With This Wreck, I Thee Wed
October 12, 2011 It seems I never fail to underestimate your insatiable desire for wedding wreckage. And sprinkles. You guys always want sprinkles.
Two birds? Meet your stone:
;)
Sha-POW!
Not crumby enough for you? Try this:
;)
Because naked wedding cakes have more Funfetti.
"Ooh, you guys, I've got it! Ok, picture this: we have the happy couple, in their wedding finery, scaling a giant turd. Eh? EH?!"
;)
Bam. Nailed it.
"People, I know we can fit a few more pieces of plastic on here! WE JUST AREN'T TRYING HARD ENOUGH."
;)
"Barb, you fetch the curling ribbon while Sam and I open another bag of aquarium greenery. Move, move, move!"
We all know there's a lot of crying at weddings. Fortunately, this couple decided to put all the used tissues to good use:
;)
You might think it's icing holding all those together, but I'm here to tell you: it's not.
Thanks to Heather B., Sarah L., Brittany P., Lesley W., & Danielle N. for the tear-jerkers.
Reader Comments (145)
2nd cake : "Climb every mountaiiiin ...!"maybe somewhere in China. Good luck.
Yum, I want a piece of that last one! Maybe that one should appear on a Sunday.
That blue cake is so disturbing. it looks like a wedding cake for 5 year olds.
I almost didn't see the cranes in all those sprinkles.
I think the nekkid cake is supposed to be a sandcastle...? Or perhaps an image from the movie 2012?
Oh. My. And also, why do the bride and groom look like they've been steamrolled?
Whoever it was that said, "Less is more" did not make that Cinderella cake. Wow.
Aww. I kinda feel sorry for that last cake. Like, it tries to fit in, but all the other cakes just laugh and say it can't do anything right. And if it went trick-or-treating, it would get a rock. Every. Single. Time.
I liked the tissue paper cake.
The others scare me.
I kinda like the tissue cake... it's like some kind of modern art. It doesn;t work as a wedding cake, but to confuse people into thinking it's a weird sculpture? Perfect/
You see tape worms, I see fish poo. To-may-to, to-mah-to I guess.
Ok I can understand the un-iced trend for those that truly dislike frosting, but all I can think of is how bad cake gets after setting out in the air....at least you can scrape icing off, you can't rehydrate dried out cake!
Great googly-moogly! That first confection is a cacophony for the eyes!
@Earlleen
Thanks for the link! That is sad that even the well executed cakes on that page still look like a half-done mess. I guess that what happens when you follow the decorating advice of a pop-star who started having plastic surgery in her teens.
At least the bride and groom of that blue cake will be able to tell which pictures were taken after the cake was cut by the blue smiles. But Why? Blue is my favorite color, but I never would have dreamed of a blue cake for my wedding. NEVER!
I hope that groom was nice and didn't shove cake in the bride's face. I doubt even the best dry cleaner in the world would be able to get the blue stains out.
I like the origami birds, but the rest of the cake- YIKES!
Bea:
I agree that it's fairly obvious what the wreckerator was going for in #3. But a quick Google shows you some really excellent mountain and mountain-climbing cakes. They are great mostly because they didn't try to make a soft brown cone shape that melted to look like a pile of poo. I don't make cakes, but I really don't understand why it wouldn't occur to them to Google first and see what worked, instead of just free-handing a pile of brown icing.
That 2nd wreck should have been entered in a sand castle contest. And then they should have let the ocean waves wash over it.
UGH! Big.BLUE.MONSTER!!
There are at LEAST *FIVE* Cinderella figures on that cake (3 in her blue, the two brides at the bottom are her, too) *AND* 2 carriages, where one looks like a BIRTHDAY CANDLE!!!!!!!!!
I can feel the Disney love as much as the next, but OMG! that is OVERKILL!!
I actually kind of enjoy the kleenex cake.. it's special!
well, at least none is dropped or melted - I don't think.
That naked cake made me think the couple said "Please no fondant" and the baker didn't know how to make a fondant free cake..... or just a thought the last cake stole all of the fondant from the naked cake.
The crumbly cake looks like somebody grabbed a box of Stove Top Stuffing by mistake instead of the Betty Crocker cake mix.
I think they knew the Cinderella cake would show up here. That's why they chose a blue that would match the blog's background.
Best. Wedding-wreck post. EVAR!
I think it's going to take a while to get that first cake cut, given all the stuff they need to remove from it first. And couldn't they have at least color-coordinated the sprinkles to the flowers instead of using the rainbow ones--that would have helped...
Great analysis, Mel, on cake #2! It's either that, or they blew the budget on everything else and had no money left for frosting or flowers... Maybe since they were using the fun-fetti boxed mix for their cake, they wanted to make sure everyone saw that they are a "fun" couple!
Guess the baker of cake #3 has never been out in nature. Mountains are grey, or reddish, or mixed colors--not poo brown, and not symmetrical or piles of perfectly shaped discs. And what is that groom doing there...sitting there taking in the view (or worse, given what they are climbing...) while the bride is left to scale that heap in a full-length gown?
