With This Wreck, I Thee Wed
October 12, 2011 It seems I never fail to underestimate your insatiable desire for wedding wreckage. And sprinkles. You guys always want sprinkles.
Two birds? Meet your stone:
;)
Sha-POW!
Not crumby enough for you? Try this:
;)
Because naked wedding cakes have more Funfetti.
"Ooh, you guys, I've got it! Ok, picture this: we have the happy couple, in their wedding finery, scaling a giant turd. Eh? EH?!"
;)
Bam. Nailed it.
"People, I know we can fit a few more pieces of plastic on here! WE JUST AREN'T TRYING HARD ENOUGH."
;)
"Barb, you fetch the curling ribbon while Sam and I open another bag of aquarium greenery. Move, move, move!"
We all know there's a lot of crying at weddings. Fortunately, this couple decided to put all the used tissues to good use:
;)
You might think it's icing holding all those together, but I'm here to tell you: it's not.
Thanks to Heather B., Sarah L., Brittany P., Lesley W., & Danielle N. for the tear-jerkers.
Reader Comments (145)
Oy.
#1 "Ok, that's one wedding cake with everything (I can think of) on it. We'll get right on that."
#2 Crumbling, and more cake than frosting. Just the sort of metaphors you want to implant in guests' minds. I'm sure it was just coincidence that a lot of the guests were lawyers.
#3 The next entry under 'unfortunate / unintended metaphors'. I can't really back the beehive theory, since there are no bees. The couple are probably climbing fans -- couldn't this have been made to look more like a rock? Perhaps Mount Rushmore...
#4 The bride-to-groom ratio is as skewed as the flotsam-to-cake ratio. I'm glad these two (?) got hitched, though -- everyone knew they were an item at the kindergarten prom the previous year.
#5 Nothing to add -- Jen fully absorbed the comedic essence, draining it of other possibilities. It's the bee sneeze.
Snot funny.
Re: mel’s “A Brief Look at Cake Number 2”
I’m going to cross stitch that as a sampler for the next wedding I’m invited to- complete with an image of the cake. (sits back and smiles happily contemplating the end of the receiving wedding invitations once the word gets out…) P.S. Jen, please don’t be challenged by the “which is another cake entirely” line- we DON’T need to see that!!!
Also, mel is wrong. Just sayin’. The top layers of the cake are where the couple start- young in life and therefore “smaller” experience but they are, literally, on top of the world The thick layers of icing are the sweet patches in between the long, crumbly dry spells of Life. Naked, rubbed raw and beaten down like their dreams, their experience broadens as do the layers of the cakes. Eventually, Life has crumbled around them and the weight of their troubles has buried them. Hence, they are not visible. Sad story. (chipper voice) Who wants cake?
I think I spy Prince Eric on that Cinderella cake!!! What's he doin' on there??? So much about that cake puzzles me, but REALLY?? He'd leave Ariel for a gaggle of those cookie-cutter blondes??? I think not.
The no-icing-wedding-cake people are confused: it is not the cake that is supposed to get naked...
I think on the blue cake, the bride is celebrating the fact that SHE beat out all the other Cinderellas and a couple of other brides out there and snagged Prince Charming. She looks very pleased with herself.
The "naked" cake is probably an after shot. As someone who often gets asked to cut the cake at weddings, I've cut into a few which were moisture-challenged and immediately disintegrated into crumb piles on the plates.
Mel---LOVED your comparitive analysis of marriage using the naked, funfetti cake--Brilliant!
Jen--LOVED the comment, "It's not". That's brilliant too!
Keep 'em coming and I'll keep coming back! Happy Wrecking to all!
@SuBee: I'm so sorry I made you weep, but, in keeping with Newton's Law (for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction) you made me laugh....
The Cinderella cake was caused by the bride not being specific enough.
She requested a "Princess Bride" cake, and this is what she got.
Inconceivable!
I think that last cake must have taken a lot of skill to produce. Which honestly only increases it's innate horror.
Ok for that second cake did the fondant/frosting whatever it was fall off or is it just me? Lol then again it looks like it hasn't been completed yet. At least that is what I am hoping..otherwise that baker had better run from the bride. That first cake I would risk broken teeth and eat it I love sprinkles lol.
'
Additional note on #3: The climbing technique being depicted is known as 'belaying'. [Walks away, whistling innocently...]
Alternate theory on #4: The bride and groom told the wedding planner that they wanted to give all the guests a Bluetooth, and the misunderstandings multiplied from there.
I'm actually OK with the last cake. I've had a bad cold this week so I have a heap of used tissues as a reference point. Trust me, that cake looks much better than what I have to deal with tomorrow {sob}. ~ And as someone mentioned above, there is some skill evident, even if it was put to head-scratching use. :~)
If I ever get married (which is a long-shot, I grant you), that first cake is so going to be the inspiration for my wedding cake.
That last one reminds me of an old '60s margarine commercial: "If you think it's butter - but it's snot - it's Chiffon."
It's not or it's snot???
