Cry Fowl
November 27, 2013 THIS JUST IN from WREX-TV:
A toxic icing spill at an area shopping mall has left locals traumatized, confused, and a little peckish:
;)
However, it was in the bakery that results were most devastating, particularly among the turkey cakes.
Some burst into flames:
;)
...others complained of being a bit chilly:
;)
"I'll give you a heads up when it's warmer, guys."
And a few even found themselves on the new literal reality show, "Face Off."
;)
"This punches you in the face with how bad it sucks."
"I liked it!"
"Nobody asked you, Ve."
This guy was spotted rolling down the bread aisle:
;)
He looks fierce, but turned out to be a big cream puff.
(Now he's toast.)
Sadly, the largest percentage of cakes turned into something experts call "poo wangs."
;)
And once a bakery is infested with poo wangs, it's really hard to flush them out.
;)
In the mean time, though, the bakery is having a sale on the classic English dessert, "spotted dick."
;)
So it looks like this situation might have a happy ending, after all.
Thanks to Jayson G., MK, Sara G., Lisa P., Judi I., Nat B., Wendy C., & Laurence R. for the spot of English culture.
Reader Comments (55)
5th one down (the one spotted "rolling down the bread aisle"): From what it claims on the label, it is pretending to be a "Disney Princess somethingsomething signature Castle". Pure gobbledygook! What it REALLY is: a Trojan Turkey, sent to surprise all of the unsuspecting fools who were hoping for something actually edible. LOOK at that oblobination! Where's your "Oh, the humanity!" now, HUH? =^-.-^=
I do not see the turkey-ness of #2. It does have a lot of #2-ness, though.
Who the heck thought turkeys looked like #7?
"Turkey Mousse Cake?" I really hope not. Yuck.
It’s nearly midnight, when I tend to do some writing, and as Thanksgiving is coming, I’m feeling a little contemplative. So, no bad jokes or puns today (well, maybe one….), just a reflection on Cake Wrecks and how thankful I am for it and everyone associated with it. Cake Wrecks is a singular place, a virtual community composed of real people. It is a genteel group, with perhaps a periodic pinch of raucousness, often generated by piles of brown frosting, unusual genitalia (see yesterday’s gingerbread men) and the occasional child-in-the-va-jay-jay cake.
It is a friendly, patchwork community, as diverse as they come, from all corners of the globe [note: this is poetic license, as a sphere has no corners…as in the old joke: said the train robber to his partner – “Head for the roundhouse – they’ll never corner us there….”]. Some live here, some stay for a while and then move on, some are just passing through, and some look but never move in. And that’s fine. All are welcome.
Commenters are generally peaceful, fun-loving people, cut from a variety of cloth, but don’t cotton to people who deprecate Jen, john(thoJ), the CW Team or the site. As Craig once said, “We’ve got your backs.”
It’s about cakes and comedy, with a large dollop of compassion and caring. People laugh and giggle and groan and spit coffee. And celebrate joys and share tears. We are not strangers to virtual hugs, and believe in that old saw, “a burden shared is a burden halved, and a joy shared is a joy doubled.”
I am pleased to be a part of this community. Cake Wrecks literally changed my life, and I am ever grateful for that. It also allows me to release my Kraken…I mean my pre-adolescent kid and write silly, sophomoric stuff just for fun. What logophile wouldn’t love that? Thank you for letting me play here.
But best of all, I get to laugh with people who share this wacky sense of humor. The rising bar is set by Jen, and john(thoJ), augmented by the CW Team, who start the whole thing off each day with goofy cakes and glorious comments; you will not find a more cleverly written, funnier blog on the web. Thank you for your unwavering dedication to puns, word play, the joys of geekness, and unrestrained laughter. And thank you for generously let us comment! From the simple “WTF” (What the Frosting),” to laugh-out-loud, spot-on song parodies by Sharyn to ingenious seventeen syllable synopses from Haiku Joy to all the rest, the site is to go-to place for daily laughter. There is no monopoly on wit here; there is so much talent and humor here from so many people... this is a virtual cornucopia of comicality. And, while we are partial to puns and parody and face palms and spewed coffee, we are eclectic and welcome all form of comments. Release your own Kraken….
So, thank you, Cake Wrecks. Today, and every day, I am thankful for Jen, john(thoJ), the CW Team, and my fellow commenters, and for the laughter you all bring. Happy Thanksgiving* to you all; I am deeply thankful for each of you.
*If you do not celebrate Thanksgiving, Happy Thursday!
Is it bad that I don't find the cream puff turkey all that bad?
As an aside, WREX does exist. It's the NBC affiliate in Rockford, IL.
Those are turkeys?!?!?!?!??!
Do not disrespect the sanctity of Face Off or Ve Neill! But it was also funny as usual, so I can't hold a grudge.
Oh my goodness! The politest thing I can say is that cake #1 has tiny tyranosaurus arms/legs.
