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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Aug062012

In Honor of the 2012 Olympic Games

Olympic fever has swept the world again, reminding us all just how rewarding perseverance, determination, and a comfy recliner can be while we're stuffing our faces in front of the television.

I also like to yell critiques at the athletes during these times, because I enjoy both the irony and the frightened look John gives me when he reminds me the TV isn't on yet.

To this I say: "P'FFAW!" (It would have been "P'SHAW," but my mouth was full.) I don't need to actually WATCH the Olympics to get in the Olympic spirit!

After all, I have this:

The Olympic Dots.

 

Technically those are supposed to be rings, though.

 Thank you.

 

You know, as off-the-mark as those two are, they're still less sad than this "correct" version:

 

 Feel the spirit, y'all. Woo. Go. Win. Or whatever.

 

At least that one got the rings in the right order, though, and isn't made out of Scrapple:

Or is it peanut brittle? 

[head tilt]

Nah, that's totally Scrapple, in my book.

 

I don't know if this was supposed to be an Olympic cake or not, but let's just assume it was so I can keep laughing, k?

 

It's that or Christmas condoms. Or maybe both? Oh, wait! I HAVE A JOKE FOR THAT: 

 "Something something pole-vaulting." 

(I'm going for the [comedy] GOLD!)

 

Ok, enough rings. Let's try some Olympic weights:

I especially like how the baker added that poo-like rope border for accuracy. Um... What is this supposed to be, again?

[Note: John and I just argued over whether or not the baker intentionally covered up the writing on the bottom tiers. He says yes. I say his overt optimism is pooping on my wrecky parade.]

 

Maybe it would help if bakers didn't have any visuals to worry about, and just stuck with words:

Nope.

 

Right. Back to the rings, then.

HISTORY FLASH: According to Wikipedia, the repository of all knowledge that is accurate and true, (Est. 1904), the Olympic Rings were designed in 1912 by Baron Pierre de Coubertin, who stated that their colors represent "the colours of all the nations, with no exception."

ANNNNYWAY.

 

After that it seems almost petty to point out that there's not supposed to be an orange ring, but what can I say? I'm out to make Tom proud.

And I won't. back. down.

Also, I'm pretty sure this wreck's days are numbered. Incorrectly.

 

Thanks to Marcy B.,  Julie S., Amanda M., Liz, Beth K., Charlene, Angi H., Melissa R., & Callie B. for catching Olympic fever with me. Feel better soon, guys!

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Reader Comments (46)

That isn't scrapple, it's nougatine. Nougatine is almond brittle, and it's delicious. It's traditionally used like this, to make an edible container for a filling, and it's also used to make the base for a croquembouche.

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

As a certified nerd, I love how the weights wreckerator made the 3-kg weight smaller than the 5lb weight. :)

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKathy Applebaum

Happy no sharp birthday! Almost missed the Tom Petty reference.

I still think the second cake is the worst, because it takes someone more literal-minded than Sheldon Cooper to think the customer wanted that.

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

Ah, Jen. You always make me laugh, even against my will. I was determined to be in a terrible mood this morning, came to read this, aaaaand.... nope. Laughing.

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCarolynn the Dyer

What a great idea! From now on, all my birthday cakes are going to say "Happy No # Birthday!" Let 'em guess.
It's my [no number] birthday later this week, and I plan to celebrate with ice cream cake.

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSusanna K.

HAPPY NO NUMBER BIRTHDAY!!!! That could actually come in handy in the situation of being invited to the Nth "29th" birthday party of a woman "of a certain age"...

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Boy, if I'd known you could get a No # birthday cake, I'd have gone for it. Although, I suppose then someone would feel the urge to put all the right number of candles on the cake and we'd to have called the fire department.

I totally misread the commentary and wondered why they were putting Scrabble on the Olympic cake. (Come to that, why are they putting scrapple on the cake?) ((Given the decorating talent on display, why are they even making cake?))

It's cool today so I'm going in the kitchen to bake-but probably bread, not cake.

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

Technically, the "Olympic Dots" are in the correct order as well. However, that doesn't change the fact that they are also technically dots.

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSteph

I wonder what goes on in the mind of these bakers...

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

It brings a tear to my eye to think that someone was so thoughtful to make a birthday cake for their carpenter friend with particle board, a caulk gun and colored gaskets. Such a nice idea! LOL

The cake with multiple rings that look kind of like onion and pepper rings should have been on a baked cheese colored frosting. It might have made a passable pizza cake.

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternormajean

My birthday was yesterday. Now that I am officially over 30, I would have LOVED the "No #" cake. I mean, does there really need to be a number? No... no, there doesn't.

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermeeshybee

Ah, my old nemesis ("Olympic Rings"). I knew we would meet again.

