Ken Day Come-Ons
March 13, 2013 [dimming lights]
[queuing up sexy saxophone music]
[adjusting Speedo]
Hey, Bebeh.
;)
Today is Ken Day, bebeh doll, and that means I'm here to make all your sexy, sexy dreams come true.
;)
Except maybe that one.
(Never again, Cancun. NEVER AGAIN.)
That's right, my sprinkle-coated sugar dumpling, I am about to rock your world ... by dealing you a hand of Blackjack:
;)
Or, wait... this is a hot tub? Oh. Ok. EVEN BETTER. Mrowr.
Now, slide that sweet little personality of yours over here, and have an enormous glass of ketchup:
;)
I warmed up this side of the concrete slab just for you. [eyebrow waggle]
What's wrong, my tangy berry sweet tart? Is the concrete not to your liking?
Perhaps you'd prefer some Satin Ice* sheets?
;)
I don't lounge this casually for just anyone, you know. Mostly because I lack articulated elbows.
(*That one's for you, decorators.)
These boxers are really confining, though, my scrumptious fondant-wrapped cheesecake bite.
Here, let me slip into something a little more comfortable:
;)
You can't see it, but I'm totally flexing for you right now. Unnng.
Ahh, I can tell by your dismayed expression that you're thinking EXACTLY what I'm thinking, my honey-drenched pudding pop: this DOES cover up too many of my "finer assets." [wink] Well, don't you worry. I can fix that.
[grunting]
[squelching noises]
Ok, my candy-coated cake pop! Prepare to meet ... THE LOINCLOTH OF LOVE:
;)
Take me away, officer; I surrender to YOUR SEXINESS.
Oh, and I should warn you: objects in the rear view are much hotter than they appear.
;)
[jiggle jiggle]
Thanks to Sara O., Sanne V., Mary Ann B., Frank M., Laura S., Renee D., & Lauri M. for helping me retroactively ruin a lot of people's childhoods.
Reader Comments (95)
Good god, those cakes almost make me want to be celibate
Not your puddin' pop.
I don't know where your fork's been.
Get your "cakes" tested.
I think what bothers me most is the upside down shoulders in the last cake. I mean, they're all bad, but that just gives me the heebie-jeebies.
I've always had an irrational hatred of Ken.
Now, it's rational.
Sung to "Ben" by Michael Jackson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RIWS53Q4zVE
Ken, we won't be dating anymore
Won't you please just get up off the floor?
Go, buy a skirt of your own, go hottubbing alone
Have a cocktail or three, and wash those tacky sheets
Ken, you're always flexing here and there
Your loincloth's not wanted anywhere
Now, I've had a look behind. It's burned onto my mind.
I think that you should know, I really wish you'd go.
HA HA HA HA HA...the Ken in the Barbie Dress cake makes me laugh and laugh and laugh!!! I won't be right all morning. BWA HA HA HA
HAHAHAHAHA Haven't laughed like this for a while. Of course my daughter is now not ever going to get married... well, she might if she doesn't hurt herself while rolling on the floor laughing....
I just... I... I... I'll have to come back later after I've had a cup of coffee or 7 o.O
Oh my... I don't think I will ever see Ken the same way again... ummmm.... nothanksK.
Debutante Ken (cake #2,) with his ball gown and, ummm, wedding -- no,chastity -- well, golden ring, looks as if he's all ready for his coming out party.
That last picture. oh my . CRACKED UP! Thanks Jen! : D
I'm crying omg that was better than MPGiS
The final Ken looks a lot like Matt Damon in the new Liberace movie.
Sharyn and Haiku joy you just added to the humor :D
SCORE! Touchdown! But when you said Jiggle, I immediately had the "I'm Sexy and I Know it" song in my head. ♪ Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah! ♫
@ SuBee- That would be the infamous "Earring Magic" Ken (a search for him will turn up some mildly not safe for work language). He found quite a few fans among boys for reasons Mattel didn't intend him too.
But isn't it nice that in this day and age gay men can be traumatized by plastic dolls half smooshed in to horribly decorated cakes on their birthdays, too? :)
SuBee and Shannon - if you've ever watched Toy Story 3, cake #2 makes a whole heck of a lot of sense. :-D
Wow - don't think I will ever be able to un-see the last cake... O.o All right, who has the mind bleach???
Dear friends, what *is* the yellow item just out of Ken's reach in the hot-tub? There is an excellent rubber duckie already floating over on the left, and it looks nothing like that.