I would say kill them with fire, but with some of these turkey cakes, how can you tell you successfully set them on fire?
...And here we all thought flaming poo was strictly a Halloween thing...
I'm going to work "poo wang" into my conversations today. Its bound to be a fun day at work!
Oh wow, so many malformed turkey di- err, necks. I wonder if it even crosses some of these bakers' minds that their "creations" look so... wang-ish.
Shouldn't that say "pecker-ish" on the first cake's comments?
Happy Thanksgiving!
@sending: Re the "bread" specimen--Actually it's "Disney Princess D5 Signature SQ Castle" BUT that's clearly been crossed out and "Creme Puff Tukrey" handwritten in above (why they just didn't print out a new, shiny one is anybody's guess--recycling, maybe?) But none of this distresses as much as the fact that they are asking $38.00!?!--a veritable fortune at Wal-Mart--for the thing.
Beautifully said, mel. You're one of the treasures of this site, and we're lucky to have so many.
Well said mel
Cake #6: The turkey looked plaintive, meditating. He wondered many things; but none of them were the things he SHOULD wonder, just before Thanksgiving. No, what he wondered was how to approach that lovely, wondrous fence post. Turkeys are, after all, quite stupid.
@mel: thank you for your contemplations. I echo the sentiment. This is a wonderful place to hang out.
And since we're on the Interwebs, we're not able to eat the "creations" we're snorking about. That may be the greatest blessing of all!
Jen and John, may your Thanksgiving be filled with beautiful desserts that are truly works of art. Thank you for blessing us with your humor!
Bravo, Mel! Thank you for so poetically expressing exactly how so many if us Wreckies feel about this site, our little corner of the World Wide Web (does a web have corners?). This site makes me laugh everyday. Literally every day. That is something to be truely thankful for and I most certainly am!
Happy Thanksgiving everybody!
Mel, thank you for voicing what I, and I'm pretty sure ALL of us, feel. :-)
I have to say it, I am thankful for poo wangs and spotted dick because without these and other wrecks there would be no Cake Wrecks and that, my friends, would be very very sad indeed!
Oh, mel...!!! That was so incredibly beautiful...!! I personally want to say "thank you!" We need a mel here -wherever we are! Just seeing something so sweet, heartfelt, and REAL...well, it means a lot! We really are human, even as we romp in an anonymous, house-of-mirrors, cyber world. I'm glad you're you. =^~.~,^=
(Next up: roasting marshmallows & a few rounds of Cumbaya! )
::sniff:: What @mel said. Now if you'll excuse me I have something in my eye.
Poo wangs... no. Just no.
You guys are terrible! What do I say to my 17 year old son when he asks me why I'm sitting alone in a room, looking at the computer and laughing hysterically? How do I explain poo wangs, spotted dick, "peckish" and that poor cold turkey (ha). I mean, I'm his MOTHER! I know he knows about these things, but I also know he doesn't want me to know he knows about these things. And he also also doesn't want to know that I know about these things. He even blushes!!
Perhaps #5 is an extremely creative way to salvage a broken croquembouche? If so, then it is quite remarkable. Did they make more than one?
mel, that just might have brought a tear to my eye. Very well said!
Here here Mel!
I kinda like the cream puff turkey and it does crack me up that the sign is crossed out, as @sending and @saracvt pointed out!
So, is instead of a "croc en bouche" is it a "turk en bush?"
So many poo-wangs gaaaaah!!!
I think that the spill also greatly affected the 'adult novelty' store next to the bakery. That's a lot of wangs in icing.
I think #3 was trying to escape it's plastic prison.
And just what would you call a poo-wang remover, anyway?
@mel is always so eloquent. I agree with his sentiments. I'd like to add my, slightly less eloquent, sentiments, borrowed from Frank Drebin of Police Squad:
"Cake Wrecks, since I've met you, I've noticed things that I never knew were there before... birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights. I've finally found a website I can love - a good, clean love... without utensils. It's a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don't amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!'
Much love to all of you!
I was at the local gas and go this afternoon for my fill-up of caffeine when I spotted a poo truck. Yes, a poo truck. Aparently some enterprising soul with a strong stomach or no sense of smell(or both) came up with the idea to come to your home and clean your yard of dog poo. They'd probably give up their pooper scooper if they ever saw this post.....
@mel-you have put into words what everyone here has thought everytime they click on to this wonderful site.......and brought a tears to all our eyes.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYBODY!!!!
Jen, I just love you. Thank you for the ful on laughs today and every day.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and all of you.
Mel ( not the one with the wonderful words, but who totally agrees)
First and foremost, thank you Mel for your eloquent words regarding the CW 'verse. I heartily agree. It's a nice place, a fun place, a place where we can fly our freak flags proudly.
