The 12 Most Bat Poop Crazy Halloween Cakes OF ALL TIME
October 18, 2013 ... at least until Monday's post. :)
This is why I love Halloween, my dear wreckies: the normal boundaries of sanity need not apply.
;)
"I was looking at a mud puddle, and it spoke to me, and it said, 'Give me the face of a hippie, man. Plus a crap ton of edible glitter and plastic eyeballs.' So I did."
;)
Ghost?
Skeleton?
Willem Dafoe after a bender?
YOU DECIDE.
Of course wreckerators love them some plastic flotsam at the best of times, but for Halloween they really pull out ALL THE STOPS.
;)
IT'S A TRAP.
A Tootsie Trap.
Which sounds kind of delicious, but no.
;)
What's got four plastic feet, plastic eyes, a plastic hat, and vaguely disconcerting icing "hair" sprouting out of a purple brick?
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS THIS.
;)
I think this is supposed to be a vampire, but all I see is a Muppet who had too much whip cream on his hot cocoa. D'awww.
Uh-oh, we've veered dangerously into "cute" territory.
I CAN FIX THAT.
;)
Whew! Close one.
And now, GHOST BOOBIES:
;)
I take comfort in knowing we're all equally traumatized here.
A lot of times people ask me, "Hey, Jen, are there black olives on those Halloween cupcakes?!"
;)
And my answer is always the same: "What, next to the bleeding gummi teeth? I have no idea."
True story, bra. TRUE STORY.
(Except for the part about people talking to me. AHAHAHAH[sob].)
Sometimes a baker can't decide if she wants to make a ghost or a jack-o-lantern.
;)
Other times she just slaps a bunch of crappily iced cupcakes together, goes to lunch, and gets paid the same anyway.
I'm not saying wreckerators are lazy around Halloween, of course, I'm just saying that... uh... hang on. [whispering off camera to unseen informant] They're selling WHAT now??
;)
YOU LAZY BASTARDS.
Oh, hey, THERE's the face that will haunt my nightmares tonight:
;)
I was wondering when that would show up.
And finally, POD BABY:
;)
Congratulations, bakers. I am officially speechless.
Thanks to Anony M., Ronald C., Melissa M., Alana G., Jessica M., Laura S., Ana K., Karra A., Lea B., Andrea O., Vette, & Anony M., who think pod babies look a lot like Mandrake Roots wrapped in old banana peels.
Reader Comments (65)
Great Friday post! I thought the "cute" one was a ghost picking it's nose. And is that purple thing a witch...er, dog? OMG, how wrecky they can be!
That last one would make a great baby shower cake!
Cake #5 is a dreaded pastry vampire, who attacks defenseless cream-filled treats and drains them dry of their treasured middles, leaving only a hollow, doughy shell. Purloined pastry essence glistens from those pointed teeth as he seeks his next victim.
When I'm around pastry, I've had the same impulse myself ;-)
I am actually quite speechless myself. These have got to be some of the best wrecks to date! Poor Pod Baby, I slightly feel bad for him.. He seems to be cyber-whispering in my ear saying "hmm you look so nice, let me lick you", LITTLE CREEP!
This is the joy of Halloween for wreckerators. They can create ANYTHING they want, then call it a spook, monster, demon, etc. all in the spirit of the scary holiday.
What really scares me about cake no 3. are those . . . . items. . . . on the shelf behind it. What ARE those beige and brown things?
I love the second to last cake. But Pod Baby is one ugly baby/cake.
Why are ALL of the witch hands the LEFT hand??
Maybe the DIY cookie is for the best. I'm sure many home decorators could do better than the wreckorators, after all.
The next to last cake reminds me of nothing so much as the character of Duchess, the hideously ugly in both body and personality imaginary friend from "Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends". Did anyone else ever watch that show? Frankly, I miss it. As Wilt would say, I'm sorry, but it was good. Is that OK?
And Pod Baby just looks like some sort of rodent, the only one of which really scares me are mice. They bite. If you're looking for pets, go for rats every time. They're sweet.
@TLC: If I had to venture a guess (which, obviously, I'm doing, even though I don't have to!), I'd say the beige/brown things are cannolis made wreckerator style. Of course, if the ingredients are good, I'd take an ugly cannoli!
@TLC, the items in the background of #3 are badly dipped cannolis. I don't understand how something that simple could be done so badly. Oh, wait a minute, this is Cake Wrecks.
Is it bad that I think some of these are cute? Very strange and non-sensible, but cute. And I am truly ashamed to see that Supervalu tag on the lazy cookie cake. I'll have to check the bakery in my store to see if we have any!
Is cake (?) #4 a 2-eyed, elf shoe wearing cousin to the 1eyed purple people eater? I'd totally buy the boobie ghosts for a ( guy ) friend. Heck I could just make'em. LOL Thanks for starting my day with a grin and chuckle!
Cupcake cake aside, I actually like the second to last one. I could maybe do without the spider pimples though...
Is it wrong that I love Pod Baby? It's one of those so ugly it's cute type things. He'd be cute as a plushy. And much better than 99.99% of the other baby cakes seen on CW that are passed off as baby shower fare.
Aaaaahhhhhh!! Flotsom overload!
Did anyone else see "Poo Baby" and then registered it was "Pod Baby"? No? Ok, nevermind
"Ghost Boobies" LOL Jen
"A Tootsie Trap" - Brilliant!!
Cake #5, the "cute" one--perhaps the baker is a Muppets fan and decided this is what Beaker looked like after Dr. Bunson Honeydew tried one too many experiments.
the holidays! Time for some perfect cake wrecks (kids don't know why I am laughing....gotta save something for moi)
@Elly: Because witches are sinister.
