GoT Cakes?
April 9, 2013 Good news! After all the hype and anticipation, the third season of "Game of Thrones" has finally started!
Now, while I've never actually watched any episodes, I have seen several thousand Facebook posts, millions of Twitter swoons, and a well-placed "Saturday Night Live" skit -- plus I was behind a very enthusiastic guy who was discussing it loudly and in excruciating detail on a cell phone once while I waited for a bagel.
I think we can agree this makes me an expert.
I'd like to share my newfound expertise with you, so you can jump right into season three if -- like me -- you're a little behind.
;)
[innocent whistling]
So, apparently the show is a fantasy in a medieval setting, so expect to see a lot of crumbly-looking castles:
;)
That moat really needs to be filled with coffee.
The story seems to center around a bunch of burly guys in armor, furs, and funky headgear, all wielding a variety of nasty, big, pointy teeth weapons:
;)
Like this, only with dingier tank tops.
The nomads -- they're the ones in the furs -- also have their own language. Fortunately, they get subtitles:
;)
... in Esperanto.
["Hark. Methinks mine codpiece doth chafe!"]
All these guys are fighting to gain control of a throne that apparently needs ironing:
;)
Not to mention a good dousing of Ye Olde Febreeze.
There's also Lady Daenerys, an ambitious blonde with webbed feet and a penchant for blood-letting.
;)
At this point even I don't know which parts I'm making up anymore.
Oh, and I almost forgot to mention all the sex and nudity!
Apparently there's a LOT of it, which gets some people bent out of shape.
;)
Take that any way you want.
"Game of Thrones" is also supposed to be pretty violent. I can't say for certain, of course, but there are a lot of parodies featuring decapitation.
;)
I think these are the nomads.
So to recap: A bunch of hairy, burly guys and an intense girl are all fighting over a piece of uncomfortable furniture while having sex and cutting people's heads off.
Huh.
"Game of Thrones" sounds an awful lot like "Medieval Divorce Court."
;)
I should totally be watching this thing!
Epic thanks to Nicole E., Erin C., Kimberly C., Christina T., Julie B., Ingrid H., Liz D., Misty T., Brianne P., Christina B., and all you GoT fans out there who know I sometimes write fantasy. Now, please, put the swords down...
Reader Comments (57)
Ha! I think your knowledge of GoT is slightly above mine, and I even own the book (one of these days I'll get around to actually reading it). And those doggie-pops are actually quite well-done, except for the poor choice in subject material. Alas, poor Rover(s)...I knew him, Horatio.
Knowing that an awful lot of time and effort went into making those Godawful dog heads on sticks makes me sad...
On the plus side, I think I want a castle made of donuts!
If the portrait is
accurate, they highlighted
his best feature, but . . .
impaled dog heads? Why? Just. Why?
Your recap of GoT is pretty accurate. Can I quote you?
Am I the only one getting a J. Jonah Jameson vibe from the third cake? No? Yes? Maybe? Ok then... As for the sixth cake, I'm sensing a Princess Guenevere and the Jewel Riders gone-wrong moment here. Wait, you don't know what that show is? So... I'm the only one? Well, fine then... *grumble grumble* Actually, I have to disagree with Jen here. (Sorry!) Artifact A-211 needs a good dousing of Ye Olde Artifact Neutralizing Goo AND Ye Olde Febreeze. I mean, poor Trailer, the artifact has already killed all of his cousins! We don't want him to die too! Oh, and what's Game of Thrones? Jen has blessed me with her wondrous information on the show, but when I asked my mom if I could watch it, she said I had to wait until I was 30! And Craig called me "sweetie" and told me he didn't want me watching it until I was 40! Theardare, you're my only friend.... *Pets kitty* ....And that's seriously saying something, because you tried to kill my mom yesterday! *meows an apology* I know, I know, she gets on my nerves too...
