Trekkin' and Wreckin'
May 25, 2012 ATTN Parents: Today's post may not be appropriate for junior cadets.
The saga of the bakeshop Wrecksurprise continues...
Captain’s Log, accidental:
;)
Much has happened on our journey so far.
We cleared out some Cling-ons in orbit around Uranus...
;)
...but the resulting explosion caused a gas giant to rip through the fabric of space time.
Even worse, now the engine room smells like cabbage. Ick.
We made contact with a new species on the outer reaches of the gamma quadrant. We had some initial trouble communicating...
;)
...so I had sex with it, just to be safe.
Then I had to shoot it with a harpoon.
But I think we made some real progress there, all the same.
A transporter malfunction resulted in our first casualty:
;)
I guess you could say he croaked. Haha!
And on a personal note, this crew has NO sense of humor during funerals. Seriously.
Bunch of killjoys, all of 'em.
Oh, and we lost another member of security:
;)
We're not sure which one, though, since those red shirts never seem to last more than a few days.
In other news, there was a bit of a faux pas at our dinner with the Tellarian ambassador. It seems the new chef considers himself something of a practical joker:
;)
Needless to say, the ambassador was not amused.
;)
Anyway, long story short, we're now at war with Tellar Prime. Oopsie.
So, I guess you could say it's been an interesting week so far. Now we're on our way to Vulcan to assist with their first annual Knock-Knock Joke Competition. I can't wait to give them a hand!
;)
***
"Knock knock."
"I do not understand."
"Just say 'who's there.'"
"But I already know your identity."
"Yes, but it's for the joke."
"This is a joke?"
"You better believe it, brother."
***
"Knock knock."
"This is illogical."
"Knock knock."
" ... "
"Knock knock."
"Very well. Who is there?"
"Orange."
"The Terran fruit or the pigment?"
"It doesn't matter. Either one."
"Then I choose Earth's pithy citrus."
"...You know what? NEVER MIND."
.....
"I do not 'get it.'"
Thanks to Shannon K., Jenny C., Leila A., Lindy D., Dawn E., Erin, Jed R., and again to Sharyn for the continued inspiration. Happy Towel Day, guys! May your petunias live long and prosper!
Reader Comments (59)
Not since the video of the Metcraft HET flushing "chocolate long john" have I seen a baked good look less appetizing.
I love this post so much! Happy Towel day Jen and John!
Knock Knock.
The door has a motion sensor, Captain. There is no need for the primitive knuckle rap.
You're supposed to say, "Who's there," Spock.
That is illogical, Captain. I have already noted your presence.
Just play along, Spock.
Very well. Who's there?
Quilleran.
Quilleran who?
Quilleran my rear. Can you help me get them out?
(tapping communicator) Doctor, there is a patient here who requires your assistance.
--
Knock Knock.
Is the door not functioning properly, Commander?
It's just fine, Data. This is a joke.
Ah! A human social convention! Checking my database… yes! Who is there?
Rudy.
Rudy who?
Rudy to serve a pig to the Tellarian ambassador! Should've served truffles!
Commander, is that the completion of the joke?
Yeah, Data, isn't it a riot?
(tilting head to the side) I do suppose that the lack of humor might indeed incite a riot, as you say. Now please excuse me as I go perform a Level Two diagnostic on my neural net. I am concerned that there may be a malfunction in my humerus.
Why is today Towel Day? Shouldn't that be April 2? Or maybe February 4, since Arthur Dent was British.
What in the world is that butt cake MEANT to be??
There is no way that anyone thought #2 (not the other kind of #2) was tasteful. I demand a story.
Sung to “On Top of Spaghetti”
I’ve gone off spaghetti
I shudder with quease
Plus I’ve sworn off cabbage
Could you log that, please?
I crawled from the table
Heading straight for the door
Then I ran into your ex
Harpooned there on the floor
I crawled out to the garden
Still avoiding that tush
Encountered a green frog
Croaking under a bush
I was feeling so pasty
As pasty could be
Yuck! What’s in this puddle?
Please call se-cur-i-ty
So I went to a pig roast
It ended in a fight
This guy squealing invective
I just can’t tell it right
Then I met a guy, yet he
Didn’t seem too at ease
He had no sense of humor
Dammit, say “who’s there?” please!
