I Got Your Back, PA
January 19, 2012 An Open Letter to the Internet from the Residents of Southern Pennsylvania
Dear Internet,
What did we ever do to you?
We are a region of good, decent, hard-working Americans and prized rutabaga growers* who always try to do right by our fellow man.
And how do you repay us? By staging protests! By telling the government to shelve us! By blocking our favorite cute cat picture websites with big "STOP SOPA" signs!
It's enough to make us think you don't like the area with the world's most colorful collection of soap shavings.*
;)
Motto*: "It's good clean fun!"
Did you know your underwear was probably made with cotton from OUR* cotton fields?
;)
And did you know that our official* tri-county* flower*, the Dryerious Lintitude*, has been hailed* by the scientific community* as a "marvel of nature?"*
;)
That's right: a MARVEL OF NATURE*. Just try and stop THAT, internet.
Look, we SOPA residents are reasonable people. We don't want to hold a grudge over some obvious misunderstanding - and already you've given us a hip new acronym for next year's tourism brochures!
So what do you say we start fresh? We'll forget this whole "down with SOPA" business, and YOU can come visit the birthplace of Hannah Montana*!
;)
It's a win-win!
*Sorry, Wikipedia was down yesterday.
Thanks to Michael S., Justin D., Anna D., & Karyn D. for helping me drag out a joke for five whole wrecks. Next I'll be writing** a letter on behalf of People In Pennsylvania - stay tuned!
**Just kidding. I'll make John do it.
Reader Comments (83)
Looks like somebody got the runs after eating that bacon! Stay away!
Hannah is looking a bit *ahem* manly.
aaaauuuuuuugggghhhhhh!! these are five of the most HIDEOUS cakes I have EVER seen! I feel so haunted!
I'm feeling distracted by asterisks*
*asterixes? astriksis? asstricks? I don't think I've ever tried to spell that before.
On another note, reflecting on the thought that we could have had to live without Cake Wrecks, and because John got "You're Beautiful" stuck in everyone's heads on Friday, I have taken the liberty of wrecktifying said song on behalf of my fellow Wrecks fans.
This blog is brilliant
This blog is brilliant
We laugh each day
And underneat that
Don’t go away!
You’ve brought us all together,
Made us laugh until we cried
at cakes topped off with hershey squirts
and quotes from Princess Bride.
You’re delightful, satirical, hysterical it’s true.
You fill a space nothing can replace;
We love you Cake Wrecks crew,
And the carrot jockeys, too!
Cake #2: ant farm
Cake #5: one of the brothers from Nelson
Does it make me a freak to think that the first cake is kind of cool, just poorly executed?
Good grief! What an ugly selection or better yet "a murder of" cakes! Is that first one a ccc cake? Ptooey!
mocking
I sort of like the colorful soap shavings - in a lava lamp sort of way. It's swirly and colorful and just needs bubbles and glitter!
I take it that People In PA is next? Or just 3.1415926535 of the population of PA?
That bacon cake is so gross! :/ And I totally thought the last cake was Lady Gaga until I noticed the HM necklace.
The Hannah Montana cake appears to missing another two sixes.
Hannah Montana looks more like a young Dog the Bounty Hunter.
Oh, welcome back, kids! I missed you yesterday! And to reward my (im)patience, you've presented me with some completely hideous examples of the baker's art*! How sweet! How sickening! How sickeningly sweet! I am overjoyed.... Thank you for my MDR of wreckiness. The world is now back in balance once again. Whew. I can stop tilting to one side now....
<I>*a purely subjective description; YMMV</I>
Best punchline of the year.*
The "HM" on that last cake (right after the one with the mussel shells on top) clearly stands for "Handsome Man." Just look at that proud chin, that sculpted brow, those prominent cheekbones, that luxurious mane. All that's missing is an Adam's apple.
* By which I mean, best punchline of the past nineteen days. Somehow you just keep topping yourselves.
Good god the ugly, it overwhelms D: the concept for the first cake is nice, but it needed a better worker to do it.
Wow! The "Dryerious Lintitude" looks an awful lot like the "Hairballicus Maximus." I wonder if they're related? I'll have to look that up on-line today. ;)
I learned a lot about SOPA and PIPA yesterday. (I read it on Reddit... and other places.) Until then, I thought SOPA + PIPA = a yummy Mexican dessert. Last night, John Stewart had a great segment on them, as did Rachel Maddow. Hers included pictures of unauthorized content on three of the bills' sponsor's websites, Twitter pages, etc. (I'd add links, but I don't want to get you shut down.) I'll bet you could find them on the Internet...
Hannah Montana is Egyptian?
New meaning to "makin’ bacon”…. and Dryerious Lintitude … a little fuzzy at first, but I got it….
Also, I was in a little bit of a fog yesterday, still reeling from the almost-demise of Cake Wrecks, and I misread the protest signs on this and other sites – I thought we were protesting soap. I see I was wrong, and I apologize to my legislatures for what surely must have been a confusing e-mail. I am sorry…
Whether we live on the COAST or the plains, whether we are IVORY or ebony, we are ALL from this ERA, and we must turn the TIDE of internet censorship! The internet is important, and no matter if we SURF it thru DIAL-up or other means, we must SAFEGUARD that right with ZEST. Give a CHEER for that freedom! We don’t need the government in this BIZ! They’ll just bring us DOWNY. So, write your folks, folks, and don’t let them try to pull the WOOLite over our eyes.
@ zoomom: brilliant – thanks!
