Thursday
Jun202013
Against the Grain
June 20, 2013 Y'know...
;)
...maybe the bride shouldn't have ordered a whole wheat wedding cake.
Thanks to Sasha M., for helping us remember the first year is always the harvest hardest.
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Update From Jen:
I see your stalks of wheat, Sharyn, and raise you...
;)
THIS.
Thanks to Robert V. for making like a tree, and swaying in high winds.
(I'd ask you readers who won, but considering these were both wedding cakes, I guess we already know who lost. Heh.)
*********
Update from john (the hubby of Jen)
Ooh, ooh! My turn!
;)
Thanks to Adrienne H. for helping me needle my fellow writers. I'm pretty sure I sapped their strength. Also, my house is a bit messy so I should probably spruce up the place!
Three! THREE PUNS!!! AH. AH. AH!
Reader Comments (87)
These cakes (especially the first one) make me feel a little better about having Celiac Disease...I don't miss cake so much anymore. Thanks for that.
Round one goes to John.
Were these wedding being sponsored by great grains cereal and miracle grow O_o
And John (The hubby of jen) takes the cake!
Based soley on which cake might accidentally kill a wedding guest, I'll have to go with John's Forest Fantasy cake. I understand that parts of Jen's Cheery Cherry Blossom choice might make a good weapon, but accidental ingestion would be difficult. Don't feel bad Sharyn. Your Whonderful Wheat Whopper could definitely be used to whack someone with Celiac disease.
I'm going to go call my therapist now...
...I love you people! :D lol
Looks like today's wreckorators are really branching out, but they should really twig to the fact that that's not a good idea.
You guys are the BEST!!!
I realize you aren't really voting, but John wins this one. Wow.
*thunder crash* to help John finish his blitz. I hope no one "arbors" any grudges.
Now, these creations represent multi-tasking at its best. We should all have more fibre in our diets, and these cakes provide their own built-in toothpicks. How clever!
Why do I feel there should be camo clad hunters peeking out of the first one??? The other two cakes just look like someone trimmed the shrubs in their yards and didn't know what to do with the cuttings so they thought, "What the heck, sure beats paying someone to haul them off..."
Do I see a Pan-Wow?!?
Brilliant Post :D
Hmmm...I actually think that the wheat ITSELF is, well, kind of "pretty,' in an "avant-garde", "artsy-fartsy" sort of way... It's just that the overall "feel" is maybe a little "top-heavy". Perhaps it might have looked just a "tad" better had it been just one layer. (?) Or, maybe put a teeny-tiny feathered crow in WITH the wheat, for "effect". No, wait--a SCARECROW! It's just CRYING OUT for a scarecrow. Yeah, that'd do it. (I'm running out of quotation marks, anyway.)
=^e.e^=
I think those are ferns in John's cake. But i don't know any fern puns, so pine puns are definitely better.
@Olga- Whatever kind of greenery it is, it was made by a good-fern-uthin' wreckorator!
Why does that first cake bring Don King to mind?
I think John's cake wipes the floor with the other two...which explains why it looks the way it does...
John, thank you for keeping sha-POW alive. Just, thank you.
HEY!!! They just showed the "Graduation cat" cake on the TODAY Show!!! Yes, I'm serious!!!
=^0.0^=
Three Bad Scenarios Based On Three Bad Cakes
1.
Woman: Let’s plan our wedding cake.
Man: Wheat do you want on it?
2.
Man to baker: I want something that will represent my blossoming love for mon cherie.
3.
Woman: While my love is far away, I will order a cake that will show how much I pine for him.
Bonus Poem for those who think the third cake has ferns.
An Abbreviated Ode to My Love Fern, by Wilbur the pig (Charlotte’s Web)
O Fern,
You make me yearn
And my heart burn
With my love for you Fern.
Today’s dilemma: sort the wheat from the chaff….
I fear that the first cake was made by...a stalker.....
@CarolineB: I laughed right out loud at your "wipes the floor" remark! Good one!!
=^~.~^=
My condolences to the first bride: you clearly got the shaft....
John wins!
Three puns in a row gets a BooYAHH!!!!
Just trimmed your hedge? Pan-wow. It's shaped like heart, and you can wreck a wedding cake with it.
