Friday
Aug202010
The Roadkill Café
August 20, 2010 Here at the Roadkill Café we pride ourselves on serving only the freshest paved paté:
In fact, we have a complete menu! From our killer hors d'oeuvres:
To only the rarest of gently scraped meats!
For only $13.99, you'll have your choice of either Hummer-tenderized gator filet:
Or our Vespa-massaged armadillo, stuffed with the finest of pan-seared bumper frogs:
The kiddies will LOVE our just-in beaver sushi:
And don't forget dessert! You'll want to save room for our magically delicious Creamed Unicorn:
Taste the rainbow!Anony M., Karen M., Cheryl G., Elizabeth C., Annie, & Lindsay, I'd say this menu is to-die-for.
Reader Comments (147)
Um. Beaver sushi. 'Nuff said. Love it!
The "beaver" is actually a Wombat. An Australian marsupial.
Love CW though! :)
Samx
As weird as roadkill cakes are, some of these are actually pretty well-done.
Then there's the alligator...
All I can think of when I see that Unicorn cake is what happened to 'thinkgeek' and their April Fools Unicorn meat and the American Pork Board! http://www.thinkgeek.com/blog/2010/06/officially-our-bestever-cease.html
That beaver looks an a lot like a Wombat :)
By the way, Love what you do, fantastic work :)
Did anyone else see the Unicorn and think about Harold and Kumar?!
Priceless.
hahha unicorn cake with the tire tracks and the rainbow blood. so gross but sort of funny
So that's how they got the sparkly unicorn meat in can!
Personally, I think the unicorn is hilarious--if a bit in-tack to be roadkill--think of the deer you see on the side of the road, personally.
And, in the case of armadillo v. Vespa, I think the armadillo won. He's still too...rotund to have really been run over, and I can just imagine the Vespa loosing it's balance after such a big bump...
wv: amome
"Amome, what's wrong with that unicorn? Why won't he get up and play with us?"
I agree with Gary and Studyaid. For tasteless cakes, most of these are well done - the crocodile cake being the exception.
What sort of freak would make those cupcakes 0_o just so strange...
At least the Unicorn one might have some sort of story behind it.
I wonder if that Armadillo cake is blood-red inside. Remember the scene from Steel Magnolias? Remember the woman who played that cougar who was always hitting on Jack on Three's Company? She plays the part of a wedding guest who bakes the groom's cake and it's blood-red inside. I've always wanted to try a slice. They made it look so crumbly and sweet.
Aaaaaa! Voldemort is killing unicorns again! He seems to have given up on catching them though. I guess running them over with a car works just as well.
-Bella
I wonder what kind of cake was used to make the unicorn. Most people use red velvet (especially for armadillos - thanks Steel Magnolias) but with the unicorn bleeding a rainbow, I'm thinking it's white "funfetti" cake like what Pillsbury has.
I thought the "beaver" looks like a wombat, with a big black strap to hold him on the cake.
I am soooo DUMB. Took me a while to realize the "stripes" on the unicorn were tire tracks, not embellishment!
Jen, you never fail to put a smile on mah face! Keep 'em coming!
@Stephanie LOL! Good one!
Kim in ID
Update!
Apparently, the little teddy bear thing that Jen and I originally thought was a beaver was indeed supposed to be a wombat.
Apparently, all of our readers from Australia knew that because it is common practice for wombats to crawl up onto your bed at night and nuzzle your ear while making adorable squeaking noises.
We are now contemplating a move to
Australia.
That is all.
john
Wouldn't it be cool to have a roadkill cake that was actually run over? I vote for the CCC (patooie!).
This post makes me think of two songs:
"You take green alligators and long-necked geese, some humpy-backed camels and some chimpanzees. Some cats and rats and elephants as sure as you're born, but don't you forget my unicorn." (Thankfully, all but the first and last are missing here.)
"And when the wombat comes, he will find me gone / he'll look for a place to sit."
It also raises two questions:
What do people have against armadillos?
and...
WHY?!?!
That wombat cake really does look like sushi! If it wasn't already meant to, but that would be a little too weird I think. I say this as a guy who's looking at a bunch of roadkill cakes, of course.
roadkill is fun for boys--my sons used to drive matchbox cars over the gingerbread men cookies to leave roadkill tracks.
charlie, charlie, let's go to candy mounta--- SPLAT!!!!!! goes charlie lol..... i swear that looks like a roadkill charlie the unicorn
Oh, cripe, john (the hubby of Jen). You went and changed the bear to a wombat. Now we will get comments "I think the wombat is a bear cub." Did the whole Spaceship Earth/EPCOT thing not teach you to leave well enough alone.
G'day to all the Australians out there.
that is so gross.