I'm pretty sure that first one was supposed to be the Trash Heap from Fraggle Rock o.0
The do-it-yourself cookie is actually a good idea. There are lots of parents who want to decorate with their kids, but don't want to bake or buy packs of icing. It is something my mother would have bought to decorate with her grandchildren when she was older and unable to get around much.
Kids would actually love it.
HOW DO THOSE PEOPLE HAVE JOBS?????
Ghost boobies, and testicles with legs and eyes.
And the cranky purple brick kind of resembles my Grade 6 Gym teacher. Just sayin'.
The last one reminds me of a cacao pod. Except for the hairy green top and, y'know, the face...
Third photo:
Leave the wreck.
Take the cannoli.
=^-.-^=
A "Tootsie Trap" does not sound that delicious, more like it describes some guy's discovery that the woman he's dating is really Dustin Hoffman.
Ok, pod baby totally looks like Alvin the Chipmunk hiding inside a tulip. Chubby cheeks, shiny black eyes, button nose, buck teeth, and his bangs hanging down in his eyes. Or maybe Theodore without his glasses. I'd admit the tulip isn't looking too healthy... maybe it's one of those watermellon shells - you know the kind they carve out to serve mixed fruit in? Based on the brown sploches, might be one left over from a big hotel reception event last weekend...
I think Pod Baby is actually a chipmunk wearing a toupee.
@Stephanie and normajean: So at the front of the display case we have a monstosity of a monster cake. And behind that we have "wrecks in reserve" ?
Only from a wreckerator's brain! **headdesk**
The Picasso Jack O' Lantern made my day. I would totally buy that.
I find this works best when I choose a song too old or obscure for people to actually remember. So here it is, to the tune of Beach Baby:
Pod Baby, Pod Baby isn’t a gourd,
Like the pumpkin-like cupcake cake ogre,
He’s more of a blob (not a vampire slob like a muppet.)
Pod Baby, Pod Baby there on the slab,
Where he’ll lie ‘til the end of October.
Ghost boobs are grand, witches only left handed,
Hooray…
I think that last one is going to turn into Kevin McCarthy and take his place.
I also think that the do-it-yourself cookie is a great idea and any misspellings cannot be blamed on the bakery.
Is it just me, or do the boobie ghosts look like they may be.... enjoying their boobiness??
And yes, I also thought it was a Poo Baby. :-/
I like the third one. Now I want to go decorate a cake since I'm pretty sure I could do just as good a job as the ones that did these did.
I just have no words for this. Jen took 'em all o.O
Well cake # 4 is obviously a fluffy purple train wearing sneakers. Not 100% sure how that fits in with Halloween, though it could possibly be The Little Train That Could's lesser known cousin The Little Train That Tried and Miserably Failed.
Love the color by numbers cake - though it seems they forgot the numbers. If you can get someone else to do your job for free... Tom Sawyer says go for it!
As for the rest - wonderful. Best I've seen. Like a frosting colored Rorschach Test. Any shrink would be proud, or need therapy, not sure.
@SuBee:
Well, I'm both old AND obscure, and I actually remember that song (my older brother wanted to *be* a Beach Boy and played their records constantly)! I like your version better...mainly because I won't have to hear it ninetygazillion times...! hee hee =^~.~^=
If you don't look at it as something you're supposed to eat, the Pod Baby is actually kinda cute. I can't help but feel like picking him up, giving him a bath and hugging him real tight!
So, am I the only one who noticed the DIY cookie has a DIY label with it? *cracks up*
The second to last cake looks like it came directly off the set of "H.R. Puff-n-Stuff."
Yeah, the show was that weird.
@Jen: ("Oh, hey, THERE's the face that will haunt my nightmares tonight")
======
Tonight?! Hay-ell, I don't think want to want to watch anything on CBS ever again.
=^>.<^=
I stared a long time at that one that looks like its got olives on it. I can find no better explanation, so olives it is. Heck, perhaps they add a nice flavor to it? I don't know, I don't make a habit of putting olives on my baked goods. BUT MAYBE I SHOULD!
All your flotsam hands
are so sinister to us.
Not right, just not right.
I think the ghost boobies ones are supposed to the Stay-Puf man from Ghostbusters.
Teehee... "Poo Baby"
My 3-yr-old says that the grey muppet/vampire thing looks like Elivan from Jungle Junction. Sad thing is, I can TOTALLY see that. :-/
I find the nightmare face one oddly mesmerizing. Not sure what that says about me. Probably nothing good....
I think I've figured out what the "olives" are, not that it makes sense that we can see them. The sticker on the package shows filled cupcakes so the "olives" are probably the holes that were filled with cream. They should have either been frosted over after being filled or overfilled so the cream covered over the hole in the frosting. I don't know why anyone would leave them like that unless they were trying to make the cupcake look like something else. They didn't succeed unless they were actually trying for olives.
@MichelleAK: I'm not usually one for puns, but that made me laugh hysterically. Live long and prosper, madam.
At least the boobie ghosts are performing their self exams in honor of breast cancer awareness month.
(horrified shudder) We were at maximum density on the CCCs (patooie!). Oh, the humanity!!
So what the wreckerators didn't feel like wrecking the cookie so they let customers buy the cake and the frosting and let them do it themselves? Lol interesting way of escaping a wreck I suppose. Lazy and evil too. The rest of these cakes are going to haunt my dreams especially pod baby..yikes.