Thursday
Jun202013
Against the Grain
June 20, 2013 Y'know...
;)
...maybe the bride shouldn't have ordered a whole wheat wedding cake.
Thanks to Sasha M., for helping us remember the first year is always the harvest hardest.
*************
Update From Jen:
I see your stalks of wheat, Sharyn, and raise you...
;)
THIS.
Thanks to Robert V. for making like a tree, and swaying in high winds.
(I'd ask you readers who won, but considering these were both wedding cakes, I guess we already know who lost. Heh.)
*********
Update from john (the hubby of Jen)
Ooh, ooh! My turn!
;)
Thanks to Adrienne H. for helping me needle my fellow writers. I'm pretty sure I sapped their strength. Also, my house is a bit messy so I should probably spruce up the place!
Three! THREE PUNS!!! AH. AH. AH!
Reader Comments (87)
TBH, I had a hard time figuring out what the problem was with the wheat cake. My grandfather was a wheat farmer and the cake topper reminded me of the arrangement they put on his coffin that was just wheat stalks like that--not flowers. I thought the couple might be from a farm family or that the wheat was to invite fertility and prosperity or something like that.
Best comments ever. Thanks for continuing the laughs.
Do you know that your site has single handedly (is that a word or two and I don't think I spelled it right) made me a nervous wreck about ordering any type of cake. I will need a wedding cake soon and I'm just like oh please do I have to do this, what if it's a cake wreck.........but now to post about the actual cakes......WTFossil is up with that grass cake....it reminds me of Beaker's hair from the Muppets
I keep searching for ducks...or deer...in that first cake.
@Janel-Did you know that rabbits are lagomorphs?
@Sir Laughsalot: you must be digging up my thoughts because you totally stole my my response to cake number one. Or else I planted the idea into your brain.
The ferns in the last post are Plumosa Fern - standard florist filler foliage. The plants are rather nice, though.
>>And John (The hubby of jen) takes the cake! Jay<<
And he's welcome to it!
@JamieJo:
"most of a pine tree IS eatable" OKAY, OKAY! Go ahead -- GET all *Techie-tech-tech* on us...sheesh. Thinking like THAT will get you: "Oh, MOST of that road kill is EATtable," or "Oh, MOST of my Grandfather's taxidermied wart hog is EATable"...!
(Gawwd!...SOME people's CHILDREN...y'know?)
=^~.-^=
#1 I'm afraid I must concur on the prairie grass. Or millet. (Or is that mullet? Not sure how it's spelt.) After all, this blog is the go-to site for all things botanical (daisies, anyone?) and factual precision is an essential ingredient of humor. For some people. Who aren't me. With that out of the way, it does seem as if the venue is under construction. That's one way to get a break on the price...
#2 This cake is available at your local Arbor Eat-'em. Those flowers in the background -- are they...? Never mind.
#3 I'll give John the Balladeer (couldn't resist a Wellman reference) the benefit of the doubt on this one; there are probably representatives of every known type of plant in that...compostition. The first exclamation to come to mind, however, was indeed "What The Fern...?"
Thanks for the Python reference, cal331.
I pine fir yew and balsam too...
Cake #1 = crunchy wheat or nicely sweet?
Cake #2 = real (dirt & bugs) or artificial (dust & dust mites)?
Cake #3 = Beware, underneath the frosting there might be pine and/or acorn nuts, and canned apple pie filling in the center
@SuBee ~ I was doing so well... Snorting at the front desk is really frowned upon by the lawyers in my office.
o.O
Jus' sayin'
Cake #3: With fronds like those who needs enemas, I mean enemies. :)
@Paula: Your remark to me was hilarious! Brava!
Yet, I don't agree with this other part of your comment:
"The second cake would have been pretty if the branch were wrapped around the cake some more."
My suggestion would be to ever-so-slightly tweak it to read: "The second cake would have been pretty if the branch were not on the cake at all, but rather wrapped around the neck of the baker/wreckorator".
I know, it's mean. But think how nicely that might have worked. Nah, I guess "nice" is off the table. I think I'll just quit while I'm behind!