Since I'm on planes all day, in lieu of a song, imagine a spot-on parody to "Single Ladies" (Put a Ring on It) with the refrain "If you want Olympic cake then put some rings on it." I'm sure you'll do brilliantly.

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

You just had to say "scrapple" while I was eating breakfast, didn't you? *sigh* Does anyone want the rest of these eggs?

(I kid. Have a scrapple-tastic day!)

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

And, to chime in the weight cake... 3kg is something like 6 1/2 pounds? It's funny to me that they just slapped a number on the cake without a simple Google check of the conversion.

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi Littenberg

Love the "olympic weights" wreck -- not just for how bad it looks, but also the "massive" error on the top weight. 2.5 lbs is NOT equal to 3 kg!

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTurken

Aw, me too! Having survived countless numbered birthday cakes, the ladies of CakeWrecks get in line for ' NO #' cake forever...

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commentergobbler

My eyes are round and crossed. Kind of like the Olympic rings. OHMEHDEAR

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

Christmas condoms! Just think of all the new decorating possibilities!

And in a related story: a "lost" unexpurgated verse of “The Night Before Christmas” has just been discovered literary archeologist T. R. Ojan:

The children were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And Ma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my “cap” (wink-wink)
Had just settled down for a Christmas condom filled nap….

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

My husband says that the cake with 9 rings is the result of a fight between the Olympic Rings and the Audi Rings, which have eneded up tearing each other apart!

*Audi has 4 rings in their logo (husband says). I'm taking this on trust as I'm too lazy to google it!

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLeesa

OK, I am also loving the "no #" cake since I am over 50. Woo-hoo!

@Leesa: Yes, the Audi logo has 4 rings. But they are silver. And interlinked. Maybe they all got separated during the rumble and can't find their way back.

But the scrabble . . . . thing. . . . .whatever it is: As frightening as the particle board/peanut brittle "cover" layer/thing is, I dread the thought of opening this "book" and finding out what's inside. I've never seen a creation like this.

The weight wreck: poo-colored weights, some in pounds, some in kilos. Really? What gym do these people work out in?

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Wooo! Have been waiting on an Olympic post since the opening ceremonies. Thanks for not disappointing!

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

That "olympic rings" cake will always be one my very favorites. That's one of the cakes I describe whenever proselytizing about your blog.

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNikki @ Tikkido

The 4th cake looks like someone wanted a Harry Potter cake and then unfortunately had to describe the Quidditch rings to a Muggle.

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterB.Eli

Sharyn,

You are so encouraging, but you are truly indispensable. I, for one, would never have the hubris to try to take your place.

Happy Travels!

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTricia

I needed the laugh. I like the Dots. They should go with Olympic Dots instead of rings.

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

I like the idea of a "no pound" birthday cake. Eat all you want.

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjbrecken

On the scrapple cake, what are the rings made of?

Seriously, these wrecks make me look like a good cake decorator, and my skills compare unfavorable to the average grade-schooler.

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSeanette

I'm thinking the last cake is maybe a cake for the Gay Games -- the rings are almost all the colors of the gay pride flag. And by saying "Happy No Number" or "Happy No Pound," the bakers are not choosing one particular number or poundage for segregation, but are welcoming of all numbers and poundages.

Or, something like that.

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTodd

1) *spin* Left hand Australia. *spin* Right foot Lithuania. Also: mmmmmm, Dots.

2) Is that British for "[The] Olympics called"? As in, "The 1976 Olympics called. They want their uniforms back". Oh, BURN! Okay, that was a stretch. : /

3) Hee. "Or whatever" Hee.

4) Aaaaand I just learned a new word. Here I thought it was some sort of magic word like "Yapple-Dapple"! Anyone? Or perhaps what you call it when Scrappy Doo grapples with an opponent? No? Perhaps a new beverage: "Scrapple - made from what's left over after the best stuff on Earth is all used up"?

5) I love your Mad Libs style jokes.

6) I see the "3 Kg" and the "5 Lbs", which is pretty hilarious, but, what is that other black writing? "39L"? "5 (degree symbol) C"?

7) Olypians are from the country Olypia, right?

8) Are there ANY flags with the colors brown and white on them? Okay, I googled it. But Wikipedia gave me a rather looong list of flags "by color....Brown". Would you believe that loooong list includes places like Costa Rica (flag colors: Blue, White, Red), Croatia (flag colors: Red, White, Blue), and Andorra (flag colors: Blue, Yellow, Red). Wow. That is a very acurate list. At least it includes Sri Lanka whose flag does contain a reddish brown color along with green, orange and yellow.

9) Perhaps that could also mean "No Lbs.". In our family, we always say Birthday Cake is fat free, no calories. Especially when accompanied by Diet Dr. Pepper. ; )

@Sharyn: My, my. Off flying around the country and STILL had time to give us a Wrecky song title and partial lyrics! Hee. It reminded me of the SNL skit with Mike Myers "Coffee Talk" when the host would get all verklempt and give the audience a topic to discuss while she pulled herself together. : )

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

I actually thought the "scrapple" one was the frosting used on a German chocolate cake - the stuff with the coconut in it.

