Dump Week
February 6, 2013 It's National Dump Your Significant Jerk Week, or as I like to call it, Dump Week. That's right, folks, it's time to get out now before you have to spend another Valentines' Day shelling out the dough for over-priced chocolates and stuffed animals!
And really, what better way is there to end a romantic entanglement than with CAKE?
;)
Now your ex can drown his sorrows in beer and buttercream. Unless he's out of beer. Or hates cake. In which case, this cake is PERFECT.
;)
For some reason I get this one a lot. You know, from you readers. It's usually followed by a "I promise I'm not a stalker," and a request for my home address. (No joke.)
If you prefer a more subtle route, there's also this option:
;)
"Allow me to point out that the arrow pointing to the representation of the amount of my love is actually larger than the representation of the amount of my actual love.
"If you're not getting this, I've also prepared a pie chart. On a pie."
Then there are all the old standbys:
The Outraged:
;)
The Relieved:
;)
The Psychopath:
;)
But for my money, I'll always prefer good old fashioned crazy:
;)
If I find a jam filling, I am OUTTA HERE.
Thanks to Sarah H., Kjaere, Lesley M., Birdy, Olivia C., and Erin W., who will always hold a special place in my heart, and we'll always be friends, but I'm at a really complicated place right now and just need some time to think about who I am, you know?
Reader Comments (57)
You can tell a great deal about a person based on the cakes they present to you:
1nd- Cowardly with low self esteem
2th- Cowardly with high self esteem
3st- Honest and detail oriented
4nd- Refreshingly honest
5st- Honest and religious
6nd- Exciting and possibly dangerous
7st- Delightfully playful
Now give me your home address or I'll burn up and die!!!
Hilarious post. I love you.... can you send me a lock of your hair?
I'm just a girl-cake
in front of boy-cake, asking
"Is my frosting fat?"
Sung to the theme from “The Love Boat”
Love’s exciting when new
But you’re old, so I’m dumping you
Cake, the loser’s reward
You should know, that it’s me, not you
The dump cake tells you that “I’m not in love with you.”
The dump cake show the size of my esteem for you
If you please could drop dead now
Your leaving will make me dance
Our love doesn’t burn anymore
It’s a frosted toenail, I know you’ll look for
You’re du-umped, yes
Du-umped!
I'm buying my hubby -- who I'm NOT dumping, no way, no how -- a "Find the Toenail" cake (with jam filling) for Valentine's Day, if my local store-that-shall-not-be-named will make it... It reduced me to snorting while pointing at the monitor. My son -- and Valentine's Day baby -- thought he was going to have to do CPR.
We want to put your lock of hair into a cake, Jen, and send it back to you. So really you're just loaning it to us for a while. So no biggie, after all. What's your home address again?
I would have spit out my coffee at Sharyn's
" If you please could drop dead now
Your leaving will make me dance,"
had I not been prepared by Haiku Joy's touching haiku (I feel sad for that girl cake.)
Either way, keyboard catastrophe averted.
Hey... I only asked for your address ONE TIME! And it was for a thank you note. :) And when I was outside your window it was really hard to hear what the two of you were saying and I hardly got any good pictures, so you've got that going for you.
"Find the toenail"! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
"So glad your leaving." Your/you're. So tricky ;-)
OMG bwahahahahahaha the things people put on cake XD XD XD
Sharyn and Haiku joy lol
Susan, I'm selling bootleg copies of the Yates neighborhood videos. The security detail wouldn't let me get close to THEIR house (how did you get all the way to the window?!) but Mildred from across the street comes through picture-perfect. She's had a hip surgery so she moves kinda slow, which helps.
Twenty cupcakes for each ten minutes of video. I pick the ten minutes.
I'm still in awe that you got up against the house, but it's no wonder you couldn't hear the conversation over the sound of Jon's muscles rippling. They kind of drown out everything else. Maybe try a muscle-noise-reducing microphone next time?
(I think I just creeped myself out.)
