Monday
Mar282011
Tonight at the Lucky Stardust Lounge
March 28, 2011 "You... are... so beautiful..."
"...to me.""Thank you. Thank you very much."
[Leaning on piano]
"You... are... soooo beautiful..."
"...to meeee.""The Goldmans, everyone! Fifty years today! Aren't they adorable?
"Can't you SEEE-EEE-EE?!?"
[sliding to front of stage on knees]
"You're... ev'ry-thing I HOPED for!"
[grimacing in pain]
"You're EVERYTHING I neeeeeeeeee..."
"...eeEEED!"
[winking at waitress]
"You... are... so beautiful..."
"Toooo... meeeeEEEEE."Thank you, Nia C., Krystal C., Karen R., Julie R., Alison V., and Joshua P. Thank you so much. No, really. Thank you. Really. You're too much. Thank you. Tip your waitress!
Reader Comments (131)
LOVED this. :)
And you are absolutely CERTAIN that all of these were 'professional' cakes? That people were expected to fork over real money for? [Yes, snowflake cake, I'm especially looking at you]
Did someone ask for Cheeto-dust orange? Maybe they did, maybe they didn't... and I'm not accounting for a taste for doves with red and blue sparkles,
But the bridal couple i feel sorry for is #3. That would have been SO pretty if ... if.... it might even taste good. It looks like pound cakes stacked on top of each other.... but ... *breaks down in tears*
Then the final cake broke through my shock and I reeled away in horror. What IS it?
WV: ocanidec: OcanIdec-orate your cake better than these poor souls? (No. I can barely frost cupcakes.)
Maybe it's just me, but I didn't think the first one was that bad. Besides, isn't ORANGE your favorite color?? ;)
Ok, I don't think it's ever happened before, but my jaw actually dropped open on that last one. Jeez, the pain.
These are so horrible. I would not have served them to my teenage sons on a Thursday night when dad was out of town, much less had the temerity to ask money for any one of these and expect it to be served in public at at wedding! I am about to lose my cookies!
WV: ressiven, as in "Hey baker, you won't be ressiven ANY money for this monstrosity of a cake!"
Horribly nauseating cakes aside, was I the ONLY one who thought of The Little Rascals while reading this? I couldn't stop imagining little Alfalfa singing this to Darla in that rowboat. So cute! The cakes... not so much. Though I admit, that first one had potential if it didn't have that "bad spray on tan" orange look.
-Summer K.
Is wondering if the person that took the photos were proud of the cake or was secretly proud because they knew it was going to be cake wrecks?
Hideous Hideous Hideous... if I were the bride I would be demanding my money back, I would embarrassed to even serve these wrecks!
WV: Gremot - those don't gremotely look like wedding cakes...
HAHA this post had me laughing out loud in the most literal sense. The cakes were wrecky as usual, but the writing just cracked me up.. I could just picture it happening! [Although at first I thought it was Jen writing, which made it another level of funny]. LOVE the website, don't stop!
Horrors!
I just about died laughing at these-jeepers. I mean, wow. Just. wow.
#1 Looks like someone has an 'orange crush'. [chirp] Thank you. I guess the drummer is on break. Wasn't that singing great?
#2 The kids have been wanting to do this since they were three (which was last year), so I said, "go ahead." After all, how bad could it be? What do you mean, 'now you know'?!
#3 Looks like the wreckerator's inspiration was behind and to the left.
#4 I would ask what the dove on the left is doing, but it seems fairly obvious: making this cake.
#5 Sandra Lee strikes again.
#6 I sincerely hope I'm wrong, but I see potato salad (Texas style, with mustard), ham slices, BBQ ribs, olives and either jalapeno or pickle slices. I wouldn't begin to guess what's inside. I just hope too much time didn't elapse before serving. This is not a cake, repeat, this is not a cake! Take cover immediately!
The first cake would be pretty in a better color I think.
I'm here daily to check out the cake wrecks but have never commented. Today's post, however, had me laughing SO HARD that my dogs were looking at me like I'd lost my mind. LOL LOVE IT!!!
I just appreciate so much the fact that you post them from bad to worse to much worse.....makes the experience THAT much better! by the time I get to the last of the day, I am literally crying from laughing so hard(maybe just crying because the cakes are SO BAD!!)....
The only rhing that could have redeemed the snowflake cake is if it had been ninja stars instead.
awesome post today!
That first cake looks like someone loaded Tang into the airbrush and went to town...