So unless you’re a yeti
And you like cakes like these
Stay away from that bake-ry
Or you’ll have nights like these
This is AWESOME!! Trek is my fav all time show! Your continuing TREK saga is truely epic! Congrats.
On another note. The first moment I saw cake 2, well, it took a lot of effort to try to imagine it as described. It looks to me as though a male streaker got a little too close while leaning over a cactus when reaching for a cactus apple, and his probe made first contact. Um, just sayin..
I desperately want to know the story behind cake #2.
I don't even want to know the cause of the "celebration" for which the 2nd cake was made. *shudders*
If they hadn't bothered with the mulch-colored sprinkles, that yule log wouldn't have been all that bad.
No comment other than BWAHAHAHA at Sharyn LOL as usual XD
So is cake #5 moldy or is that really supposed to be decoration of some kind? It looks like something I would find in a college boy's fridge.
Cake #2 is horrific in so many ways, I can't come up with anything. All I can do is appreciate Sharyn, and try to forget it.
"Then I choose Earth's pithy citrus."
*giggle*
*ROFL* Yet another awesome post! Love the attempt to "joke" with Spock AND Data, I don't know which would be most frustrating and yet ultimately humorous!
These cakes, well they're not as funny, frankly I'm afraid for my future cake buying self and I CANNOT unsee that butt cake but I think @Sandra C's explanation is perfectly logical. :)
HILARIOUS! Thanks Jen and John.
@Sharyn -- *bowing and scraping* "We're not worthy! We're not worthy!"
@ DB -- spot on; well done!
Chocolate starfish
Meets marzipan sea urchin:
A match made in Hell.
I've not yet seen an episode with Tellarians and I don't believe I'd like to do so. Yikes!
Ouch! That second cake looks painful! Was this for a proctologists' convention?
Am I the only one who heard this entire post in William Shatner's voice?
Will someone please help a poor traumatized Trekkie? What in the universe is happening in that second cake? It's incredibly disturbing, and yet I'm still not 100% sure why....
@Trekkie Gal
Perhaps the intrepid young officer – let's call him Barclay – was on an away team and had a sudden distress call from his lower intestines. He quietly slipped away and was just settling himself into a nice squat behind a bush, when the local fauna, a distant relative of the Earth porcupine, decided to introduce himself according to the planet's customs. It was rather a surprising experience for both parties.
But that's what Barclay gets when he decides to boldly GO where no human has gone before.
Laughed my butt off - AS USUAL! Cheers!
Oh, Jen. You complete me! "The fruit or the pigment?" Can't. Stop. Laughing!!! Thank you for being you.
That butt cake made me think of a really bad case of intestinal worms... D I S G U S T I N G.
Why would ANYONE think that was even funny?
@Susanna - Towel Day is today because the first one happened two weeks after Douglas Adams' death on May 11, 2001.
totally awesome post!! I am such a nerd...*hangs head and slinks back to StarTrek.com*
"Oh... My... GOD, Bones! They... put Spock.... in a.... CAKE!"
(and I hate to nit pick, but it's Tellarite... unless Tellarian was intentional... and now I'm over thinking your jokes, LOL!)
@DB awesome! If anyone deserves porcupine #2 invasion it's Barclay... And #2????? Lmao! Couldn't have been an accident.
1. This is why we should stick to burning the Yule Log and stop trying to make it edible.
2. I think it should read "I fart in your general direction", but that's not very Trekkie.
3. I can't stop thinking about the runny nose on that cake. The 'nose' is a piece of plastic flotsom, HOW does it have a runny nose? Is that plastic flotsom...mucus?
4. Clearly, this wreckerator has never seen a frog. Or a toad. Or any amphibians or lizards or animals of any kind.
5. He went oooout in a blaze of glory, he's no one's son, call him a red shirt, he's a red shirt, yeah!
6. I like how neither the cake pig nor the ambassador have eyes. Coincidence? I think not.
7. The Vulcan Cake Pinch? Nanoo Nanoo!
I think number 2 is a penis with sperm
Happy Geek day to all and to all a good night! That is if you can get these images out of your mind.
The frog got me to contemplating an entire cake constructed entirely of piled and shaped icing.
YUM! :-d
Good one! Thank you for making my birthday even funnier!
Having sex with it.
Shooting it with a harpoon.
Why split such fine hairs?
