Monday
Mar282011
Tonight at the Lucky Stardust Lounge
March 28, 2011 "You... are... so beautiful..."
"...to me.""Thank you. Thank you very much."
[Leaning on piano]
"You... are... soooo beautiful..."
"...to meeee.""The Goldmans, everyone! Fifty years today! Aren't they adorable?
"Can't you SEEE-EEE-EE?!?"
[sliding to front of stage on knees]
"You're... ev'ry-thing I HOPED for!"
[grimacing in pain]
"You're EVERYTHING I neeeeeeeeee..."
"...eeEEED!"
[winking at waitress]
"You... are... so beautiful..."
"Toooo... meeeeEEEEE."Thank you, Nia C., Krystal C., Karen R., Julie R., Alison V., and Joshua P. Thank you so much. No, really. Thank you. Really. You're too much. Thank you. Tip your waitress!
Reader Comments (131)
The singing was a little off-key I think...first cake for an Oompah Loompah wedding???
I would so love that first cake if it were done well!
But, alas...
Maybe Joe Cocker was the baker?
WV: hurie
Hurie up and cut me a slice of that cakewreck!
Someone please explain the BBQ layer in the last cake. Please!
Joe cocker and the cakes. Goes together like rye and coke...
That first and second one could ahve been so pretty...could have been...
Are those doves sitting on a pile of green poop?
WV: Pottei: The doves just couldn't get to the pottei in time.
to add insult to injury...the sprigs of flora in the dove cake is caspia which is nicknamed cats-pee due its very distinct odor
Cindi
*speechless*
The dove cake appears to have sprinkles, or is it just glitter? I hope it's edible!
And the last cake, does it really have jalepenos stuck to the side?
Crimeny! Love the singing, now I've got that song stuck in my head.
That last cake reminds me of that gross "olive loaf" lunchmeat.
To the happy couple!
--kate
Wow. That first cake is just too much orange. And that's coming from a girl living at the home of the UT Vols, Knoxville, TN - otherwise known as Big Orange Country.
When am I going to learn not to have anything in my mouth when I read your entries?
I just swallowed a giant hunk of banana so I wouldn't inhale it into my lungs.
XD
wv: "Facki". What you yell when swallowing a banana and reading cake wrecks. Also, "oh my facking god, I almost choked on a banana!"
is it weird that the singing was voiced like William Shatner?
Also i physically grimaced at the 4th cake
VW- Fooldema - when someone had cotton in their mouth and tries to say "fooled them all"
Ooooooh now I've got The Wedding Singer movie in my head! You know...the one guy (Jimmie Moore) that was singing Ladies' Night?
"Well, good luck trying to find a DJ who can move and shake like THIS!"
And those cakes are just as bad!
wv: sumat: A mat for Sumo wrestlers.
You think I would have learned by now that I shouldn't check this blog while eating.
You would think.
Stellar work as always, CW Crew! One of those cakes looked like it had blue/green worms on it. EWWWWWW!
WV: pimpul
I broke out into pimpuls just looking at these cakes!
I've just lost my appetite. Blah! And it wasn't from the singing - believe me - that was the best part! ;)
the first one didnt look too bad...but the rest hilarious :)
(and NO daiseys)
I laughed so hard, I have nothing to say.
I'm also struck speechless by the fact that, as I type, Sandra Lee (New York's First Live-in-Lover) is being interviewed on a Public Radio show I listen to. She is hosting a bake sale at Grand Central Station tomorrow. I'm hoping to find the Easter equivalent of The Kwanza Cake. The sale is for a very good cause and I'm willing to pay anything. So it's a win-win.
I think my eyes might be bleeding. Those poor brides.
I dunno, I kind of like that first cake. It's got a certain radioactive glow to it.
This totally reminds me of Lorne, Krevlornswath of the Deathwok Clan from Angel singing in that cursed casino. sigh.
lovin that patriotic dove cake ha ha ha
This is the commentary from my four year old as I scrolled down the post:
Cake 1 : "It looks like a present."
Cake 2: "It looks like flowers."
Cake 3 : "Ooo it's pretty. I like it."
Cake 4 : "It looks like parrot."
Cake 5: "A snowflake."
Cake 6 : "A hat."
Those are some 'fail' cakes!
Is that Olives or Jalapenos on that last cake?!? Gross!
I have a serious question. Do people really pay for such effed up cakes? When (hopefully) it clearly looks like nothing anyone would purposefully order.
At first I didn't think these were very "wrecky," given the standards for disaster on this blog...but the fact that these are wedding cakes changes the game. I mean, a glowing orange cake is acceptable at a frat-house Halloween party, and grimace-worthy colored sugar is unavoidable at Uncle Matt's 4th of July, but at a wedding? No good.
Yesterday, my husband and I were talking about how the cakes were so gorgeous that we wouldn't want to eat them because we wouldn't want to cut into them. Today, I just wouldn't want to eat any of these cakes.
Wow. That post just put me off cake indefinitely.
Cakes as slimy as the lounge lizard singing for them.
Great total, multi-media presentation to get the week started. Ugh.
That last one is terrifying! I always wonder if these are the weddings where people remember they are on a diet and don't eat cake.
did that last cake have PICKLES stuck all over it?
I just read this commentary a la Nick the Lounge Singer from the old Saturday Night Live skits with Bill Murray. It made it that much better. In regards to these cakes, I have no words.
See...this just goes to show that beauty really IS in the eye of the beholder...along with some dust or something, too.... I vote for olives on the last cake, which is absolutely nauseating...to MEEEEE.
wv - oubse: Oh, you didn't want olives on your cake...oubse....
Some of the cakes would have been pretty if they had better bakers.
I didn't even notice the green olives/pickles/snotballs stuck to the last cake because I was too busy trying to figure out what the heck that red thing was, sort of holding up the top layer. ????
All I could say was "Oh my god..." These are probably the worst cakes I've ever seen. The dove one is especially heinous. Sad!
I'm getting married in October. One of my biggest fears is ending up with a cake that looks like one of these. I'm very afraid.
Oh dear...people actually served these at weddings? Glad I wasn't a guest.
That last one was really, really bad. Really.
Tip you waitress, but not the baker.
I'm late to the game... so maybe someone else has already said this... but at first glance... I really, really thought that last cake was made from marshmallow peeps. Yellow bunnies and pink chicks to be exact.
dang, now that song will be in my head all day. And I think I saw some of my ear worms on those cakes!
I just can't shake the impression that the whole dove cake is made of styrofoam, even the blue and pink layers.
Had to make that last cake larger. Didn't know if it was pickles or condoms.
wv - trubing
That's the trubing with Tribbles
Nadia
dear heavens. Those are olives and BBQ chips aren't they?
I think I've got the vapors. (faints.)
Try the veal!
Shelley in So. IL
Dear anonymous at 9:36am,
This cake has been infected with a radical case of flesh eating bacteria.
Fearful of doctors, this cake suffered in silence for over two months until the pain became too much. Determined to save the important "Pogo Layer" surgeons immediately set to work.
What you see here is the first stage of the epidermal grafting in which the initial ring of Skittles was being re-attached.
Painful, challenging and extensive, this process will continue for several years in order to adhere a functional protective barrier from the elements. During this process, the cake is highly susceptible to infection and illness including Forktoyapperosis, Gettinmuhbelliasis, and Haveitafterdinnya.
After the grueling procedures, this cake will still require plastic surgery to regain a normal, healthy appearance. The process will span over the next several years.
Let this be a lesson to all: Do not wait to go to the doctor. It could really fork you up.