(Ack! I misspelled John's name! That durn-blam-it silent "h!" Think, Haiku, think.)
Of course, by "Jon" I mean "Jon, the Jen's other husband." You know, like the "other white meat." Which is pork, which has muscles which ripple loudly.
(Crisis *averted.* Now I can go back to my activities for the last two days, which have been grading papers and dreaming about grading papers. Maybe I've caught Sharyn's fever?)
Is "find the toe nail" the creepy, disturbing, "Fatal Attraction-esque" version of a King Cake?
"If you're not getting this, I've also prepared a pie chart. On a pie."
Giggling helplessly at that one; didn't even get to the toenail.
What I'm missing is the "I never really loved you" flan.
The first one is so nicely done and they got the contractions correct! Woo! (Isn't it amazing how our bar has been lowered?)
SuBee, Sharyn, and Haiku Joy - Y'all are just as much an integral part of the CW experience as Jen and John (thoJ). I thank you. Will y'all be my Valentines? ;-)
I love you, but I'm not "In Love" with you. Now give me your home address and social security number, damm!t!!!!
Just kidding....
Dump your Significant Jerk Week? For real? I mean really, REALLY for real? Not just something you made up in order to give these cakes a cool framing?
Hmmm... Maybe I should bake him a cake...
So what you're saying is, these are all... DUMP CAKES?
"Thank God your leaving". Hmm, seems like it's missing something... oh, I know! A "for" between "God" and "your"!
"Find the Toenail" may be the best thing I've ever seen written on a cake. Too funny.
I'm just a boy-cake
in front of girl-cake, saying
that's no fair question
@Sharyn: glad you are doing better. Wonderful Wrecky Song today! Heehee!
@BADKarma: Hahahahaha!
@Jen: I don't need your home address. I am typing this from INSIDE your house! Have you checked the carrot jockeys?
I don't know what's funnier, the cakes or the comments!! Ya'll have no idea how bad I needed that chuckle today. you may have saved a coworker's life.
While I totally understand, get, probably would have sent, the Burn Up and Die cake, the Drop Dead one baffles me. Why would you spend money on a cake for that purpose and not include visuals?
"when i met you at that party i was drunk. REALLY drunk."
Today IS National Lame Duck Day. A perfect day for those waiting until AFTER Valentine's Day to dump their partners.
I am officially afraid of the person who put so much work into the "Burn Up and Die" cake. I think someone enjoyed embellishing that a bit too much.
But the Find the Toenail cake? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Genius. What would be really fun is to set up an office event in advance and leave that cake out on the table, then video people's reactions when they see the cake -- especially on the face of the person who's supposed to cut and serve the cake. And see how many people eat it or turn it down!
Jen, if you give me your home address, I'll set this up deliver the video to you and Jon PERSONALLY. And I'll bring my video camera with me so I can record the sound of Jon's muscles rippling.
Speaking of break-up cakes, you all defo need to see this casino commercial playing here in Ontario. Very funny... and catchy!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrtUDosTrS0
OMG, hilarious cakes for sure, but I have never laughed so hard while reading the comments before! You guys are too funny! The toenail cake was my fav...my hubby happened across it earlier this week and posted it to my FB page, so we were, of course, ecstatic to see it on Wreckies today!
Bring me the toenail of a shrubbery!
I think you should believe the people who say they aren't stalkers. If they were stalkers, they'd already *know* your home address.
Wow. Just wow. Everyone's on a roll today!!! 'Cept maybe me. Think my brain's asleep... or on vacation. But I am enjoying all the wrecks & comments! :-)
If I'm honest and tell you that I want your address to stalk you would you give it to me then?
What will you give for the videos I got off of the collar cam I hid on Threadare?
Seriously, I thought Dump week was the week after Valentine's day- you know, after you see what he got you. Godiva chocolates- keeper! Card with his ex's name crossed out- DUMP!
@ Sharyn, now I have that song stuck in my head. Not a good thing. But it was funny.
@lisadh- I love you, but I'm not in love with you...