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteranonymouse

My hubby's b-day was the same day as the opening ceremonies so he wanted an Olympics cake. So I made something very amateurish, but it still looked better than some of these. At least I got the colors right.

Also, Baron Pierre de Coubertin must have been thinking of certain residents of New Jersey and Roswell New Mexico when he included the orange and green rings. Good for him for being so inclusive!

Yeah, I know, it's about the colors of the flags, not race.

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

Mmmm.... scrapple...

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTim

Hey, Jen? Did you hear about this Petty Wedding when you wrote today's post?

http://music.yahoo.com/blogs/stop-the-presses/groom-books-fake-tom-petty-wedding-164307164.html

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

I have always said that I will eat anything made of chocolate ... but even I am going to draw the line at the weight cake.

I celebrated my 8th No # birthday in January!

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

Read to the tune of the nursery rhyme "This is the house that Jack built".

This is the Olympic rings dotted

This is "the Olympics" jotted
that spelled out the rings dotted

This is the the 5 rings tiny
that looked like "the Olympics" jotted
that spelled out the rings dotted

This is the ringed book shiny
that overshadowed the 5 rings tiny
that looked like 'the Olympics" jotted
that spelled out the rings dotted

This is the circles color of flag Togo
that lay aside the ringed book shiny
that overshadowed the 5 rings tiny
that looked like "the Olympics" jotted
that spelled out the rings dotted

This is the tiers without one logo
that towered over circles of flag Togo
that lay aside the ringed book shiny
that overshadowed the 5 rings tiny
that looked like "the Olympics" jotted
that spelled out the rings dotted

This is the cheer cookie red lined
that shouted at the tiers sans one logo
that towered over circles of flag Togo
that lay aside the ringed book shiny
that overshadowed the 5 rings tiny
that looked like "the Olympics" jotted
that spelled out the rings dotted

This is the love you cookie color blind
that rivaled the cheer cookie red lined
hat shouted at the tiers sans one logo
that towered over circles of flag Togo
that lay aside the ringed book shiny
that overshadowed the 5 rings tiny
that looked like "the Olympics" jotted
that spelled out the rings dotted

This is the birthday cake numberless
that brightened the cookie color blind
that rivaled the cheer cookie red lined
hat shouted at the tiers sans one logo
that towered over circles of flag Togo
that lay aside the ringed book shiny
that overshadowed the 5 rings tiny
that looked like "the Olympics" jotted
that spelled out the rings dotted

This is the laced wedding cake distress
that saw the birthday cake numberless
that brightened the cookie color blind
that rivaled the cheer cookie red lined
hat shouted at the tiers sans one logo
that towered over circles of flag Togo
that lay aside the ringed book shiny
that overshadowed the 5 rings tiny
that looked like "the Olympics" jotted
that spelled out the rings dotted

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterC.W.

cake #5: the not-balloons are neatly lined up around the edge of the cake for the open ceremonies as they march into the stadium. yes, that is exactly what I thought when I saw that. welcome to my world.

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

I was WAITING for somebody to mess up the colors!!

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEmily E

#4 I haven't seen Torginol (flooring made from colored chips covered with clear resin) in years. No, I don't know where the name came from.

#9 Birthday cake for people on a diet. How thoughtful!

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I love how the second one has parenthesis AND quotation marks.

August 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPrudynce

Finally a no number or pound birthday cake. I can now be 21 again and no one will ever know the difference lol. Plus I can eat a ton of cake and not gain weight. Would love to live in a world of pound free cake. But alas the wreckerators wouldn't let me live there in peace so have chased me with weird looking Olympic cakes. Ah well lol.

August 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Fry up a pig and put it in a can.....SCRAPPLE!!! Bahaha

August 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMeg

In England, bakers have been getting in to legal trouble for using the Olympic Rings on their cakes, as they are copyrighted. Seriously, it's been in the news. Pretty lame. I guess messing up colours etc is one way around the copyright! :-)

August 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

the orange ring must represent the jersey shore.

August 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJulia

Obviously they messed up the rings intentionally to avoid being sued by the Olympic Committee.

August 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJJR

"It's called a salute to (the flag of) all nations, but mostly America, if America had Orange and Green in their flag"

August 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEric

Please forgive me, as I'm way behind the times. But I'm backlogging through what I've missed in the past couple months (I've been busy). I just have to say something.

The rings in the "correct" version are not only terribly done, only a few of them are connected. If you tried to pick them up (assuming they were real rings, and not icing), you would get two sets of 2, and a single one. So either connect them or don't, but don't connect some and not others. It just looks silly.

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmber

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