I'm Actually NOT Ready For Some Football
January 11, 2012 I generally try to avoid sports-related stuff like watching ball games, playing ball games, or excessive movement, but even *I* can tell by my Facebook feed that something sports-related is going on. (Or went on. Or is going to go on. STOP PRESSURING ME I JUST DON'T KNOW OKAY?)
So I asked John about it, and he said he thought it was football season. Which might explain some of the stranger submissions I've been getting this week.
Like this:
;)
Thank goodness. I've been waiting for You Teaw to get here for WEEKS.
Or this:
;)
This is actually a perfect visual representation of my sports knowledge: half hearted, blatantly incorrect, and really confusing.
And speaking of confusing:
;)
Ew.
LITTLE KNOWN SPORTS FACT: Did you know footballs are like puffer fish? It's true! Check it out:
;)
INFLATED
;)
DEFLATED
And while we're at it, remember those Hanukkah cakes with the five-pointed stars? Well, here's your problem:
;)
Turns out there was just a mix-up with the Dallas "Cow-Boys."
(Oy vay! Get that pig skin outta here!)
Now it's time to play everyone's favorite football-cake-related game:
TURKEY!! OR!! FOOTBALL?!
;)
Sooo... Turkey? Or football?
Take your time; I'll just be over here humming the Jeopardy theme in between dry heaves. (Is that paprika? *hurk*)
Now this, on the other hand, is a football cake I'd totally buy:
;)
This is an intentional joke Amber made for her bakery manager, but it turned into an unintentional wreck when he put it out on the sales floor to sell. I like to think someone with a similarly snarky sensibility snapped it up.
And finally, a "cake" that perfectly sums up all this football wreckage:
;)
My thoughts exactly.
Thanks to Amber M., Binah, Nilolai N., Rachel L., Claire G., Ellen D., Caitlyn H., Amber G., & Benjamin B. for the home "runs." [snerk]
Reader Comments (70)
This stuff looks very suspicious :P ugh ewwwwwwwwwwwwies!
I feel inspired by all these silent acts of resistance against oppressive bakery managers who force employees to make football-themed cakes against their wills.
Bzzzzzz! It's Turkey, Jen!
No, wait, not final answer.
It's Football! Final!
LOVE the "Football is Fabulous" cake. :) And is there even any cake under that last one's pile of icing? Or is that just a pile of icing? Are we selling those now? Oh my goodness am i the first commenter too? Awesome.
Is everyone else going 'FOOTball is FAAAAAAAbulous!' in a Queer Eye kind of way?
I miss those guys.
Sigh.
that second one looks like a snippet of a football race--with speed! and two balls drifted out of their lanes. and the track.
blowfish ball could be the skeleton of a tiny creature. commemorated on cake with tassel trim. still inappropriate.
5 looks like a limb-less dissection victim, stitched up.
the hannukah football is nicely done. but seriously--pig skin? is that allowed to touch a Jewish cake if it's only made of icing (metaphorically speaking)?
6 reminds me of the Rocky Horror Picture Show lips, with a mouth stitched up or with braces. Or Audrey II, since it's a little dirty.
7 is for either gay or 6 year old football fans. and so lively!
8--seriously? who sells a pile of icing? is there even any cake under there in that oversized box?
Whats even funnier about the Football is Fabulous cake is the plastic signs are acually.....for a "Baseball" team :)
is the thing with the almonds on it a cake or a cheese log?
At least the sixth cake spelled "Congratulations" correctly.
My daughter and her theater geek friends would simply adore that pink cake. At homecoming they sat together and sang show tunes in a corner while everyone else watched the game. I'm happy to say, no one was beaten up.
The last cake looks like something Anthony sent to the cornfield.
Amber is awesome. That pink cake is fabulous!
I really like the football cake with the sliced almonds on it. It looks realistic to me.
I can't wait to get out there with my... drumroll... New Cake Making Certificate! and start making cakes all day! Who cares if they tell me to make footballs! I know for a fact I can do better than those!
I really think that the deflated football is less football but rather roadkill that has been cut upon then lovingly stitched back up... Or maybe less lovingly come to think of it. Each to their own I guess.
Photo #3 kind of reminds me of the Sandra Lee Kwanzaa cake, so that should say something about it in and of itself. LOVE the "Football is Fabulous!" cake. Awesome.
Just in case you were wondering if footballs are kosher, "pigskin" is just a nickname. Centuries ago, footballs were inflated pig bladders (not hides), sometimes covered with any kind of leather. But none have been made of pig bladders in living memory. Modern footballs have a rubber or synthetic air chamber covered with leather, usually cowhide. So far, I haven't seen or heard of one covered in actual pigskin.