That last wedding cake is so full of "awesome" and "winning" I'm beside myself, here. Literally. I cloned myself so we could both bask in its awesome winningness.
Say, "Hi", other me.
"Hullo".
I am in love with the doughnut castle! Game of Thrones I know very little about, though my family has rushed through the books this year, so I've heard a little as they discuss - you seem to be right on!
I found the inspiration for the Barbie cake!!
I am disturbed by the bunny cake. Either she has her seams in the wrong place (which would be really uncomfortable the way the tights are twisted) or her legs are turning in ways that legs should not turn. Either way, she looks like she could be in some serious pain.
Hey! Some of these should not count! Pie and donuts? Cake pop dog heads... OK... sliding in under the radar there!
Nothing like starting my day with a big, giant naked butt! Thankfully, it was followed by a donut castle. I WANT one of those!
I thought I would need the eye bleach after seeing the stripper cake. And then I saw the Beagle pops. Oh. My. Gawd. GROSS! I can't imagine biting into one of those!
Love the divorce cake! Went through a nasty child support lawsuit with my ex last year after we'd been divorced for 13+ years. That's exactly how I felt.
I'd love to storm that donut castle! Sweet!!
Just watched my first episode this weekend. I found myself adding lines from Princess Bride, Monty Python Holy Grail AND Star Wars. It definitely spruced up the dialogue.
btw, is that a picture of Wolfman in the third picture?
"A bunch of hairy, burly guys and an intense girl are all fighting over a piece of uncomfortable furniture while having sex and cutting people's heads off."
Yes, that's actually incredibly accurate!! Although you did leave out the demented blonde king (who is neither hairy nor burly) who is the product of incest between his mother and her twin brother. *nodding*
I have read the first Game of Thrones book but find that I care very little about the characters who remain to fight over the throne. That being said, your synopsis in right on the money!
So the old recliner looks like a photo from a catalog. What event on God's green earth would require someone to get an Old Recliner cake? Febreeze or no Febreeze? I'm so confused.
But Jen, I thought you didn't like scary shows... ;)
Aww...I kind of like those dog head cake pops!!
The last cake is more prophetic than you know. Especially if you combine it with one of the dog head pops. And that's all I'll say about that.
Interesting breakdown. :) And oddly, semi-accurate. :D
Though, I would still recommend watching. It is a fantastic program. :) And you can pretend those in armor are actually steampunky :D
Lost it at the Iron Chair/Wrinkly Recliner
Those doggie-pops might be just a tiiiny bit to well executed for my taste...
I know the person who made the cake pops, she gave me loads of tips on how to improve when I started making them myself. She does amazing work, and cake pops are not an easy medium to work in. She's done commissions for Facebook, Jimmy Choo, and the Brit Awards (there are others, but I can't remember the specifics), and her cake pops have even been shipped to Afghanistan
The times when they do look off-putting is only because someone specifically asked her to make them that way. You may not like that style, but you should respect the really hard work that went into making them
See for yourselves: http://www.cakepopprincess.co.uk/gallery/
@Nagzilla-Don't worry. She appears to be quite dead.
#1: I expected this to be a cake celebrating some milestone in a doctor's career or perhaps a funny reminder of an unusual case, but no, it is a birthday cake. Interesting.
#2: "There seems to be a flaw in your defensive strategy, my Lady." OM-NOM-NOM.
#3: Ah, yes, @Karate Lady's Daughter, I do see a resemblance to good ol' J.J. Jameson, in his younger years.
#4: "[checkmark] B-day, Xe!" ? We are recognizing Xe's day of birth, but we do not wish it to be happy, necessarily. Just going to acknowlege it.
#5: "Honey! I have good news and bad news. The bad news is, I threw out your favorite recliner. *offers spouse tissue* But, the good news is that I had it immortalized in cake!" *proceeds to cut up cake, which sends spouse into nervous breakdown*
#6: At least with this doll, you won't be picking random fake hair out of your cake.