Earlleen, maybe the un-iced cakes will be cheaper?
...
Yeah, I hope that trend doesn't continue. Oy vey.
Ohmygosh I just looked up earleen's link. The funfetti crumb cake is supposed to look like this: http://stefansisters.blogspot.com/2011/06/un-iced-wedding-cakes.html
Dudes. Even done 'properly', that is just awful.
I think the giant turd has had some little turds of its own. Perhaps a symbol of the future fruitfulness of the marriage being celebrated (with a giant turd)?
@Barbara Anne: I enjoyed your revisionist view of cake #2: while I yin and yanged, you yang and yined -- good work. And I can't wait to see the sampler.....
I can vouch for the turd cake! :D That's a STOCK wedding cake design from a major fancy-pants hotel chain...on the beach...good mother. Nobody even asked for it. THEY OFFER IT AS A STOCK DESIGN. As for the others....sweet mother of Abraham Lincoln...
I feel like the first one wouldn't be TERRIBLE if it didn't have the 600 pounds of sprinkles. There's potential...
I also don't understand the lack of icing on the second cake. I must admit that except for poor choice in color scheme I'm rather fond of the last one.
That first cake hurts my eyes. Can't.... Seem.... to.... F O C U S. Ouch!
Did anyone else notice the snail on the blue cake with the multiple cakes? Yucko!!! If I was the bride at any of these weddings, I think I'd be laughing so hard I'd be crying!!!
@ craig
It's not Mount Rushmore, it's the equivalent from wherever Mr. Hankey came from.
Unfortunately, my husband reads Cakewrecks over my shoulder.
I say unfortunately because -- a. he says YUMMY just 'cause it's cake. b. He LOVES those first two, wandering around with a dazed look in his eyes, mumbling "sprinkles, sprinkles, sprinkles".
Help.
Oh the naked cake. Won't it be dry? Well that is what the bakery I worked at thought when someone brough earlleen's picture in. We just didn't understand it
If my nose was running money, I'd blow it all on you.- to quote a timeless classic that was brought to mind by the tissue cake.
I looked up the link for unfrosted cakes -- and. . .they were all pretty ugly! Even had a huge fun-fetti cake (eek!) The best part of that link for unfrosted cakes was that they were serious!
I actually like the sprinkle cake, except for all the silly plastic flowers.
The Mormons do not believe in multiple wives! Research before you spread untrue rumors. It's like your in elementary school again!
I think The second cake is supposed to be a sand castle.
* but it's snot
While I wouldn't want it for a wedding cake (or any cake for that matter), you have to admit the level of skill used on that last one to make it have all those ruffles and creases is pretty impressive. it's not the baker's fault that the bride (or groom) has bad taste.
Looked at your link, earleen- those cakes are hideous! I don't think cakes need to have icing on the sides to be pretty but they do need to be even, levelled, the same size and not too thick on the filling (which should be piped or carefully spooned for an attractive edge). Those ones all look very amateurish. Big fail!
The couple scalining the turd simply means honey we will have to face a lot of s**t to make this work.
Oh, I get it! "it's not" ... "it's snot" BAM! *nudge nudge*
" it's not " Something we always say at my house. When I told my sisters about that they busted up laughing.
The Cinderella cake needs some little mice. Don't you think?
Oh soooo many wrecks, so little time. This post is amazing! As always the comments are as funny as the post......save the tapeworm comment that made me a tad bit queezy.....of course I had to go back and look......twice....but anywho I am SO sure all these cake started out with an amazing concept. Well, ok not the poopmountian, but I can almost (after the tears, and a re-read or two) see the vision. I'm scaring myself. *sigh* again.
At first I hardly saw the origami because it matched the sprinkles. I definitely would have chosen a different color paper to make them. Or maybe a different colored icing...
I didn't read all the comments but did anyone else notice that lit looked like it was sitting on the floor? Or was that just me?
As for the mountain of poo - definitely the wrong shade of icing to make it look like they were climbing. At first I thought it was a ski tow.
The Princess cake says a lot of things but the two that stood out to me were: "It's all about ME! It's MY day!" thks, bridezilla, and second is "I'm an 8 year old stuck in a 20 something's body. I wanna be a princess, I am a princess, I'm freakin' Cinderella!"
And last but not least, the last cake has the most potential. It could really be something if it was finished. To me it looks like the bottom of a wedding dress. They just forgot to insert the barbie on top.
OK, I am picturing the sprinkles one taken apart and the top layer frozen for a year, then removed for the first anniversary celebration.....yum, sprinkles all run together into a smeary mess.
5 cinderellas only belong on one cake if it's a birthday cake for 4 year old quintuplets. At Disney World. In the castle. MAYBE.
The second cake looks like the Birthday Cake from Momofuku Milk Bar..total concept fail especially for a wedding cake! Haha
This is old and so it's likely no one is going to read this, but the second cake is supposed to look like that -- I'm pretty sure it's a momofuku cake. They're known for that style (and they're not very cheap either!).