Monday
Jul112011
Here Comes the Snide
July 11, 2011 In honor of all the summer weddings this month, I decided to sing a little song.
(With apologies to Nat King Cole.)
Unforgettable...
That's what you are.Unforgettable!
Beyond subpar!
Like a song of love that CLINGS to me...
(ew)How the thought of you does THINGS to me...
(seeing...red...)Never before has something been mooore...
UNFORGETTABLE!!
Someone will pay!And forever moooore...
They'll rue the day!That's why darling...
It's incredible...That a wreck...
So unforgettable...
Could also be so...
...dang inedible too.Thanks to Christin S., Amanda C., Rachael H., Jessi T., Chelsea W., Chase C., Amy S., Angela I., & Susan C. for scaring all the brides-to-be out there.
Reader Comments (91)
The fifth one. Ew! I enlarged it to reassure my self that someone had not actually put live snails on the cake, but I'm still not sure. Why would you want rocks and snails on your cake? Any cake? Is this an indication of a slow moving relationship already on the rocks?
On #5 it looks like they're sinking into the cake... very slowly sinking into the cake...
Sharon
The Ghost of Cakes Past
sends a message. A soggy
oozing bon-bon message.
wv: genol
The genol idea was good even if the specific execution was wrecky.
I cleaned out my fridge this weekend and, as usual, there was that one hidden piece of tupperware stuck waaaayy in the back that had clearly been there a while. Its contents were EXACTLY the same colors as that first cake, which I'm now calling the "Forgotten Tupperware Surprise" cake. I think the 3rd and 4th would be great at a zombie wedding -- especially the 4th, which appears to have an exit wound.
Bon Appetit!
What is UP with the cake topper on #5? Are the bride and groom in Lamaze class?
The red scribble on #4 reminds me of the Doctor Who episode "Fear Her". The scribble is alive and attacking the cake! Run!
These wedding cakes always make me soooo sad (well, after I stop laughing, snorting, choking, whatever.) How must the brides feel when they first see these things? I guess some bride must have chosen that unusual cake topper (the groom trying to revive the bride after she faints upon seeing her cake?)
But the other brides must be so upset.
WV: borde- The cake decorator was bordes, so she just tossed some Cool Whip and Hershey's Syrup on the cake and called it a day.
Love the post, regrets to all those brides.
mocking
WOW! those were...wow
My two year old daughter said of the third one: "Uh oh! Dirty!" lol
Well...we all know what dripping brown frosting means...but the real interesting cakes here are the ones here that contain hidden in-jokes by the bakers, sometimes known as Decorator's Revenge: see how the the 6th cake and the last one bulge a little? This is a subtle reference to the bride being "in a family way," if you know what I mean.... And the 7th cake -- heard the expression "shotgun wedding"? See the little silver shotgun pellets shot into the cake.... A tip o' the toque to you, decorators!
wv-playd: "Been playd, brides..."
Is #8 suppose to be a giant bee hive above a flower garden?
Jackie
That's too bad. I can see the potential for about half of those to be lovely if executed properly.
Brilliant parody, loved it.
(Allow me to preface that I am sick)
1) How on earth do you forget the base layer of icing??
2)Perhaps if there were some really wrecky leaves, those things would look like flowers and not used toilet paper.
3) Why you don't put the chocolate fountain IN the cake
4) Ok, THIS one looks like those skinless people turning up in the museums nowadays!
5) I can't even...
6) Did they think the fake ice on the bottom would help?
7) I live in a small town in NC... so I've seen this in person.
8) This is the reason why there is the sign in the bathroom that says: Employees must wash hands before returning to work.
9) All I see are the perfect little boobies on the bottom.
ok... I'm gonna go look for more medication now.
The first one would actually look OK if it didn't look so... stale.
People PAID for those?! O_o
*infinity*=number of people researching the song after they read the post. Seriously. You guys should just knock us dead with your fab. singing skills and use that nifty recorder thing like you did on the Nightmare before Christmas post. REALLY it would make everything much more shiny. :D Thanks for another hilarious post!
Wow. Eww. Ugh.
wv: truro: So truro your wuv...
Skip to the end!
Have you the wing?
;-D
aaaaaannnnddddddd....this is why I am doing cup cakes (noooo NOT a cupcakecake! Ptooie!) for my wedding! Praying I don't have to submit a picture to Jen for any other day but a Sunday post!
Faith
Maybe I stand alone, but I thought cake #1 was nicely done. Yes, the colors were dark and earthy (not my first choice for a wedding cake), but I liked the sueded texture and the bow is well made. Hopefully, that's what the baker was going for. All of the others are true wrecks, though. And I think those are nuts (chestnuts?) on #5.
That red scribbly thing is making me itchy.
ya know , just leveling the cakes before stacking, putting a board between the cakes and some dowels would have saved some of these.
Oh how special that you showed wedding cake wrecks on my 2-year wedding anniversary!! Luckily for me, it did NOT bring back sad memories, as our cake was genuinely beautiful and delicious. One could be picky and point out that the little craft birds on the top looked sort of pissed, but you know, planning a wedding is very stressful!
Thank you so much and please keep the laughs coming!
~Emily
OMG someone unraveled Elmo all over that cake!
Wait...I think I'm okay with that.
*evil*
#1 I first thought this wasn't too bad. Then I made the mistake of looking again. How is the Abandoned Bakery able to do deliveries?
#2 'Learn by doing' is not always the best way.
#3 "Yeah, we had a little fire at the bakery -- how did you know?"
#4 I would bet the bride was 'seeing red' in another sense when this showed up.