I am an avid viewer (closet stalker), not an avid poster.... HAD to post for this one. The cakes were funny, the cake comments helped, but the Comments today were the 'icing' on the whole thing. I laughed so hard I had to keep wiping the tears from my eyes!
I enjoy the cake wrecks, they are hilarious! I cannot believe that you are able to keep posting so many pictures after all this time! I enjoy every one though. Keep up the good work.
I promise to NOT ask for your home address (I have friends who can find it for me). LOL just kidding.... or am i?!
As weird as it sounds...I just had to write Find the Toenail on a cake at work the other day. The man's wife thought it was a super hilarious inside joke that her husband would understand. The rest of us thought it was gross. LOL
Dang! I so wish I had thought of this when I dumped the ex. The Burn up and Die one and the Thank God you're leaving ("your"?? Really?? Have these people never heard of CW?? Or maybe they need to be in Haiku Joy's class for a week?) would have been PERFECT!
@Haiku Joy you just amaze me sometimes. Well, all the time really. p.s. that creeped me out a little too o.O
@Sharyn ~ I've totally run out of superlatives to describe how I feel about you. If you give me your address I promise not to post pictures on Facebook! :)
Thanks Jen for giving me a reason to celebrate this stupid holiday. I'll buy myself a cake and eat it all by myself. It's a "holiday" so the calories don't count, right?
Looking at the label on the second cake (which is white and pink in colour) I have to ask:
Since when was Yellow a flavour?
Where's that bend I'm suppose to wait to go around until later? I think I just went around it with this sentence:
"Lassie looked small and serious while she sat the table. She also tossed salad."
Cake five.... your/you're spelling fail!
It's not suppose to say flavor it's just saying what kind of cake it is. No bakeries well grocery store ones call it vanilla its white or yellow cake. There is no other word for chocolate cake other than just chocolate
Would it be better or worse if "Find the toenail" were on a coconut cake?
Can a dump cake be used as a dump cake? Seriously, there is such a thing as dump cake and, no, I have never tried it. Besides, I think it should be called dump cobbler.
What worries me most about cake six is that someone made and sold that without calling the authorities, apparently, as I do not see any evidence labels with it.
I would like to make a toenail cake. Can you send me one of yours? I'm not a stalker or anything. Oh, never mind. I'll save you the trouble and just fish one out of your garbage can!
is it creepy that I think the burning house cake is really well done?
you do know the restraining order has expired, right? oops, I thought the court would remind you.
sorry.
in advance.
@HaikuJoy the video of their neighborhood comment just made me hoot with delight!
@Andrea you win!! ("typing this from INSIDE")
@Haiku Joy - Bwaaahhhahahaha! I'll join you 'round that bend. :-) And was it the dog Lassie, too? (It would not surprise me...)
This post was hilarious and the comments just made it better!
@Emma- Ha hahaha! Yes!
And it made me nostalgic, so I looked up the Beautiful cake post that number one did with X-tina's song. Still giggling!
Thanks so much to everyone for the laughs.
Lol at all these cakes. Though that burn up and die one I thought was nicely done as well as the toenail cake lol. Man can't wait for next week aka send someone a VD cake. Those are priceless. And reminds me of the ads once put up on the CW page for the Vampire Diaries. Some geniuses thought "Catch VD" would be a good idea lol nope not a good ad campaign there guys.
I lost it at the "Find the toenail" one. Thank God my leaving what?
I cringed at 'find the toenail'...then I had a flashback to that infamous chocolate pie in 'The Help', and it didn't seem so bad after all.
Oh, lord, please let the team find a way that we can "like" comments - I can't even list all my favorites!
Say what you will about the Burn Up and Die cake, but that wreckerator knows how to do some nice trees.
TLC, be very afraid - there are lots of us out there! The boyfriend wanted effigy cakes for the Superbowl & playoff games, and ho boy you shoulda seen the flames on that raven! I don't care at all about football, but flames are fun.
I got dumped yesterday, I wish there had been cake involved.