Monday
Jul112011
Here Comes the Snide
July 11, 2011 In honor of all the summer weddings this month, I decided to sing a little song.
(With apologies to Nat King Cole.)
Unforgettable...
That's what you are.Unforgettable!
Beyond subpar!
Like a song of love that CLINGS to me...
(ew)How the thought of you does THINGS to me...
(seeing...red...)Never before has something been mooore...
UNFORGETTABLE!!
Someone will pay!And forever moooore...
They'll rue the day!That's why darling...
It's incredible...That a wreck...
So unforgettable...
Could also be so...
...dang inedible too.Thanks to Christin S., Amanda C., Rachael H., Jessi T., Chelsea W., Chase C., Amy S., Angela I., & Susan C. for scaring all the brides-to-be out there.
Reader Comments (91)
umm.... the bon-bon/chocolate drizzle cake looks yum to me. so, umm, i dunno
I read all the posts so far to see if anyone mentioned 'mold' referring to cake #1. Mixing such a specific color could have been difficult!
I saw these this am when there were only 5 comments and I really wanted to comment then. But my company has new filters that block me from being able to.
These have got to be some of the worst cakes I have ever seen. OMG I was breathless as I scrolled thru.
I too was stopped cold to see what looks like snails on a cake. I almost barfed in my mouth.
Sandy
Remember that the decorator doesn't get to choose the colors! #1 is well executed but the colors... ick. The rest MUST be done by a "friend." I would choke someone if I paid for that mess.
That beach "cake" topper looks like the groom is coaching the bride in Lamaze.
Not to mention ... and rather regrettable too.
Wow, I am truly shocked by these, that are made by professionals! People paid for these cakes! Good grief, I feel really bad for the brides and grooms facing these monstrosities--forever immortalized in photos too!
Lesley B.
I love the choice of song, I actually heard Nat King Cole in my head. He really kept it together (the professional that he is) but there was only so much he could do to hide his displeasure.
Gosh I hope those people got refunds!
The topper on #5 probably didn't look so strange from a different angle. I think this is it: http://www.a1weddinginvitations.net/images/Cake%20Topper%20Wedding%20Couple%20Beach%20Figurine%208653.jpg
I know I'm past the comment period, but I can't figure out how the bee hive is floating over the bottom cake - let alone why. Is there some kind of clear platform that I can't see. And why is the bee hive floating over the bottom cake. All these cakes appear homemade to me. Remember the great post where the bride's mother made the cake as it melted before her eyes.
Cake 3 = Fire Swamp Terror #2
#Just sayin' ...
As the Submitter of #3, I can tell you that it's definitely a professional--it was on their website as a display of the "awesome" things they've done.
I can only hope that the bride and groom were fans of Jackson Pollock. That would explain a lot. But then I hope the baker didn't use some of his more, uh, controversial materials in the cake.
Arghhhhhhhhhhhh these are just beyond words. Especially the donut and melting poop frosting one.. gross and scary. The one cake with the red on one side looks like the red is trying to jump off and escape the cake lol. Why did they do this to the poor brides? Were they on Bridezillas??
Are those snails on cake #5? I mean, why did it take so long for cake bakers to figure out the romantic meaning of snails?
Say, is it possible to vet the ads that you have on this site? I was exceedingly annoyed by seeing one of those ridiculous "you are the Xth visitor! Congratulations, you won! Click here!" ads bopping and shuddering in down the side of the screen while trying to read your post.
Those ads always feel like they're trying to take advantage of idiots. Probably because they're trying to take advantage of idiots. And they are so Web 1.0.
This site is better than that. Or, at least, it should be. If you can get rid of them, please do so.
Good detective work, @Rachel. Now the topper on #5 makes sense, and the 'beach theme' decodes the 'snails'. Are we to infer that there is a simple and believable explanation for the other entries?
I think Genesis said it best: "It must be some misunderstanding, it must be some kind of a cake..."
BTW, I first thought #1 was sponges. Then I went to 'sponge cake'. Then I thought the off-green spots looked moldy, which is when I decided it must have come from the Abandoned Bakery.
I have to say, today I was more excited to read what you had written than to look at the cakes. You make me laugh every time! Can you guys please make a youtube channel of #1 signing all the song spoofs? Pretty please!
#3 might not look neat or smooth but it looks very tasty!
I actually think #1 could be quite adorable if only the colours were different.
As it is, it looks like someone found a mouldy old cake in the back of the fridge.
wv: dorstish
Sounds like the way the inside of my mouth might feel after eating from cake #1.
