
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After cavorting in traffic and laying siege to local liqueur stores, the Flutterturds eventually complete their life cycles by dive-bombing into area vegetable gardens en masse:
;)
There they provide excellent fertilizer, though locals admit the smell of whiskey can take several months to dissipate.
Thanks to Laura N., Michelle V., Chris W., Anony M., Holly L., Kimberly S., Kiana R., & Caprice A. for that giant piece of... information.
Reader Comments (75)
I don't care what it looks like....if it's chocolate it's MINE!!!
Flutterturdnado--(and we thought sharks were bad....)
Zoomom, I love Ze Frank. His "True Facts About" videos are hysterical. I've lost many hours on YouTube thanks to him.
As for these cakes....they're definitely the s**t.
Okay, Jen, you had me nearly laughing out loud in my cubicle today! Nothing wrong with that, other than my co-workers thinking I'm more nuts than they already did. I really needed the laugh this week, so thanks for that. I haven't searched out the "True Facts About" videos for the narrator - that is my homework assignment for tonight ;) .
Awesome post!
This has motivated me to comment for the first time ever: First--EWW! Second-FLUTTERTURD! and Third-Thank you for the Youtube referral Zoomom....Looks hilarious. Love your blog, Jen!
A turd draped over the edge of a glass! Why? Just why? My gag reflex is working overtime here!
Cacapillars and flutterturds need to find themselves on the extinct species list. ASAP.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Choking on the belly laugh. I love St. Kawkapuey. How dare you mock it?
Holy crap, Batman!
Those are super disturbing. Why do bakers continue to use brown icing on cakes? I think use of brown icing needs to be regulated. Because that crap is bad.
Absolutely loved it!
I think one of the key lessons of this website is "Never form anything out of chocolate frosting. It will always look like a turd."
And my whole family said, "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"
Yeah, those gold logs are Almond Roca. Which means that cake better be almond brittle and chocolate.
Cake no. 5 reminds me of my neighbors at my first house. The people across the street would send their yap dog over to my neoghbors' yard to poop. No amount of reasoning would convince them to stop.
The wife was a very skilled seamstress and costume designer. So one day she got out her gold lame and some other fabulous fabrics, and fashioned them i to a purse. She then filled the purse with the dog's poop and delivered it back to the neighbors. They FINALLY got the hint and kept their dog in their own yard, for pooping and all other activities.
So see, gold-wrapped poop CAN have a positive outcome.
Ahh lmao I love this post. Flutterturd and cacapillars are my new favorite terms. Sheesh. I would hate to see what happens if one tries to eat these cakes. The flutterturds would probably go flying everywhere..bleh.
That second to last one looks like someone took wings and stuck them on a great big round of doner kebab.
Great post & comments (especially Haiku Joy), BUT has nobody noticed the correction on cake 2, where the name has been scraped off and written in again in different coloured icing? If the wreckorator misheard Jett's name over the phone, WHAT DID S/HE MISHEAR IT AS? Can't help wondering...
@ Fearless Colon
I have an old book of Graffiti. Your post puts me in mind of one found scrawled in a German train rest-room, ca. 1910. (In the old days those toilets were just a seat with a hole that led straight to the tracks.) "Anything over five pounds must be lowered on a rope-- The Management".
@Morag, I noticed the correction on cake #2, as well. However, I was distracted by Jen's brilliant writing (yet again!) so forgot to mention that observation in my comment. Perhaps the order-taker heard "Jeff" rather than "Jett"? If not that, I got nuthin'.
@ Unregistered CommenterMorag
("...has nobody noticed the correction on cake 2") etc.:
Maybe it wasn't a "correction" at all! Maybe it was just done sloppily, and they "tried" to "fix" it. Because, you know, they're SO OBVIOUSLY "perfectionists."
=^-.-^=
"the baker's wrecked 'em" .... I said it fast, I said it out loud and then I laughed so hard I snorted. Thank you!
Shouldn't this post start out sayin' "...*SURFS* the mysterious Cacapillar." ? I mean, why else would the surf boards be there?!
And cake #7 looks like a giant exotic burgandy carrot with wings...maybe it's a GMO? (You know, a Genetically Modified Organism?)
@mel Bravo!! and Baby Ruths for all
what the frosting is the gold foil one supposed to represent??
Listen! Do you smell that? It's a kaleidoscope of flutterturds!
heheh..."wreckdom". rectum. heh.