Or is it a weeding cake? Are they all weeding cakes?
Done referencing past posts now.
What's wrong with these cakes? They look delicious to me. The last one reminds me of wild hickory nuts.
These Wreckorators should branch out into something more sappy to show the love at these weedings. Too many puns in these comments...I'm leafing.
Sharyn's cake makes me think of Wilson o.O
Jen's cake makes me think of the time I went to WA DC and they had the highest pollen count in 30 years. AAAaaaaaahhhhchooooo!
john (thoJ)'s cake takes the...well... you know ;-) Somebody really should move that knife before the bride sees it and goes after the wreckorater with it. O.O
Great job Team!
I hate to spoil your puns, but you guys really need a botany consultant. That first cake is not wheat. The inflorescence of wheat is a spike with long awns, while the inflorescences in the photo are awn-less panicles. It looks more like Prairie Sandreed but that is a lot harder to make jokes about.
I know cherry blossoms are all the rage right now, but that second one, in addition to being ugly, uses fake dogwoods, not cherries. I commend you, Jen, for going the safe route and not specifying which tree.
I can forgive mis-identified grasses, those are hard, but really, conifer puns? There's isn't a conifer anywhere in that photo. Sure, it looks like a compost heap, but it's a compost heap of love, and ferns.
Sorry, I usually just laugh the jokes and look the other way but two out of three (and the third one in the comments) got to me. I'll just go stick my head back in my books now.
[Editor's note- Yeah, well, "misidentified" doesn't have a hyphen and "there's isn't" is wrong. ;) -john (the English major hubby of Jen)]
Sending the clowns I hope you did run out of quotation marks. They were beginning to "get" "on" "my" "nerves". The second cake would have been pretty if the branch were wrapped around the cake some more.
Hey, the last baker used the Pan-Wow. Good for them! LOL.
@ virtualEuell Gibbons (I know, he can't "hear" me)...
Pretty sneaky way to try to get me to eat my fiber! Forget it--the stuff tastes like the gravel in my driveway; and FYI, the last one looks NOTHING like "wild hickory nuts"...(which should've been my first clue).Sucker born every minute...(heehee). Cute trick, though.
=^~.~^=
these cakes were sponsored by Miracle Grow. Miracle grow makes EVERYTHING greener, bigger and full of health and vigor. it doesn't do much for the taste or looks though...
you do know that most of a pine tree IS eatable right? :-)
Cake #1 reminds me irresistibly of Nemo and Marlin's home in the anemo-nay...ana-moonee...ame-monee...I'm gonna go before I hurt myself. (These cakes look like they could hurt you, too.)
I actually like that first cake even if the grain is not wheat, but millet. It's a proper farmer's cake :)
by the way the blue flowers look like Delphinium, which happen to be toxic!
Ha ha! I'm really frond of your senses of humour! You should consider branching out.
So... just checking... cakes posted are supposed to be made by professionals...? Clearly I am in the wrong business.
Sharyn's cake looks like it may have been an accident. There appears to be some kind of renovations going on, what with the scaffolding and the droid carrying the freshly cut tree branches.
Jen's cake wouldn't look all that great even if the high winds had blown the flowers completely away. : /
John(thoJ)'s cake is, of course, not cake at all. It is made of spackle.
I pine for whomever got the last cake. The whole idea of these cakes still hasn't taken root in my head yet.
Now I see why this site is so poplar!
Maybe the Knights Who Say 'Ni' ordered that last cake?
Who the hell wouldn't want branches and stalks of wheat attached to her cake? The first one, I wasn't sure about, then I realized the absolute absurdity. I bet that baker was extremely proud of herself (himself) about it.
"Fern Gully 22.8: The Wedding"
Just sayin'.
@Olga I'm sori you have no fronds to help you with fern puns.
Someone should really get to the root of the wreckerator's thought process, but not me. I am afraid it would sap my will to live. I'm just saying there should be a way to weed these out.
GO john (tEmhoJ)!!!
I like the first one, maybe not as a wedding cake, but it is interesting. The second one has possiblities., if the icing had been smooth. And the last one looks just scary, but also interesting. Those little blue flowers are kind of cute. It's the pine needles that throw me.
hahahaahahahaa *takes a deep breath* hahahaahahahaaa Oh those poor brides.