Friday
Aug202010
The Roadkill Café
August 20, 2010 Here at the Roadkill Café we pride ourselves on serving only the freshest paved paté:
In fact, we have a complete menu! From our killer hors d'oeuvres:
To only the rarest of gently scraped meats!
For only $13.99, you'll have your choice of either Hummer-tenderized gator filet:
Or our Vespa-massaged armadillo, stuffed with the finest of pan-seared bumper frogs:
The kiddies will LOVE our just-in beaver sushi:
And don't forget dessert! You'll want to save room for our magically delicious Creamed Unicorn:
Taste the rainbow!Anony M., Karen M., Cheryl G., Elizabeth C., Annie, & Lindsay, I'd say this menu is to-die-for.
Reader Comments (147)
the unicorn looks like it's oozing rainbow. . . eeew
Everyone knows unicorn blood is silver. Seriously, haven't they seen Harry Potter?
WHAT is going on with that unicorn cake? Seriously.
I was told that armadillos in Georgia are called 'possums on the half shell. Norine
That unicorn just made my day. That rainbow blood is just priceless. Thanks Jen!
I was OK until I saw the unicorn... Oh dear god.
Tracy
Someone HAD to have asked for that last one. Not that it makes it any better, but still.....
"Taste the Rainbow" - That's funny. I would love to hear the back story to these cakes.
I just got the sushi pun - BAD JEN!
That poor beaver looks like it is strapped to a table in preparation for some very unfortunate experimentation.
My mind went directly to the gutter and not to outer space for an explanation.
Love the unicorn.
I died at the unicorn. Heard they farted glitter--never knew they bled rainbows!
What is under the unicorns!?
What bothers me is that bakeries actually make "roadkill" cakes. What bothers me even more is that folks actually *order* them!
LOVE the unicorn, but hate the cupcakes. The roadkill toppers aren't even handmade - they are jelly candies from Oriental Trading Company!!! http://www.orientaltrading.com/ui/search/processRequest.do?Ntt=road+kill&x=0&y=0&requestURI=searchMain&Ntk=all&Ntx=mode%2Bmatchallpartial&N=0
$6.99 for 26 pieces!
The little bear is just plain wrong, but the unicorn is sick. I just hope no children attended these events.
Love the armadillo, though.
I actually want to make those cupcakes for my dad's birthday - hey, there's a cake for everyone!
but that unicorn... slightly disturbing.
I think the beaver might be a http://quotable-beck.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/04AUS-30201-Wombat-large.jpg" rel="nofollow">wombat ...
Still awesome!
Hands-down, the unicorn cake is a classic. I love the oozy rainbow blood (Except I concur with Doresoom, unicorn blood is silver. Hello?).
ps There is a chain of resturants called The Roadkill Cafe. You haven't lived until you've had their Snippet of Whippet.
Okay, seriously, who could possibly have thought that ANY of those cakes was a good idea?
That beaver looks remarkably like a wombat...
Hilarious post as usual, but the beaver looks like a wombat XD (Aussie here :P)
I soooo want the road-kill candy molds... those are great!
And the unicorn... priceless!
Thank you, Jen, for an awesome Fri am.
I'm just going to say, for as bad as many of the other wrecks you post are, these really aren't bad. That is considering the customer for whatever reason requested a roadkill cake, but that's another story entirely. Now, the sushi beaver is probably the worst of the bunch, but once again, the cakes deliver the required message, whatever that may be.
The roadkill cupcakes are kind of gross, but they're very well-made!
And I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the unicorn! Best cake ever!
Or our Vespa-massaged armadillo, stuffed with the finest of pan-seared bumper frogs
This very much reminded me of the brilliant Monty Python chocolate box sketch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dy6uLfermPU
Genius :)
What causes someone to request a cake like that unicorn? It's seriously disturbing.
Not wrecks.
These are actually good, assuming you want a roadkill cake (heh).
All except for the crocodile cupcake cake, and it's a CCC, so what do you expect?
I must say I've never seen a road-killed unicorn before, and I commend the creativity of whomever dreamed it up. The pool of rainbow-colored unicorn juice is a wonderful detail.
By the way, something's wrong with the "Word Verifiction" feature. No word shows up until I've tried a few times.
I think the "beaver" is actually a wombat.
"Mommy, why is that teddy bear tied to a giant bar of soap?"
I've got to say, my sick side loves the unicorn cake!
wv: viddles: a varmint you find flattened on the road
DANG. That's farked up, man. I would not eat this stuff.
I know I'm completely sick, but I LOVE that unicorn cake. All I could think of with the other roadkill cakes, though, was "Must have made a huge bump as they drove over--didn't even flatten the critters!" Really, wouldn't they be flat? Instead they just looked like animals with random black stripes. I only figured out the roadkill angle because of the context of this post.
OMG these are awful. Some are really well made but they're so revolting. I would cry if I saw one of these at a party!!
Gary,
A wreck can be anything Jen finds funny. Thus, some are well made. And besides, Doresoom is right about the silver blood.
:)
john
O.M.G.
As my husband would say, "I bet there is a newsgroup for that."
Boy, that armadillo must've caused one heck of a bump! And where's the beaver's tail??? Did it get squished off and used to decorate a second cake?
And the unicorn... well, ick. Just ick. The adjectives "appetizing" and "tasty" -- or even "tasteful" -- just don't apply here.
The unicorn cake is hilarious! A while back I had to read the story of Noah's Ark to a class of 6 year olds, supposedly part of their religious education. It ended up a heated discussion on why we don't see unicorns anymore - this cake would have settled the argument once and for all!
Mm. Yum.
And it's almost lunchtime, too. :-P
-French Bean
I have to say I kind of like the alligator CCC! I guess you can make a decent dead flat alligator out of cupcakes, who'd have thought?
The unicorn is just disturbing tho.
LOVE the rainbow blood on the unicorn cake! Nice detail/thought process, even for a wreck.
"Taste the Rainbow!" Does this mean we can throw skittles at people???
Seriously, though, an armadillo which has met the business end of a tire does not look like that...the shell needs to be cracked and oozing....Just sayin...
I really want to know who was ordering roadkill cakes and why. There has to be some good stories there. That dead unicorn is awesome.
What worried me is clearly people ordered these. Weird!
The rest are just silly, but the unicorn--that makes me want to cry.
Again, there's that saying--"Just because you CAN, doesn't mean you SHOULD." Something these wreckorators should have remembered!
The perfection of the tire tracks on the unicorn cake is wonderful! Another vote for silver blood however.
I would find one of these cakes amusing at a party; I'm not sure I'd eat any but I'd sure be laughing at the looks on other people's faces. :-)
My 5 year old neice and I love these!
Charlieeeeeeeee......
Gruesome. Just wrong, wrong, wrong.
Awww, that unicorn cake broke my heart! What broken soul would use frosting for such a purpose?
Oh my gosh, I love the unicorn! Come on, rainbow blood? That is awesome!