Circumstantial Evidence
April 27, 2012 The World's Most Awesomely (In)Appropriate Cake For A Bris:
;)
"It's a boy!"
(And yes, this really WAS the cake for a bris. Would I lie to you?)
(Don't answer that.)
Oddly enough, there was also a post-ceremony cake on hand:
;)
Haha! Just kidding.
(The truth? You can't HANDLE the...handle.)
***
And now, Bonus (In)Appropriateness!
;)
Who wants the first slice?!
ACTUAL CONVERSATION I HAD WITH JOHN WHILE WRITING THIS POST:
Me: "Hey, do you know what a 'bris' is?"
John: [pause] "Um...is it a girl thing?"
Me: "Nooo... It's pretty much the exact opposite of a girl thing."
John: "Oh. Is it a slice of meat?"
Me: "Wow. SO CLOSE."
Thanks to wreckporters Melissa, Laura O., & Ellie P. Now, hot dogs for everyone!
Update: It looks like this post has recently attracted the attention of some anti-circumcision groups, so we're going to go ahead and turn the comments off. For the record, we don't think circumcision is funny - just like we don't think divorce, death, or breast cancer is funny - but that doesn't stop us from poking fun at a good wreck. As always, we certainly meant no offense to anyone, and if this post has caused any harm or bruised feelings, then we are truly sorry.
Reader Comments (41)
That gives new meaning to, "please take a little off the top"!
Heh.
Gives a whole new meaning to the line, "come on baby, just the tip, just for a second."
The third cake is really cute - finally a baby featured on here that won't make me wake up screaming in the middle of the night - but I just have to wonder why the orderer thought the wording was a good idea :S The world may never know.
(Sung to YMCA)
Cake Wrecks, where the odd cakes abound
I said Cake Wrecks, might knock you to the ground
I said Cake Wrecks, hope your stomach is sound
There’s no need to frost that badly
Cake Wrecks, it’s a place you can go
To see cake wrecks, I thought I’d let you know
You can click there, and I’m sure you will find
Awful cakes that will blow your mind
(Chorus)
It’s fun to stare at the cake wrecks all day
It’s fun to stare at the cake wrecks all day
They are laughable cakes most of us will enjoy
(Some Canadians get annoyed)
It’s fun to stare at the cake wrecks all day
It’s fun to stare at the cake wrecks all day
Quite spontaneously, you’ll emit a high squeal
It’s bewilderment that you feel
Cake Wrecks, when you’re looking to see
Baked goods photos that might bring misery
Because some wrecks really will haunt your dreams
Fungal toe might be today’s theme
Not made by some demented elf
No, a baker put these wrecks on the shelf
Bakers wreck cakes nearly every which way
What did Jen and John post today?
(Chorus)
Cake wrecks entertain and confuse
Guess their bakers were all hitting the booze
Making bris cakes isn’t really an art
It’s where good taste and good sense part
Cake Wrecks bakers someday might see
Just how messed up their creations can be
But until then, every morning I’ll check
I just need to see one more wreck.
(Chorus)
I'm intrigued by John's second guess after the clue "exact opposite of a girl thing."
What was the thought process by which he came up with "a slice of meat" as the "exact opposite of a girl thing"?
Now I'm wondering what he'd say is the "exact opposite of a boy thing" but maybe I shouldn't go there.
Rabbi Tuckman would be proud.
Love the "actual conversation" bit.
Mohel comforts babe,
soothes with these words of wisdom:
"It won't be long now."
You are so funny :D
I love it! The funny thing about it is that the person most traumatized by the bris is too young to enjoy the cake! How's that for some irony?
Special occasion
bit removal imminent
no cake for junior
@Haiku Joy: Oy vey. I know I say this about you a lot, but that was brilliant.
No wonder that flower in the lower right of the first cake looks so, well, perky...
Love your conversation with John! The cakes are, as usual, horrible. Thanks for sticking with the blog!
Something tells me that anything that has to be actually sliced in person is probably not quite right for a bris.. but then again, cupcakes seem a little wrong, too.. especially if you're the kinda of person who takes the frosting off the top first...
i'm just sayin'..
and petit fours seem girlie, and pie, well there's that slicing thing again.. What the heck kind of sweets CAN you have?!
These are all actual thoughts and discussions I would have had if this had been a choice I had to make.
But then again, I also had a conversation about a cross cake for a christening party.... Someone wanted red velvet inside and that was just wrong, too.. so.. anyways.
@Sharyn,
Thanks! I can't take credit for the punchline - it's a more or less standard bris joke.
...just the tip...
@Sharyn and Haiku joy LMAO XD XD As for the cakes, why aren't they in do you see what I see?
Also, robin hood men in tights, the rabbi who marries robin hood has a sign-circumsion, half off :D
I didn't get the first cake until I saw the second cake!
