Friday
Sep042009
I Think I'll Have the Salad Today...
September 4, 2009 Since the book tour is only three weeks away, John has started a new diet. I was going to join him, but then I had the following revelations:
1) At its core, humor is about being honest.
2) You guys probably expect me to be both funny and honest in person.
3) Losing weight would make me someone I'm not (ie a person who loses weight), and therefore is intrinsically DIShonest.
4) Oooh, cupcakes!
Anyhoo, so while I'm not on a diet myself, I still want to support John any way I can. Some people might try cooking him a healthy meal, or inviting him for walks. Me? I find gross cakes to help kill his appetite.
Ta Da!I bet you're feeling thinner already, aren't you? And if not, you may find this next one "erupting" with diet inspiration:
Mmm. That's the stuff.John's diet requires him to cut down on carbs, so I know he's going to love Barbie's meat blanket here:
Mmm. That's the stuff.
Now, I realize this may have ruined pepperoni and moldy raw roast beef for most of you, but trust me: You'll thank me later.
And speaking of low-carb diets, I hear you also see a lot of these when you're on them:
Or is that only if you cheat and eat a bunch of raisins? Hm...What's that? You want one last word of diet inspiration? Okey doke. Here goes:
[swinging pocket watch] "You are feeling sleepy. Veerrry sleepy. Now, you will never crave skinned leopard - or cake - ever agaiiin."Madison C. & Chris V., Emily H., Meredith, Stephanie M., and Anony M., maybe there IS something to this Cake Wrecks diet plan. I totally passed up a cupcake for a candy bar just now.
- Related Wreckage: Better Dieting Through Cake
Reader Comments (108)
I love this new look site! Really better than the standard Blogger look..
Love the new look of the site. Especially taken by the carrot in the icon when I go to my bookmarks. You have to be a Cake Wreck devotee to understand the significance of that carrot! Bless you for making me laugh on a regular basis.
What's the top cake supposed to be?
Jay's "cake"... looks like melting caramel. Yum!
Are the medallions (or whatever those dangling things are) on the torn-flesh-from-leopards cake hanging from paper clips or safety pins?
And I feel for Jay -- what did he "do" to deserve that cake?
That last one is totally a pimp cake. Red velvet trimmed in leopard skin? Huggie Bear would be so proud...
#1 Why does the sticker say, "French Bread"? Isn't a CCC bad enough without invoking something totally non-cake? Nothing visible should be emanating from raw steak. This one is saying, "I need to be thrown out now."
#2 Could have been a tad less subtle -- there may be one or two people in the galaxy who didn't get the message.
#3 Barbie in bed gets dangerously close to a major TMI penalty for forcing us to think about the private lives of dolls, but at least her top is on. I'd have to write this one up for failing to have a 'for display only' sign in the presence of visible cracks and dust. This pretty much explains Ken...
#4 What happens when you disregard the steak's warning. Is that a katydid next to the flag? What on earth did Jay do?!
That "Great Whole House Steam Cleaning Incident of 2008" line is classic -- any dog owner can relate.
I could not figure out what that first cake was at all. Looked like an ugly half-melted spacefleet or something.
The 'eruption' cake was mostly disgusting because of the colors, and the last cake somehow looks as if spider are jumping out of it. Maybe it's the shadows.
But the "meat cake" is by far the most disgusting of all. Yaaargh.