ROTFLMAO! I am supposed to be listening to an official company-wide phone message. Well, it's going in one ear and out the other. I'm looking at Cake Wrecks and all of a sudden I burst out laughing and my colleages are now wodering what is so funny because they are listening to the same phone message....oops....
How big *is* that unicorn?!?! Or was it driven over by a very small car? those tire tracks are awfully close together.
Totally the wrong thing to look at while I'm trying to get over the flu.
that first one is actually funny!
and is that what unicorns bleed? rainbows? hrm. who knew? I always thought they bled glitter.
Armadillos = Texas Speed Bumps
Great laughs, as usual!
That unicorn is FULL ON, DUDE!
Just for everyone's benefit: Here in the Deep South (yes, Armadillos ARE "possum on the half shell") we actually make fun of ourselves, our redneck behaviors, and our roadkill. I tell you, every one of these beats the hell out of Dried Possum in a Can and I bet most of them were made in the South.
Frankly, I think the unicorn one ROCKS! And I kinda like the steam roller cake, too. (My husband works with a guy who makes jerky out of roadkill, I kid you not. He's a bit stereotypical hippie, actually.)
The others were definitely what I'd call "wrecks" as they seemed to be unintentional. But the intentional ones? Can they really be called "wrecks"? I mean, the definition uses "unintentional," after all.
Oh dear, Charlie the unicorn is officially dead... And oozing rainbow blood/is splattered with gasoline from that oncoming car. Oh, dear.
I think the beaver sushi is actually wombat sushi
"Taste the rainbow" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Did you say Justin Bieber Sushi?
;)
OH MY GOD THE POOR UNICORN! whywhwywhy. :(
http://arguingwithadoughnut.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">http://arguingwithadoughnut.blogspot.com/
ok, yuck?! what would ever strike you (heh) to want a cake like that?
I kinda like the cupcakes! Am I twisted? Maybe, but they're neat!
I'd serve them.
Wrong. So very wrong.
Beaver sushi...hahahaa...and WHAT kind of person orders a road-kill unicorn with rainbow blood? I'm in awe.
Not to sound ill or anything, but... THOSE ARE HYSTERICAL!!! I especially love the caption on the first one: "He didn't stand a chance!". The only way any of them could have been funnier is if the beaver was a care-bear instead.
Now, about that beaver... Frankly, what was clearly supposed to be a tire tread looks more like the belt on one of those old-fashioned "flab shaker" machines. (Which could also be funny, in the proper context, but doesn't work here).
WV: rolubi - Next time you see some prime roadkill, don't just rolubi, pick it the hell up!
"Beaver in sushi" HAHAHA!! That is so...inappropriate and hilarious.
Who orders a roadkill cake!? And what occasion could possible merit one!?
ha ha ha.. just-in beaver. love it.
just-in beaver sushi
Ha! I see what you did there!
I am loving that unicorn cake.
I think the "beaver" is actually a wombat, judging by the large nose and lack of a long flat tail. Just sayin'
This is so awesome! Ahem. Let me explain. I had just started making cakes with all the shapes and fondant and whatnot, and I told my friend I would love to make her a birthday cake. Her first suggestion was a unicorn, and being unexperienced in the realm of standing quadruped cake engineering, I was worried I would only be able to make a unicorn lying down, which didn't sound too great. The next suggestion was roadkill (we were probably about fourteen or fifteen... give us a break?) Which would have been alright, but considering I wanted to make a 3D cakes, traditional roadkill tends to be quite flat, so I wasn't too thrilled about that idea either. Naturally we combined the two ideas. They kept and still have the head, which is made of fondant. The unicorn was covered in edible glitter, and I made that cake before I figured out you were supposed to use a fancy covered cake board underneath it, hence the white board. I'm still a little embarrassed about those sketchy tire marks and the gimpy legs, but I've gotten better, I swear! Here are a few cakes I've made in the last couple of weeks:
http://i34.tinypic.com/aua0w5.jpg
http://i38.tinypic.com/n65b4l.jpg
I've been a huge fan of Cake Wrecks for a while, and this is possibly one of the most exciting things that's happened to me. Yay!
Must be a southern thing but I know 2 separate people who actually had armadillo red velvet groom's cakes at their weddings. The local bake shop even has instructions on how to make your own version of this ?traditional? wedding wreck:
http://www.allinonebakeshop.com/documents/armadillocakeinstructionsheet.pdf
Silver blood, I tell you!!! Silver!! Though I understand why they used rainbow. So many misconceptions about unicorns these days.
Thanks for an amazing roadkill day.
We had an argument over the names though - Woodchuck, groundhog.... GROUNDCHUCK!!! (as I sped up to chase one with my SUV)
Yeah, it's an occurance around here to scrape a few for dinner. Be prepared for the alignment bill, though.
~~Di
oh, oh, oh! I finally get the Justin Beiber/Beaver reference! And, I have been here all day trying to figure it out.