I worry for the pufferfish...you never know what football fans will resort too in these tough economic times.
Halololol at your pufferfish analysis. You have made a breakthrough!
I would totally buy that fabulous football cake. Then I'd bring it over to the home of my rabid Steelers friend and bug her throughout a game asking stupid questions. "Do the referees have to wear those tight pants, too?" "When's the seventh-inning stretch? I hear we get to dance the Hora then."
The one with the nuts isn"t too bad, but the rest of them...that last one sums it up D:
That second one is half hearted, blatantly incorrect, and really confusing WITH SPRINKLES. And that's all that matters.
So THAT'S where Amber ended up...
Cake #3 looks like a bunch of baby footballs suckling at the teats of the mother football. "Ew" just about sums it up.
Turkey or Football? Is that like " Cake or Death"?
The one with the sliced almonds looks like it was frosted with feces. Yuck!
Hurrah for the Boston Red Sox! Do you think they'll win the Super Bowl this year and take home the Stanley Cup?
Hey idk if football is fabulous but that cake gots some SPRINKLES!!!!!!! goin' on. : )
The 2nd picture makes me think how awesome it would be to block off half a football field and turn it into a giant ball pit. Now *there's* some halftime fun!
Turkey or football is actually a zippered turkey with a football inside. How ingenious! ;)
The second one looks like a ball pit.
SO love the last picture with the 49ers picks on the pile of poo icing. I about fell out of my chair! My husband is a 49ers fan and I'm a Saints fan and they play this weekend. Showed him the picture and he didn't find it quite as funny as I did. lol
I'm dying to know. Is the third cake iced with peanut butter? I was going to go with almond butter but I believe that is a lighter shade of brown.
Every single day, I laugh and wonder at these cakes that are actually for sale or made specifically for someone. I find myself checking the cases at the grocery stores looking for my own wreck that I would promptly snap a photo and send along. Oh my........such a great laugh every day!! :D
@CookieD'oh - Just wiped the coffee off of my keyboard. That was my biggest laugh of the day!
Footballs like Pufferfish are poisonous. I don't indulge in or ingest either one :-).
Okay, the pink one had me laughing harder than I think I've ever laughed at a sports-themed cake. Looks nummy too!
I thought the, "turkey or football" cake was my stomach after my c-section (thought you'd hacked my photo files, ROFL). San Francisco 49'ers are da SHIZnit.
waittttt-nobody else answered in the form of a question, did they???
What is a football?
umm
What is a turkey?
What is turball--final answer!
The Cow Boys cake reminds me of my husband's groom's cake, right down to the turquoise blue Stars of David!! Love it!
So the second one looks to me like it's supposed to be an artistic representation of a football game--the lower right triangle representing the field, and the upper left triangle representing the legions of diverse and colorful fans in the stands (hence the abundance of colorful sprinkles). Not sure what the placement of the plastic footballs along the dividing line and in the corner of the field is supposed to represent (other than that it creates another triangle, thus tying together the various elements of the cake...).
Oh, and the turkey or a football cake? Neither--it's the top of a bowling ball bag (distressed leather from so much use), with the pull broken off the center zipper.
It's obviously a TurDucKen. You unzip the turkey to find a duck with a zipper. You unzip the duck and you have a chicken. I think the chicken has buttons though...because it has fingers.
Either that or it's Big Bird's post-autopsy photo.
I am totally stealing your intro paragraph as my next Facebook status update! It perfectly describes my don't-know attitude towards sports!
I LOVE these
- because I really hate football
I always laugh at your posts, but Amber's appreciation of the Fabulous football Red Sox practically did me in.
Nasty, Nasty, and Nasty.
I'm so relieved! I've been wondering what to do with my leftover Thanksgiving turkey cake.
oh Lord the pink one nearly made me pee my pants from laughing.....especially since I can totally hear my gay friends saying FABULOUS in their own fabulous way....
Given the way the Red Sox season ended and the usual excitement up here over the start to the Patriots' season, Amber's offering no doubt did very well on the sale floor, whether or not her manager was in on the joke. (This year she probably would have been better served with "Hockey is fabulous," but then her cake wouldn't have qualified for today's post...)
Re: cake #3: nuts on balls is never a good idea . . . just sayin'
The turkey / football looks more like zipped lips to me :)
I started literally "LOLing" when I saw the football is fabulous cake, and how the Boston Red Sox are a baseball team. The cake was funny enough, but putting the Red Sox on there made it absolutely hilarious