My sympathies to the groom if the bride really asked for that design on cake #4. It looks more like something my daughter would love for her 7th birthday this weekend!
Not sure what to say about that last one...is there a shape to the cake underneath? If so, that's a ton of crumpled fondant or whatever it is. Reminds me of the dresses they describe as having "pick ups" to create that ruffly look on the skirt--only 10 times more so!
I wonder if the naked cake is supposed to be a sand castle. That is the only thing I can think of. And I admit I kind of like the last one. I imagine it's based on the skirt of the brides dress. Maybe it looks better in person.
Prince Charming and his harem! I wonder how long it took to serve it. Taking off all that rubbery shrubbery had to have taken a while.
"I want a plant!!"
"I want a Cinderella!!"
"*I* want a plant, too!!"
Now, now... there's ~plenty~ for everyone.
I actually think that last cake is pretty. Some of those "shapes" look like roses and, if they were a slightly different pale color, that cake could be beautiful.....
maybe
The first cake is indeed migraine-coloured. Thank you for pointing that out, Naomi.
I actually do like the last cake, though I can't figure out why.
WTH is up with that 2nd one??? Why no frosting?
I wish you were still on Blogger. I don't read your blog anymore because it doesn't show up in my feed.
Mel, you made me weep.
Such a beautiful commentary on marriage, on life, on cake...
For some reason, as I was looking at the mountain-climbing cake, I kept hearing in my head my usual reaction to the sight of large poo-mounds: "Welcome to Jurassic Park!"
Are those bowling balls at the bottom of the Cinderella, Cinderella, Cinderella, et. al. cake?
Perhaps the reception was held at a bowling alley. I hear that's quite popular with six year olds.
Yes! A snot joke. One of my all time favs!
"You might think it's icing holding all those together, but I'm here to tell you: it's not."
This is your funniest line ever!!! I
Clearly the poo cake and the toilet paper cake are from the same wedding! Love and marriage, go together like...
The turd cake soooooo took me back to Jurassic Park and the pile of "dino poo".
You know, I wonder if the "naked" wedding cake used to be larger and we're seeing it after they cut all the "good" pieces off ...
Nah. It looks too regular for that.
Oh, wait, I get it - they were on the "broken pieces have no calories" diet!
I kinda like the tissue cake...it's interesting
The last one looks like a bajillion other ruffled cakes to me, only less twee and more interesting. Shrug. I think it's gorgeous, though not my style.
Today's our 15th wedding anniversary! Thanks for the laughs!
Much as I love a good snot joke, I kind of like that last cake. It's odd...but not horrid. (Ok, I know, that doesn't sound like a ringing endorsement. But still, I'd take it over the other wrecks.)
I'm afraid that I actually quite like that first cake . . . but then my own wedding cake had chocolate icing and fresh flowers too (no sprinkles, though - we had piped celtic knotwork instead, as our reception was a Highland Ball), so maybe I just like the bright colors against the warm brown chocolate . . .
And I feel rather bad for that last cake - I mean, it looks like it took quite a bit of time and artistry and, yes, even talent to do all of that draping . . . what a shame that it ended up looking like a pile of used tissues . . .
The blue cake, however, just plain scares me . . .
The top of #1 looks like the seed cakes I put out for the squirrels. I have to admit I love the last one too. Maybe not your style, but wonderfully executed.
its perfect ,
this making me hungry , funny and yummy post
hahahhahahhahah.
Is this the ultimate wreck post?
That last cake looks like what happens when one of my cats (or my toddler) gets hold of the toilet paper.
I actually like the last one
Note to self: Do not view Cake Wrecks after eating.
"Mawwage. Mawwage is what bwings us together today. Wove, twue wove...
So tweasure your woves forever..."
This is the wweckages bring to mind, especially the cinderella and her sisters cake.
Just maybe, the Cinderella cake was really for a birthday party. Lots of little girls play getting married and maybe this was mom indulging her child for a wedding themed birthday party. Still wrong, so wrong, but for different reasons!
No one's mentioning the placement of the groom's "rope"?? Looks like he's got a "handle" on "scaling the mountain". :P The bride might not be the only one who's "hung"!
Gosh, what a nostalgia trip. Discovering that origami birds were NOT made of edible rice paper at about age 7; a looong time out for trying to hide the sampling of a cake by crumbling the edges at age 4; realizing that huge expensive mocha truffles looked like piles of poo at age 37; observing a peer's "I WANT!!!" tantrum over multiple plastic Cinderellas somewhere in gradeschool ; my first It's Not joke in 4th grade and best of all .... Tissue Roses! I haven't made those since I was in Campfire Girls about a million years ago! I think I need a livid pink H*stess Snoball to celebrate! Thank you again Cakewrecks!
Cake #2 looks like it's from the Momofuku milk bar in NYC. They make such interesting specialties as "cereal milk" ice cream. Friends got my husband a birthday cake from there several months ago, and this post brought back the very sugary and crumbly taste... Ok, so maybe not the most aesthetically pleasing look, but it's definitely a taste to remember.
http://www.momofuku.com/restaurants/milk-bar/wedding-cakes/