It's About Standards
November 22, 2010 A long time ago, I (this is John, btw) brought a picture of the famous sexual harassment cake to our local bakery, to see if the Nice Older Ladies there would recreate it for a party.
Me: [handing over picture] "Hi there! I was wondering if you could make a cake like this for me."
Nice Older Lady: [looking at picture] "Uh..." [gasping in horror] [looking at me as though I was a dirty, demon-possessed pervert] "No."
Me: [embarrassed] "Oh, well, the cake is saying that kind of behavior is bad. See, that's what the big 'NO' sign means." [smiling innocently]
Nice Older Lady: [flagging down Nice Older Manager Lady]
Nice Older Manager Lady: [looking at picture] [calling security] [writing down my physical description in a big red book] [smiling thinly] "I'm sorry, sir. We don't put smut on cakes."
So, sure, that was embarrassing, and now I can't shop for croissants without being shadowed by Billy the stock boy, but the good news is that bakeries have a line, and one that will not be crossed. Which is a relief, because otherwise these cakes might have had me worried.
Bazinga.
Fortunately there's nothing suggestive about balls or bases or long wooden...Oh.
Wait.
It's a basketball court.Riiiiiight.
When first we...
Spidey! Stop that!
Didn't your parents ever tell you you'll go blind?Now this is some crotch rocket:
Looks like it'll be flying under a full moon, too. [bah dum cha!]Thanks Elisabeth M., Anony M., Laura E., Josef V., & Bethany P. Oh, and hey, could you pick me up some croissants?
Reader Comments (91)
That first one is HORRIFYING. My eyes! My eyes!
BRILLANT post!!
Dear Lord. What was that first one supposed to be other than...you know.
Same reaction here: what IS that first one supposed to be? Since it's Thanksgiving week, I was trying to make a turkey out of it . . . an abstract, minimalist turkey. My husband thought it was a fire cracker. But we all know what it REALLY is. . . Yikes.
It was supposed to be 'you know' though I admit it struck me as a bit, um, turdish. It also seems to be a little, back to front? No maybe thats not the phrase I'm looking for...
WV flumba - my reaction to this cake
Oh, MY! The first one...the decorator HAD to know what they were doing. HAD TO!
My initial instinctive id for the first cake was the NASA cake in flight. (you know, the one for "women in space, we've come a long way"?)
Love your Big Bang Theory comments!!! Bazinga!
I burst out laughing at that Spidey cake! I guess now we know what he does when he runs out of spider web?
(sorry, sorry, I know it's gross but it was too easy. xD )
Wow...just....wow...I feel so dirty
JUMPING HAYSOOS YEHOSEPHATS!!!!
That is all. I got nuthin' else.
Okay, I lied... SPIDEY!!! You're supposed to be a role model!!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, MAN!?!??!!! (sobbing hysterically and running away).
#1: the only thing that would make it better was if the were fireworks coming out of the other end
#2: please tell me I'm not the only one to see the red letter 'P' and think of, well.. Ahem...
The Spiderman comments were brilliant. I love it!
It's official, I have the sense of humor of a 13 year old boy.
At least now we know the REAL reason Spidey wears that mask!
And, apparently, SOME bakeries will put smut on cakes!
WV: "kingsol" - brand name of the disinfectant I now feel like I need for my eyes...
OMGOSH! I can't stop laughing. Wow! WoW! WOW!
Spidey looks like he's scratching. I would have thought he'd have been immune to crabs.
Oh my gosh - these are HILARIOUS!!!
How can someone not notice this when they are making it. "oh I did such a good job" yay me!
Either the swimmers are leaving from the wrong end (typed coming, but just adds to the wrong wrong wrong), or someone is a huge Wyoming fan. (bleeds yellow and brown?)
I do believe that first cake was copied from a live model...
What in hells bells is wrong with these wreckerators?
Gazing lower than their navels too long, perhaps?
ugh
mocking
A tumescent phallic turd cake? I'm going to barf............
Thank goodness I am a wonderfully married and satisfied person in a great relationship...those are....*snort* *blushingly funny*!
Three words:
OH.
MY.
GAWD!