#5 I'd have to agree with @Tracy W. on the 'rocks and snails', but I was distracted by the topper. I couldn't pose that way if my life depended on it, and what is going on with the bride? People don't bend that way.
#6 & 7 represent the awful gap that can develop between concept and execution. 'Execution' must have been what the brides were thinking as well.
#8 A beehive? Really? At least it passes the 'what is it' test, which is more than can be said for the bottom tier.
#9 Baker's note to self: "Must get new shocks on delivery van. Must also remember to frost tops of cakes."
Pretty it is Guylian Chocolate Seashells on #5 although that is no excuse! Oddly, my mum once put a random snail shell from the garden on my birthday cake (since I study snails), she does swear she washed it first!
Good choice of accompanying song! I'm hoping it does NOT turn into an earworm though
#1: not my choice of colour for a wedding cake (Sharyn's description made me giggle!), but given how well the colour layer was done, this cake could have been gorgeous if only they'd remembered the icing. (how could they not have noticed?!)
#2: If they had left out that lumpy white icing, it would've been a mere wreck, and not horrible
#3: The white icing's a mess but the rest is chocolate, so forgivable. Yes, you can ALWAYS distract me with truffles ;)
#4. The baker over-reached. You have to be fabulous decorator to pull this kind of design off. If the decorator had stuck with something more conventional, it would not have made it to CW (on any day), and the bride would have been satisfied.
#5: ?! @Tracy W's comment, "is this an indication of a slow moving relationship already on the rocks" is absolutely brilliant! I knew people who gave those chocolate rocks as favours (with a tag saying something along the lines of "this relationship rocks!"), and that was cute, but it does NOT suit a cake. However, that topper would suit my sweetie and I perfectly-- I've been leaning on him like that since our teens (when I used to call him a "public leaning post"!).
#6 could have been nice if had been supported properly, and matched the greens. I notice they used the same topper as #7!
#7 if this was a cake made with love by a family member/friend who can bake but lacks decorating expertise, then it would be just fine. But for a pro, it's inadequate.
#8 the bottom cake falls into the same category as #7, and the top one-- a bee hive? as a wedding cake? That badly done, it's like #4
#9 is bad enough that I'm not willing to be charitable and say it's like #7. If you're incapable of assembling & decorating, don't try to do a wedding cake. Even if you're family!
WV 'supees'. I think these unfortunate brides got a nasty supees when they learned their baker's vision did not match their skill level.
OMG! I made the groom's cakes for the wedding where they served cake #7. I made 2, 3-D life sized Cowboys helmets and I made sure to tell my friend, who was a bridesmaid to let everyone know that I DID NOT MAKE THAT WEDDING CAKE!!!!!
you guys are being waaay too harsh!
First of all, for a SpongeBob themed wedding, that first cake is perfect! even classy, if you think about it.
And as for Cake #7, for a contempo-chrome-pearl-studded-violet-line-drawing-of-Machu-Picchu cake, it works!
The things on #5 are those Belgian chocolate seashells, like Guylian makes. They're actually really tasty.
wv: squillyn. I don't know what it means, but it sounds like some sort of ocean creature to me.
#1 Spongebob gets the pox!
I was kind of wondering if #1 was a really accurate replica of a pre-fab styrofoam cake, because, while disturbing as all get-out, that would actually be pretty impressive.
Cake #3 looks like it just spent yesterday here in the hottest spot in the nation at 112 degrees! Poor thing is melting everywhere!
These cakes look home made, not professional. I think some of these brides tried to "cut" expenses. Perhaps some had and Aunt, or BFF who said, "Hey, a wedding cake? I can do that!" If any of these were my wedding cake, I would do the cake cutting first thing to destroy the evidence!
How upset those brides must have been :(
I showed these to a friend of mine who is getting married in two months. Her reply:
"Hooo....some of these look like Dr. Seuss after some bad acid..."
You guys got me! What's wrong with #1?
The red one makes my eyes bleed. Don't people look at their work and go "Nah, I can't send this out." ?? I guess not but I'm betting most of these are friends or relatives doing the cake, if these are "Pros" they need to find another line of work.
Philly Paul
my 7 year old was looking at today's post with me and started laughing uncontrollably "Those are crap!" was all she could get out....I thought you'd like to know you're reaching the next generation already hahaha
I laughed so hard at that unexpected punchline--thank you! Bravo!
Aw, they seemed to really try in the first one. The bow doesn't look too terrible. :P
Best entry ever!
can't decide which is worse... the first one (which I'm assuming was meant to resemble moldy swiss cheese)... or the bleeding red silly string cake... or the fifth - where the groom is having to pick up his drunk bride off their collapsing disaster?
the song? that made up for at least one of the cakes :)
I think #5 is supposed to be a beach scene - upon zooming in, it looks like there is some brown stuff scattered on the top that is supposed to be sand and the happy couple is reclining/slumping/comatose on the beach. I had to zoom in about 4 levels before I figured out that those were chocolate shells and not dates on the bottom layer.
adune: let's rent adune buggy after the ceremony!
Compared to the rest of them the first one is not terrible, it's simply ugly. Which is about as damned with faint praise as it's possible to get, I suspect.
WV - Rehorked: Do I really need to explain this one?
Are you sure about cake #1? Looking at the skill used to create the bow on top, I find it hard to believe the baker "forgot" to frost the cake. Perhaps this is how it was ordered? Maybe a misguided attempt to cut calories?
Oh, and the color is horrible.
Cake #5- It looks like a couple, overdressed at lamaze class. Sadly, this is too often a reality. Can anyone say "shotgun wedding"? You bring the shotgun, we'll fix the cake! ~Jenn~
#4 looks like a crime scene minus the body.. Yikes!!
that just hurts my eyes...