#7: Nevermind, Legless Barbie. Pull the covers back up. *shudders at the disconnected zombie leg prosthetics*
#8: Their eyes. The sad, hollow eyes of doom.
I wanted to watch GoT at first, because it has Peter Dinklage in it, whom I love. I also see Jason Momoa of SG-A fame is a cast member. Now, though, after hearing your synopsis, I'm glad I never got into it. : )
I just started watching GoT in March when it finally became available to those in Canada who can't get/don't want HBO. Totally love the series. Your post made me laugh...it is surprisingly accurate :) Just waiting for season two to come to basic cable.
RE: my earlier comment on cake #1: please disregard. I realize now that it says butt day, not birth day. I still don't get it, though.
@Claire: We understand. I mean, I think someone asked for the last cake to be made that way, and yet, here it is on CW. There are plenty of well done cakes on here, not for lack of talent, but questionable subject. Such as dogs' head mounted on a stick, giant spiders catching fish, or bloody body parts strewn atop a wedding cake (see yesterday's post). I think most of us agree the talent is there on these specific cakes, but we still don't want to eat them! Thus, they are wrecks. Also, we tend not to question The Jen, because our resident AK-toting-Barry-Manillow-playing-Room-101-ruling cat in residence does not like it. ; - )
Cheers!
yeah Jen... you pretty much got the synopsis right on GoT. (and yes, I too have found myself tossing out "Monty Python & the Holy Grail" quips and "Princess Bride" quotes at the screen while watching GoT)
I have also read up to book 5 of the series (I'm an avid reader of Fantasy and SF) but I'm halfway thru book 5 and I had to stop, I just can't take the endless never-ending plot twists that never get resolved. I've been reading & reading, hoping for a glimmer of joy and resolution. But alas, none exists. I'm also getting pretty sick of all the nonstop sex & gore. Even I have my limits.
However I will probably never reach my limits where it comes to Cake Wrecks so... keep on keepin' on!!
#2 The builders of Castle Om Nom Nom did err greatly in but one respect: choice of building material. Thus, when it fell, it wasn't so much taken by force as eaten. Alas, the horses did not partake and became suspiciously thin, so that the medieval equivalent of ASPCA had to be called. This historic event is to be commemorated henceforth by sending a model of the Castle to me on every day that ends in 'y'.
#3 The original concept for 'Edward Scissorhands' was less Gothic and borrowed heavily from 'Popeye'.
#4 Now this is clever -- a cake that looks exactly like a pie! They even added a fondant 'pie tin', though I probably don't want to know how they made it look so metallic.
#5 This is a catalog item, which implies that in some demented corner of the universe, there is a demand for this. Why?! Can you imagine showing this to the 17 year-old 'baker' at "Grocery Mart" and asking her to duplicate it?
#7 Gives a whole new meaning to "doing the splits." Yikes!
#8 Before the "offended dog owner" Epcot gets underway, I would just like to say that I have a dog and I am not offended, because I realize that it took a lot of time and effort to make these.
#9 Isn't that quite a lot of...strawberry goo? Isn't it ironic that the cake is otherwise quite nice-looking?
What an awesome divorce cake. Expertly done, and I wouldn't want to be a friend of the ex in that party.
As for GoT, I watched the first episode after I've been told it's an epic, well, epic. I got really sick of the violence and all the sex in one episode. I mean - in just one episode there were two incidents of incest. And I think also an attempted infanticide.
Barf. Thank you, I am still not entirely desensitized to cruelty, thank goodness, I prefer British drama.
Now I can't tell if I want to watch the show or not :P
Since I'm not familiar qith the subject in question, I will make quick comments:
Cake #1 - WHA- That. Thing. There. On the butt... WHADDAHELLSDAT???
Cake #2 - Not much complaining here. I'd actually eat it all. yum;
Cake #3 - I believe that one is really the famous, iconic, overused, needing-to-being-put-to-rest *pant, pant* Wolverine, from the X-Men. And he does need to get his healing factor to work already!
