The Wreckorator's "Bored Book"
May 21, 2012 From the people who would have liked to have brought you the Star Trek Book of Opposites and Be Bold With Bananas (but didn't) comes:
The Official Wreckerator "Bored Book!"
This delightful picture book will teach budding wreckerators all the letters and words they need to know, all using illustrations only a true wreckerator will recognize!
Take a look at some of these exciting excerpts:
A is for "Apple Tree"
;)
B is for "Break time!"
;)
C is for "Catcher's mitt"
;)
See also: "Caca," "Cry," and "Constipated."
T is for "Tasteful"
;)
I is for "I scream and I sing for ice cream and icing!!"
;)
Also: ineptitude
M is for "Martini"
;)
N is for "No, really, that's supposed to be a frickin' martini glass."
P is for "Patriotism"
;)
(And H is for "headdesk.")
F is for "Fixed it!"
;)
Oh, you.
S is for "Stop."
;)
Just...stop.
Thanks to Chelsea P., Lynn J., Maureen, Bonita H., Jason A., Stephanie M., Chantene Z., Melinda A., & Deanna C. for the education. And to the rest of you: I look forward to your letters.
Update: Comments are still a little broken. We're working on it. Sorry about that.
Reader Comments (36)
I think the Stop Sign hurts the most.
Just so you know, the "B" in "Break Time" is supposed to be a "P". It's the logo for the Philadelphia Phillies - albeit slightly mangled. (Then again, so is the team this year.) So... wreck everywhere but the Philadelphia metro region? :P
Why is the martini glass olive-shaped and the olive martini-glass-shaped?
#4 I said BUNDT cake! And how sad is it that this is the best example of derriere-themed confectionery I've ever seen? Not content to take a heart-shaped cookie-cake and slap some vaguely thong-like lines on it, these bakers really put their backs into it, pushed themselves and worked their tails off. Bizarre? Yes. Distasteful? Certainly. Skillfully crafted? Darned tootin'!
I don't think the intent was to interpret the "break time" character as a "B", but as a "P". "It's break time, so 'Go P'."
Or maybe: it's break time, so we'll finish this cake later. . . . Maybe.
Someone please tell me... for what occasion would a butt cake be appropriate?
I must admit the flower on the butt cake is the most strategic placement of a decoration I've ever seen. At least I *think* that's supposed to be a flower.
I don't read any of the oriental languages, but I suspect that even if that is a cake, it is probably not what we think it is. The sword makes it kind of strange.
Buttcake!!!
Sword? I think that's supposed to be a syringe. Like a shot in the butt.
I'm pretty sure that's a syringe in the rump cake. That being said, I would maybe guess . . . "Congratulations on your antibiotic shot?!"
Pretty sure that's a syringe, not a sword.
The butt one's Chinese, 一铁贱笑, translates to "a cheap laugh" more or less. Not that this explains the sphincter flower (Brown-Eyed Susan?)
Actually, in Japan peaches are often represented with that imagery. Unfortunate that there'd be a certain flower in a certain place on that cake.
Looking at it again, I guess it'd have helped if there were leaves placed on that cake. That is, if it really is a peach...
Testing...
#2 gives a whole new meaning to the term, 'mashup'.
#3 CCCs were designed for schoolchildren, who have very active imaginations. Unfortunately, so do the rest of us.
#4 "I said, pick up a rump roast and a cake. Combining them does not save time." This may be the most thankful I have ever been to see a daisy.
#5 'I' is also for, "I see macaroni salad in a place it so ought not to be."
#6 W is for, "We know what that's really supposed to represent."
#7 Every country has a July 4th, even wherever this is supposed to be from.
#8 F is also for 'fern'. And 'fired'. And "free cake!" At least we're spared seeing whatever it said originally. That must have been a real wreck.
#9 Let me guess: the Muzak version of 'Yellow Submarine' was playing on the PA at the time. DOC is going to have to issue the wreckorator a citation for 'failure to stop'.
The first picture reminds me of the board game Hi Ho! Cherry-O, although I don't remember the game including fruit-bearing undergrowth. :)
"Shot through the butt and you're too late...Aimie, you give cake a bad name."