=^~.-^=
Yay! You shared the wreck I found! Your puns are way better than any I could come up with. Love it :)
Read 'em and wheat.
Thanks for cherrying me up.
Can't blame a baker for branching out.
You'd need a machete to get through cake no. 1. And an axe for cake 2.
But the winner and champeen in John, who would need a bulldozer and chipper/shredder to clear the way for that . . . . mess.
Winner of the "best puns" award goes to mel for the stalker pun.
Yay, John, thoj! More, *more*, *MORE!* MORE CAKE DUELS!!! :-) Ahh...if only I'd come by earlier...Still, no one made a Sesame Street Count reference... That's one...two...THREE! THREE PUNS!!! AH-HAH-HA!! <FLASH...BOOM!>
Count John wins......pans down. Ah Ah Ah Ah
1) velvet grass seedheads; great for shedding all over the frosting right before you feed the cake to the horses
2) edible minus the polysilk florals - WHAT WENT WRONG!?
3) Whew! Back to total inedibility!
"Do you, wreckerator, take this twig to be your unlawfully inedible cake decoration?" "I do"
I bet these brides took in photos of inspiration cakes but said they didn't want fondant. (blinks innocently)
@Calvin: Seriously? It's called "florist filler foliage"? Can you say that 5 times, quickly? (I know, people always say. "Say that five times fast," but that bugs the crap outta me on accounta it ain't the right syntax, or some such ****).
=^u.u^=
This right here is why I would not be surprised if a baker put croutons on a cake. This right here.
John(thoj), this is solely for your general informational purposes: if you say "three puns" in Newfie (like you're from Newfoundland), it comes out as "tree puns" which would technically give you four puns...jus' sayin'
Aaaand the winner iiiiiiis: JOHN BY A LANDSLIDE! Conratulatatinions!
@ Barbara Anne - "innocently..." my tuckus! ;-)
@ SuBee - heeheehee! Thank goodness I'm not in an office. Jodee, you just need to run down to the bunker...or maybe your office bathroom or maybe the elevator or down a flight of stairs or two...*and THEN you can laugh!* :-)
Good comments all around today - mel and Andrew T & so MANY others! (Like Craig! :-)
Yep...I can just picture the wreckerators of these cakes walking away saying, "Ha, ha, Sucka!"
Because what bride wouldn't want dried grasses jammed into her cake that could shed hulls, dust, bugs, etc. into the frosting.
Because what bride wouldn't want a humungous branch of silk flowers jammed into her cake to try to distract her from noticing that the frosting was finger painted on.
Because what bride wouldn't want real ferns and silk flowers jammed into her cake that could cause a choking and/or poison hazard to distract her from noticing that the frosting is indeed spackle and was in fact finger painted on.
Gag, choke, hack, patooie!
P.S. John wins
Wow. And to think the poor brides paid for these things. I would probably have thrown a tizzy had any of those showed up at my wedding lol. Especially the last one. Yikes.
"This right here is why I would not be surprised if a baker put croutons on a cake. This right here."
-Sabs
---------------------------------------------
Oh, I just really love this, Sabs! It's simple, cut-to-the-chase, unadulterated, no b.s., perfect, perceptive PURITY.
=^u.u^=
Is it wrong that I actually like that whole wheat cake? I have no idea how you'd cut it or eat it, but I think it looks very cool.
@Barbara Anne: I almost missed your innocent blinking and signature because my eyes had already started their roll towards the heavens. Teehee!
I have one thing to say about cake #1:
"WILSON!!!!!"
That wheat cake made me laugh out loud! What a hoot!
I guess this is a really STICK-y situation...
Get it?
Stick-y?
This is why I wouldn't be able to write this blog.
I was weeding through old posts and decided to see all the saps that had needled you with bad puns. I thought that I might branch out a little and try my hand at it, but then decided that your humor might have been sapped. I was also afraid that someone might bark at me for such twiggy and woody puns.
P.S. There are 8 sappy puns in there. Where you able to weed though and find them?