Bravo! Awesome wrecks, hilarious *commentary*
@mel -- It must have been hard for you to send that e-mail -- you've always struck me as less a hawk and more a DOVE. (Love your bubbling wit...)
Flamenco dancer
twirled until engulfed by dress.
Polka-dot bloomers.
"Our bacon is #2." We don't need Wikipedia to verify that one!
Welcome Back! Thanks for participating in raising awareness about the evils of SOPA and PIPA! Today is a wonderful post as always. I love the comment above with all of the soap product names in it. Brilliant! But oooooooooh. That commenter is giving you a run for the money there in the pun department. It would be tough to do better. I certainly couldn't. I'd be all washed up, instead. Viva internet freedom!
First off, kudos to Jen for working in the word "Rutabega" into a Wrecks post.
Two: I was going to say....Hannah's jawline is looking awfully strong
@Zoomom: Bravo! I applaud your parody skills
I'd say that 3rd cake is more a marvel of genetic engineering, because I'm pretty sure that circus elephants with radial symmetry do not occur in nature.
@Sharyn - "sopa pipa" (tobacco pipe soup) sounds like the kind of Mexican dessert that would end up on this blog.
I also want to say thanks for the SOPA/PIPA post yesterday. I sent my letter.
Took me a little while to get today's joke, but it was absolutely brilliant. I really hope the PIPA one post comes tomorrow!
I must say, being a south Pennsylvanian, that you lack information about what is grown here. Cotton??? Need to be much further South, dahlin'.
Someone's got her mojo workin' again...
#1 A still from 'Charlotte's Web -- the Sequel' in which Mr. Arable decides to grow a different sort of crop.
#2 Yes, nothing says 'Happy Birthday Popjay' (?) like packing peanuts and twine. Looks like they used the real items, too.
#3 I'm all for bacon being sold in 10 pound packages. But this? I initially went with dried chili peppers. Because that is what one immediately associates with cake (if one is me, anyway). Then I thought that pets really need to be excluded from the bakery.
#4 Audrey III. Or the wreckerator is a fan of the Outer Limits (I see a mashup of references to at least two episodes).
#5 HM totally rocks that Y chromosome. Except for, you know, the pink lipstick and the necklace. Alternative theory: few people know that King Tut was a surfer.
Nicely done, Jen. You made me laugh OUT LOUD, AT WORK, something I try to avoid doing at all costs. Very clever play.
I liked the first cake, could have been pretty had it been executed better, but the rest - not so much. #2 indeed...
Now, as Jon Stewart said, "SOPA"!!!!
@zoomom and @mel, Brilliant comments both! It truly is a joy to share my day with Jen, John, and all you crazy, clever commenters.
I was convinced until I read the caption that the HM cake was of He-Man.
What's with the shape on cake # 2? Weird, and that looks more like Poo than bacon on cake # 3....Hannah Montana??? Looks more like a Pharaoh who's got a tobacco plug in his cheek.
With a little eye makeup and that fifth cake could totally be Dee Snyder from Twisted Sister. (Did I just show my age?)
So I said to myself, "wait...is that poo on a bacon cake? Oh, no. It's just chocolate covered bacon, which is delicious. It sure does look like poo, though. Poor choice. Should've served it on the side."
Oh, people. Stop.
And after the "People In Pensylvania" post, you should make one about how the word "SOPA" means soup in spanish!
Mmmm, that first one is so colorful!!
@auntie meme, any rabid Nelson fan (such as myself) can tell you that #5 is obviously Matthew, since Matthew has bangs and Gunnar doesn't. Here's what they look like now, by the way: http://www.thenelsonbrothers.com
That Hannah Montana cake looks like Gentleman Bronco after Chevalier got ahold of him!
Being from southern PA, I was completely confused why rutabegas were mentioned...or why PA was even being dragged into Cakewrecks. But then I read the SOPA line and it made sense.
Southern PA doesn't have much to call its own except Philly, Lancaster, and Gettysburg. And we grow mushrooms. We are pretty wonderful. So, from one of the PIP, thank you for introducing others to our fine state however false the statements were!
I missed you guys yesterday, but I am glad you went dark in opposition of SOPA and PIPA. I suppose that in retaliation, the Feds today shutdown MegaUpload.com. What's next? YouTube? Google? The Mayans may be right after all... :(
As someone living in southern PA, I appreciate the support. But if I’m being honest, we totally deserve the hate.
I live in Southeastern Pa, and would like to offer my sincere apologies for these travesties. We are not SOPA; we are SEPA, which sounds much more gross than it actually is...mostly
I thought it was Yul Brynner from "The Ten Commandments" until I vertical-scrolled to the "HM" cartouche.
Who else remembers when Hannah Montana acquired super powers BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL? Anyone? Anyone?
As someone who grew up in NOPA, I'm pretty sure all your info is correct. Some of those people from Philly and Pittsburgh ARE a little odd! LOL! hilarious post, as usual!
Ok, I'll admit it: it took me a few minutes to figure out what on earth the residents of Southern Pennsylvania had to do with SOPA. Once the realization dawned, you could probably hear me laughing a mile down the road. Awesome post, especially since I lived in Southern PA (York to be specific) for several years.
As a resident of Southern Pennsylvania, I approve this message.
@ SueBee
Heyyayyayyeeaah
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ5LpwO-An4
HM never sounded better.
Nice Fabio cake. Wait... it's not Fabio?
Here in New Brunswick, there is the Olivier Soapery Ecomuseum. I always see the signs for it driving to and from my in laws house, and the first cake reminded me of it, because the advertisement for their daily shows is "it's good clean fun".