Sung to “Suddenly I See”
Her cakes are a mass of poo swirls
Are a mass of poo swirls
And you can see that the frosting’s been hurled
The frosting’s been hurled
Everything she turns out is a wrecky pool of blight
Flower-decked posterior with hypo, is that right?
I fight for calm
This really just demands a hard face palm
Don’t say that’s a tree
Cuz that’s just not what I see
What’s it ‘sposed to be?
And why would someone pay for just “Go P?”
I feel lost, stunned, bewildered
Lost, stunned, bewildered
Ice cream cone made of pink-dyed cheese curd
Why the pink-dyed cheese curd?
She screws up every corner – guess she wasn’t born too bright
Does her face grow warmer when she’s trying to remember
What she heard
Why doesn’t she does write down every word?
Not a martini
That’s just not what it could be
Don’t buy that cookie
Don’t you dare buy that monstrosity
A new spelling for “you”
Are” yuo” looking at me?
I can see her eyes as she hides her face in a magazine
Maybe she should be a school bus driver
School bus driver, yea
She’s got the power to flee
The power to give
That much to me
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
I’ll never see what it’s supposed to be
The butt-cake writing looks like Chinese to me. Drawing on my own knowledge and looking up what I can find on google, the literal translation (almost word-for-word) would be "one shot produces a laugh", which is one character different from a saying that literally means "one shot produces blood" (draw blood on the first prick) but has the understood meaning of "to hit it right on the mark".
一针見笑 versus 一针見血
Don't be bummed, Daisy.
When you find the sun won't shine,
bloom where you're planted.
I can't stop laughing at the butt cake. Whoever needs a shot in the rump probably wouldn't like a cake reminding them of it. Ah the joys of flower placement.. I wish I could unsee it lol.
Um, it REALLY doesn't look like a daisy to me... O_o
Maybe that's what they're getting the shot for?
Am I the only one who thinks that there was writing that had already been removed on Lisa's cake BEFORE they misspelled "you"? It looks suspicious to me. And additionally wrecky because of it.
I was thinking cake # 4 was a "sorry about your STD, I hope the penicillin works" cake, but the translation of the Chinese characters puts the daisy placement in a whole new perspective. Could it really be a "congratulations on your loss of virginity" cake???
Thank you Haiku Joy! I always enjoy your contributions but your latest jewel is destined to become my mantra at work. :-)
Thank you also to Jen, John, Sharyn, you are a constant source of delight.
Ehm, I have Crohns disease and this is NOT a daisy. Its a suppository peeking out of a bum hole. OR the results of colonoscopy prep ready to explode.
Not to put too fine a point on it, but anyone who has ever groomed a male horse knows exactly what that REALLY is on Allison's "cake"... O_O
I actually like the school bus. If I ever write a kids picture book, I want an illustrator who can make all the picture all curvy and chunky. Don't stop. It's cute!
@Craig “issue a citation” We can do that? I’ve just been bellowing at people and slapping them around a bit. So, does that mean the Vogon poetry sessions are a "no," too?
Anyone who orders a tacky customized cookie cake deserves what they get. They are the most disappointing cake alternative ever.
Okay, I'm stumped. Why does #4 have a jaundiced star-nosed mole peeking out of his bottom?
Does anyone else see that little oval at the bottom right of the butt shot cake? I could swear it says "Ainis." Without knowing Chinese I would safely ass-ume the position that this is in fact a butt with the cleanest little anus I've ever seen on a wrecky cake.
SO...the butt cake...it has a little sign that says "Aimis"- American Institute of Minimally Invasive Surgery - well that explains the syringe to the butt...
In the first picture- Can anyone else see a really messed up reindeer waving a green and red hoof? The antlers...a big brown eye...bright red nose over by the label and hoof on the other side? No? ...I must really want it to be something other than a tree...
Thank you, Haiku Joy, for putting the butt cake into perspective.
If there's anything that a buttcake needs, it's perspective. Lots and lots of far-off-on-the-horizon perspective.
is that a..... knife in the butt...? well, from pic #6, i feel bad for allison and her... barbell weight