Second, Happy Thanksgiving to all youse who will tuck into turkey and candied yams with marshmallows and braised brussel sprouts tomorrow. Being from The Great White North, our turkey is only a fond memory and some frozen curry leftovers. But Christmas is coming and with it, more turkey! Yay! (Just hopefully not more turkey cakes...I'm sure that the wreckorators will wow us with other festive foibles.)
Third, I just love a place that causes the words "poo wang" to pop into my head spontaneously and makes me laugh manaically for no readily explainable reason.
Large heaping helpings of hugs for everyone! (((((((((HUGS))))))))))
I don't even want to begin to comment on these, um, turkey, um, things...
Mel, wonderful note!! Been following this blog for several years now (if only mostly in lurk mode). With all the "bad" news we're all surrounded with everyday in this world, this blog is a tiny refuge from all that stuff. Laughter indeed is good medicine.
And so to Jen and John, and all the regular contributors on here - Thank you for the daily laughs and smiles. Not sure what I'd do without you.
Uldi, a poo-wang remover is known as a Lorena Bobbett. :)
What the heck is that second cake supposed to be (I couldn't call it the #2 cake - that's already apparent ;) )?!!? All I see is flames and a bunch of brown icing. And the "chilly" cake forced me to cover my mouth and stifle guffaws of laughter at work - no small task at that today! All in all, way too many poo-wangs for comfort.
On a serious note, I wholeheartedly concur with mel's and the rest of your comments - we all cherish Cake Wrecks and the phenomonal creativity and mag writing skills of Jen, john (thoJ), the CW team, and the commenters. Though I don't participate every day, I stop by here daily to see what unbelievable baked goods (bad and good) have been unleashed upon us. May you all enjoy a Happy Thanksgiving or other festival of appreciation in which you participate!
What is with the odd coinkydink of sooo many of these "things" having a $38-39 price tag??!!
Happy Thanksgiving to all! I am thankful to be able to come here every day (don't judge) and laugh and snicker at the cleverness and creativity of Jen and John and the CW crew and commenters! And pork tenderloin. And good chocolate. And White Collar. And really good cake! And my Tar Heels!
I'm certainly no expert, but I have to believe spots such as those pictured do not portend a happy ending for the bearer.
So, even as a connoisseur of fruity sponge pudding, I must give thanks that I am not personally in possession of the dreaded spotted dick.
Can we get the Pointer Sisters to sing "Wang Dang Doodle" as the sound track for today's post?
@ Uldi ("And just what would you call a poo-wang remover, anyway?")
Huh. Good question. Maybe it could be called a "Poorena Bobbittov." (Kinda has a Europeein sound to it, no?)
=^-,-^=
@Mel very well said. I may not comment every day but I do visit. It's the one daily routine I stick to.
This makes me wish we celebrated Thanksgiving in Australia just so I can have one of these wrecks on our table for a good laugh with the family. Oh the puns! Love it.
Also: Hurray for the Face Off reference. Spot on.
Is anyone else impressed that they spelled it Mousse rather than the more common wreck-on of Moose?
@mel- beautifully put, I couldn't have put it nearly as nicely as you did! Thank you (again) for writing what we all feel about the wonder that is CW and how it brings us joy on a daily basis. Even if everything else is yuk about your day, CW always brings a smile to faces all over the world.
Poo-wangs are going to be around for a very long time now...I shall never look at chocolate frosting turkey necks the same way again! Or chocolate frosting....things that look like poo wangs. LOL <snort>
Happy Thanksgiving to CW and all the staff and the commenters as well, you all make me laugh daily, and yes I am thankful from the bottom of my heart!
Am I the only one who looked at wreck #2 and thought "Flaming snail!" ? Oh, these are too funny.
And I want to add that, as someone who's never commented before but who's lurked long enough to recognize many of the regulars by their writing styles - even those of us who don't always speak up are thankful for this site and the laughs it brings.
Happy Thanksgiving all, and thanks Jen, john (thoj) and everyone!
the biggest thing to cry "fowl" on, IMHO, is the prices on the cream puff turkey, the third from the bottom (which i suspect of being one of those cupcake cake things) & the last one.
Hoping everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving! I am hoping none of the evil turdkey cake things show up near me lol.
As an Englishman, can I point out that Spotted Dick is a PUDDING, not a dessert!
Isn't it wonderful to know that Thanksgiving is that much happier because this site exists? It's a little beacon of cake-related joy and hope. Wreck on!
I was going to say the same thing as @archersangel... I am totally aghast at the cost of these wrecks.
I would NEVER pay 1/2 what they are charging for these poo-wang "cakes."
I also must say that I literally spit my coffee out at the spotted dick wreck.
Thanks for making my day. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. =)
@mel I come here every day but rarely comment because I can't possibly improve, but I still feel a part of the community you so eloquently expressed.
That said, I am in awe that there is a WREX-TV channel! I sort of expected them to blur out the poowangs.