Wrecking Dawn
November 22, 2011 I realize many of you aren't up to date with the Twilight series, but don't worry: I'm here for you.
Besides, according to Wikipedia this latest installment of sparkly vampires and shirt-o-phobic werewolves is really just your basic story of love, marriage, childbirth, and C-sections performed with teeth.
;)
Aren't you glad I went with "teeth" instead of "C-section?"
No?
Oh. Ok. Here ya go:
;)
Um...There's a sucker born every minute?
A few more things you need to know about Twilight:
;)
1. Vampires "sparkle" in almost exactly the way this cake doesn't.
Werewolves, on the other hand...
;)
They glisten.
2. Vampire family trees are really complicated...
;)
...but are perfect for celebrating a 6-year-old's birthday.
3. The red thing is an apple.
;)
Or a tomato, in case you hate the movie.
4. If you're a vampire, then this is a pick-up line:
;)
If not, then no amount of body glitter will help you. Sorry, fellas. (Besides, I'm pretty sure the pink plastic fangs would be a dead giveaway.)
Thanks to wreckporters Cathy B., Heidi D., Kate B., Christopher L., Anony M., Hayley & Hillary, & Jill M. for today's stake-out.
Hey Orlando! We'll see you tonight at 7pm for our last show. WOOHOO!!!
Reader Comments (61)
Cake #2 - what happens when you decorate a cake while drinking Redbull. Blech!
These cakes suck.
Wow, people are getting more and more obsessed with the Twilight saga. But seriously, these cakes, hm I think they could have had better image..at least the last one could have been less creepy!
It has nothing to do with today's cakes, but I'm missing the reports from the road (as you did during the previous Cake Wrecks road tour). Will they be forthcoming?
per the baby cake.
AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Okay, I'm done now.
shudder.
Lord how I love the interpretations some bakers make. Just plain oldfun !
Okay so I'm no Haiku Joy (apologies) but let me give this a shot -
PATHETIC ATTEMPTS
ALIEN CAESAREAN
TWILIGHT OBSESSIONS
Yep, think that pretty much covers it.
"There's a sucker born every minute!" Why have I never seen that applied to vampires before?
I'm so glad you pointed out that the pink circle on the last cake was plastic fangs because I couldn't tell from the picture and I was staring at it trying to figure out why the decorator iced a random pink "O".
our glistening werewolf cake has a spelling mistake! LOL and WTF is up with with the plastic teeth actually IN the cake...i wouldn't have known it was that if you didn't say it Jen! ugh
I don't want to be too judgmental, but . . . Who lets their six-year-old watch/read Twilight??? Oh, wait, make that a five-year-old, because this is a cake for when the permanently terrorized child turns six.
That C-section cake is quite possibly one of the most frightening things you've posted here so far, and that's saying a lot. o_O
That second cake is wrong on so many different levels. Ug. Ech. Blech. Gross. No, gross is too mild a word. Disturbing. Sick and wrong. Ug.
Oh dear, with the sixth's one's tomato, I am now picturing a VeggieTales parody. VeggieTales: Afternoon. Haven't figured out what the lesson would be yet, but can you imagine Larry sparkling, orTeam Larry and Team Bob? I can't imagine Sweet Sweet Petunia whining though. Maybe the leads would have to be Junior and Laura.
Oh dear.
A basic lesson to be learned from cake #4:
If you get a nosebleed while decorating a cake, that's the time to step away and find a bathroom. Trust me. Your customers will not mind waiting just a little bit longer if it means they get a cake doesn't violate the heath code.
Cake #2 makes me queasy. Whoever Landen is, s/he should be scarred for life just for having that ... thing ... produced in his/her honor.
The saga of Amanda continues. Whose 'team' is she on -- sparkle boy's? What's being implied here? Poor girl can't catch a break.
@Gary, check Facebook.
I hate to ask, but is that a glow in the dark condom stuck on the glistening vampire's shoulder?
Haiku Joy's mind broke.
Broke broke broke broke broke broke broke broke.
Thank you, GrnEyes6.
In fact, broke so much
she miscounted syllables.
Been grading since yore.
Happy Falkersatherhoodism Eve! And yes, now it's the energy shots talking.
And I thought the pregnant belly cakes were bad enough. That is a whole new level of "eew."
The sad part is that it's actually a very well-done cake... which, now that I think about it, probably just makes it worse.
Cake #2: first one you have ever put up that made me nauseous. Cake #...last one: almost made me puke thanks to the residual nausea.
OMG, there is no way anybody ate cake at Landen's shower.
OK, the Twilight saga, blah blah blah.
Cake #2: AAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!
I wasn't expecting that.
What. Are. People. Thinking. When. They. Design. Cakes. Like. That. Not "eating," that's for sure.
Why is the sign huge? What's with the nail polish on the partially-born full-term fetus? Where's the rest of that baby doll? Why do I taste bile? (Last one is rhetorical.)
My neighbor's six-year-old watches Twilight and doesn't seem particularly traumatized. I'd say this has more to do with the resiliency of children than the suitability of Twilight as entertainment for... anyone, really.
Due to that earlier Thanksgiving post, Mr. Glossy Werewolf is only the fourth worst cake depiction of an American Indian I've seen this week.
