Operation Cake Evasion
June 28, 2010 Are you tired of always having to get the cake for friends' baby showers? Nooo problem. Just bring in one of these, and they'll never ask again. Guaranteed.
I call this the Bizarre "B" Special: that's Baby Bigfoot on a BBQ, surrounded by beer bottles and a bonsai tree. Feel free to personalize your own creation, though, and have fun with it! How about an Irish infant in an igloo, surrounded by indigo ibexes?
Forget safe, traditional pastels; you want to "go" for as many subtle bowel reminders as possible. Note the use of "chocolate kisses," yellow icing, the big crack, and even the word "bun" in the inscription. Now that's a true master at work.
If the shower is around Halloween, you'll also have this fun option:
Yep. A subtle insinuation that mom-to-be rides a broomstick (or has one shoved where the sun don't shine) oughtta do the trick.
Or, heck, while you're at it: why not take a stab at mom's drinking habits?
The two ingredients for successful parenting.
Ohh snap!Now sit back, relax, and revel in the knowledge that no one will ever trust you to order a cake, ever again.
Thanks to Crystal B., Stephanie S., Jenny C., JK, & Angie M., who haven't ordered a cake since 1999.
Reader Comments (127)
The first one has the lips of Angelina Jolie. Maybe it's her baby! (And if it's not, she'll probably buy it soon, anyway.)
That last cake? Wow. I mean really, Wow. And the use of peas in the poo. Very...um... well...wow.
Ohmigosh, what the heck?!
The first cake is bizarre, with a capital "B"...and the last cake...I *THINK* that's a dirty diaper...just crazy.
Oh, lord, that last one leaves me absolutely speechless. :-0
It's cakes like these that make me glad my hostess followed my wishes for the Darth Vader shower cake last weekend!
Oh man, your readers are gonna be spewing more than coffee this morning. Can't believe that last one's legal to post without a warning!
W
T
F???
Words. Fail. Me.
That last one is a Stewie Griffin quote, I think. So, to continue with the Family Guy theme, my response shall be from good ol' Cleveland: "Peeeter, that's naaaaasty."
That last cake made me yell "noooooo" and woke up the dogs. Wow, you out did yourselves with these.
Who looked at these cakes and thought they were ok? Who!?
All I can say is WOW! Distasteful? Tacky? Can't even come up with words to describe these.....
Good Heavens! That's all, just Good Heavens!
Actually, the way that first "baby" is positioned on the grill, I thought it had a rectal thermometer sticking out.
That last one... *horror* Ugh, I was actually *eating my breakfast* when I saw that, but now I'm not sure if I want to finish it. Well, that friend has certainly earned their right to never be trusted to buy a cake ever again, or attend a shower, or any other function...
You and John do this for a living? Poor, poor you.
That last one is so wrong. On so many counts. Wow. {shakes head}
Shouldn't that be corn instead of peas?
THat last one is sooooo nasty, I don't see how ANYONE could possibly eat that. Gross! Cakes are supposed to be edible right?
It must have taken a very... "special" brand of creativity to make that last cake.
And I don't mean that in a nice way.
These cakes all speak for themselves, but I can't let that first one go without a comment. An extremely deformed baby on a barbecue grill, surrounded by Pabst Blue Ribbon empties, with a lovely Bonsai tree for ... what's the tree there for?
Not only do I not want whomever's behind this to bring another cake, I don't want to live on the same continent with that person.
... You might sell me on some of whatever he or she is taking that makes that cake seem OK, though.
I hate to admit this, but the first one reminds me of a terribly morbid joke my son had about The Road. From the baby scene, he called it a babyque.
Each of these cakes is baffling to me. Won't somebody think of the children?