Boob Nazi said it better than I could... I <3 Dr. Horrible
These were just hilarious. I saw a cake last weekend that had the Washington Monument on the top. I wish I could have convinced the photographer to send you a picture of it. OMG.
But I think what has me the most curious now is whether John's story is really true or not. I'm not believing it for a second!
That first one is way too... accurate. I swear 15 year old boys are decorating these cakes.
I can not stop laughing!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhh crude sexual humor is the best by far.
Thanks for the warning and it only could be John (the hubby of Jen). Really? You would want to put something like that into your mouth?
I especially like the "net weight" sticker on the first one. Apparently length *is* an overrated measurement...
That first one... I suppose it's a carrot? Or maybe a palm tree? Though the colors do indicate Thanksgiving... I mean, nobody would leave a piece of turd that looks like a tonker on cake. Right? Right??
Let's all pause to salute the nice ladies (and stock boys) at your local bakery. Bless their hearts for having standards below which, they will not sink.
Except probably sometimes, by accident.
In case we needed further proof of the awfulness of cake #1 -- it really takes something super terrible to distract everyone from commenting on a birthday cake with a phallic design drawn on it in flesh colored icing.
wv: blergi. the sound I made when I viewed these wrecks.
Oy...the second one. I don't remember baseball bats having a glans.
For the love of fondant, what the heck is that last one supposed to be celebrating???? I'm at a loss for words regarding the others.
eeek, is that first cake for a Brit milah?
I'm a little disappointed that many of these cakes seem to be turning towards the inappropriate. I used to look at these with little kids for a laugh but this is entirely too inappropriate to share now, and there have been far too many of these for me to chalk it up to one or two funny occurrences. Sorry but I'm afraid I may have to stop following, which is a shame because I love this site, but I can't approve this for kids anymore.
all horrible... I need to scrub my corneas now!
butt I can't believe you said "bah dum cha" on the last after making a bum joke... it's bah dum BUM of course :) (
"Bazinga" is right. Yeowza.
I think the first one is trying to illustrate the fact that circumcision can kill. Looks like they whacked it off at both ends, however.
@ Beth G - I always put a warning on any PG-rated posts, so you're free to simply skip over those with more "adult" content. The warnings are there because *I* don't approve of the content for little kids, either. This is not a children's blog; the majority of my readers are adults, like me. You'll find ding-a-ling cakes throughout all the CW archives, dating back to the very beginning of the blog over 2 yrs ago. I'm sorry if it seems they're more frequent, though!
@ Trevor: it's a true story. Scout's honor. :D
Hehe, excellent.
And I don't understand why these aren't kid-friendly. It's icing that kinda looks like willies, and unless you want to deny the existence of a part of the anatomy possessed by 50% of the population of the planet, I see nothing wrong with giggling at that. There's nothing pornographic here, and I can guarantee that just about every child giggles at willy and booby jokes on the playground at school anyway...
The lines are coming out of the wrong end on the cookie cake. lol
I LOVE these cakes!
My old bakery had a rule about suggestive cakes are well - but some still slipped through with a few of our older decorators. I caught one of them working on a cake that had a scan of the 'shocker' hand sign with the line "It's your 30th Birthday. I hope it's not a SHOCKER!" Trying to explain what it meant with the little Spanish I had was painful, but her expression, once she understood, was hysterical. Yes, we still had to finish the cake since we did accept the order.
Knowing some of our other bakers, it wouldn't surprise me if a few of these cakes were deliberate.
HILARIOUS but now I need to go poke out my minds eye!
Well, I never!
D'oh. Don't they know naked babies are supposed to ride *carrots*, not *whatever-that-blue-thing-is's*
I really do wonder what the first one is supposed to be, if not a penis. I'm with Wendy. The decorator knew exactly what s/he was doing.
I love you guys...
Gotta love a Big Bang reference in a post full of naughty bits!
I don't know why, but this post had me literally LOL! Thankfully I hadn't taken a sip of my coffee yet!!
Thanks John! =)
BAZINGA!!!!!
Yeah, that second one looks less like a baseball bat and more like something you can find in the 'adults only' store downtown.
WV: poratang. I don't think that needs any explanation. XD
Many thanks to Shirley and Michelle for commenting on the first cake before I did - I don't think I could have phrased it better without being censored