Cake #5 - I have seen that one before, here on CW. Right?
Cue the whining when guys start taking photos of the cakes their fabulous friends make for their divorces...
# 3 is Wolverine.
Off Topic:
@Ro.H: I hope it doesn't bother you that I read your name in the voice of Scooby-Doo, as in "Ruh-Roh!"
That is all.
Yup. GoT, heads on sticks
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=babT8hR924w
Thanks for the cliff notes guys! Like @mindy I'm unsure if I want to to watch it now or not.
@Craig, thanks for attempting to head that one off. (HAH!) See, this is why I love CW. I didn't even intend for that to come out that way but I'm keepin' it just the way it is. You guys have taught me so muchl...
Wreck #7 is just... I don't even have words. Part of me wonders just what they used to make the legs but the smarter part of me is now wandering to the bunker to find the portable unsee machine. And give Theardare a few scritches because I see this getting ugly quickly...
@Haiku Joy, how are the babies?
@KarateLady's Daughter ~ Impressive!
No way! What do you write?
Totally nailed the Red Wedding with that last cake!
Miss Bent Out of Shape looks like she's wearing a Minnie Mouse Ears hat. :-)
@KarateLady's Daughter - Honey, you mentioned petting Theardare, which indicates that you're in the Bunker, but perhaps you should mention *being* in the Bunker anyway, lest Jen & the CW Team & everyone else get the idea that Craig lives with us when, in fact, he does not & you just ran into him in the Bunker, K? Ok. Thank you...(Not to mention, I don't need your father asking me "Who the HECK is Craig?!" and other accusatory-type questions...@Mr.KarateLady - He's just a cyberfriend, hon. And Jodee's got dibs on him anyway... ;-)
(Heeheehhee - somewhere in cyberspace, Jodee is blushing & possibly Craig too... ;-)
both KarateLadies made my day! :D
I love you guys! The CW Team and all the commentators.
Like the proverbial watched pot, these babies are not boiling very quickly. I mean, dehydrating. I'm ignoring them until I can spend energy thinking about the Asian skin tone problem again.
I ummm... well, ummm... THANKS A LOT KarateLady! You TOTALLY made my night! Thanks for that!
Well I want to eat that castle. And that last cake I figure must be for a very serious divorce lol I cannot see that as being a wedding cake unless it is halloween and even then that would be stretching it. Goes back to drooling at the doughnut cake mmmmm.
I...I...I yi yi. This confirms what every person who is owned by a cat already knows: human discomfiture is an endless source of feline amusement. I didn't think cats could laugh, but whatever Theardare is doing will suffice until the real thing comes along. OY.
Think I'll just tell people my face is sunburned. I doubt they'll believe it, though, with the weather like it has been for the last 75 months.
:-)
Khereva, no one's going to whine if Jen posts a divorce cake which makes the woman look bad. The reason why we only see divorce cakes made for women is obvious. If a guy's friends think his ex-wife has screwed him and he needs cheering up they don't go out and buy a custom-made cake, do they? They go out and buy a crate of beer.
The chair cake is probably not a wreck. Probably.
Pretty good summary of GoT. Pretty gross cakes, as per usual!
As someone who read all 5000 pages of "A Song of Ice and Fire" (the actual title of the series of novels), I have to say that HBO has done a GREAT job translating the books to film. There is a lot of gore, not as much sex in the books (this IS HBO, people!) - I find that I can fast-forward through the sex scenes and typically not miss any plot development, you know? The actors are brilliant, especially Peter Dinklage, who has now won two Emmys for his outstanding portrayal of Tyrion Lannister. And the locations are gorgeous...well, enough of that.
No, I am not paid to promote the show!
And kudos to Jen, John, and the whole CW team, who gets pop culture so well, even if they haven't watched the shows.