Thanks Jen, you rock!
As the old joke goes... the Mohel said, "Well, the pay isn't much, but I get big tips...."
@Sharyn and Haiku Joy: to you a tip of the....ahhhh...ummmm....errrrr...let's just say Kudo's!!
Heh. I'm with FM on this one. John(thoJ), how is a slice of meat the exact opposite....oh, wait...are you talking about sausage?
I don't know, I think "a slice of meat" hits the nail on the head! John wins a...wait for it...cake!
These gave me a good giggle. In a completely immature way of which I'm not too proud. But maybe a little. ;-)
There's a really funny scene involving a mogen, a bunch of KKK rednecks, and the entire Seminole nation in "Porky's 2".
Which has very little to do with cakes, really. But does involve Brises.
Ha! Your conversation makes me want brisket. Or not.
Sharyn: Brilliant again! Now all we need is the video that shows us what hand gestures we make to your version of the song.
But any way you slice it, these cakes are awful!
@staxia,
Perhaps popsicles?
Bless your heart, you guys can even find humor in ritual child abuse.
Y'know, outside the context of the post, that second cake is nothing special-- I mean, the shell border is eight kinds of messed-up and the color is
bleedingrunning, but it's not a why-would-you-order-that or how-dare-they-charge-for-that. In context, though... I will never look at umbrella handles the same way again. Thanks, I guess?Haiku Joy, you slay me.
Now I want a photograph of John when you revealed to him what a bris (In Hebrew it's actually called "brit" which sounds much more sharp. Um.) actually is.
I've been born and have spent my entire life in Israel, and I still haven't figured out why people - especially the masculine side of the family - actually *celebrate* this thing. Or how the mothers actually allow it.
We know a family that always serves Vienna sausages at the bris. One brother has 3 sons. Maybe they should have had one of these cakes, too.
I have to say, my first thought was that it wasn't the pram's um, 'handle', given the colour was pretty close to flesh toned! (Apparently, my mind is in the gutter today)
Loved the post. And Jen & John's dialogue that went with the post. And I notice that the commentators are in fine form today! Laughed at Sharyn's song (yes, I too want to know the hand gestures! And I liked how you got the Canadian & toe references in there too :D ). And Joy's Haiku and mel's quip. And (after giggling) I agree that popsicles (or cake pops?) would be the most appropriate nibbly for a bris. Or a cake in the shape of a wine soaked shmatte...
Hey!Those carriages look like PAC MAN!!!
Well, at least they spelled "circumcision" right! Anyway, WOW. I guess it's a rite of passage and a thing to celebrate, but perhaps not with cake.
I'm sitting all alone giggling my head off, ( oh my goodness, just realized what I did there...) so thanks for making me feel silly Jen, Sharyn & HaikuJoy!
This post brings to mind an old (terrible) joke. Forgive me, but I'm going to share it!
Q. What do you call that useless piece of skin on the end of a penis?
A. A man.
(Am I allowed to use the word "penis" here?)
Thanks you! After such a long week learning a new Cake Wrecks theme song is exactly how I want to spend my weekend.
Tangentially related: several years ago someone did a parody ad for a new Kosher cell-phone (don't laugh. There are odder things for strict sabbath observation). It was a variation of the Razer called . . . yup: the Bris.
Ah, so THAT'S what it means when you hear the phrase "The cut diwrecked." (Because there were 2 pram cakes... Rimshot. And don't forget to tip your waitress. Um, or not.)
@TLC and Aliza: I think you alternate between pointing with laughter and cowering behind both hands, peering through your fingers. But I'm open to suggestions.
Dang now me little brain's buzzing and trying to think of a civil defense tune for the pro-wreckerators out there to the tune of "In the Navy" (In the bakery ...) Actually, the first tune that came to mind was "Fondant, Fondant Man ..." (Buttercream was rejected because it didn't scan right)
Seriously, the "conversation" almost killed me! But are those really not meant to be buggy handles? Dang, even THAT sounds bad!
Sharyn, that song is fantastic! I'm going to copy paste it to Facebook, will give you credit. Nice going! :)
Y'see I saw the title - and I KNEW what this was about. Then I thought " nah, couldn't be" and then I scrolled down.... oh dear
@zoomom that was the icing on the cake! all I could think of (which may not make it past the censors*) was "sliced off meat" so I think John was very, very close.
@Sharyn do you take requests? this seems so easy for you I thought we could compile a list of songs that deserved to be wrecked and dole them out randomly to you- J&J(thoj) could end the post with "S: (insert song name here)." [evil smile] Yeah, I'd like to nominate Eminem's "Lose Yourself." Hey, it's got a good rhythm!
*and very deservedly so as I think that's a little too much