John's Birthday Suit
November 2, 2010 It's my birthdy! And by "my" I mean it's john (the hubby of Jen)'s birthay. Granted, I don't usually speak of myself in the third person (unless I'm in the midst of seduction [which, admittedly, rarely works (but John never knows unless he tries!)])...but...um...where was I?
Oh, yeah: It's my birhday!
I originally wanted to write about those Canadian Nazi carrots you can buy at Epcot, but then I figured I'd just show you a bunch of misspelled cakes, so my own misspellings look international. Because I'm crazy like that. And giving. Yep, John's a giver.
[eyebrow waggle]
I believe it's spelled "Shirk." And since I did avoid seeing the last movie, this kind of works.Isn't this called an oxymaroon?
Although if you roll the "r" while reading it out loud, you'll sound just like Sherk! Go on. Try it.This one also seems a little contradictionary:
"Stop that right this second! Don't make me pull this event over!"And since you long-time Wreckies know how fond I am of Earth Day cakes...
Listen! Do you smell Epcot?And finally, this is not a cake, but I've gotta say...
...I pay way more for Jen's pasties.Hm? What's this? Jen's telling me "pasties" are also British meat pies.
John thinks she's trying to tell him something. [eyebrow waggle]
John also would like to know why Jen rolls her eyes so much.
[duckface]
[Barry White music]
Awwww yeahhh. Mmmmmmm, baaaby. John knows what you want:
In fact, because I'm such a giver, we're going to give stuff away every day this week, with even *more* give-aways on Facebook. Who loves me? Who is it? Oh yeah, it's you. Mmmhmmm. Happy briday to ME.
Check tomorrow's post for the winner's names, and also for your next chance to win stuff. Also watch the CW Facebook page this week for more chances to win exclusive CW pin packs and assorted goodies.
Reader Comments (768)
Scorpios are sex-ay :) (I know because I'm one too!) Happy birthday, Husband o' Jen!
Here's my sexy comment. Male. Female. Happy birthday.
Did you know today is Cookie Monster's birthday, too? You want cookie? Happy Birthday John!
Yesterday was my birthday.. and Hello Kitty's.
Random fun facts for you.
Casey
Happy Birthday! I love reading the posts every day, they crack me up!
Happy Birthday John! Love this site! You & your wife do such a great job. Hope your day is marvelous!
Hoppi Birfdai! May all your pasties be cheap (and edible)!
My kids look at me in wonder every morning as I sit at the computer and giggle...but my husband is less than enthused about the effect Cake Wrecks has on my grammar and diction! Thanks!
I'm hungry, can I have some of your birday cake?
Sue says John did a great job and deserves an extra piece of cake (or perhaps a special pasty) for his birthday
:=) Sue Antinoro
Perhaps on the Earth Day one the decorator was dictating to an apprentice when they were attacked by the "black beast of earrrrrrr"
Sorry, not sexy at all, but I can't pass up the chance to make a MP reference.
Look! No--over HERE! I'm wag wag http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waggle_dance" rel="nofollow">waggling! And not just my eyebrows! Could it be something tasty, perhaps?
Celebreat all week!! Yay!!! Happy Brithday!!! ;)
Gratulerer med dagen, John!
(foreign languages are always sexy, don't you think?)
Best wishes, hope Jen spoils you to death!
Happy Birthday John! I hope you get lots of cake and that at least one of them is completely messed up or inappropriate!
I'm sexy. Trust me.
I am trying to figure out what is meant by "sexy" comments but I am an actual and factual burlesque dancer so I can say I know something about pasties! That's the kind that hide turkey timers (great analogy huha, lol) not the meat pie type. Does this qualify? LOL Oh and Happy Bday John!
Happy Birthday John!
In Jen's best Barry White voice dressed all steampunkish "Oh shirk it babeee, shirk it all night lonnnnnggggg! (brief pause) Oh well, you did a greet job anyway Sir John, Lord and Master. Now get typing and posting! Oh yeah... and happy earday, no cake for you." Whip crack heard throughout the land. Then John says " yes dear"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAKE MAN, YOU TWO ARE THE DIGGITY BOMB IN MY BOOK!!!
Since I have an earache today, I felt the "Happy Ear Day" cake was meant especially for me!!
Also, I dreamt last night I won something, so I'm taking it as an omen. Of course, in the dream it was $1100.00, but a Cake Wrecks book or calendar would be almost as good!
Hoppy Burpday, John!! Hope it's so good, it's all piping and no fondant! Oh, and absolutely no CCC *ptooie!*
Yappy bulldog two ewe!
Happy Birthday to John! A short story:
You walk into a darkened room. The smell of frosting is in the air and you can't help but get excited.
You lick your lips in anticipation, not knowing what will come next. A flash of colour draws you closer although you can't quite make out what you are seeing. It's so hot in here that you loosen your tie.
What will come next?
As your tie falls to the ground, you let out a little moan.
The icing smell is permeating the air and the cupcake fantasy you dreamed about last night appears to be coming true.
Your hands are sweaty and you are trembling as you move closer to the light.
There in front of you is something that makes you go wild! Your heart starts racing as you look down and see:
A cake.
It says: Heeepy B DAY Johnnes!
