Spring DOOM!!!
March 19, 2013 This spring, terror has a new name:
;)
SCREAMING BLOOD-SOAKED LAGOMORPH RECKONING OF DOOOOOM
With everything you've come to expect from a low budget, Easter-themed horror movie!
Including:
;)
"There's old blood and creepy hooks hanging everywhere in this abandoned house that's miles from anywhere - so let's check out the basement! Shyah!"
Gratuitous nudity:
;)
"OMG Jill, we should go skinny dipping!"
That one guy with common sense who always dies at the beginning:
;)
"Guys, this is a really bad idea. Why don't we just get in the car and leave? It's right over there! Jill, put your clothes back on! Well, I'm leavinaaaaauuuuuugggghhhhh!!!!"
Those freaky long-limbed creatures that crawl on ceilings:
;)
NOPE. Nope. Nope-nope-nope-nope!
And of course, creepy two-headed chicks:
;)
"Come play with us.
"We'll play ... chicken."
So this Easter, hop on over ...
;)
... FOR A KILLING.
Thanks to Geneva W., Kathleen L., John B., Michelle L., Alyssa T., Anne B., & Lisa F. for the basket case ... OF HORROR.
(Ok, so today wasn't the best pun day. WHAT.)
Reader Comments (60)
Gee, I thought rabbits were rodents... of horror! (Heading to the bunker.)
1. "That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on! "
I know, I know, that 's getting old. I just posted it to wake up the "rabbits are not rodents..." people.
2. My daughter's middle school guidance councelor was in "Blair Witch Project" (no joke,) and thought he made it all the way to the end of the movie, he kind of looked like "The Guy With Common Sense" cake.
He also been able to survive middle school, so that's something.
C. A Clockwork Easter...
I don't know where your "Nope. Nope. Nope-nope-nope-nope" quote came from (I'm a current culture hermit) but it reminded me of these two space aliens from Sesame Street and their Yips and Nopes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qxWGr8VhzQ
(first "nope" about 1:10 in, and there are more).
I feel bad that I haven't been able to find any cake wrecks in our local stores. Sure...we get all the GOOD decorators around here!
The ceiling creature is actually kind of cute, though!
CW and a snow day... Could it get any better?
The turd with legs is a little too much, but I might be needing a plush version of cow/sheep/bunny.
Pfft. All they need is one good Holy Hand Grenade, and one, two, five, the horror would be over.
Wow. There are people out there who have had some very traumatic Easters.
@SuBee: I LOVE the fact that someone who made it through the Blair Witch Project is now a junior high guidance counselor! What better preparation for being in that field!
Creepy cow/sheep/bunny has come to take my soul.
can't sleep cakes will eat me, can't sleep cakes wil eat me...
Oh God, Picture # 5...the Easter bunny has always creeped me out, and that one didn't help matters any!!!
Ah, Sharyn. I knew I liked you for a reason. I shall repair to the bunker, post haste.
Lol
I'm with you on the creepy ceiling crawler things.
Just......
no.
Am I the only one that thinks that the first one looks like it was made from Great Stuff? http://greatstuff.dow.com/
What the HECK is that first one supposed to BE????
Thanks for the narration, John. I could totally hear the announcer's voice in my head. Of DOOM! hahahahaha
I'm missing the Killer Rabbit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. He is their leader. :p
@SuBee: I'll bring dessert. Cake sound OK?
Cow/sheep/bunny has a nose made out of a dismembered pink Peep bunny head!! Nooooo!!!
I thought it was kinda cute until I noticed that...
Where's a baseball bat when you need one?
ahhhh..great job, john (the hubby of jen) -- reminds me of two things: (1) the horror movie "trailer" you posted some time ago (which is a classic) and (2) the 1972 horror movie "Night of the Lepus"....which turned out to be large rabbits destroying miniature sets....the most horrifying thing was that I paid money to see it....
@SuBee: A Clockwork Easter...lol....
That last wreck isn't a wreck at all. It represents the Western Southern Kryzhkstaninan tradition of the Easter Charolais. No, really. Would the voices lie?
Has there ever been a post that screamed more for someone to do an audio recording and share it? I'd do it but I'm only computer friendly and not savvy. (What? A chick could do these promos, too, it doesn't always have to be impressive voice guy!)
Anyone??
Gee, and I thought they looked like albino pigs...
Did they? No, they didn't. Yes, they did! They cut the heads off Peep rabbits and removed the ears to make noses for the creepy cow/sheep/PIG things! (Yes, I thought they were pigs when I first saw them, so that is what I will call them.)
I thought those last...creatures were My Little Ponies.
Now, are those spiders, or just really heavy eye makeup?
Wow!...Just Wow!
That first one reminds me of Matt Groening's rabbits from "The Big Book of Hell"...
Oh, dear. Go out of the loop for a day or two, and just look what happens! [Note to self: must refrain from talking that far back in my throat, lest it become permanent.]
