Valentines Strategery
February 8, 2013 Valentines Day is next week, so it's a good idea to start strategizing now. I mean strategerizing. I mean stratavarigizing. I mean WHATEVER SPELLCHECK YOUR NOT THE BOSS OF ME.
[What you're not seeing - other than me yelling at my screen like a madwoman - is that spellcheck is telling me "strategizing" is spelled wrong but "your" is right. IRONIC, idn't it?)
Ahem.
I'm going to assume you haven't already proceeded with Operation Dump Week, so let's move on to plan C: Choosing the right gift.
First of all, remember that you can never go wrong with roses.
;)
Unless they're these roses.
;)
Or these ones.
;)
Or...SWEET MERCY, has Sleeping Beauty been on another rampage?!
Ok, maybe instead you should go with a single, long-stemmed...
;)
....tape worm.
You know what, forget the roses. Teddy bears are where it's at:
;)
Or, sure, decaying gophers could work too, I guess.
Here's a good option if your guy/gal is nicknamed "Poo Bear:"
;)
A yellow-bellied Poo Bear? Nice one, bakers.
You could also just stick to the Valentine basics: you know, hearts, cupid arrows, that sort of thing.
;)
That's it.
Sing it with me, Kathleen S., Lindsay R., Maria V., Suzanne, David G., Amanda S., & Caroline M.:
Shot through the heart!
And you're to blame!
You give loooove
A BAD NAME.
*************
Technical Note: Have you been by the Cake Wrecks Facebook page lately? I post daily updates and photos over there, but you won't see them in your feed - even if you follow us - unless you visit the page every now and then. So please, click on over!
Reader Comments (77)
AWWWW-Chartreuse and gunmetal grey were my wedding colors!
Gopher McFly thinks:
Oh no! I'm disappearing
from my family's cake!
Pewter roses.
Pewter roses.
Oh how green those roses seem to be.
At least they're not the
Ugly brown ones
or blood-red ones shining glossily.
**I have to say that last one is at least well-executed.
Bahaha, the realistic heart is well done in a creepy way :D-ggod for a nurse or heart surgeon.
The rest of them make me long for cheap russel stovers chocolate O_o
Roses are green
Violence ensues
When valentine cake
Is stuffie of poo.
Ok, my sick and twisted little mind LOVES the last one....a great "anti-Valentine" cake. Very well executed (pardon the pun) and perfect for any He Man Woman Hater's Club meeting. :)
Sung to “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLgHbXfoyh0
Please don’t bring cake flowers
Not duct tape and green ones
I never want to see anymore
Poo roses I abhor
Or tissue piled that way
I remember when…
You didn’t give me tape worms
Dead gophers don’t deceive me
Your pee-soaked poo bears aren’t all right
Might be good for you
But these cakes are a fright
Well. I guess it’s over
And MY heart’s all right
So, please don’t bring cake flowers anymore
At least the decorator on the last one has a good grasp of anatomy.... Looks like a perfect cake for a Valentine's Day party that was preceded by Dump Week.
That arrow-through-the-heart one is kind of awesome.
Cake #2 is the first time I've ever seen dead roses done in frosting. o_O
Love that last cake!!
Anything that could be on a 'Saw' movie poster is good for me.
Sharyn and Haiku joy lolol thanks for cheering up a blizzard caught person :)
To paraphrase Rita Rudner, "Those would look better...ON FIRE!"
I saw today's post and was reminded of my most recent conversation with my mom. Some of my friends and I are having a Settlers of Catan-themed potluck tomorrow and I was trying to figure out what to make (probably everyone will bring desert so I wanted to be different). I was thinking of making mashed potatoes shaped like sheep. When I told my mom this, without skipping a beat, she seriously said "why don't you also make Swedish meatball "sheep turds" to go with it." I'm glad she is not a cake decorator. I hope my friends like the sheep and sheep turds!
As for Wreck #1, radioactive mold sets my heart all a-flutter! @SuBee, will one of your bridesmaids let me borrow her lovely dress? I must wear it on the 14th.
@HaikuJoy, love the BttF reference!
@Sharyn, perfect choice!
Jen, I really love that last one. It's so delicately macabre.
I believe Jason Fox ( of Foxtrot fame) would love that last cake. I must admit I find it attractive myself, but I am a sick puppy.
After today's offerings, I'm almost tempted to say "Dump me! Just dump me and get it over with!!" Talk about being between a rock and a hard place...
For those of you rooting for me on my "watch all of ST:TOS/TAS for the first time" adventure, I watched "Journey to Babel" last night and was quite impressed by the tight writing.
For those of you rooting for me on my "grade all the things" adventure, I'm making good progress. I'm almost back on schedule instead of behind.
For those of you rooting for me to not disappear, as is my once-a-semester wont, I think this is the first January ever where I posted everyday. I didn't think it would happen, but there it is.
Also this semester, I upped the Words of the Day ante significantly for my students and they have stepped up! Words of the Day this week all started with the prefix "mal-" which gave me an excuse to pretend that I am evil. Some of them don't think I'm pretending.
That's all the news.
Several of these wouldn't be so bad if the decorators simply had a color consultation.
