Monday
Mar282011
Tonight at the Lucky Stardust Lounge
March 28, 2011 "You... are... so beautiful..."
"...to me.""Thank you. Thank you very much."
[Leaning on piano]
"You... are... soooo beautiful..."
"...to meeee.""The Goldmans, everyone! Fifty years today! Aren't they adorable?
"Can't you SEEE-EEE-EE?!?"
[sliding to front of stage on knees]
"You're... ev'ry-thing I HOPED for!"
[grimacing in pain]
"You're EVERYTHING I neeeeeeeeee..."
"...eeEEED!"
[winking at waitress]
"You... are... so beautiful..."
"Toooo... meeeeEEEEE."Thank you, Nia C., Krystal C., Karen R., Julie R., Alison V., and Joshua P. Thank you so much. No, really. Thank you. Really. You're too much. Thank you. Tip your waitress!
Reader Comments (131)
The cakes...so disturbing!
The writing...so funny!!!!
wv: saseck. Your boozy lounge singer's attempt to request a 'sound check'.
The last cake looks like it was made with deviled eggs, complete with olives!
Blah! That last one looked, well, recycled.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_F6C7BHP27I
WV: Diste- Diste needs some lemon.
Oh. MY.!!!
Here's a tip to bakers- if it doesn't look good before decorating it, adding more decorations won't help! YIKES!
Damn, I should've read this post yesterday! (Yesterday was stupid, and this post made me laugh. HARD.)
Trying to decide which was better: the fugly cakes, or the commentary. Maybe we'll say it was a perfect combination?
Bwa ha ha!
i somehow can imagine the story of the first one going like this:
bride (at tasting/ordering, 2 month prior to the wedding): yeah, i want a three layer cake with two square layers and a round layer on top, and i think i'm going with a classy white one - that way it can't clash with any decorations, right?
baker: what a very good choice, i will make you a pretty white cake - how about a bow on top and a few pretty flowers?
bride: alright, see you at the day of the wedding.
---------------------
bride (on the phone, the morning of the wedding day): OMG, i have just seen the reception hall, and everything is white, including the table decorations! they forgot the orange ribbons to match my bouquet and now it looks totally horrid and out of place! so, now, i need you to change my order to have my cake orange so that it matches the bouquet!
baker: i'm sorry, the cake is already made, and it is white. i can't change that now.
bride (bridezilla-mode): THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE! THE CAKE NEEDS TO BE ORANGE! DON'T YOU DARE RUIN MY DAY!!
baker: well, no, it's not possible, if i started to do the decorations all over again in another color it wouldn't be ready until tomorrow. you should have told me at least two weeks prior that you wanted to change it. it can't be done.
bride: I DON'T CARE! IF THE CAKE ISN'T ORANGE WHEN IT ARRIVES I WILL THROW IT IN YOUR FACE AND YOU WON'T GET PAID!
baker: alright, i'll make it orange then (fetches paintbrush).....
Having been reviewing this blog for a long time, I have not seen such ruinous cakes in forever. The last one actually made me say "What in the hell is THAT?" Poor, poor bride.
That first one is the Jersey Shore of cakes.. theres a lotta GTL in there
My dog is wondering why I'm sitting hear with tears in my eyes making funny sqealing noises. He just doesn't understand.
The first one I didn't think was too bad. You completely caught me off gaurd, after the first it was like getting whacked in the jaw with ugly XD
Not meaning to be a storyteller, but my aunt and uncle had that song at their wedding. I thought I was the only one who realized it's actually not a compliment at all!!! Thanks for your validation!!
And yes, those cakes are all incredibly hideous!
The singing HAS to be off-key I think. The first one might be nice if it weren't orange??? and the last one looks as if it has OLIVES all over it. My God.
At first glance, I actually thought there were jalapeños on the last one.
the last cake looks like it is made of hummus. This is much worse than the last time you did wedding wrecks. On that post, except for the duct tape one, I actually liked them. Probably means I should work for a bakery and start getting my 15 minutes of fame.
Meghan the Smith
wv. Axedise -- I need to axedise discretion when deciding who to bake my cakes.
The last cake sorta looks like they've hid a spinal cord in the middle and one of the layers has peeled away to reveal the horror within
Just getting caught up on past posts. This one had me ROLLING.
John: Tell me you were channeling John Belushi when you sang this. Just tell me. I'll adopt you right here, right now.
Jen: I'd adopt you as well, but ... well ... that would make things very awkward for you and the hubster. If you got the reference, you're officially my new bff and can stay married to my newly adopted son, with my deepest mostest hearfeltest (can't have too many "ests") blessings. (Sorry. Can't take that back. What's done is done.) Speaking of which ... You never call anymore. Meh.
Please explain why that last cake has green escargot shells stuck into its sides. Yikes.
I think that last cake has jalepeno slices on it.
MissNey (or is it MissNay?)... (drat, I'm too lazy to scroll back) -- Anyway, you just did me in. I was in a bad case of the giggles and you took me over the top.
Thanks for the laughs-John, Jen and all you talented commenters. Many thanks to the submitters as well!
They are all True Wrecks, but the green olives on the last one truly take the cake!
At first I thought the green things on the last one might be pickled jalapeños, which may have been an improvement on the reality
LOL, Jessica. I thought those were jalapeños or maybe olives. Good lord, that last one is just beyond bizarre. Did they start gnawing on the middle layer is it meant to be a fountain-like effect? Whatever, it's just Wreck-a-licious.
The last one looks like is been partially decapitated and has pickled jalapeños being used as decoration...
Such a shame to waste such pretty decorations on the 2nd and 323rd cake.
I was laughing so hard at the last one I woke up my cat.
OMG, that last one reminds me of those horrible photos of gelatin foodstuffs that were so popular back in the 60's, green olives included. I imagine it smelling like pineapples and salmon loaf.
... that last one looks like it has bolongna on it...
What is happening in the last cake?
What is with the rose petals stuck in the frosting on that last one? In what universe is that appetizing? Likewise the sprigs of deadish-looking fern on the dove cake. Thanks to the earlier comment on the nature of that particular plant, I now have both visual and olfactory images to help with my diet.
Are those PICKLE ENDS on the last cake?