This set of wrecks proves Jen's oft-repeated tenet that a cake does not have to be badly executed to be a Cake Wreck. Except for the giant "Bun in the Oven" poo cake, all of these are reasonably well made. Even the "Wipe my butt" cake is impressively vomit-inducing, which was presumably the objective. And, while the intention behind the first (barbecued, mashed-up baby) cake is beyond my ken, I'm willing to assume that it achieves its intention (... just keep it away from me!).
there are lots of kinds of wrong in this world... and that last one has done them ALL.
What the flip is that first thing supposed to be?! And that last one? It's as bad as cat litter cakes, nay- even worse! What poor taste the of both the person ordering AND the baker! Blech!
I can't even make this up... my WV is "emess" ... a perfect description of the cakes!
WV: flubaki.
When somebody flubs an attempt at baking, is the result a flubaki?
The diaper cake almost caused me to see my breakfast again, yuck. I think to order a cake like that you can't have any knowledge of what "class" is.
Sweet goodness, I can only hope that someone allows me to get a baby shower cake one day!
I am going to hurl.
For your B baby cake, you forgot to mention blanket and Binky.
For your B baby cake, you forgot to mention blanket and Binky.
WV: vagbojy- not even going to go there, but had to share because it seemed appropriate to have a vag for a baby cake entry.
Best post ever!!!!!
That first cake is actually kind of cool in a weird sort of way. But that last cake. Definitely. Not. Cool.
Oh my gosh. Who would even think the last cake would be a good idea?
You know, somebody obviously spent a lot of time on that first cake--why didn't they also put some thought into it? Yowza. Ok, they put some thought into the alliteration, maybe?
Indigo ibexes, snort.
Love the Halloween wreck--at first glance the only thing I saw wrong with it was the squished inscription. Then the impact of the rest hit me. Like a broomstick upside the head. So to speak.
Just ..... wow.
I'm thinking that at least the beer cakes are supposed to be for a baby shower that includes Daddy somehow too.... still terribly tacky, but perhaps it explains why they are like that.
The last one should pretty much be outlawed. Ugh!
That last cake is birth control.
I am now slightly ill after that last one, and I've dealt with at least six babies in my lifetime.
All I can think of is -- this is what you get when you combine beer and it's resulting baby.
Bizarre. Beyone Bizarre.
~~Di
wv - aulty This is aulty due to beer
I can't believe any baker would actually take an order for that last cake. Shocking.
Thank God I haven't eaten breakfast yet, that last cake has my stomach tied in knots. I don't believe i've ever seen a cake that has made me feel phyically ill.
Okay, I've been reading this blog for a long time and I have to ask, what the heck is WV? I assume it doesn't stand for West Virginia.
Ok I agree... what were people thinking who ordered them?? But on the flip side, well done (most) bakers/decoraters for those cakes!! I mean seriously, beer and diapers?? That is amazingly realistic!! The halloween one (Other than the keester broom) is quite beautiful, and that dirty diaper?!?! Well... at least you knew what it was!!! I think it would have been funnier to do a bundled up "full" diaper with flies.... but see I'm the decorater with that sick humor!! I would never ever order one but if I made cakes and that was ordered?? That's what I would go for!!
Tiny Tot tipsy on a trampoline near the tree; story at ten.
I actually like the Huggies and beer case one. All you need is the strawberry pop tarts and that's what Walmart tends to stock up on right before a big storm... Honest!
First one must be for a baby gril!
Sorry Jen, but that first one isn't for a baby shower. It was obviously for a bonsai clubs special meeting on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome...
kidding, but you crack me up.
Jen=win:gg
I actually really liked the haloween one, although the script could be a bit tidier.
The others, well, beyond words!
I sincerely hope that last cake was for a "welcome baby" party where the child has been born and mommy has no trace of "morning" sickness remaining because I can promise that if that thing were to show up at *my* shower...the festivities would be brought to an abrupt end with my departure for the nearest bathroom. Yuck.
Just wow. Who could....???? How did...???? WHAT??
WTF? what is wrong with people
On the first one, is the baby missing it's right arm because someone already claimed the "wing" or is it just another sign of wreckitude?
Babs beat me to it! It a gril!