I was more impressed with your Star Trek commentary than I was the cakes. But I will have to say if I had t eat something like that pig cake there I think I would just have to puke first. lol
Love the knock knock Jokes, I sure wish I could copy and paste them for my friends to see. lol
Speaking of Trekkers and Trekkies, if you have not seen the brilliant Star Trek spoof of LMFAO's "I'm Sexy and I Know It," here you go.
Do not google "butt cake". Your eyes will burn forever.
When I saw cake #2, my first thought was not a butt with quills or even a butt, er, explosion, as it were. Try the front appendage....in a "miracle of life" kind of scenario (hence the statement on the cake itself). *shudder* I think I'll go curl up in a corner and cry now. >_<
Don't even know what to think of the rest after seeing that one.
It's Cookie Monster's birthday! ...and towel day? I'd rather celebrate Cookie's birthday.
@Sharyn – more, more, more (how do you do it, how do you do it?)…. Another contribution to the post itself today AND a song!!! This is getting embarrassing: you just keep this stuff coming and I am in constant awe of your talent. But I fear that my repetitive PDA (public display of admiration) will become not only boring, but also misconstrued – this is purely a non-stalking, platonic sense of wonder (not to be confused with my feelings about that poor, down-graded former planet, which are Pluto-nic). Also, people might think we are in cahoots, but actually, I’m in Illinois and I believe you are in Colorado. So, in order not to daily annoy the other commenters with my appreciation for your skill, let’s try this – cut out the following and tape it to your computer:
Sharyn – another fantastic bit of writing! You are an incredibly gifted wordsmith! You are consistently clever, creative and funny, and your versatility with words makes children giggle and grown-ups laugh. Daily. It is so easy to see why you are an adjunct member of the CW Team (they’re no dummies) – you complement them so well. Your writing is an inspiration, and I thank you for sharing your incredible talent with us. mel
Now, I’m off to work on my epic...it is a tragic tale of a former baseball player who gets tired of hitting homers and decides to become an orthopedic doctor who specializes in pelvic fractures and the mysteries of boney fish. It’s called The Ilium and the Osteichthyes…. I think it will be my magnum Opus…
And @ john(thoj) thanks for putting up with me…..
And Happy Towel Day to all!
PS –I loved the knock-knock joke - still laughing....
You had me at “Captain’s Log, accidental!” Okay, you had me at “ATTN Parents: Today's post may not be appropriate for junior cadets.” But REALLY had me at Vulcan’s “first annual Knock-Knock Joke Competition.” (betcha thought I was gonna say “”We cleared out some Cling-ons in orbit around Uranus...” it was a good guess, too)
@DB I adore you in a non-scary kind of way. Really. No need to be scared.
@Sharyn Lady, ewe rock, deer!
@Naomi- awesome!!
Tellarite, not Tellarian. /nerdy nitpicking
LOVED the knock knocks! (Yours and the comments) Priceless.
@Srafina - If you *really* believe that Barclay *fully* deserves the porcupine invasion, you never saw the first Barclay episode on Star Trek:TNG. If *anyone* deserves a porcupine butt, it *absolutely*, *positively*, has to be... Q!!!!!
(Commence EPCOT - bring it!)
[puts on black gi, grabs bo, nun-chuks, and throwing stars, and slips back into the darkness....]
PS to Sharyn & DB - Excellent! Happy Towel day to all & DON'T PANIC!!! (where's a Babel fish when ya need one... ;-)
I know better than to try drinking anything while looking at Cake Wrecks. I almost spewed Cherry Coke Zero all over my computer screen!
Another hilarious post, as usual. Thanks!
Sharyn, Haiku Joy, mel and DB= You all ROCK! Thank you for making the comments just as good a read as the post. :)
I swear I am so tempted to start recording Sharyn's parodies. That would make one helluva a good CD. ;)
I cracked up at the third cake. And your comment. Also, I think I'll have to start responding to knock-knock jokes with "This is illogical." xD
Wow Sharyn you cracked me up so much my hubby keeps giving me strange looks as he is in the middle of playing Halo Reach lol. And he is a huge Star Trek fan so he is going to probably look this over later due to all the laughing. I really and truly am afraid of what the story for cake 2 would be.. nice candle placement by the way. Lovely wrecks as usual lol.
Where's my Klingon dictionary... I need to look up the translation for "what the i don't even"...