Oh, sentimental me...the second cake brought a tear to my eye.... This cake, clearly, was ordered by a father and his two children (the three roses) to show their love for their mother (the single rose lower right.) The little roses falling toward the mother are the symbols of her family's love for her, while the little roses from the mother are indicative of her motherly love for them. They are bombarding each other with love....little love flower bombs. Wouldn't this be a better world if all of us exchanged f-bombs.....
@SuBee, Haiku Joy, zoomom, and Sharyn: lol...well done, ladies...well done!
Well we can clearly see why all the cakes before the last one exist. We have a cake decorator that is literally heartless!
1) Those top ones are Vulcan roses. Or would be if Vulcan still existed. Or something. (This whole "alternate timeline" thing has me SO CONFUSED.... DARN YOU, JJ ABRAMS!!! DARN YOU TO HECK!!!!!
2) The long-stem tapeworm looks like a Facehugger to me. (Which is, I guess, not any better...)
As a matter of fact, I *am* nicknamed "Pooh Bear", and I don't want that!
(anon: A Settlers Of Cataan-themed potluck is all kinds of awesome. May I be your friend?)
The first one wouldn't be bad if the person mixing the frosting colors had a clue.
I have to say, I actually LOVE the last cake. That would totally win MY heart.
Wow. There's poo cake and then there's cake #2. It takes quite the wreckerator to get the poo aged liked that. A petrified poo monster war with tiny poo missiles emitting green flames. "Pew! Pew! Pew!", indeed.
#4 reminds me of a sandworm, with its mouth open.
That last one is morbid and gross. I love it.
@LDM, zoomom, Sharyn: What a treat! Nicely done.
@Haiku Mal: McFly! Also: I am rooting for you on all the above. Glad you are able to keep up with the "grade all the things" part so you can enjoy the other adventures and we can enjoy your company.
@anon: Settlers of Catan themed potluck? Awesome. I love your mom's idea. What a horrible, aweful, brilliant idea! Teehee. Will you be taking pictures to share? Please?
Off Topic: Okay, I'm probably late to the game here, but I just saw this last night and cannot stop laughing I love it so much and need to buy it/put it on an apron and wear it everyday: THIS
Honestly, it's amazing how such a skilled decorator can turn out an otherwise beautiful cake (cake #1), but simply use ALL the wrong colors. Even pink or red would have looked awesome with the silver.
But radioactive green??? Was this person colorblind????
@Andrea: LOVE the Dalek -- it's on my Facebook page now (thanks to you...)
@mel: I am sending you a very heart-felt f-bomb! <3
Green and grey roses? What planet do these bakers live on???
Hey, that last cake is awesome. And funny. Intentionally so, I'm guessing.
mel, you can exchange sentimental f-bombs with me anytime.
You need to call Sam & Dean in for the last one.
I'm with a few of the others: the last cake, while probably not to everyone's taste, is excellent. Not worthy of the "wreck" label.
The last cake would go quite well with the zombie teddy bear:
http://money.cnn.com/2013/02/07/smallbusiness/zombie-teddy-bear/
WARNING: Weak stomachs....eh, you wouldn't be here if you had one so click away!
@Andrea -- I am going to get that Tshirt NOW. So glad you posted that!
I have to put in a vote for the last one, a realistic heart with an arrow... Creepy but in a good way.
Another fan of the "Shot through the heart" cake. How can you not love a cake that is suitable for both Valentines Day and Halloween?
Duct tape gray and acid green roses? I can only guess that the order was for a gray and green cake, and the partcular shades just happened to come out unfortunate. That still begs the question, who would order gray and green roses of any shade? At least the roses and trims are reasonably well-made.
Haiku Joy, I seriously want to be your friend-in a non-stalker sort of way.
Mel, thanks for the explanation of cake #2. I thought it was dead artichokes.
No Words Photography. Indeed.
Actually, I rather like the silver-and-radioactive-green cake. I'll eat that one.
I would call that first color TMNT-green.*
*Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles
The first cake I can assumed someone wanted gray and green roses. You would be surprised by the weird colors and stuff people want on a cake. I have some of the best stories about the weirdest things people want written on a cake or colors they want put together one a cake. No matter what you say you can almost never persuaded them otherwise.
With that first one, aside from the horrid color choice, exactly how much of it is frosting and how much of it is cake? O_o Same for the "yellow bellied poo bear." I just noticed the tag mentioning it as a "cupcake critter." Where's the cupcake?
LDM, your pun just made my day. "Well executed" indeed. xD
Your spellcheck missed the apostrophe in "Valentine's", too!
As an operating room nurse, I cannot express to you how totally AWESOME that heart is!! Love it to death. :)
LMAO! My son just told me the second one looks like "poop and radishes."
Considering the last cake is well done as are many of the cakes featured, I am now calling your blog (which I read everyday - thanks for the enjoyment) Cake Wrecks & Whys
thanks for the laugh today (as usual); I really needed it
the last one was pure awesomeness
(on a steek)
@HaikuJoy glad to get the updates! of course, when you mentioned "mal-" I thought Mal Reynolds so that made your post extra shiny
(ah, the BareNakedFillion)
@mel you, sir, are freakin' awesome (ha! another f-bomb)
@Andrea (pew,pew,pew to you!) I saw that one in a different version (and liked it so I put a Pin on it)
@mindy1 hope you weather the storm well and I happen to love cheap Russell Stover chocolates- not as much as nice Belgian ones but they're still good (caramels especially)