I think the "decorators" simply wanted to reflect, in their cakes, the vapid and poorly written awfulness of the books and movies themselves. It's as though they asked themselves, "if Kristen Stewart was a cake, what kind of cake would she be?" and then attempted to reflect the same kind of blandness, lack of class or polish, and lack of talent in their own work. These folks aren't wreckerators: they're geniuses. ; )
Cake #2 makes me quite uncomfortable. Not because it is a grotesque illustration of a C-section but instead because I can only imagine how painful it would be to have a "Welcome" sign in your uterus (which looks like it's only big enough to hold one more arm and maybe a leg). Poor Baby Landen.
Can we just put a ban on baby shower cakes now? I hereby decree that baby cakes be plain sheet cakes saying "Congratulations" or the like. No more babies coming out of stomachs!!!
Yeesh.
Actually, for
Haiku it's 5-*7*-5.
Just an FYI.
;P
And I just noticed
The "6" on Joy's last line there.
Epic fail for me!
But the question we ALL need answered is
*drumroll please*
Is Cake #2 RED VELVET???????
Ugh. Going in search of eye bleach now.
Wow, these are as good as Stephanie Meyer's writing! lol
Bwah ha ha! I am totally amused by the picture of Landen's cake. It seems as though the shot was snapped on the sly while everyone else was distracted by baby gifts. Wreckporters really are brave souls, risking the wrath of not only irrate grocery store employees but also their hormonally imbalanced pregnant friends. Well done wreckporter!
that last cake made me laugh out loud
It's funny-ish to see "boys who sparkle" written on a cake that absolutely doesn't. That frosting looks like old, moldy, dusty tin.
@Stephanie:
Yeah--spelling mistakes like that ("your" for "you're", "there" for "they're" etc.) are SO common, it seems.Schools are supposedly not teaching cursive writing any more; maybe spelling and punctuation are on the chopping block as well.
Whutz thys werld kumming two id liike 2 no
(Glow in the dark condom= tee hee!)
I hate everything about this series! The storyline, the screen writing and the acting. Really wish it would just go away!
Would you LOOK at the SIZE of "LANDEN"'s hand??? Where is that poor mother keeping the REST of a baby who has hands like that??
I think that cake was made by the same ones who did the frog-legged autopsy thing the other day. Or maybe surgical-green food coloring is just hot right now.
WOW, those are some Rocky Horror Picture Show big lips! and it bugs me the blood drops are upside down and off to the side. weird.
the bleeding circumcision cake is just disgusting. I hope the mother-to-be is a fan of horror films, for that to make sense! and watching American Horror Story where the main character is pregnant with a potential demon baby, that's the stuff of nightmares!
What's with the green prophylactic on Amanda's shiny man cake? (and why do vampires sparkle?)
Nice Twlight tomato. I think they smashed the last cake with it. either that or its' a crime scene. vampires don't make the victims splatter blood! yuck!
I am with you, Lynn. The existence of the Twilight series makes me sick, but I found the cure. Watch the movie Daybreakers. Now that's a vampire movie.
Ha! The guy on Amanda's cake looks totally embarrassed to be there ~check out the "I'm not so sure about this" tilt of the eyebrow?
That IS supposed to be a guy, right? Because...I don't know...those lips are a little on the "I use Revlon for that pouty look guys loooove" side...
Or maybe he's just humiliated by the blizzard of dandruff.
I'm too negative; I'll say something positive now: That is a WONDERFUL example of a PERFECTly ugly cake.
Okay, I am one that didn't ever get into the Twilight series. If that baby shower cake was inspired by the series, then thanks for the heads up that it is something I can continue to avoid. If not, then EGADS, when will people learn that a graphic depiction of a medical procedure does NOT result in something pleasant and appealing for eating, especially at the celebration of a happy occasion! YUCK!
And on that totally inappropriate for a 6-year-old birthday cake family tree, why 2? It seems that the one picture is on the bottom of one and the top of the other--are the two supposed to be connected, but they ran out of room in the box? Good grief...
Hmmm guess I am the only cakewrecks fan who likes twilight. But not these cakes.
The cookie with the vampire mouth and drops of blood was actually pretty cute in a minimalist sort of way. Everything else is horrific. I stopped watching the movies after the second one, so I don't recall the werewolf having an alien parasite on his arm like he does on Amanda's cake. At least I hope it's an alien parasite and not a condom, because a condom on a cake is just gross.
That second cake? Horrific. Absolutely terrifying. Ewww.
I'm so glad you made it home in one piece! Or, rather, two pieces. Fantastic to see you on the way, too.
We are vicariously celebrating with you that the tour is done!
Cake number 2=AAAAUUUUGGGHHH D:
3. The red thing is an apple.
This line made me laugh, I don't know why,
I didn't like the first book, read no further and never saw the movies. I feel I owe the franchise an apology as they can't possibly deserve this! (If I'm wrong, don't enlighten me as these are really awful.)
Had a fabulous time at the Orlando Rave tonight and I really appreciate how kind and considerate you are to your fans. Wreck on, J & J(thoJ)!!
Holy cow that baby in the c-section cake is HUGE! All you see is his hand, but it's a massive hand! Guess we know why the mommy is having a c-section!