This has to be one of the best Cake Wrecks yet — definitely a contender for the pantheon of classics. You've outdone yourselves, Cake Wreck geniuses. Thanks for getting my Wednesday off to an actual laugh-out-loud start!
Wow, I haven't seen a C*ckring Ken in the wild for a long time... magnificent post, guys! Just FAAABulous!
That fourth picture down, why is there an 11 next to it? And why does it look like there's another one next to it in the reflection behind it and to the left (I'm assuming there's a mirror behind this cake and it's not just back to back with yet another one)? For the love of all things plastic, this isn't a
sexydoll cake contest, is it?!Those are just sick and wrong on so many levels, LMAO!!!
Oh Ken, being with a different cake every night is just going to lead you down a path of ruin, and diabetes.
So. Much. Awesome.
I was always suspicious of Ken, anyway... Now that I've seen his secret life, it's confirmed.
(must stop giggling)
That first Ken must be holding his breath with anticipation.. He looks a little cyanotic.
Too bad we don't always know the back stories to these cakes. WHY would anyone put a ball gown skirt on a ken doll? o.O
and the best part of this post is the fact that i read it as, "tangy berry sweet *fart*"...
Who...??? What...???? WHY...??????
Nevermind. I don't think that there is any appropriate excuse for ANY of these cakes.
Great Googly Moogly!!! These are horrifying!!
Is it just me, or does the head of that first Ken look like Spock??
Is that a Justin Timberlake doll in the hot tub? I really didn't need to know that those existed (at least it's not a Bieber doll)....
"squelching noises" - haa! Creepy and hysterical all at once! :)
I think this is my favorite post EVER! I can't stop giggling.
Wow, that last pic gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "butt crack", doesn't it? Still loving this blog after many, many months...
Magic Earring Ken's necklace ornament is NOT an ear ring. It's for another piece of anatomy.
There was a lot of speculation back in the day about how on Earth that feature made it through design review at Mattel.
You had me at "fondant wrapped cheesecake bite"! I'm all gooey inside now.
You are just too much!! I was sputtering coffee everywhere with this post. Where are those friggin' Clorox wipes??
I'm laughing so hard I'm in tears! I don't know what's funnier - your commentary or the cakes themselves..this is brilliant.
The first "Ken" looks disturbingly like Mr. Spock...facinating.
I admit it. I love the Ken in the Gone with the Wind dress. Hilarious!
OMG - they did NOT put a valuable collectible in a cake... Earring Magic Ken is worth tens of dollars people! Oh the humanity...
You're famous! :)
The Daily Maiil in the UK has an article on your blog today!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2292677/Are-worst-wedding-cakes-Disastrous-creations-dont-stand-just-arent-good.html
That last picture made my jaw drop! LOL!
Okay, the "jiggle, jiggle" made Dr. Pepper come out my nose!
The... the first one... What's wrong with the first one??? That head clearly doesn't belong on that body! And the arm - oh God, the horrible arm! Why is he lying beside the Eye of Sauron? Who made that plastic moulded body, and for what POSSIBLE purpose??
My meds... <gasp>... someone get me my meds...
and the best part of this post is the fact that i read it as, "tangy berry sweet *fart*"...
March 13, 2013 | gibsongirlk
OH WOW, here I thought I was the only crazy person who had to re-read that line!
I was inspired by "Cross-dressing Ken". I may have to make some girly outfits for my Ken doll so he and Barbie can go out on the town.
And for the love of God, what poor animal has Ken squashed on that first cake?
Oh gosh! I had a couple of those Barbie in the Big Skirt cakes when I was little and loved them but now I think I am scarred for life!
Is Ken laying on a sheep in the first one??? As if it isn't creepy enough...oh the nightmares I am going to have over this!!
Love that creepy "hey bebeh" thanx Cakewrecks my day is much brighter!
Can't stop laughing. All these cakes are the best ever and I want to be invited to the party where they were served. I can't even imagine who ordered them. They aren't really wrecks - just lapse in taste! Anyone ordering these cakes must be throwing a really kinky or wild party.
My favorite part? The Jiggle Jiggle line. Perfect.
ok, THIS is a good question:Dear friends, what *is* the yellow item just out of Ken's reach in the hot-tub? There is an excellent rubber duckie already floating over on the left, and it looks nothing like that.
And did he leave his sarong on the side of the hot tub, also?