Pucker Up, St. Patrick!
March 16, 2012 ;)
Friends, tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day, and that means you're going to be facing down a drunken horde wearing funny green hats and demanding that you kiss them. [KISS ME]
But I'm here to help. [KISS ME NOW!]
First, you should know that alcohol has a way of reducing inhibitions, and also that Oscar here may have sniffed a little too much finger paint yesterday:
;)
"Let's get trashed!!"
Second, just because a person is Irish doesn't mean you have to kiss them.
;)
I'm getting some mixed signals here, to be honest.
Hey, this is a free country! You can kiss any one or any thing you want! Still, there are a few red flags to watch for when deciding whether or not someone is worthy of the ol' lip lock.
Things like...
Noticeable drool:
;)
"The claaaawww."
Excessive, creepy staring:
;)
"Your hide will make a fine poncho!"
Excessive, creepy tongue:
;)
"Yiiiiipth yipth yipth yipth yipth yipth..."
Now let's run through a quick role-playing exercise, so I can show you how to gracefully escape any awkward kissing-negotiation situation:
Hopeful Would-Be Kisser:
;)
"Well hello there." [eyebrow waggle] "As you can see by my funny green hat and pipe, I am obviously Irish! So you have to kiss me!"
[puckering up and leaning in]
Unenthusiastic Kiss Avoidee:
;)
[ **** ]
Newly Unnerved Would-Be Kisser:
;)
"Oh...uh...I say! Look at that thing over there that I have to go attend to immediately! Er...nice... meeting you?"
See? Works every time! And this is a fool-proof strategy, because it places you squarely in the "excessive creepy staring" category, which no one wants to tangle with.
Just be careful you don't take it too far:
;)
On the plus side, he won every staring contest. Consecutively.
Thanks to Renee B., Kristen S., Meredith B., Darice & Sean, Anony M., Chris, Pamela H., June S., & Jaycee for the lucky break.
Reader Comments (68)
For a split sec, I thought cake #1 had bacon for a mouth, and cake #7 had some well-orchestrated wispy smoke coming from his pipe--but twas only a reflection. Sheesh! And I work for an eye doc!
Mistiqueallie, when my kids were little we had such fun imitating yip yip, ahaw, ahaw across the dinner table! That was the beginning of many milk-spewing noses at our house.
Love the comic & muppet reference. hehehehehehehehe
The last one looks like he's crying because he lost his hat!
Way to go Haiku Joy!! I couldn't get the "regurgitiation" out of my head all day.
the second pic reminds me of Oscar the Grouch. like a happier version of him.
What are the drips coming out of the eyes on the last one? ewww! Blech!
I'm creeped out by the first guy, and I kind of love him at the same time. I want to take him home and make him my pet. ...or eat him.
I'M SO CONFUSED!!
That last one look like an album cover by Gentle Giant.
http://www.progarchives.com/progressive_rock_discography_covers/118/cover_7271617102008.jpg
I love the Yip Yip Martians from Sesame Street!!! Here is the best one where they meet a telephone:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fQaj31Wtko
Those green monster things remind me of a Muppet Show sketch lol. I don't know why though they just do. I do think they are kind of cute in an odd wouldn't kiss them sort of way. Ah wreckerators such laughter you inspire in me. Daily lol.
That first one looks like a certain green slimey ghost....
We need to get Dr. Venkman in here STAT!
@Ela, that's the best compliment. Thank you.
the "yipth" things reminded me of Sesame Street alien things...
Thanks to the commenter who identified the green blobs as the Mucinex guy! They sure look like him. The tongues are uber creepy. WRT the rainbow, we learned it as Roy G. Biv: Red orange yellow green Blue Indigo Violet.
The first one reminds me of the slimer ghost in Ghostbusters!
The green blobs are supposed to be frogs, and they are not a st. pattys day thing, they are a spring thing. Yes, they are very creepy haha
My three year old looked at these and said, "Why are those pears so weird?" Good call, kid.
Another use for the Pan-Wow!
After recently starting to read the web comic Homestuck, when I read this post I can't help but think of one of the main characters, John Egbert. He loves Slimer, (has the ghost on his T-Shirt, computer wallpaper, and as a pogo-ride that later becomes a pogo-hammer) and yet detests cake (his Dad made too many of them for his birthday, to the point where he refers to Betty Crocker as a "batterwitch".) So the question that I have is as follows:
How would our hero react to that first cake?