You think back to your cupcake fantasy as your swipe a finger in the icing and taste it's sweetness.
Sometimes reality is better than fantasy.
Happy B-Day John!
P.S. As a sex writer, I could have made that waaaayyy dirtier. lol!! :)
Now Now...just wait a min. If you're going to "legitimize" the pasties with comments of English meat pies, then I must protest, yes, FIRMLY protest the inclusion of the GREET JOB. Every time I go to Wally Mart I see someone who is doing a GREAT Job in their GREET JOB. Wally world greeters need cakes too. (Even though it really wasn't a cake, but really a big frosted cookies, but saying 'greeters need cake' sounds so much better than 'greeters need big frosted cookies.')
That said, Happy Birthday, John! Have a big frosted cookie on me, and when I say 'on me' (eyebrow wiggle) I am not saying anything other than ...this is getting complicated. Eat some cake. Celebrate. Send me a free goodie. Yeah, that works....
I happen to really like pasties, so yea. Either way, $1 seems like a deal to me. >.>
Happy birthday, John.
Happy birthday!!!
Happy birthday......to you!
Happy birthday......to you!
Happy BIRTHDAY......dear John!
Happy birthday......to you!
The dots are where you pause to imagine shimmying and booty shaking.
Sexy enough?
Bow chica wow wow.... strippers for your birthday!.. wait no that would be a wreck too. Let's stick to the CW shall we?
Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday to you.Happy Birthday dearrrrrrr John. Happy Birfday tooo yew!
*bows*
Sinsneerley,
Val
Valorie Mcphetridge
Scorpios are THE sexiest people ever. (I know because I am one - my birthday is 11/13.) Happy birthday to a fellow SAxY Scrapio!
Happy Birthday!
HappY! BirthdaY! Hope no one delivers you a meatloaf-baby!
On your birthday, I like-a to make a cakey time with you.
I hope the British definition of pasty and the American one never meet in a single item of apparel.
Although there is probably someone out there who would find that sexy, and a new market for edible, stick-on (with flour & water paste?) pasties would be born.
Well I'm wondering what constitutes a sexy comment... so... um.. pasties, pick me, pasties..
Gee I wonder if Janet Jackson should have bought those pasties instead of the ones she wore at the Superbowl? Just thinking out loud.....
Happy Birthday!!
Happy Birthday John!!
By the way: the purple "Greet Job" cake looks just like the Walmart roll back face! Maybe they meant it for their door greeters and just didn't have enough yellow dye?... no?... I tried. =)
Hppy bBirlday John!
May your evening resemble the love between a carrot and its jockey.
Yeah I'm just gonna leave that image riiiiight there.
Happy birthday! I love your blog!
Happy Birthday John! My gift to you is a sexy joke:
What are the two sexiest animals on the farm?
Wait for it......
Brown Chicken, Brown Cow
Have a "Greet" Day!
You guys always know how to make my day!!
Hapy Brihday John!
Happy birthday! May your cake be as naked as you like it!
Hippo Birdies two ewe
Hippo Birdies two ewe
Hippo Birdies deer John
Hippo Birdies two ewe!
(sing while making a duck face)
It's my Birthday today toooooo! I am 53! Happy Birthday to you! I Love Cake Wrecks - it never fails to crack me up!
I'm sure it's been clarified (and I'm also fairly sure they meant 'pastries') but maybe they meant Cornish pasties?
Pronounced with a soft (like cat) a?
Delicious.
And my captcha was 'fiesces'.
Sto lat, sto lat, John!
(Poles have sexier birthdays.
Just ask the sausage.)
Not really sexy?
Maybe it needs more sprinkles.
Sto lat anyway!
Forget about the past, you can't change it. Forget about the future, you can't predict it. Forget about the present, I didn't get you one..HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANYWAY!
How do I make a post sexy? Do i Flutter my eyes..... put my lips. Ok nothing is worth the wrath of Jen! I would still love a giveaway [hint: book]
It's my Birthday toooooooo! I am 53 today. Happy Birthday to you! I Love Cake Wrecks - never fails to crack me up!
Happy Brithday!
What are Canadian Nazi Carrots?
And can I participate if I live in Germany?
Shrek accent AND eyebrow waggling? I'm swooning.
Tell you what- I'll swing by, cook dinner for the two of you (including dessert with no misspellings), clean up the whole thing, mow the lawn, take out the trash and any other chores that need done.
Now THAT'S sexy...
haPpy Brithday in blue. "With sprinkles!"
*the lights are dim*
*soft sexy music plays*
From the heavy mist of seduction emerges a figure...(cough cough, waves arms in front of face)
"Oh, hey there. So a regular pumpkin spice latte and a large toffee mocha, extra sprinkles. Could I interest you or your lady in one of our meaty pasties today? No. Alright, that'll come to $7.69. Your order will be at the end of the counter. And sir? Could you please stop with the seductive mist? It's really hard to see the espresso machine."
Happy Birthday, John!
I'm wondering about those "pasties" for sale... What if someone bought meat pasties, and tried to use them as the uh, *other* kind of pasties? It sounds like an Amelia Bedelia kind of mix up.
I digress, as usual. Heppy Barfday!
Happy birthday John!