Anyway. I missed the mini-Epcot on Sunday (the day usually reserved for "aww!", "oooh, how pretty!", and "can I get that one made in (craft idiom of choice)?"), then I find out that The Bunker and environs have been...redecorated. I see I'll have to have another talk with Eddie 2.
As for the episode I now refer to as, "Oh, say, you can't see," let's just say the experiment was a highly qualified success. Theardare was successfully distracted by something shiny (in this case, a pot o' gold), and so I was able to un-unsee myself. He seems to have forgotten all about that other incident, which is just as well.
To be continued...
#5: Excerpt from Silence of the Lambs II: The Screaming of the Peeps --- Clarice:"He's making himself a 'Peep's suit,' Mr. Crawford, out of real Peeps. And he, he can cook, this guy. He's, he's very skilled. He's a baker or a confectioner..."
The "long log lagomorph from the loo"(#5) is disturbing.
The cow/sheep/bunny thing not only has a nose that is a dismembered peep, it's ears are the ears off the peep! These are so creepy!
Not sure which is worse ... thinking that the first wreck was some sort of mutant bird ... or realizing it is supposed to be an Easter Bunny.
I keep looking back at the creepy ceiling crawler and expecting the head to be rotating [shudder]!
Number 5, or is that really #2? LOL, is saying, precious, my precious ! Lol
Oh. My. Lord.
I'm going to take a WAG at the "nope" quote and guess Ducky, from Land Before Time? Which is actually suitably horror-filled for this post, as the little girl who did the voice was murdered by her own father. *shudder* Poor Ducky.
Very bunny post, if not a bit cony. Still, I'm lapin coffee all over the screen. Coming up with a snappy capon should be a cinchilla. Ahem--All #3 needs is a bit more hare!
Of course, it's ALWAYS got the be the black guy who dies first...SMH.
#2 looks suspiciously like Dr. Cockroach PhD from Monsters vs. Aliens!
And exactly how many times have you seen The Evil Dead?
Oh, and I love Bunny the Pooh!! :-)
Ok. I told Eddie 2 to put The Bunker, et al back like it was, forgetting how literal-minded he is. I was treated to the entire history of the bunker site in fast motion. Against my better judgement, given the contents, I waited until the atrium reappeared before calling 'STOP!'
Now to reassert relevance.
#1 I had to look at this WAY more times than I would have liked before I saw the lagomorph face. I was focused on why anyone would top an otherwise-unfrosted cake with what appeared to be a banana split gone terribly wrong.
#2 If Frat Boy wants to scope out the basement, he can go right ahead -- I'll be elsewhere, doing Something Important.
#3 Not quite sure how one goes skinny dipping in a garden, but to each her own. Let's be honest -- who would pay to see guys skinny dipping? Once they wade in waist-deep, the show's over. (If the water is cold, the show is really over, so I've heard.)
#4 One could say that the surrealist school of cake wreckoration is redundant, but one hasn't seen this before.
#5 Where's Uncle Remus when you need him -- I would *love* to hear how he might explain this.
(Nice work, Andrea. I would have played off your premise, but I can't come up with any suitable SOTL quotes at the moment.)
#6 For reasons unknowable to anyone like me who has never fooled around with the drugs, the latest remake of "The Shining" was shot on a farm.
#7 One of these is disturbing enough, but there had to be two? (Cue Frank Sinatra)
The second one looks like Dr. Cockroach from Monsters vs. Aliens
I think I hurt myself twisting my neck to figure out what that first one was supposed to be. I think it's a trap really. Stare to long at it and it will steal your soul. *shudder* Evil Bunny.
Last picture = pure evil. They are watching you!
WAAAHOOOO!!!! I've got a pic on CakeWrecks!!!! (It's #4!!! ) The Daughter is jealous but pleased. :-)
@Craig - Thanks for fixing the bunker (again!). Glad I wasn't there to experience the reverse time loop. I bet SuBee & Sharyn suffered some major time-motion sickness, yes? You did administer appropriate first aid, right? Plenty of chocolate...and, at this time of year, Peeps. Or Cadbury's Creme Eggs (my personal favorite). I guess Theardare managed to convince the Leprechaun to hand over that pot, huh? :-)
@Barbara Anne - I'd do it but I'm not "savvy" either - hubby is but we're both too busy with parenting a rebellious teenager and her little copy cat brother...;-)
@Everyone else - Masterful comments! I burst out laughing several times! :-)
...but I think we're missing a haiku...Haiku Joy, where are you?!
Noooooo....the eye on that last cake looks like some sort of spider, and I just....I can't....SPIDER....*shudder*
Well I guess I can now count on the fact I will never ever sleep again. Those possessed sheep wearing too much mascara just cracked me up though lol. But that..hideous thing on the ceiling that looks like it laid some eggs made me want to run and hide.
Vicious bunnies stalk
Frat boys and pretty coeds
Grab your clothes & run!