UM, IS THAT AN EGG SALAD WITH OLIVES SLICE CAKE IN THE LAST PIC???
Just found this in HuffPost- thought it might interest you, in an International sort of way-they say that the hippest place in Europe is Berlin..
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/cranetv/das-neue-kubitscheck-muni_b_840609.html
That first cake is like someone had ordered a wedding cake with orange accents or an orange foundation and either no one read that instruction before they began laying the fondant or they went waaaaaaaaay beyond "accenting" it.
Every time I see a post like this I think "these cannot be professional bakers, right?" Isn't that a CW requirement? Say it isn't so.
LMAO - so lame. I can't believe a baker/wreakator would have the nerve to deliver these and expect payment.
Sad, but that first one actually had potential ..........Until they added flowers and orange airbrushing. What rhymes with orange?...?
WV: galicin - a new topical cream helpful in ridding me of the hives I break out in when viewing cakes of this caliber.
I didn't know pigeons pooped in those colors....
All horrible. My 4 year old took a look at these and said "why would somebody DO that?"
There are no words to describe the expression on my face.
wv: ingur: Who on earth would ingur such wrath in cake form?
I had to look twice.. at that last cake. At first glance those rose petals? looked like they might have been Peeps.
I'm dying to know... what is wv? I mean, it's definitely not West Virginia.
The last cake might just have ensured that I never eat cake again.
If uncle Carl hadn't escaped from the mental facility and got a hold of the air brush machine, the first cake would have been quite lovely.
Niiiice to see an EF3!!! Forget the tornado rating scale "EF". We're talking Epic Fail rating scale. EF0= Epic Fail not so bad. EF5= Epic Fail what the H3ll??? And I really like the orange one. Reminds me of all the retreating flags of UT after they got beat down this last football season...
Every time I see cakes like these, I have to go back to my wedding pictures to make sure my cake really was as great as I thought it was.
It was.
those doves looked really nice until I rolled down to the cake.
dat
Bwahahaha! That made me laugh out loud! John you are awesome ;-) (and Jen is too of course!)
Are we SURE these were "professionally" done? I mean, if I delivered any of those to someone who paid actual money I would have died of embarrassment. Those poor brides!!
Today is Monday. It's been overcast and rainy. I was hoping for a laugh on CW and what do I get? Depression! Jen and John, how can you post such depressing pictures on a rainy Monday? I can't even imagine what some of those poor people possibly ordered to be stuck with these pathetic and depressing cakes. I will now head over to Epbot in the hopes that Megacon pics will cheer me. Oh, please don't let me down.[Fingers crossed]
How to people make this crap?
Oh my..... yup thats it.... those were bad....
I hope that was the Little Rascals version as sung by Alfalfa. Because that is exactly what I heard in my head as I read it.
That last one has to be the WORST. WEDDING. WRECK. EVER. Honestly! We should put it to a vote... anyone with me?!
I love the song choice, simply a match made in heaven!
if that first cake didn't have a spray tan, it would be really pretty.
#2 needs more mums and baby's breath. Cakes like these are better used as floral foam than food.
#3 probably looked better before they threw it against the brick wall in the background.
#5 is just plain lame.
#6. Are those capers!? And why did they let it get attacked by wild animals?
They're all ... so close to right. If I didn't have my glasses on, I'd think they were real cakes.
@ MissNay
(prostrate with forehead touching the ground)
I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy!! You, lady, are AWESOME!!
-Barbara Anne
P.S. Randy, Steven & Jennifer would have found the singing a little pitchy but I loved the dance interlude. (And some people say men shouldn't wear tights!)
That's not a snowflake cake. That's a cake that winter ninjas were trying to put out of its (and our) misery. I think it might be Zombie Cake with Snowflake Shuriken now. ("It just won't dieeeeeee.... ieeeeee!!!!!)
~~sigh~~ These things are the reason I'm terrified of ordering a cake for my son's Eagle Court of Honor. What if I have to send it to you???
Ack! Can we go back a day to the sweets? These are gonna haunt me and not because that first one looks like a pile of melting orange sherbet lol. I love the off key singing though.. fits for this..
Aww, thanks Barbara Anne! You're too sweet :)
These cakes have me wondering what William & Kate's royal wedding cake is going to turn out like...the mischievous side of me is so hoping its some kind of cakewreck!
Oh, GO. I remember those snowflake ornaments! And are those blue snowflakes the gel ones you stick on windows?!
Disgusting...