GoT Cakes?
April 9, 2013 Good news! After all the hype and anticipation, the third season of "Game of Thrones" has finally started!
Now, while I've never actually watched any episodes, I have seen several thousand Facebook posts, millions of Twitter swoons, and a well-placed "Saturday Night Live" skit -- plus I was behind a very enthusiastic guy who was discussing it loudly and in excruciating detail on a cell phone once while I waited for a bagel.
I think we can agree this makes me an expert.
I'd like to share my newfound expertise with you, so you can jump right into season three if -- like me -- you're a little behind.
;)
[innocent whistling]
So, apparently the show is a fantasy in a medieval setting, so expect to see a lot of crumbly-looking castles:
;)
That moat really needs to be filled with coffee.
The story seems to center around a bunch of burly guys in armor, furs, and funky headgear, all wielding a variety of nasty, big, pointy teeth weapons:
;)
Like this, only with dingier tank tops.
The nomads -- they're the ones in the furs -- also have their own language. Fortunately, they get subtitles:
;)
... in Esperanto.
["Hark. Methinks mine codpiece doth chafe!"]
All these guys are fighting to gain control of a throne that apparently needs ironing:
;)
Not to mention a good dousing of Ye Olde Febreeze.
There's also Lady Daenerys, an ambitious blonde with webbed feet and a penchant for blood-letting.
;)
At this point even I don't know which parts I'm making up anymore.
Oh, and I almost forgot to mention all the sex and nudity!
Apparently there's a LOT of it, which gets some people bent out of shape.
;)
Take that any way you want.
"Game of Thrones" is also supposed to be pretty violent. I can't say for certain, of course, but there are a lot of parodies featuring decapitation.
;)
I think these are the nomads.
So to recap: A bunch of hairy, burly guys and an intense girl are all fighting over a piece of uncomfortable furniture while having sex and cutting people's heads off.
Huh.
"Game of Thrones" sounds an awful lot like "Medieval Divorce Court."
;)
I should totally be watching this thing!
Epic thanks to Nicole E., Erin C., Kimberly C., Christina T., Julie B., Ingrid H., Liz D., Misty T., Brianne P., Christina B., and all you GoT fans out there who know I sometimes write fantasy. Now, please, put the swords down...
Reader Comments (57)
Jen: check out this link...BUT DONT Eat, Drink, Breath or even think of doing any of them before you do or you will have wasted what ever it was. This link brings the E W into ewwwww!!!! Good luck and may your Bodily functions forgive me. Netasha
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2305824/The-GROSS-British-Bake-Off--Baker-creates-ashtray-cake-fungal-toe-cookies-bloodied-ear-cake-pops.html
Grrr... (since I can't swear here, then I'm gonna do this... ) Gosh! Dang it! To HECK!!! Sorry for my badly written comment, I was in a hurry.
Okay, take two:
Cake #1 - That. Thing. On that. Big. Butt.
I STILL WANT TO KNOW WHADDAHELLIZDAT!!!
Cake #2 - *omnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnom* Who needs battering rams?
Cake #3 - Okay, again: that one IS actually the famous, iconic, overused and seriously-in-need-of-some-freaking-rest *pant, pant* Wolverine. And even his healing factor is overworked, he is not in a good shape;
Cake #4 - Aw, I forgot the post which featured that one. Can someone please refresh my memory? Thanks in advance!
Medieval divorce court is exactly what Game of Thrones is. Also, read the books if you're going to watch the show. They're much better, and that's considering that the show is great.
Just for future reference: there's no "x" in the alphabet of Esperanto.
Also, when you mock Esperanto you make a small but impassioned group of people sad and defensive, and belittle a language community which has survived against the odds and just wants a bit of respect for a change. If you belittle Volapük, on the other hand, you'll only offend 20 people (half of which already think their language is a bit of a joke), and the Esperantists will think you are hilarious.
No one else will get it, though. Is that a problem?
I read the series ten years ago or so and gave up after he killed off most of my favorite characters. I decided to run the other way. That series and Robert Jordan's behemoth. pfft.
Awww. Tthe puppy heads all look so sad. Guess I would, too.
That caption cake might as well be captions, even though it is SUPPOSED to be a math joke. However, as a math joke, it makes no sense. What is the square root of B minus day times E factorial?