Sharon,
I didn't know about them but those ads tick me off too. And I hope you're right that we're better than that. I'm going to go yell at someone now and get them taken down but if you see them again, please let me know.
Thanks,
john
Our wedding is less than a month away and I have no fears about the cake..if it's horrible then I'll probably laugh my butt off and say "WE MADE CAKEWRECKS" I'll only be sad if it's bad but not bad enough to make the cut
You're not joking about scaring the brides. After reading this blog for the past two years, I was a total bridezilla about my wedding cake last June. When the bakery missed their delivery slot and I realized I wouldn't even be able to preview the cake before the reception began, I nearly had a panic attack. I was sure it was a wreck. Thank goodness it turned out just fine. But, I'm really very happy that I didn't see this post beforehand: )
The baker of the first one might have some potential. If they can learn to not combine colors and textures like that. o_O It looks like a combination of faded old play-doh with something I left in the back of my fridge too long. In B&W, it wouldn't look so bad, though.
The one with the messy chocolate drizzles looks tasty, but not pretty. The others... X_x
wv: testr
A person who does quality assurance on spellcheck products.
I honestly want to understand who on earth tells these people that they ought to go into cake decorating. It's just unbelievable.
the sand wedding cake i submitted should be here. it was awesomely horrible.
I ended up decorating most of my brother's wedding cake since my mom (a former decorator) couldn't say no to him but couldn't do it due to arthritis. Now I don't feel so bad about how it turned out.
p.s. getting the icing smooth is HARD!!
I have to stop visiting this site at work. I cannot control the laughing and the streaming tears!
Ya, know, that first one MIGHT have been nicer if they went with better colors.
It's a SIN, I tell you, that what could have been lovely cakes are destroyed by inept bakers.
John (tHoJ), thank you! I loathe those ads too, so I definitely appreciate your trying to keep them off the site. :)
Just a note: on my last comment, I clicked the "name/URL" option but the box to put my name in didn't pop up. Weird.
Anyway, thanks again for doing your best to keep those annoying ads out. The site is more than worth the occasional irksome ad, but I still hate them. :s
Beautiful!
At first I thought the picture of the last one was taken at a deliberately wonky angle - then I saw the upside-down dessert plate stuck under the base of the cake...yes, folks, it is even more wrecky than the picture makes it appear!
I had a friend get married a few years ago and the groom (yes, really) decided to make the cake. It had 3 tiers and no internal support. He still talks about how great it was. I just wonder what goes through people's heads when they see things like this and think it's ok to present at a wedding.
I think #6 would be gorgeous if it weren't for the toppling over. On #1 I was thinking like some people... it looks pretty, what's so bad. Then I saw the person mention the base layer of frosting and enlarged it. OMG LOL. That's so crazy.
5h cake - what are those things marching around the perimeter? Chestnuts? Seashells? Shallots?
Unforgettable?....more like "unforgivable". LOL
Is no one going to comment about the DUCT TAPE on cake 6???? So Ugly
The first one has potential. I quite like the green, but it's possibly the wrong shade of beige to go with it, and poorly executed with the icing. It looks like three lumps of potters' clay roughly slapped on top of each other, with circles of icing pushed into them and a (quite well done) bow put on top. It would have potential if it was done properly, I liked it at first glance.
Are you sure they were all professionally made though? The other ones look like the bride and groom tried to save money by making the cakes themselves. "Oh John, wouldn't it be so romantic if..."
The one with the snails reminds me of a funny scene in my 2nd favorite direct-to-video (soon to be 3rd, once Planes comes out), and that direct-to-video is The Lion King 1 1/2, and the scene I'm thinking of is the scene where Timon & Simba are having a snail slurping contest. (Okay, the ending to that scene is Simba [barely] wins, b/c Timon threw up in his mouth and then fainted after looking at the last snail and briefly thinking it's Pumbaa, telling him that "he TOLD him it wasn't such a good idea!".) That's where my mind goes when I think of anybody eating snails...
I beleve number 5 is supposed to look like a beach. Hence the shells, the pose the toppers are making (they're barefoot btw), and the yellow stuff (sand) on the top.
- ssry baker? You couldn't at least use PRETTY shells?! Or eatable ones? How hard would it be to make chocolate/white shells in a mold? I could make a better beach cake and I don't even bake!
I'm not an expert on cakes but the first one looks alright, but the rest, between melted icing, having icing only on ONE side of the cake, and having the bride and groom topper sinking into the cake, yeah, not good.